Keeping that fire and desire burning in a relationship is a task, but it's one that needs to be conquered if you plan on keeping "bae" hooked and latched. We all can get a little comfortable around our significant other once we've broken down all of the "how to impress them" barriers. But one things for sure, routine can be quite boring. If we want to keep our partner on their toes, then we need to make sure we are always switching up the tempo in and outside the bedroom. The imagination is a vivid playground and appealing to it is a sure way to have them begging for more of you.
Finding a healthy balance between work and play can sometimes feel like we're pulling teeth, but I can bet you remember the exact feeling of when you first met that special one and how excited you would get physically and mentally when you were ready to see them. Those feelings can be prolonged when we learn to implement ways to keep our partner's interest piqued and our climaxes peaked too.
When it comes to trying to keep things spicy, it simply goes back to the things that we may find unconventional but are easy to apply. Let your imagination run free and whatever comes to mind, go with that.
Here are a few essential aspects that you should implement to keep your them reminded of why they're yours.
Public Pleasure
112 couldn't have said it any better: "We can do it anywhere." Conventional places definitely get the job done but if you want to ignite a fire in your partner's heart and their nether regions too, you better use your imagination and get creative from time to time. Don't be afraid to take it back to the old days. Ride out with your partner to a beautiful place, park the car and head to third base. If you're a homebody, you've always got the shower, the patio and the kitchen to make things insanely hot. The element of surprise is a sure bet to get them at attention.
Sensual Games
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Hide and Seek is not just for kids. If you're looking to stimulate their mind and body, give your partner a run for their money by making them work their way to your well-deserved treasure. A scavenger hunt will certainly do the trick. When they come over excited to see you, prepare a few notes for them to find when they enter the door and lead them all the way to their honey. Trust, bae will be ready and anxious by the time they reach you, looking and smelling delightful of course. A good ol' fashioned card game of strip tease or sexy dice are an easy way to bring a fun and playful aspect back to any relationship that's a bit lackluster.
Sex Toys
Toys, how many of us have them? Toys, the ones we can depend on. If all else fails, you can try everything from vibrators, swings, cuffs, plugs, gags, and more if you want to add some flavor to your sexual menu. It's OK to get creative and think outside the "Box", literally and figuratively. When it comes to pleasure, the foreplay up to the actual act is sometimes the best part of sex. When you add toys to pleasure yourself and your partner, you learn what truly satisfies each other and tap into limitations, boundaries, and sexual stigmas that you may want to get rid of.
Role Play
Honey, you have to become your lover's favorite actress. Go completely out of your comfort zone and get fully into character of whoever or whatever you're trying to portray. A clutch moment would be to have bae meet you at a bar, let them know your location, and where you will be seated and let the fun begin. When your boo arrives, you will be fully in character as your alter ego, a stranger that they've never met before but that's ready to go to them for the night. Explore your fantasies, dress up for them or explore something kinky that you both may have been hesitant to try. It's all about making the moment count, so think outside the box and let the games begin.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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