Could YOU Be Friends With Your Ex's New Bae? 8 'Insecure' Fans Sound Off.
While we wait out this whole corona-thing, I'm doing my part to save the world by social distancing with my snacky snacks and catching up on Insecure's season 4. So far we're only two episodes into the long-awaited new season and Issa has already found herself in a situation.
awkward issa rae GIF by Insecure on HBOGiphy
Here's the rundown, filled with spoilers if you're already not caught up…
Issa unknowingly befriended Lawrence's new girlfriend, Condola and they started working closely together. Eventually, they realized that Issa's ex bae and Condola's new bae are the same bae, but they forge on with their work friendship sans the initial awkwardness. After addressing the elephant in the room aka cracking a few light-hearted jokes about Lawrence, it now seems like the two ladies may be forming a real friendship. Issa even goes as far to say, "I LOVE Condola!"
Issa is so supportive 😂 #InsecureHBO pic.twitter.com/JXRJga7tnl
— insecurehbo (@insecurehbo) April 20, 2020
SN:Issa's bestie Molly made it clear that she thinks their "friendship" is a very bad idea.
Like I said, a situation. Since the relationship themes in the cult-show reflect our real-lives (you know, outside of quarantine) all too well, I wondered how I would handle this, well, situation. I hold my female friendships near and dear. Lucky for me, I tend to befriend folks easily, and often approach possible friendship matches like a pro Pokémon player—gotta catch 'em all. So, I'd try my best to not let a little thing like a guy get in the way. After all, one woman's ex is another woman's husband. But not all exes are the same. There's one very important factor to remember here: Issa and Lawrence were together for FIVE YEARS.
They lived together, experienced growth together and were (maybe still are) in love with each other. I was in a roller coaster of a relationship for seven years, and while I may have never accidentally befriended my ex's girlfriend, I would not knowingly venture down that road for sanity's sake. Put in Issa's shoes, I would keep the working relationship with Condola since it seems to be going well, but keep it moving in the other direction when it came to anything personal. I don't need a constant reminder of a relationship I said "thank you, next" to and unfortunately my new gal pal is too deeply intertwined with someone who was meant to stay in my past.
HBO/Insecuresnobette.com
But that's just me! I avoid anything that has even the potential of drama to develop. However, I love to watch the messiness play out on-screen and will definitely pull up seat to hear juicy real-life tales that mimic Issa's. So, I reached out to Insecure fans to ask them:
Could you be friends with your ex's new bae?
"I’m Mature Enough To Handle It"
"I would def be friends with my ex's new bae. I think once you are a woman of a particular age, we don't have time for the childish games. Adults should be able to get along, be cordial and especially get money. My motto would be money over everything because the men will come and go. Also, he is an ex for a reason so sis HAVE AT HIM! That connection could be a divine one and letting ego and pettiness get in the way could burn the bridge. At the end of the day this all boils down to maturity. How mature are you to handle this? And as for me I believe I'm mature enough to handle it." –LaToya Newton, 40, TheAnalogGirl.com
"Don't Force It."
"If I meet a smart, kind woman and we get along, I consider that a win. If I come to find out she's my old bae's new bae, I still would be friendly, but the extent of our friendship will differ based on my comfort and friendship level with old bae. Sometimes relationships end and that's OK, but I don't want to be forced to hang out with someone I no longer want in my life." –Brittiany Cierra, 33, Founder, Cur8ted Media
"Possibly. Maybe. But I Need Boundaries."
"I guess it depends on how the relationship ended. If it was an amicable break-up, then I would consider, but there would be boundaries on how we conduct our friendship." –Kateri Fischer, On-Air Scheduling Coordinator
"We Could Be Friends. I Just Doubt We Would Be Friends."
"I could definitely be friends with my ex's new girlfriend. I haven't met an ex that I want back yet. Maybe some love lost, but never any hate gained. I honestly do come out of every relationship feeling as though I gave it my best, so I have zero regrets and few reservations in the end.
"Now, realistically, could my ex be friends with me? Let alone, could his new girl be friends with me? Doubt it. It's as simple as this. While I may have far fewer desire to have that old thang back, I can't say the same for all of my exes. That's not to boast or brag, that's just my truth. But I've noticed that, while I have a bit more control over my feelings (or lack thereof) post-breakup, that hasn't always been the case for my exes.
"With that said, there are way too many emotional factors on all ends to consider. The chances of everyone being on the same page, are slim to none." –Soraya "Sojo," Digital Director + Personality
"God Is Still Working On Me."
"I've never had a situation like this happen to me (thank God), but I'm pretty sure I would not be able to befriend my ex's new boo. Especially, if the ex and I were together for a significant amount of time (like Issa and Lawrence were). Truthfully, I'd have a hard-enough time getting to a place where l was cool with my ex again, so the new boo is a no-go. Kudos to the folks that are mature enough to handle something like this, because I most certainly am not. God is still working on me. (Laughs)" – Tiffany, 29, Fine Artist
"It Would Never Go Beyond A Surface Relationship."
"Honestly speaking, a friendship with my ex's new girlfriend would never be something I could start. The friendship wouldn't be genuine because I wouldn't want to discuss her relationship and she wouldn't feel comfortable confiding in me like she would with a friend. It would be a surface relationship, and those aren't worth even having if you can avoid them." –Kim C., 30, Marketing Manager
"Not Accepting Additional Soul Ties."
"...another woman's treasure right! (Laughs) I couldn't be friends. However, I would be super cordial. If I found out she was dating my ex like Issa did, I would make it work for the duration of the project; especially if she's a sweet person. However, my ex is my ex for a reason, and I don't need any additional soul ties." –Marie Lewis, Social Media Manager
"Wondering About Their Pillow Talk Would Drive Me Crazy."
"For me, it's a no. Not that we couldn't be cordial, but I don't want to consume my life with wondering what is being talked about during their pillow talk. Who wants to build a relationship with someone whose bae has a playbook to your love life? Just saying." –Tweety E., 20-Something, Writer
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Featured image via Insecure/HBO
Jazmine A. Ortiz is a creative born and raised in Bushwick, Brooklyn and currently living in Staten Island, NY. She started in the entertainment industry in 2012 and now works as a Lifestyle Editor where she explores everything from mental health to vegan foodie trends. For more on what she's doing in the digital space follow her on Instagram at @liddle_bitt.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage