Who said that Christmas is just for the kiddies? Personally, I think that if you've got a big enough imagination—and libido—there are at least a dozen solid reasons why Christmas can be us grown folks' favorite time of the year too. Sure, there is a lot of shopping, cooking and family get-togethers that you've got to figure out, but if you and yours are able to steal even one night away, I've got some ideas that will not only give you an incredible night of sex, but one that comes with a full-on Christmas theme too.
Are you ready to put on a little "Kissin' by the Mistletoe" (Aretha Franklin), "Santa Baby" (Eartha Kitt), "Give Love On Christmas Day" (Johnny Gill), "Be Mine for Christmas" (Kem) or "Let It Snow" (Boys II Men featuring Brian McKnight) to inspire you to get this party started? If so, here are 15 things—and ways— to have some of the best sex you've ever had…at Christmas!
1. Faux Snow
There's someone I know who takes Christmas observance to a level I've never really seen before—right down to having fake snow in her house. I must admit that it's pretty awesome looking, though. Whether you live in a climate where snow is a rarity or you want to feel like you and yours are huddled up in your own lil' winter wonderland, something like SnoWonder Instant Snow Fake Artificial Snow is something that you can put down in your room. It really does look pretty close to the real thing. Pretty cool, huh?
2. Twinkle Lights
I'm someone who likes to sleep in a room that is pitch black. Still, that doesn't mean I don't see the romance and sweetness of twinkle lights hanging over or even on a bed. Plus, during the Christmas season, it tends to go right along with the string lights that are displayed outdoors or on Christmas trees. If you're totally down and want to know which twinkle lights are best, check out "The 8 Best String Lights for Bedrooms of 2019".
Fresh flowers in a bedroom are always a really nice touch. Well, to go along with the Christmas theme, rather than roses, put a few fresh poinsettias on your nightstands. Since they symbolize things like good cheer, success and celebration, they sound like the perfect flower to set the mood…if you know what I mean.
4. Naughty-or-Nice Gift Tags
If you want to surprise your boo with some sexy lingerie or another type of gift, give him a heads up that it's going to be a really good night by attaching a naughty-or-nice gift tag to it. Places like Amazon and Etsy sell them. Or, you can always make some on your computer and print them out yourself.
5. Put a Twist to Elf on the Shelf
Personally, Mr. Elf on the Shelf totally creeps me out. He kind of reminds me of the little figurines that came to life inTales from the Hood. But if, for some reason, you happen to have one or a few elves lying around, a cute way to make use of him/them is to place little notes about what you can't wait to do with your partner underneath him/them. Then place the elf in spots where your man would least expect to see ole' boy—in the shower, in the fridge…you get the gist. Either it will freak him out or make him laugh. Either way, you should get major points for Christmas-themed creativity with this one.
6. Love Dice
Sometimes, it really is the little things that can take sex from good to totally off-the-charts. In walks, a pair of love dice.
They're cheap, they're sexy and they're also a great way to bring a little spontaneity into the bedroom since you have to rely on how the dice rolls in order to figure out what to do—or do next.
I prefer some glow in the dark ones myself. You can cop a pair that say things like "lick" and "blow" here.
7. Mistletoe (or Edible) Condoms (in a Condom Case)
Unless it's your plan to roll into the new year with a positive sign on a pregnancy test, you might want to get an extra box of condoms. A website called Say It with a Condom happens to sell novelty ones with messages on the packaging like "Eat Me Gingerbread Man" or "All I Want for Christmas Is Sex". Or, if you want to take a bit of a walk on the wild side, maybe go with some flavored condoms instead. Just know that if the latter is your preference, they're more designed for oral sex than intercourse.
8. Candy Cane Lubricant
You know what they say—the wetter, the better. That said, peppermint is a traditional Christmas scent and flavor. And, thanks to the tingling sensation that the menthol in it provides, it's an awesome way to stimulate your mind and body as well. Why not get the best of both worlds by using a lube that has a candy cane taste to it? If that's something you're totally down for, you can purchase a can or two (or 10), here.
9. Kama Sutra Honey Dust
Honey dust is bomb. It really is. Not only does it make your skin glisten in the most subtle and sexiest of ways (especially underneath those twinkle lights that we talked about earlier), but because it tastes like honey, it's a great way to ease into some hot oral sex action. If you've never used any before, Kama Sutra Honey Dust Body Powder, Strawberry Dreams, 8 oz will prove to be money well-spent.
10. Holiday Sangria Massage Oil Candle
There are a few reasons why getting a massage before engaging in coitus is a good thing to do. Not only does it feel totally amazing, it can release stress (which can definitely work in your libido's favor) and, it can trigger sex hormones like oxytocin (which makes you bond to your partner) and serotonin (which can keep you in a positive mood) too.
A very sensual form of foreplay is engaging in a couple's massage. You don't have to master any technique; just pick up a couple of tips here. Then, really make each other feel all hot 'n bothered in the best ways possible by lighting a massage oil candle, dripping the hot wax onto one another and rubbing the oil in. Sangria is a nice scent because it is a signature smell for this time of the year. You can purchase a holiday sangria candle here.
11. A Sexy Christmas-Themed Cocktail
Whew. It's been quite a year, y'all. Reflect on how far you've come and where you and yours would like to be this time next year by toasting each other. Only, forego the typical wine or champagne and have a Christmas-themed drink instead. How about a Sexy Snowman Martini? All you need is some creme de cacao, vanilla vodka, white chocolate liqueur and a little bit of cream and you're all set (you can check out an actual recipe here).
12. “Tinsel Tickler”
There are studies which reveal that when our nerve endings are aroused, not only does it heighten our stimulation, it can intensify our orgasms too. One way to tap into this form of foreplay is to run a tickler lightly over our erogenous zones.
Feathers will get the job done, but since this is all about cultivating the kind of sex that has a Christmas theme, why not make a tickler out of some leftover tinsel instead?
An easy way to make one is to go to a local arts and crafts shop to purchase a plastic handle. Then wrap tinsel around one end of it, secure it with tape and boom—a fun way for you and you partner to "touch and tease" (shout out to R&B artist Case) all night long.
13. Christmas-Themed Sex Positions
For this one, I'll just say that Elite Daily published a piece entitled "7 Christmas Sex Positions You Have To Try During The Holidays" a couple of years ago, that is at least worth taking a look at. Shoot, if for nothing else than to gain an entirely new perspective on "Stocking Stuffer" (chile).
BONUS: A Hotel Room
If there are two places that aren't closed on Christmas, it's hotel rooms and Chinese restaurants. If you'd prefer to get a total change of scenery, book a room at a posh hotel in your city. Or, if you've been thinking about going on a last-minute trip, check out "15 Hotels That Ho All-Out for Christmas" and have your mind blown with how far some places go to celebrate the Christmas season. Shoot, you might even be able to land a discount on a room since Christmas just happens to fall on a Wednesday this year and room rates are typically cheaper during the week.
BONUS: A Homemade Mistletoe Kit
If you do decide to go the hotel route, an idea that I found to be really cute is to make two handy mistletoe kits. It's basically a small Mason jar that has a mistletoe on it, along with some gum, Chapstick, breath spray and a couple other items that you and yours will need to keep your breath fresh. A perfect final touch to this year's edition of Christmas-themed sex. Ho-ho-ho, in the best way possible, y'all!
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at email@example.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This was first evident more than a decade ago when she quit her job as the corporate executive of a Fortune 500 company during a Periscope livestream. “I’m not sure if there’s an alignment of [our] future trajectory. I’m going to work for myself. I'm promoting myself to work for myself,” she said at the time before flashing a smile at the viewing audience. As she resigned on camera, a constant stream of encouraging messages floated upwards on the screen.
By 2021, she’d fashioned her work as a corporate consultant and her personal life with her husband and three adopted daughters into a reality show, She’s The Boss, for USA Network. This year, she released the New York Times bestselling memoir Nothing Is Missing, written as she was in the process of getting a divorce and dealing with her eldest daughter’s struggles with substance use.
Convinced that there’s no way the 39-year-old has achieved all of this without intentional strategic planning, I asked her about it when we spoke less than a week before Christmas. I’d seen videos on social media of her working on 2024 planning for other brands, and I wanted to know what that looked like following her own year of success.
She listed a number of goals, including ensuring that the projects she takes on in the new year align with her identity “as a Black woman, as an African woman, as a mother, as someone who has lived a [rebuilding] season and is now trying to live boldly and entirely as themselves.” But, I was shocked by how much of her business planning also prioritized rest.
Despite the bestselling book, a self-titled podcast, and working with numerous corporations, Walters said she’s been taking Fridays off. This year, she doesn’t want to work on Mondays, either.
“A lot of us think we work hard until retirement hits. I want to progress towards retirement,” she said, noting that she’ll check in with herself around March to see how successful this plan has been. The goal, Walters said, is to only be working on Tuesdays and Thursdays by sometime in 2025. “It is intentionally building out what I know I would like to have happen and not waiting for exhaustion to be the trigger of change.”
"A lot of us think we work hard until retirement hits. I want to progress towards retirement... It is intentionally building out what I know I would like to happen and not waiting for exhaustion to be the trigger of change."
Walters said the decision to progressively work less was partially in response to her previously held notions about her career, especially as an entrepreneur. “When I first started, I thought burnout was a part of it,” she said. “What I didn’t realize is that even if you’re able to bounce out of burnout or get back to it, there’s a cumulative impact on your body. If you think of your body as a tree and every time you go through burnout, you are taking a hack out of your trunk, yes, that trunk will heal over, and the tree will continue to grow, but it doesn't mean that you don’t have a weakened stem.”
But, the desire for increased rest was also in response to the major shifts that occurred three years ago when she was experiencing major changes in her family and realized her metaphorical tree was “bending all the way over.”
“One of the things we have to recognize, especially as Black women, is that there is this engrained, societal, systemic notion that our worth is built around our productivity,” she added. “That is some language that I think is just now starting to really get unpacked.” In recent years, there’s been an increased awareness of achieving balance in life, with Tricia Hersey’s “The Nap Ministry” gaining attention based on the idea that rest, especially for Black women, is a form of resistance. Even online phrases such as “soft life” and “quiet quitting” have hinted at a cultural shift in prioritizing leisure over professional ambition.
"One of the things we have to recognize, especially as Black women, is that there is this engrained, societal, systemic notion that our worth is built around our productivity."
If companies are lining up to consult with Walters about their brands and products, then women have been looking to her for guidance on starting over since she invited them to livestream her resignation 12 years ago. As viewers continue to demand more from content creators in the form of intimate, personal details, Walters has navigated her personal brand with a sense of transparency without oversharing the vulnerable details about her life, especially when it comes to her family.
The entrepreneur said she’d been approached to write a book for several years and was initially convinced she was finally ready to write one about business. “I started to do that, and then I went through my divorce. When that happened, I said, why would I write a book telling people to get the life that I have when I’m not sure about the life that I have,” she said.
Instead, she decided to write Nothing Is Missing and provide a closer look at her life, starting with being born to immigrant Ghanaian parents (“You need to know my childhood to know why I’m passionate about entrepreneurship.”) through the adoption of her three daughters and eventual divorce. Despite her desire to share, however, she said she felt protective of the privacy of her family, including her ex-husband.
When discussing this with me, Walters said she was reminded of a lesson she learned from actress Kerry Washington, who released her own memoir, Thicker Than Water, just a week before Walters’ book release. Washington’s memoir grapples with family secrets, too, specifically the fact that she was conceived using a sperm donor and didn’t learn about it until she was already a successful TV star. While Washington reflects on how the decision and subsequent deception impacted her, she’s also careful to hold space for her parents’ experiences, too. “A lot of things she said was that she had to recognize where she was the supporting character and where she was the main character,” Walter said.
This is something Walter worked to do in Nothing Is Missing when discussing her daughter’s struggles with addiction. “I was very intentional about making sure that I did not reveal more than what was required,” she said. “If I say something about someone’s addiction, I don’t need to go into the list of the substances they used, how they used them, what I found. [I don’t need to] walk into a room and paint a picture of what it looked like for people to understand.”
Walters said some of the most vulnerable moments in the book barely made a ripple once it was released. She was extremely nervous to write about getting an abortion, she said. But no one has asked her about this in the months since the book was released. Instead, people have been more interested in quirkier revelations, such as the fact that she once appeared on Wheel of Fortune.
“I have bared my soul about this thing I went through in my youth that has changed me for people, and people are like, ‘So how heavy was the wheel when you spun it?’” she said, chuckling. “It just goes to show that people never worry about the thing that you worry about.”
With the success of Nothing Is Missing, Walters said she still isn’t planning to release a business book at the moment. But, as she navigates parenting a teenager and two adult children while also navigating a relationship with her new fiancé, Walters said she believes she has at least one or two more books to write about her personal journey. “There is sort of an arc of where my life has gone that I know I’ve got something more to say about this that I think is important, relevant and necessary,” she said.
In just three years, Walters’ life has undergone a major transformation. There’s no telling what the next three years will have in store for her, but it seems likely she’ll retain an inspired audience wherever life takes her.
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Since my (professional) life basically consists of all things relationships- (and sex-) related, it’s basically my job to pay attention to the relationship- (and sex-) based trends that are happening out here. Well, when I happened upon an article that said PMI is going to be something that will be frowned upon, as far as dating goes, for the foreseeable future, two things immediately came to mind: one is that there is nothing new under the sun (King Solomon is who coined that saying — Ecclesiastes 1:9) and the other is I’m sure grandma, great-grandma or some church lady already told y’all to steer clear of doing what PMI is referring to — because if there’s one thing that older women tend to be all for, it’s discretion and leaving some things to the imagination. Interestingly enough, that seems to be a lost art for many these days.
Anyway, what exactly am I referring to? Yeah, I’m about to get into all-a-dat. For the sake of the intro, I’ll just say that if "TMI" stands for "too much information," in general, I bet that you can just about guess what "PMI" in the dating world means. Let’s get into it.
What Is PMI in Dating All About?Giphy
Okay, so before I break down what PMI actually is, are you able to take a guess? If TMI is “too much information,” when you’re first dating someone, what could you run the risk of doing as far as PMI is concerned? If your immediate thought is giving out too much personal information, you would basically be correct. Yep, PMI stands for "premature intimacy" — and a lot of people do indeed fall victim to offering up just that.
How? Well, for one thing, it’s my personal opinion that many folks date the same way that some people grocery shop: they do it when they’re hungry. What I mean by that is…have you ever compared and contrasted the difference between when you’ve gone to the store (or even ordered your groceries online and then had them delivered) when you’re hungry vs. when you’ve already eaten? When you’re hungry, suddenly everything looks good to you. When you’re full, though, you can make more discerning decisions. Same goes with dating.
If it’s been a while since you’ve been on a date, you’re out with someone who you’re super excited about or you’re dating a goal more than a person (meaning, you really want to be in a relationship or you really want to get married and so you’re trying to rush things along), you can find yourself putting yourself in the trap of PMI. You might be giving them too much information about yourself. You might be expecting more than you should (dating is not courting, courting is not engagement, engagement is not marriage — there are levels to this thing). You might be giving it up too quickly (more on that later).
When these types of things happen, not only can they leave you emotionally exposed and hella vulnerable, but they can also cause the person on the receiving end to find you overwhelming and exhausting because you’re revealing way too much…way too soon.
Yeah, I know some of y’all probably don’t want to hear this, yet it must be said: PMI oftentimes translates as a form of desperation even if, from where you see it, you’re simply an “open book” and/or you’re just super enthusiastic about engaging someone. However, that’s the thing about something being premature: oftentimes, it’s not about what you’re doing being “wrong” so much as the timing of you doing it — whatever “it” is — being off. Way off.
That said, oftentimes what you’re offering up in PMI isn’t the red flag; it’s the fact that you’re so “hungry” for the dynamic that you’re moving at a faster pace than you should — for your sake and his.
So, now that you know what PMI is all about, let’s pull back a few more layers concerning it.
How Can You Know That You Have a “PMI Pattern”?Giphy
There’s a client I have who’s a single woman. To be honest, I pretty much only hear from her when she’s made a reckless decision and she wants me to help dig her out of her consequences. And yes, one of those is constantly being a PMI type of person: talking too much, having sex too soon, acting like she’s the only one who gets a say in where things are going with a guy. What’s wild is it never fails: almost every time that a man starts off really liking her, about six weeks in, he phases out, and they all basically tell her that it’s due to the same reason: “She’s doing too much.”
If you’re triggered, just by reading that, ask yourself why. Is it possibly because you can relate and it’s easier to tell yourself that the guy is the problem when it could be that it is actually time to take some accountability and accept that you could be the issue? As a wise person once said, “Everywhere you go, there you are,” which basically means if the common denominator is always you, some self-reflection could do you a lot of good.
Anyway, whenever she finds herself back at the same ending, and we recap what happened, she’s chill for the first 3-4 dates, then she has sex, then she’s telling all of her business, and then she’s upset because she feels like they should be damn near at marital status — all because she moved too fast, too soon. And all of this? What all of this represents, in live and living color, is what it means to be in a PMI pattern.
The reality is that relationships are a lot like an onion in the sense that there are layers to it all. And what I mean by that is no one should have immediate access to all of who you are. Time, their character, the consistency in how they treat you, the reciprocity that you receive, good old-fashioned common sense and discernment — all of these things should play a direct role in how much information someone receives…mind, body, and spirit.
So, keeping all of this in mind, if you find yourself always hearing that “you’re doing the most” or a guy feels overwhelmed or that you’re liked, but they wish you would slow things down — that definitely sounds like a PMI pattern to me. In response to this revelation, you can either act like everyone else is wrong and you are right…or you can do some pondering and figure out where you could stand to realign some boundaries. Including when it comes to sex. This brings me to the next point.
Sex Too Soon Can Qualify As PMI Too, By the WayGiphy
Listen, even if you didn't hear your own grandma (or at this point because grandmas are getting younger by the day, great-grandma) say, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”, I’m pretty sure you heard it said somewhere. And while this type of elder wisdom is pretty much speaking of giving it up before marriage, I’m gonna tweak it a bit and say, “Having sex for merely recreational use without stopping to see if it could serve you better to wait isn’t very smart” because, even though the current state of our culture is out here acting like humans should see sex as no more than a “dogs in heat” activity, you were given a brain and a heart for a reason. Yes, as antiquated as it may sound (and if it does, I don’t care, I don’t care), sex should still be seen as an intimate act.
You know, if you were to ask a lot of mental health and/or relationship experts to define what intimacy is, they would probably say something along the lines that it consists of mutual trust, an established connection, and a warmth and tenderness between two people. How this can all transpire after just a couple of dates (if you didn’t know the person beforehand) makes absolutely no sense to me. Can attraction, lust, or infatuation make you believe that it has? Yeah. Is that bona fide intimacy, though? Absolutely not.
So yeah, if you’re reading this and you’re trying to figure out if PMI is something that you are prone to doing, don’t take sex out of the equation. Premature means things like “too soon” and “before the proper time.” Proper means “appropriate to the purpose.” Purpose means “the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.” If the only reason why you plan on sleeping with someone is to have a little fun, you’re grown, do you.
HOWEVER, if you want something more than that, it’s best to slow down and ask yourself what the purpose needs to be BEFORE giving it up. Because once you’ve had sex with someone, you can’t undo it — nor can you control how they will react or respond to you on the backend. Use forethought; it helps to prevent you from moving…prematurely.
3 Things You Can Do to Avoid the Premature Intimacy TrapGiphy
Okay, so what if you’ve read all of this, and you can’t help but admit that you’ve got a bit of “PMI” going on in your dating history? Moving forward, what can you do to prevent it from happening again?
1. Ask yourself, “What’s the rush?” The person who once said that haste makes waste was a wise individual. It basically means that when you rush things, you tend to cause confusion and chaos on some level because it can cause you to overlook red flags, skip necessary steps, and make a relationship a goal over establishing a genuine connection with a person. Look, I get that few things beat the thrill of a new situation with a person who seems to check off all of your boxes. However, if it’s real, it’ll be there weeks later too. Slow down so that you can see what’s genuine — and also so you can finally break your pattern of moving prematurely. Oh, and do literally ask yourself “What’s the rush?” If fear or anxiety are a part of your answer, that’s another reason to slow the hell down.
2. Make people earn access to you. Your thoughts, your feelings, your body — all of these things are privileged information. And since all of us have so many layers to us, each time someone learns something new or more, that is something that they should earn. They can’t do that if you’re giving them everything at once; plus, folks tend not to appreciate it when interactions with people go down that way. That said, am I for game-playing and making a man damn near kill himself to get closer to you? Absolutely not. At the same time, I do think that, as relationships evolve and mature, that’s how you can know what to give and what to hold back. And evolution and maturity take time.
3. Don’t tell men what you want; have them reveal who they are. One of the most ridiculous relationships that I’ve ever been in consisted of a guy who asked me on the first date what I was looking for in a man. When I rattled off some traits, his response was, “I can be that.” Please tell me that you caught the red flag: not he IS that, but he can PRESENT HIMSELF TO APPEAR to be that way. And that’s just how the relationship played out, too. This is a not-so-obvious indicator of premature intimacy: telling men what you want instead of letting them reveal who they are. Yeah, don’t do that. That’s how you can end up with a character more than someone with character (if you catch my drift).
If most of us were truly honest with ourselves, we’d have to admit that we’ve fallen victim to it in some way; that’s the not-so-great news. The good news is a few simple adjustments can break you free from finding yourself in that kind of dating drama again.
A wise person once said that the right thing at the wrong time is still the wrong thing. Premature intimacy can get you into this type of dynamic, for sure.
Bottom line, if it’s real, it ain’t goin’ nowhere no time soon.
Slow down and let the relationship evolve.
So that you can have intimacy instead of regret — all because you moved too fast.
Because rarely, is that ever a wise move. In dating or honestly…life, in general, sis.
Be careful out here, ya hear?
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