Who said that Christmas is just for the kiddies? Personally, I think that if you've got a big enough imagination—and libido—there are at least a dozen solid reasons why Christmas can be us grown folks' favorite time of the year too. Sure, there is a lot of shopping, cooking and family get-togethers that you've got to figure out, but if you and yours are able to steal even one night away, I've got some ideas that will not only give you an incredible night of sex, but one that comes with a full-on Christmas theme too.
Are you ready to put on a little "Kissin' by the Mistletoe" (Aretha Franklin), "Santa Baby" (Eartha Kitt), "Give Love On Christmas Day" (Johnny Gill), "Be Mine for Christmas" (Kem) or "Let It Snow" (Boys II Men featuring Brian McKnight) to inspire you to get this party started? If so, here are 15 things—and ways— to have some of the best sex you've ever had…at Christmas!
1. Faux Snow
There's someone I know who takes Christmas observance to a level I've never really seen before—right down to having fake snow in her house. I must admit that it's pretty awesome looking, though. Whether you live in a climate where snow is a rarity or you want to feel like you and yours are huddled up in your own lil' winter wonderland, something like SnoWonder Instant Snow Fake Artificial Snow is something that you can put down in your room. It really does look pretty close to the real thing. Pretty cool, huh?
2. Twinkle Lights
I'm someone who likes to sleep in a room that is pitch black. Still, that doesn't mean I don't see the romance and sweetness of twinkle lights hanging over or even on a bed. Plus, during the Christmas season, it tends to go right along with the string lights that are displayed outdoors or on Christmas trees. If you're totally down and want to know which twinkle lights are best, check out "The 8 Best String Lights for Bedrooms of 2019".
3. Poinsettias
Fresh flowers in a bedroom are always a really nice touch. Well, to go along with the Christmas theme, rather than roses, put a few fresh poinsettias on your nightstands. Since they symbolize things like good cheer, success and celebration, they sound like the perfect flower to set the mood…if you know what I mean.
4. Naughty-or-Nice Gift Tags
If you want to surprise your boo with some sexy lingerie or another type of gift, give him a heads up that it's going to be a really good night by attaching a naughty-or-nice gift tag to it. Places like Amazon and Etsy sell them. Or, you can always make some on your computer and print them out yourself.
5. Put a Twist to Elf on the Shelf
Personally, Mr. Elf on the Shelf totally creeps me out. He kind of reminds me of the little figurines that came to life inTales from the Hood. But if, for some reason, you happen to have one or a few elves lying around, a cute way to make use of him/them is to place little notes about what you can't wait to do with your partner underneath him/them. Then place the elf in spots where your man would least expect to see ole' boy—in the shower, in the fridge…you get the gist. Either it will freak him out or make him laugh. Either way, you should get major points for Christmas-themed creativity with this one.
6. Love Dice
Sometimes, it really is the little things that can take sex from good to totally off-the-charts. In walks, a pair of love dice.
They're cheap, they're sexy and they're also a great way to bring a little spontaneity into the bedroom since you have to rely on how the dice rolls in order to figure out what to do—or do next.
I prefer some glow in the dark ones myself. You can cop a pair that say things like "lick" and "blow" here.
7. Mistletoe (or Edible) Condoms (in a Condom Case)
Unless it's your plan to roll into the new year with a positive sign on a pregnancy test, you might want to get an extra box of condoms. A website called Say It with a Condom happens to sell novelty ones with messages on the packaging like "Eat Me Gingerbread Man" or "All I Want for Christmas Is Sex". Or, if you want to take a bit of a walk on the wild side, maybe go with some flavored condoms instead. Just know that if the latter is your preference, they're more designed for oral sex than intercourse.
8. Candy Cane Lubricant
You know what they say—the wetter, the better. That said, peppermint is a traditional Christmas scent and flavor. And, thanks to the tingling sensation that the menthol in it provides, it's an awesome way to stimulate your mind and body as well. Why not get the best of both worlds by using a lube that has a candy cane taste to it? If that's something you're totally down for, you can purchase a can or two (or 10), here.
9. Kama Sutra Honey Dust
Honey dust is bomb. It really is. Not only does it make your skin glisten in the most subtle and sexiest of ways (especially underneath those twinkle lights that we talked about earlier), but because it tastes like honey, it's a great way to ease into some hot oral sex action. If you've never used any before, Kama Sutra Honey Dust Body Powder, Strawberry Dreams, 8 oz will prove to be money well-spent.
10. Holiday Sangria Massage Oil Candle
There are a few reasons why getting a massage before engaging in coitus is a good thing to do. Not only does it feel totally amazing, it can release stress (which can definitely work in your libido's favor) and, it can trigger sex hormones like oxytocin (which makes you bond to your partner) and serotonin (which can keep you in a positive mood) too.
A very sensual form of foreplay is engaging in a couple's massage. You don't have to master any technique; just pick up a couple of tips here. Then, really make each other feel all hot 'n bothered in the best ways possible by lighting a massage oil candle, dripping the hot wax onto one another and rubbing the oil in. Sangria is a nice scent because it is a signature smell for this time of the year. You can purchase a holiday sangria candle here.
11. A Sexy Christmas-Themed Cocktail
Whew. It's been quite a year, y'all. Reflect on how far you've come and where you and yours would like to be this time next year by toasting each other. Only, forego the typical wine or champagne and have a Christmas-themed drink instead. How about a Sexy Snowman Martini? All you need is some creme de cacao, vanilla vodka, white chocolate liqueur and a little bit of cream and you're all set (you can check out an actual recipe here).
12. “Tinsel Tickler”
There are studies which reveal that when our nerve endings are aroused, not only does it heighten our stimulation, it can intensify our orgasms too. One way to tap into this form of foreplay is to run a tickler lightly over our erogenous zones.
Feathers will get the job done, but since this is all about cultivating the kind of sex that has a Christmas theme, why not make a tickler out of some leftover tinsel instead?
An easy way to make one is to go to a local arts and crafts shop to purchase a plastic handle. Then wrap tinsel around one end of it, secure it with tape and boom—a fun way for you and you partner to "touch and tease" (shout out to R&B artist Case) all night long.
13. Christmas-Themed Sex Positions
For this one, I'll just say that Elite Daily published a piece entitled "7 Christmas Sex Positions You Have To Try During The Holidays" a couple of years ago, that is at least worth taking a look at. Shoot, if for nothing else than to gain an entirely new perspective on "Stocking Stuffer" (chile).
BONUS: A Hotel Room
If there are two places that aren't closed on Christmas, it's hotel rooms and Chinese restaurants. If you'd prefer to get a total change of scenery, book a room at a posh hotel in your city. Or, if you've been thinking about going on a last-minute trip, check out "15 Hotels That Ho All-Out for Christmas" and have your mind blown with how far some places go to celebrate the Christmas season. Shoot, you might even be able to land a discount on a room since Christmas just happens to fall on a Wednesday this year and room rates are typically cheaper during the week.
BONUS: A Homemade Mistletoe Kit
If you do decide to go the hotel route, an idea that I found to be really cute is to make two handy mistletoe kits. It's basically a small Mason jar that has a mistletoe on it, along with some gum, Chapstick, breath spray and a couple other items that you and yours will need to keep your breath fresh. A perfect final touch to this year's edition of Christmas-themed sex. Ho-ho-ho, in the best way possible, y'all!
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Who Knew Oral Sex Has An Official Time Limit?
Experts Believe Passion (Not Love) Makes Sex Better. You Agree?
10 Things Couples Who (Consistently) Have Great Sex Do
This Is How You Master The Female Orgasm
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Amber Riley has the type of laugh that sticks with you long after the raspy, rhythmic sounds have ceased. It punctuates her sentences sometimes, whether she’s giving a chuckle to denote the serious nature of something she just said or throwing her head back in rip-roarious laughter after a joke. She laughs as if she understands the fragility of each minute. She chooses laughter often with the understanding that future joy is not guaranteed.
Credit: Ally Green
The sound of her laughter is rivaled only by her singing voice, an emblem of the past and the future resilience of Black women stretched over a few octaves. On Fox’s Glee, her character Mercedes Jones was portrayed, perhaps unfairly, as the vocal duel to Rachel Berry (Lea Michele), offering rough, full-throated belts behind her co-star’s smooth, pristine vocals. Riley’s always been more than the singer who could deliver a finishing note, though.
Portraying Effie White, she displayed the dynamic emotions of a song such as “And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going” in Dreamgirls on London’s West End without buckling under the historic weight of her predecessors. With her instrument, John Mayer’s “Gravity” became a religious experience, a belted hymnal full of growls and churchy riffs. In her voice, Nicole Scherzinger once said she heard “the power of God.”
Credit: Ally Green
Riley’s voice has been a staple throughout pop culture for nearly 15 years now. Her tone has become so distinguishable that most viewers of Fox’s The Masked Singer recognized the multihyphenate even before it was revealed that she was Harp, the competition-winning, gold-masked figure with an actual harp strapped to her back.
Still, it wasn’t until recently that Riley began to feel like she’d found her voice. This sounds unbelievable. But she’s not referring to the one she uses on stage. She’s referencing the voice that speaks to who she is at her core. “Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind,” the 37-year-old says. “It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women. I got so comfortable in [doing so], and I really want other people, especially Black women, to get more comfortable in that space.”
“Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind. It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women."
If you ask Riley’s manager, Myisha Brooks, she’ll tell you the foundation of who the multihyphenate is hasn’t changed much since she was a kid growing up in Compton. “She is who she is from when I met her back when she was singing in the front of the church to back when she landed major roles in film and TV,” Brooks says. Time has allowed Riley to grow more comfortable, giving fans a more intimate glimpse into her life, including her mental health journey and the ins and outs of show business.
The actress/singer has been in therapy since 2019, although she suffered from depression and anxiety way before that. In a recent interview with Jason Lee, she recalls having suicidal ideation as a kid. By the time she started seeing a psychologist and taking antidepressants in her thirties, her body had become jittery, a physical reminder of the trauma stacked high inside her. “I was shaking in [my therapist’s] office,” she tells xoNecole. “My fight or flight was on such a high level. I was constantly in survival mode. My heart was beating fast all the time. All I did was sweat.”
There wasn’t just childhood trauma to account for. After auditioning for American Idol and being turned away by producers, Riley began working for Ikea and nearly missed her Glee audition because her car broke down on the highway while en route. Thankfully, Riley had been cast to play Mercedes Jones. American Idol had temporarily convinced her she wasn’t cut out for the entertainment industry, but this was validation that she was right where she belonged. Glee launched in 2009 with the promise of becoming Riley’s big break.
In some ways, it was. The show introduced Riley to millions of fans and catapulted her into major Hollywood circles. But in other ways, it became a reminder of the types of roles Black women, especially those who are plus-sized, are relegated to. Behind the scenes, Riley says she fought for her character "to have a voice" but eventually realized her efforts were useless. "It finally got to a point where I was like, this is not my moment. I'm not who they're choosing, and this is just going to have to be a job for me for now," she says. "And, that's okay because it pays my bills, I still get to be on television, I'm doing more than any other Black plus-sized women that I'm seeing right now on screen."
The actress can recognize now that she was navigating issues associated with trauma and low self-esteem at the time. She now knows that she's long had anxiety and depression and can recognize the ways in which she was triggered by how the cult-like following of the show conflicted with her individual, isolated experiences behind the scenes. But she was in her early '20s back then. She didn't yet have the language or the tools to process how she was feeling.
Riley says she eventually sought out medical intervention. "When you're in Hollywood, and you go to a doctor, they give you pills," she says, sharing a part of her story that she'd never revealed publicly before now. "[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that's not fixing my problem. If anything, it's making it worse."
“[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that’s not fixing my problem. If anything it’s making it worse.”
Credit: Ally Green
At one point, while in her dressing room on set, she rested her arm on a curling iron without realizing it. It wasn't until her makeup artist alerted her that she even realized her skin was burning. Once she noticed, she says she was "so zonked out on pills" that she barely reacted. Speaking today, she holds up her arm and motions towards a scar that remains from the incident. She sought help for her reliance on the pills, but it would still be years before she finally attended therapy.
This stress was only compounded by the trauma of growing up in poverty and the realities of being a "contract worker." "Imagine going from literally one week having to borrow a car to get to set to the next week being on a private jet to New York City," she says. After Glee ended, so did the rides on private planes. The fury of opportunities she expected to follow her appearance on the show failed to materialize. She wasn't even 30 yet, and she was already forced to consider if she'd hit her career peak.
. . .
We’re only four minutes into our Zoom call before Riley delivers her new adage to me. “My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway,” she says.
On this Thursday afternoon in April, the LA-based entertainer is seated inside her closet/dressing room wearing a cerulean blue tank top with matching shorts and eating hot wings. This current phase of healing hinges on balance. It’s about having discipline and consistency, but not at the risk of inflexibility. She was planning to head to the gym, for instance, but she’s still tired from the “exhausting” day before. Instead, she’s spent her day receiving a massage, eating some chicken wings, and planning to spend quality time with friends. “I’m not going to beat myself up for it. I’m not going to talk down to myself. I’m going to eat my chicken wings, and then tomorrow I’m [back] in the gym,” she says.
“My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway."
This is the balance with which she's been approaching much of her life these days. It's why she's worried less about whether or not people see her as someone who is humble. She'd rather be respected. "I think you should be a person that's easy to work with, but in the moments where I have to ruffle feathers and make waves, I'm not shying away from that anymore. You can do it in love, you don't have to be nasty about it, but I had to finally be comfortable with the fact that setting boundaries around my life – in whatever aspect, whether that's personal or business – people are not going to like it. Some people are not going to have nice things to say about you, and you gotta be okay with it," she says.
When Amber talks about the constant humbling of Black women in Hollywood, I think of the entertainers before her who have suffered from this. The brilliant, consistent, overqualified Black women who have spoken of having to fight for opportunities and fair pay. Aretha Franklin. Viola Davis. Tracee Ellis Ross. There's a long list of stars whose success hasn't mirrored their experiences behind the scenes.
Credit: Ally Green
If Black women outside of Hollywood are struggling to decrease the pay gap, so, too, are their wealthier, more famous peers.
Riley says there’s been progress in recent years, but only in small ways and for a limited group of people. “This business is exhausting. The goalpost is constantly moving, and sometimes it’s unfair,” she says. But, I have to say it’s the love that keeps you going.”
“There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman,” she continues. “We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
"There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman. We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
Last year, Riley starred alongside Raven Goodwin in the Lifetime thriller Single Black Female (a modern, diversified take on 1992’s Single White Female). It was more than a leading role for the actress, it also served as proof that someone who looks like her can front a successful project without it hinging on her identity. It showcased that the characters she portrays don’t “have to be about being a big girl. It can just be a regular story.”
Riley sees her work in music as an extension of her efforts to push past the rigid stereotypes in entertainment. Take her appearance on The Masked Singer, for instance. Riley said she decided to perform Mayer’s “Gravity” after being told she couldn’t sing it years earlier. “I wanted to do ‘Gravity’ on Glee. [I] was told no, because that’s not a song that Mercedes would do,” she says. “That was a full circle moment for me, doing that on that show and to hear what it is they had to say.”
As Scherzinger praised the “anointed” performance, a masked Riley began to cry, her chest heaving as she stood on stage, her eyes shielded from view. “You have to understand, I have really big names – casting directors, producers, show creators – that constantly tell me ‘I’m such a big fan. Your talent is unmatched.’ Hire me, then,” she says, reflecting on the moment.
Recently, she’s been in the studio working on original music, the follow-up to her independently-released debut EP, 2020’s Riley. The sequel to songs such as the anthemic “Big Girl Energy” and the reflective ballad “A Moment” on Riley, this new project hones in on the singer’s R&B roots with sensual grooves such as the tentatively titled “All Night.” “You said I wasn’t shit, turns out that I’m the shit. Then you called me a bitch, turns out that I’m that bitch. You said no one would want me, well you should call your homies,” she sings on the tentatively titled “Lately,” a cut about reflecting on a past relationship. From the forthcoming project, xoNecole received five potential tracks. Fans likely already know the strengths and contours of Riley’s vocals, but these new songs are her strongest, most confident offerings as an artist.
“I am so much more comfortable as a writer, and I know who I am as an artist now. I’m evolving as a human being, in general, so I’m way more vulnerable in my music. I’m way more willing to talk about whatever is on my mind. I don’t stop myself from saying what it is I want to say,” she says.
Credit: Ally Green
“Every era and alliteration of Amber, the baseline is ‘Big Girl Energy.’ That’s the name of her company,” her manager Brooks says, referencing the imprint through which Riley releases her music after getting out of a label deal several years ago. “It’s just what she stands for. She’s not just talking about size, it’s in all things. Whether it’s putting your big girl pants on and having to face a boardroom full of executives or sell yourself in front of a casting agent. It’s her trying to achieve the things she wants to do in life.”
Riley says she has big dreams beyond releasing this new music, too. She’d love to star in a rom-com with Winston Duke. She hasn't starred in a biopic yet, but she’d revel in the opportunity to portray Rosetta Tharpe on screen. She’s determined that her previous setbacks won’t stop her from dreaming big.
“I think one of my superpowers is resilience because, at the end of the day, I’m going to kick, scream, cry, cuss, be mad and disappointed, but I’m going to get up and risk having to deal with it all again. It’s worth it for the happy moments,” she says.
If Riley seems more comfortable and confident professionally, it’s because of the work she’s been doing in her personal life.
She’d previously spoken to xoNecole about becoming engaged to a man she discovered in a post on the site, but she called things off last year. For Valentine’s Day, she revealed her new boyfriend publicly. “I decided to post him on Valentine’s Day, partially because I was in the dog house. I got in trouble with him,” she says, half-joking before turning serious. “The breakup was never going to stop me from finding love. Or at least trying. I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness, and you enjoy it and work through it.”
Credit: Ally Green
"I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness and you enjoy it and work through it.”
With her ex, Riley was pretty outspoken about her relationship, even appearing in content for Netflix with him. This time around is different. She’s not hiding her boyfriend of eight months, but she’s more protective of him, especially because he’s a father and isn’t interested in becoming a public figure.
She’s traveling more, too. It’s a deliberate effort on her part to enjoy her money and reject the trauma she’s developed after experiencing poverty in her childhood. “I live in constant fear of being broke. I don’t think you ever don’t remember that trauma or move past that. Now I travel and I’m like, listen, if it goes, it goes. I’m not saying [to] be reckless, but I deserve to enjoy my hard work.”
After everything she’s been through, she certainly deserves to finally let loose a bit. “I have to have a life to live,” she says. “I’ve got to have a life worth fighting for.”
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I typed these words in my iPhone Notes as I fed my newborn daughter one morning during the first few weeks of having her earthside. I didn’t have much time for page-filled journal entries as my days were filled with nonstop feedings, soothing, and recovery…but I knew I needed to give those words space and life.
Prior to my maternity leave, I, like most working moms, was burning fumes juggling work and life. Since 2019, I’ve been running revenue operations here at this really cool company you may have heard of called xoNecole (hehe). I’ve been behind the scenes building our brand partnerships and negotiating deals with companies such as Ulta Beauty, Toyota, Target, Spotify, SheaMoisture, etc.
Courtesy of Shakyna Bolden
I’ve co-produced our signature events like ElevateHER and Pajamas & Lipstick while conceptualizing, selling, building, and distributing our original video and podcast content and podcast. The list goes on and on. I’ve helped build this small but brilliant company into what it is today, all while running my own small family. And that is not an easy feat.
In all truth, trying to be the best mom and partner I can be while also leading in my job has felt at times like a whirlwind where the rest of my life is passing me by. I don’t quite know where or when it happened, but I swear somebody pushed the fast-forward button in life, and I’m losing my edges trying to keep up.
My mind and body get so preoccupied with the management of life that my soul sits on the sidelines, waiting to take the reins and intentionally live it.
So many facets of my life, from my health and well-being to my hobbies and passions, have been placed on the back burner while tending to my young family and growing in my career has taken center stage. And for the longest time, I’ve wanted to flip the switch, but the pace of life just hasn’t let me restack my priorities.
That is, until now.
Courtesy of Shakyna Bolden
When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter last year, I couldn’t imagine adding more to my already full plate. Simultaneously, I was also relieved to know that my upcoming maternity leave would force me to press pause and catch my breath. Her birth in January 2023 was a much-needed reset, to say the least.
My maternity leave was the first time since 2019 that I had a second for dreams that were buried in the back of my heart to bubble up to the surface of my reality. I got a taste of what it was like to solely focus on my well-being and my home life. And I liked it a lot. My healing. My recovery. Sitting and really taking quiet time with God to search the unattended areas in the garden of my life.
I was cooking homemade meals on the regular and actually sitting down with my family at the table to eat. As grueling as those first newborn weeks can be, I was enjoying the long-awaited shift in my priorities; and I wanted that shift to stick. I didn’t want it to fade away after my maternity leave.
I want to build my work around my life and not my life around my work.
As a leader of an organization that speaks to millions of women every day about their well-being (and also in leading a team of majority women), I feel it’s my responsibility to carry this shift forward boldly. This is why I’m launching a new column here at xoNecole: Chief Mom Officer!
As I return to work full-time this month from my maternity leave, I want to regularly share my experience of trying to harmonize work and life. As an audience, you all share your raw, unfiltered journeys with us. For years, they’ve undoubtedly inspired me. I want to show up and do the same because I know this shift in my life will be quite the journey.
So for all my Chief Mom Officers—those of us who are constantly merging the imperfect and chaotic worlds of leadership in the office and wearing our crowns at home—I invite you to come on this journey with me and celebrate the ebbs and flows in how we show up for each.
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Featured image courtesy of Shakyna Bolden
