Even though this month consists of two of the most popular days of the entire year—Christmas and New Year's Eve—I recently discovered that December features another day of observance; one that surrounds doing one of my absolute favorite things on the planet—taking a bath. Well, in the spirit of all that is pampering and luxurious, guess what today (December 5) is? It's officially National Bathtub Party Day (#BathtubPartyDay) which is all about encouraging us to forego the five-minute shower that a lot of us take on the way to work and, instead, choosing to get very up close and personal with our tub instead. How awesome is that?
What's really special about this is the fact that, aside from the pure relaxation that comes from taking a long soak, there are lots of health benefits that you can get from spending time in your bathtub too. Bathing increases blood circulation, reduces pain and body inflammation, soothes achy joints and muscles, detoxifies your skin and even helps to balance out your hormones. Plus, if you decide to bring a guest into the tub with you, well, like they say—the more, the merrier!
So, before heading home tonight, do yourself a favor and stop by a store to pick up some of the following items; ones that will turn your bathtub party into one that you—and yours—will not soon forget.
Soy-Scented Candles
A big part of what comes with having a luxurious bath time experience is setting the right mood. Something that can help you to do that is turning off your bathroom light and lighting some candles instead. I recommend going with soy ones because they burn longer and cleaner (which means they are better for the environment).
If you're going to bathe alone, get some scented ones that will help you to relax—lavender, rose, jasmine, lemon and frankincense are all wonderful de-stressors. If your boo will be joining you, go with scents like vanilla, pumpkin, sandalwood, ylang ylang and orange are surefire ways to light your libidos right on up.
Plants and/or Flowers
Something else that's a nice addition to bathing is making the room as tropical as possible; especially during the fall and winter seasons. You can do this by bringing a couple of plants and/or flowers into your bathroom and either placing them on the toilet or—if the plants are tall enough—beside it. My recommendation would be to get two bouquets of roses. You can use one to set the atmosphere and you can pull the petals off of the other to place into your bathwater. Not only will the petals make you feel extravagant, DIY rosewater will make your skin silky soft as well.
92-Degree Bath Water
Earlier this year, I penned a piece entitled "Did You Know There's A Right & A Wrong Way To Take A Bath?". One of the things that I touched on is what the temperature of your bathwater should be. According to a lot of health experts, it's best if your water is lukewarm; based on something that I recently read, 92 degrees qualifies as being that. But if you want to make sure that your water isn't too hot or too cold, test the temperature with your wrists rather than your fingers before getting into the tub. Your skin is more sensitive on your wrists, so you'll be able to get a more accurate read by using them.
Bath Salts
As far as what you should actually put into your bath water, don't sleep on bath salts. Not only are they able to detox your system, they also can boost your immunity, soothe your muscles, balance the alkaline levels in your body, increase your energy levels and, because it's currently cold outside, bath salts are able to relieve any congestion that you might have too.
If you're wondering what kind of salts to get, it all depends on what you want to accomplish most. Epsom salt is a great detoxifier. If your body feels tired and drained, peppermint salts will revive you. Looking for salts that will treat dry skin? Go with some almond or orange ones. Or, if you want the kind of salts that will effectively treat skin conditions like psoriasis, eczema or acne, opt for some seaweed bath salts. As far as grain size, the smaller the salts, the more effective they are. Oh, and bath salt colors play a significant role as well. Cooler hues tend to offer a more soothing effect while warm colors are more prone to energize. Just make sure that you go with bath salts that are made from sea salt; they are the ones that will give your body the most benefits.
By the way, if you'd prefer to make your own, all you need is some Epsom salt, sea salt, baking soda and your favorite essential oil (or oils). You can check out a pretty simple recipe here.
Essential Oils
Something that can give you a great aromatherapy experience is if you add a few drops of essential oil (no more than 20 drops is best) into your bathwater. Although pretty much any kind will do, if you want to clear up your nasal passages, go with eucalyptus; bergamot reduces stress; chamomile will help to relax you; rosemary increases blood circulation (which automatically makes it an aphrodisiac oil); cinnamon contains antispasmodic and analgesic properties that relax muscles and even help to clear up chest colds; neroli promotes a good night's rest, and clary sage reduces symptoms that are associated with anxiety.
Bath Pillow
Something that can totally change the way that you soak and bathe is investing in a bath pillow. Not only do they help to support your neck, back and shoulders, some studies cite that they can increase your ability to relax while you're in the tub by as much as almost 85 percent. This link can provide you with some fan favorite brands. Or, if you want to run by a local Bed Bath & Beyond on your way home, look for the Luxury Spa Bath Pillow. Home Depot has a Soft Comfort Spa Seat Cushion too.
Bath Gloves and DIY Shower Gel
Personally, I'm a fan of using bath gloves in order to wash up; that's because I am able to comfortably reach all parts of my body. As a bonus, bath gloves are an easy way to exfoliate while I'm washing up. As far as what you should wash with, if you add some shea butter, glycerin and xanthan gum to the castile soap that you already have, you can lather up with a wonderful-feeling homemade shower gel (cop the full recipe here).
Red Wine
Thanks to the antioxidants, flavonoids and polyphenols that are in red wine, you'll be doing your body a real favor if you treat yourself to a glass of it while you're in the midst of enjoying your bath time. The key is to have no more than 4-5 ounces (per day) and to get the kind of wine that will be the most personally beneficial for you. If tons of antioxidants are what you're after, look for a madarin wine. If you'd prefer less sugar and calories, pinot noir has your back. Also, if you want to know what kind of red wine is healthier overall, dry is better for you than sweet.
An Ultra-Plush Towel
Something else that's super important is the kind of towel that you decide to hop out of your bathwater with. If you like super plush towels, ones that are made out of Turkish cotton and are 820-gram are probably gonna be your best bet. Or, if you'd prefer the kind that will dry your skin quickly and also won't take forever to dry on your towel rack, opt for a towel that is made out of microfiber.
If It's Gonna Be a Party for Two:
Shower First
A husband once told me that the only way that he will ever take a bath is if he takes a shower first. Personally, I don't do that when I'm alone, but if I were to share a tub with someone, that's how I would get down too; especially since taking a bath with another person isn't really about getting clean…if you know what I mean. And who wants to soak in each other's dirty and dead skin cells for thirty minutes or more? Yuck.
Besides, as far as the showering first part goes, it's not like you can't make some things go down while you're scrubbing in the shower. Shower sex was actually one of this year's biggest sex trends, so why not literally go out of 2019 with a…bang?
Less Bubbles, More Milk
If your plan is to get "dirty" before getting clean, it's probably best to lay off of the bubbles. Between all of the moving around in the water, they can prove to be a little irritating if you and yours aren't careful. Instead, swap out the bubbles for some homemade bath milk. It has a way of naturally exfoliating your skin and making it really soft as a direct result. (There's a great recipe for it here.)
Music (or ASMR)
Don't ask me how I ended up reading "Chance the Rapper Made You a Bath Time Playlist", but all things work together and it did remind me to put play some music on the list. If you're bathing alone, this is another way to get into a relaxing mood.
However, the reason why I reserved this for the "party of two" section is there's a study that says music makes sex better because it actually enhances our sense of touch.
Sounds like a good enough reason to bump some R&B if you ask me. Or, if you'd prefer to feel like you're caught up in a wind or rainstorm, YouTube has plenty of ASMR videos that you can play which I also think is pretty hot.
An Aphrodisiac Drink—or Two
When you're alone, have some wine. When someone is joining you, serve up an aphrodisiac drink like Cupid's Kiss, Ginger Mango Granita, Mango Jasmine Bubble Tea, Mexican Hot Chocolate Martini or Saratoga. All of these contain at least a couple of ingredients that officially make the aphrodisiac list and between all of the wetness and closeness, just imagine what an alcoholic libido booster can do for the two of you.
Waterproof Lube
Just one more thing. If you do plan on gettin' it in while you're bathing, it's a good idea to keep some waterproof lube by the side of the tub. Water has a way of washing off your natural wetness, so you need something that can replace it, just so the sex remains wet 'n wild rather than dry and uncomfortable. Astroglide is a popular brand that you should be able to find at Walmart. Enjoy your time in the tub. You (and yours) deserve it!
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Love On Yourself With These 7 All-Natural DIY Vaginal Washes
5 Reasons You Should Unapologetically Pamper Yourself
8 Insanely Good Sex Positions That You've Probably Never Heard Of
I've Got Some Ways For You To Start Pampering Your Soul
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
The Final Mercury Retrograde Of 2024 Is Here—How This Bold Energy Will Shift Your Perspective
The final Mercury retrograde of the year arrives this month, and this is an opportunity to close one chapter and prepare for a new one. Mercury retrogrades are the time of the year when you take a step back, assess where your life currently is, and be a little more flexible with how things are playing out for you. When Mercury is in retrograde, miscommunications and misdirections are more likely; however, this isn’t the time to fear where you are headed; it’s more about looking at things from a different perspective right now.
Mercury enters Sagittarius on November 2, will be retrograde from Nov. 25 until Dec. 15, and will be in this sign until Jan. 8, 2025. Mercury in Sagittarius is bold and outspoken but, in retrograde, can come across as impulsive and brash. Thinking before speaking is important right now, and so is considering your values and interests before committing to something new. Since Sagittarius rules long-distance travel, this isn’t the best time to plan a new trip or to rush the ones already in place.
Consider where you want to be, and take your time getting there.
What to Expect from Mercury Retrograde in Sagittarius
A little more than a week after Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, Mars goes retrograde in Leo. With these important transits happening in fire signs, energy can be misdirected right now. It’s about looking at the full picture and not overwhelming yourself with too many options or interests. Take your passions and align them with your heart and willpower, without confusing inspiration with ego. Emotions are running high, yet this activation is creating a breakthrough in personal development before the year ends.
Read below to see how this Mercury retrograde transit will be for you. Read for your sun sign and rising sign.
Your Sun Sign and Rising Sign Horoscopes for Mercury Retrograde in Sagittarius
ARIES
Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, and you are focused on the bigger picture right now, Aries. With Mercury retrograde in your 9th house of adventure over the next few weeks, this is the time to expect the unexpected and to go at your own pace. Don’t rush the clarity that is meant to bloom for you right now, and take things one day at a time.
Even if you don’t have all the answers you need right now, there are still some important truths and insights to gain. You are in the process of reinventing yourself and your life, and the universe is helping you get the space in order to do so. If you are traveling over the next few weeks, remember to be flexible and to go over plans thoroughly.
TAURUS
Mercury goes retrograde, and you enter a time of change and rebirth, Taurus. This transit, for you, is an opportunity to gain balance, perspective, and empowerment. Your commitments and close partnerships are being addressed right now, and you are seeing where your needs are being met and where they aren’t. You are on a journey of letting go and allowing more, and this is the time to focus on being more flexible rather than controlling outcomes.
This retrograde could also be affecting your shared finances and earnings, and this is a good time to take another look at the money coming in and the money going out and make sure things are in order here. Trust your intuition right now, Taurus.
GEMINI
Mercury goes retrograde in your sister sign, Sagittarius, and you are ready for a fresh perspective in love. This retrograde will highlight your 7th house of partnership, connection, romance, and inner harmony, and your heart is figuring things out right now. Confusion or disagreements are more likely within your relationship dynamics, and this is the time to address what your partnerships need.
If you have been feeling out of balance when it comes to love, then this is the time to get things back on track.
This Mercury retrograde is helping you gain a new perspective and reminds you that you deserve the love you are looking for. Use this time to forgive, grow, and use better judgment regarding matters of the heart and the relationships you are building in your life right now.
Coveteur
CANCER
This Mercury retrograde transit for you is a chance to gain some renewed clarity regarding your health, well-being, and work life. You could be feeling more pressure to perform and have it all together on the job, and there is a need to delegate, let go, and take care of your health more right now, Cancer.
This transit will highlight where some cracks are seeping, where you may need to build stronger foundations and healthier daily routines, and also how you can manage a better work/life balance. Your daily lifestyle may feel a little more difficult to find consistency in right now, and this is because new avenues and perspectives are waiting for you to grab ahold of. Overall, use this time to listen to your inner voice and do more of what feels right for you and your body.
LEO
Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, and this transit highlights your 5th house of romance, creativity, passion, and happiness, Leo. This retrograde is an opportunity for you to address what and who makes you happy and how you can show up more for these fortunate experiences in your life. You are looking at if you’ve been making your happiness as much of a priority as it should be this year and also taking a look at what sources help you align with that energy altogether.
This time is about being a little bit more flexible, doing things differently, and being open to a new perspective. Relationship developments are also providing your heart more clarity right now, and you are balancing your needs with the needs of your partnerships and creative ventures.
VIRGO
Your ruling planet Mercury goes retrograde before the year ends, and this is helping you rebuild your foundations, Virgo. Mercury will be retrograde in an area of your life that has to do with your home, history, family, and emotional stability- and you are getting a new grasp on things here.
Where you have been planting your seeds and building for your future are coming up for review during this time, and you are gaining clarity on which of these foundations is stable enough to continue to build upon. You could be feeling less secure than you would like to right now, and this change of pace is helping you reassess your goals and figure out what is worth it for you and the legacy you want to live.
Coveteur
LIBRA
Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, and the focus turns towards your communication channels, Libra. Mercury retro is already a more chaotic time when it comes to communication, and with this retrograde also happening in your 3rd house of insight and communication, you may feel this heaviness a little more right now.
This transit, for you, is about taking your time getting your message across, being patient while traveling and running errands, and giving yourself space to gain some new clarity.
Meditation, journaling, and talking to someone who can support you are therapeutic, and know that your voice deserves to be heard. You are looking at ways you can take up more space and show up in the world without letting your insecurities keep you away from true connection, vulnerability, and understanding.
SCORPIO
This Mercury retrograde is happening in your 2nd house of income, values, assets, and self-confidence, and you are taking a step back to assess your current reality, especially financially, Scorpio. This is a good time to go over your spending habits and earnings, to find greater balance here, and to think about some of your financial goals moving forward.
Look at your resources, skills, and talents, and make sure what you are receiving is equal to or greater than what you have been giving. Less is more right now, and this isn’t the best time to overspend or overindulge, as you need more time to grasp your current stance on things, and how to increase your overall wealth and abundance.
SAGITTARIUS
With this Mercury retrograde happening in your sign, it’s hitting a little closer to home for you, Sagittarius. This is a good time to refine your goals and direction in life and how you want to show up right now. You deserve to be able to change your mind when you need to, and you are thinking about some of the things you have done and what you want to do moving forward.
Miscommunications are more likely while Mercury is in retrograde, but you can use this as a source of empowerment, knowing that you are living in your truth and allowing yourself room to grow in the process. Remember to be a little kinder to yourself during this transit and to give yourself the grace you need right now.
Coveteur
CAPRICORN
This Mercury retrograde for you, Capricorn, is about rest and taking care of your emotional world. You are being given the opportunity to spend more time alone, to gather your strength, and to heal before you enter the new year. A lot has happened, and there have been many changes in your world this year. This Mercury retrograde is here to help you find acceptance and closure.
You are in a preparation stage right now, and things can feel a little more lonesome in this energy, but with a different perspective, you can see just how much of this space your heart truly needs right now. The past is coming up for you to see things in a new light, and you are ready to gain some renewed insight, closure, and healing.
AQUARIUS
This Mercury retrograde highlights your friendships, community, and your hopes and dreams, Aquarius. You are being reminded of the importance of connection, but more significantly, of good connections. You are looking at who and what surrounds you right now and gaining clarity on whether this energy matches who you are and the things that you stand for.
Your social circle and the people around you are shifting as the power dynamics do, and you are finding your place and purpose amidst this change. It’s about identifying who and what makes you feel good and aligning things in your life to bring in more of that energy. Don’t be discouraged right now; find your people and ask for support.
PISCES
Your career and ambitions are the focus during this Mercury retrograde, Pisces. You have a lot to address here, and you are gathering your skills and talents and reminding yourself that you are worthy of your dreams. Miscommunications and setbacks are more likely within your professional world, but they are here to ask you if what you are striving for, is really what you need right now.
You are thinking a lot about how you show up in the world, what you want to be known for, and what successes you still want to obtain. This isn’t the time to let anyone’s idea or vision of you define who you are; rather, define that for yourself. Show up as you want to be seen, and don’t count yourself out right now, Pisces.
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The Holiday Bedroom Debate: Sleeping Together, Apart, Or Not At All?
I can’t speak for everyone, but my grandmother has strict rules around who can share a bed at her house. No one will ever be “shacking up” under her roof, so for me and her other grandchildren, that means leaving your boyfriend/girlfriend at home or footing the bill for a hotel during an already costly holiday season. Even for family members who have more liberal house rules, sharing a home with my parents will ensure a silent night for us all.
The holidays bring joy, connection, and quality time with loved ones—but they can also put a damper on intimacy for couples. It’s hard to get your jingle bells rocked when you have family sleeping under the same roof. Family visits and hosting obligations often disrupt intimacy, raising questions like: Should we have sex when relatives are in the next room? Should we follow traditional family rules about sleeping arrangements? How can we even find the time to have sex? And how do we balance respecting traditions with honoring our relationship?
Navigating these dynamics can be particularly challenging when we factor in cultural, familial, and sometimes religious expectations. Sharing space with family doesn’t have to send you into a dry spell. Here’s a guide to maintaining intimacy and harmony during holiday gatherings so that presents aren’t the only thing getting unwrapped this Christmas.
Grandma Says “No Shacking Up!” and Other Common Challenges
So we know that many families with conservative values may not want unmarried couples sleeping in bed together. They may not even like the idea of married couples having sex while family is visiting. Danielle Simpson-Baker, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, explains that “limited privacy, cultural or family-imposed rules, and differing expectations about behavior in shared spaces can lead to disconnection.”
Stress from hosting or visiting family, paired with packed schedules, can exacerbate these feelings and leave little time for you to connect with your loved one. Stress on its own is a known libido killer, but when paired with complicated family dynamics, you can be sure that sex will be a low priority. Who has time anyway? We’re hosting!
For unmarried couples, family norms often add an extra layer of complexity. Catherine Drysdale, a Sex and Relationship Coach, notes, “The holidays can disrupt intimacy in all the usual ways—shared bedrooms, squeaky beds, and not-so-subtle interruptions. Add in the pressure to appear as the perfect couple in front of relatives, and emotional and physical connection often takes a backseat.” Put all of this together, and you have the perfect recipe for low desire and anxiety around sex.
Couples may also be nervous that family will hear them if they decide to do more than just kiss under the mistletoe. The supposed embarrassment alone can keep lovers from even attempting to be intimate, even if they really want to.
How To Navigate? Communicate and Set Expectations
Communication is lubrication, so having an open dialogue with your partner before the holidays is essential.
Discuss potential discomforts and agree on boundaries. “Ask questions like: Are we okay abstaining from sex for a few days? How do we feel about sharing a bed if it’s against family rules?” advises Simpson-Baker. Being on the same page means you can present a united front to family when the time comes and avoid any conflict.
Drysdale suggests creating a “yes/no/maybe” list to clarify comfort levels. “The goal is to avoid surprises or misunderstandings once you’re there,” she explains. Setting an intention for the trip—whether it’s prioritizing family harmony or finding small moments to connect—can also help. No matter what people may think, sex is important! It’s okay to prioritize intimacy, even during the holidays.
Respect Family Rules While Honoring Your Relationship
While it is important to communicate with your partner before settling in with family, balancing their expectations with yours can be a delicate, but necessary, dance. Simpson-Baker emphasizes the importance of balance: “Minor compromises—like sleeping separately—don’t define the strength of your relationship. At the same time, if certain boundaries feel overly restrictive, couples can advocate for themselves respectfully.” This is where being a united front comes in. Getting clear on what feels acceptable to you and your partner ahead of time will help these tough conversations go a bit smoother.
It may also help to talk to your family before the holiday celebrations begin. Gwen Walsh, a Sex Educator and Consultant, shares a personal example: “I communicated with my mom why it was important to me to sleep in the same bed as my partner. I asked her to give me an opportunity to earn her trust. After a long conversation, she agreed to compromise.” While this approach isn’t guaranteed to work in every situation, it highlights the value of respectful communication.
Creative Ways To Maintain Intimacy While Visiting Family
When family doesn’t budge or if you just decide it is not that big of a deal, there are still ways to prioritize intimacy. If privacy for physical intimacy isn’t possible, focus on emotional and non-sexual forms of connection. Simpson-Baker suggests small gestures like “squeezing each other’s hand under the table or sharing a quiet conversation at night.” Small gestures still matter and can help couples maintain a sense of normalcy.
Sexologist Natassia Miller also highlights the importance of daily rituals. “Prioritize non-sexual touch. A long hug or a six-second kiss can maintain your connection and decrease stress levels,” she advises. These small daily rituals can also serve as a form of extended foreplay, setting you up for an explosive connection when the holidays are done.
The Bigger Picture
While holiday dynamics can feel overwhelming, it’s important to remember that these moments are temporary. Whether you’re sneaking in a private conversation during a walk or laughing together over a family tradition, small acts of connection can sustain your relationship through the chaos.
Ultimately, as Walsh puts it, “Your partnership exists in its own unique context. Lead with empathy, honesty, and respect, and you’ll find a way to navigate even the most challenging family dynamics.”
This holiday season, embrace the opportunity to grow together as a couple while navigating the complexities of family dynamics. With thoughtful communication, creativity, and a united front, you can honor your relationship and still enjoy the festive chaos of the holidays.
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