When I was pregnant, I just knew I was going to breastfeed my daughter once she arrived. But when I had a C-section 10 weeks early after being diagnosed with severe preeclampsia, I had no idea what breastfeeding really required. Every mom's story is different, but there were things I wish I would've known about breastfeeding before going into the OR (I had no clue the short-lived journey would start just a few days after).
Whether it's the power of pumping, methods to boost your milk supply, and of course getting the little one to latch, there's so much that goes into learning how to breastfeed, and it can be a bit overwhelming and tempting to give up. To help with that, we've curated a guide for you to dig in before your breastfeeding journey.
When To Start Breastfeeding
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Once you decide to breastfeed, it's vital to mentally prepare right away, because your life will change for quite a few months ahead. A couple of days after her arrival, I was still in the hospital and hadn't yet seen my baby girl when the lactation consultant wheeled in a pumping machine. I told her I wanted to ultimately breastfeed and she immediately showed me how to pump (if you have a full-term newborn, you could start breastfeeding as soon as an hour after giving birth, according to Medela). The gist is, it's vital to start as soon as possible.
How Often Should You Breastfeed?
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Breastfeeding in the first 24 hours can be a wildcard. You and your bundle of joy are working on finding a rhythm together, and each baby will be different. When your liquid gold (a.k.a. milk) makes its arrival, your newborn could eat up to 12 times a day (yes, even in the overnight hours). While it's a well-known fact that getting up to feed a baby at two in the morning every day is exhausting, this can also serve as a beautiful time for you to bond.
Breastfeeding sessions can last between 10 and 45 minutes. While your little one might not get on a schedule right away, they'll get the hang of it over time.
Does Breastfeeding Hurt?
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A rule of thumb is that breastfeeding will be uncomfortable, but it shouldn't be too painful. Fortunately, there's nipple cream that doubles as a lifesaver. While I didn't breastfeed like I hoped (ultimately, my supply was just too low but that's another story), I did pump my breasts until kingdom come, and I don't know what I would've done without nipple cream. Since everyone is different, it's best to see a lactation consultant about any concerns you have.
How Much Breastmilk Is Enough?
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It's understandable to wonder if your newborn is really getting the nutrients they need. If you're staying consistent with feeding every 2-3 hours, they should be just fine. A couple of signs that a baby isn't getting enough breastmilk include:
- Your baby not gaining weight,
- Your baby taking too little or too much,
- Latching goes beyond discomfort and is extremely painful.
Because we like to celebrate wins too, signs that a newborn is getting enough milk include:
- Your baby gaining weight,
- Regular pooping and peeing (at least 6 to 8 wet diapers a day after their fifth day of life),
- Latching every two to three hours,
- Hearing your baby swallowing while breastfeeding and seeing breast milk in their mouth,
- Your breasts could also feel softer and less full compared to before feeding.
How To Boost Your Milk Supply
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Hydrate girl! Drinking lots of water does wonders for boosting your milk supply. As new moms, it can be hard to even find time to get a sip of water, let alone enough for the day. But knowing that it can help increase your breast milk supply could be enough to stay motivated.
Other ways to increase your supply include: keep feeding on demand (every two to three hours), switching back and forth between breasts (this is especially helpful if the baby falls asleep while eating), pump between feedings, and getting as much rest as you can. There are also a few nifty products out there like lactation cookies.
Breastfeeding Vs. Formula Feeding: Which Is Better?
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Any way a mother decides to nurture her child is her decision. Once I came to terms that breastfeeding wasn't going to work out the way I hoped, I realized that #fedisbest and what really matters is that she's getting the nutrients she needs.
Breastfeeding does have undeniable benefits, from boosting a newborn's immunity to helping with brain development. But if formula feeding is your only option or just the one that works best for you, it's not a bad one. It just might not be ideal. For me, I didn't have the capacity to breastfeed, and my little one came home on a high-calorie formula. It took a while to come to terms with this being our journey and getting over the guilt of not being able to breastfeed her once she was developed enough to latch, but after almost three months of being home, she's doing just fine (and sis doesn't play about her meals).
Whatever you decide, don't give in to the pressure to go one way or the other. Know that you're doing your best and the person who knows what's best for your newborn is you.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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