9 Post-Baby Etiquette Reminders For Friends & Family
There is nothing more exciting than getting the news that the bundle of joy everyone has been waiting for has finally arrived. As soon as you get the word, you probably start making plans in your head about when you're going to go visit the baby and the gifts you hope to bring. And while all of this is sweet and many new parents appreciate it, there are some things to consider.
After a mother gives birth, she goes through many changes. No matter how she gave birth, she's most likely feeling it and trying to heal. Not to mention, she's exhausted! The new mom is getting to know her baby and figuring him or her out. Anxiety could be at an all-time high.
Here are a few things to remember when it comes to post-baby etiquette after someone you love has a baby:
Respect The Adjustment Period
Give new parents time to bond with their baby and make sense of what will most likely be a crazy routine for the next few weeks. Even if they call you from the hospital to tell you the news, don't assume that's an invitation to drop in or call multiple times. Texting or emailing is a life-saver in cases like this! That way, when the parents have time in between trying to get some sleep and caring for a new baby, they can respond. Please don't take offense if they don't respond right away! There is a lot happening.
Don't Drop By Unannounced
This is the worst thing you can do to new parents! Dropping by unannounced can make them feel very overwhelmed. New parents may not have the heart to tell you that it's not a good time or may be worried about hurting your feelings. I have personally witnessed how hard it can be when you have a rotating number of people coming in and out of your house after having a baby. The mother is usually struggling to sit up in a robe looking exhausted, trying to smile, look happy, and entertain, while her baby goes from hand to hand. Respect the mother's space and the fact that she is extremely fatigued. She probably didn't even get to shower that day for all you know.
Also, family members: don't show up with an overnight bag, temporarily move in and start rearranging things in the home. Although most people know it's coming from a good place, it can make new parents feel stressed and tense. If they would like help with the baby or want you to stay overnight, let them ask you. Or if you're unsure, ask them.
Be On Time and Don't Overstay Your Welcome
Once new parents finally get it together and ask you to come over on a specific day, try your best to be on time. They most likely scheduled that time after the baby had a nap or feeding, or around a time when the baby will have the most energy. When and if you come late, it can really throw the parents and the baby off schedule. If you are going to be late, give them a call to let them know and check to make sure if you should still come that same day. It may be best to reschedule.
When you are visiting, keep your eye on the clock. I personally think a 30-60 minute visit is appropriate. Nothing longer than that. Be aware of non-verbal signs that the parents might show of being sleepy.
Leave Your Young Children Or Other Pets At Home
When visiting, avoid bringing your small children or pets. Small children can get restless. They may cry and be unable to sit still. You don't want your toddler to be disruptive or wake the baby while napping/resting. Even if the parents have toddlers already, it's best to not add to the noise factor.
Also, leave your pet behind. You don't want your dog or cat in the mix when a new baby is only a few days old. If the parents already have pets that's okay, just don't assume it's time for a doggy playdate.
Don't Bring Extra Guests
People always do this and I wonder how they are comfortable with it. It is not a good idea to bring extra people with you who are uninvited to visit a new baby. You don't know if the parents will be comfortable and they may feel like you put them on the spot. If something comes up and you have to make arrangements for someone to come with you, check and ask ahead of time to make sure it is okay.
Avoid Visiting If You're Sick
A new baby's immune system is super sensitive. If you're sick, the considerate thing to do would be to stay away. A new baby can get sick and possibly have complications fighting off an illness that we can easily beat as adults in a short period of time.
Wash Your Hands or Use Hand Sanitizer
Even if you think your hands are clean, always wash them before holding a new baby. We carry many germs and you should always be cautious to not pass it on to the tiny newcomer.
Don't Kiss The Baby
I know it may be tempting, but don't ever kiss someone's else's baby, especially when the child is a newborn. I've seen many people do this, sometimes even on the mouth. If you are not the parent, this is not appropriate to do. You want to be mindful, so please do not upset new parents by doing this.
Bring Cooked Food/Ask Them What They Need
If you're a close family member, be intentional and ask them how you can be supportive, don't take it into your own hands. While flowers and balloons are great, you would be surprised to know that new parents prefer food or another task that can help. While adjusting to newborn life, parents don't have much time to make meals. Bringing something that is cooked and can be reheated is often very appreciated.
Also, don't be afraid to ask how you can help during your visit. A load of laundry, a quick grocery run, or a light clean is helpful. If you're a close family member, with permission from the family, you can even make a little schedule of who can come over to help with small tasks during the week. This will help make the new parents feel supported and less stressed.
Featured image by Austin Wade on Unsplash
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Bianca Simone was born and raised in Boston, Massachusetts. She currently resides in California where she is pursuing her dreams of being a writer. She hopes to move and inspire people every day through creating, and by working diligently, remaining humble, and relatable always.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images