From Mom Guilt To Asking For Help: 5 Times Tamera Mowry-Housley Kept It Real About Parenting
Tamera Mowry-Housley may be a well-known actress, television host, and author, but her most tremendous success lies in being a mother to her two children.
Mowry-Housley is married to former journalist and entrepreneur Adam Housley. The couple, who have been together for almost two decades, share a son Aden Housley, 10, and an 8-year-old daughter Ariah Housley. Since becoming a parent, the Sister, Sister star has opened up about her journey to motherhood and how it has impacted her life.
The list includes learning to be patient, overcoming mom guilt, being vocal about the many experiences one may go through, and so much more. Below is a look at what Mowry-Housley has said about motherhood in various interviews and blog posts over the years.
Tamera On Patience
In a recent discussion with Ebony magazine, Mowry-Housley revealed that after becoming a first-time mother in 2011 with her son Aden and welcoming her daughter Ariah in 2015, she realized that not everything needs to go "by the book."
With that understanding, the 44-year-old has learned to be patient with herself and her children, especially as they go through milestones, because she acknowledges that, in life, it takes time and various avenues to accomplish a goal.
"Motherhood taught me patience, not only patience with my children but with myself. There are times when your children may be going through a milestone, and you start worrying, but eventually, they get through it. Everyone has their own journey, their own time," Mowry-Housley explained.
"We have to allow ourselves to be patient with ourselves. If you have a goal, if you are learning something new, be kind to yourself throughout the process. I never saw myself as a control freak, but I thought if I did A + B, I'd always get that C result, and that's not the case. You can get the same result by doing different things, so look for different avenues. It doesn't always need to be by the book or when it's 'supposed' to be."
Tamera On Mom Guilt
At the same time, while talking toParade magazine, Mowry-Housley shed light on mom guilt struggles and the importance of self-care.
In the interview, the Double Wedding actress disclosed that women generally go through mom guilt because they "innately" want to help others before caring for themselves.
Further in the conversation, Mowry-Housley elaborated that in order for an individual to be a better person for those they love, they must practice self-care.
"It is hard. I mean, I feel like women in general, we innately always want to help others before we help ourselves. But self-care isn't selfish. It's actually a necessity because if you take care of yourself, you are a better friend, a better sister or better mom. You can't truly thrive if you're depleted. So you have to always remember to fill that cup,” she stated while mentioning the mantras she created for other women.
"I also created some mantras just to inspire moms out there to maybe, you know, spread, spread that love, spread that wisdom. Because once I became a mom, I realized the importance of community. And it does take a village. And one of those mantras is taking care of yourself, actually is taking care of others.
Mowry-Housley wrapped up her statement by saying that it's acceptable for a woman to "prioritize" herself, even if it is for "a moment," and should not feel guilty for putting themselves first.
Tamera On Why It Is Okay To Ask For Help
In 2015, while expecting her second child, Mowry-Housley shared with Yahoo Parenting that she learned it takes a "village" to raise well-rounded children after accepting help from others.
The Strong Medicine star revealed that following the birth of her son Aden, she wanted to be in "control" of everything, so much so that she didn't want her husband Adam assisting her in anything she needed. Mowry-Housley stated that it quickly changed when she saw how exhausting it was.
"It takes a village. It was very hard for me to admit this in the beginning," she said. "I wanted all the control. I didn't even want help from my husband. Adam was like, Can I help? The moment you accept help, you find yourself happier. A child will benefit from a happy mom, not an exhausted one."
Tamera On Being Present
Since having her children, another thing Mowry-Housely has discovered is how to be present, something she admitted was slightly challenging to adjust to with her busy work schedule.
In honor of Mother's Day, Mowry-Housley uploaded a blog post on her website discussing how often she prioritized bonding with her children instead of focusing on her everyday responsibilities, such as cleaning and answering an email.
"My children have also taught me how to be present and in the moment, which is something that can be really hard to do when you are a working mom and have a lot of responsibility in your life," she wrote. "As a mom who can be a little OCD, my children have made me realize that it is okay to leave some dirty dishes in the sink for a while, or to not write that email right away, and to just live in the moment. I have learned that it is worth giving up a little control in my life, to be able to sit and watch a movie with them or just have time to bond."
Tamera On Why Parents Should Speak Up More About The Challenges They Experience When Raising Children
The last quote that Mowry-Housley shared regarding motherhood stems from parents opening up about the challenges they have experienced while raising their children.
In an essay written in She Knowsmagazine, the Twitches star explained that at the time when she and her husband Adam were potty training their son Aden, they noticed that the then 5-year-old was still wetting the bed. The concerned couple, who thought they were doing a good job at potty training, researched online to see if Aden's bed-wetting was a common issue among children his age.
Following the research, Mowry-Housley found out that bed-wetting was a part of the potty-training process. Upon the revelation, Mowry-Housley disclosed that if it weren't for others sharing their stories and past experiences, she wouldn't have known the solution to Aden's problems and would have felt she was the only person going through it.
"I wish more parents knew that you aren't ever alone, and when you speak up about a challenge, in fact, you're probably saying exactly what someone else needed to hear in that moment," she wrote while encouraging others to be more open about their parenting journey.
"When we open up and support each other, whether that's on social media or IRL, we're always better for it. So no matter what your child is experiencing, I always encourage people to speak up and get real — because chances are, you'll find people with just the information, resources, and inspiration you and your family need."
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From Monogamy To Polyamory: 'I'm In An Asexual Poly Marriage With My Husband Of 7 Years'
Have you ever wondered what it's like to be asexual and in an open marriage? Relationship Coach Mikki Bey shared her first-hand experience with us as well as answered some of our burning questions.
Like a lot of people, Mikki met her now husband, Raheem Ali, online. As soon as they met, they instantly fell in love and got engaged on their first date. Just 90 days after they met, the couple tied the knot and have now been married for seven years. Raheem and Mikki aren’t your typical married couple, and despite being married for almost a decade, their marriage is anything but traditional. Mikki and Raheem have what she calls an "asexual polyamorous marriage."
Defining Her Sexuality
It wasn't until last summer that Mikki found the language to define her sexuality. "I didn't have the language for it until last summer," she explained to xoNecole. "Looking back, I just thought sex wasn't my thing. It was never enjoyable for me, and I'd go years without even noticing.”
Mikki always thought she was broken because she had no interest in sex. Mikki noticed after her friends came to visit and started discussing their sexual fantasies that she realized something was different about her. “At that point, I knew something was definitely different about me since I do not have sexual fantasies at all. It was truly news to me that people are at work thinking about sex! That was not my experience.” This led to Mikki researching asexuality, which she soon realized fit her to a T. “It felt like breathing new air when I was able to call it by name," said Mikki.
"Looking back, I just thought sex wasn't my thing. It was never enjoyable for me, and I'd go years without even noticing it."
Asexuality refers to people who experience little or no sexual attraction, experience attraction without acting on it sexually, or experience sexual attraction differently based on other factors. Like most things, asexuality falls on a spectrum and encompasses many other identities. It's important to remember, however, that attraction and action are not always synonymous: some asexuals may reject the idea of sexual contact, but others may be sex-neutral and engage in sexual activity.
It's possible that some asexuals will have sex with someone else despite not having a libido or masturbating, but others will have sex with a partner because it brings a sense of connection.
From a Traditional Marriage to Kitchen Table Polyamory
Although Mikki never really had a high sex drive, it wasn’t until after the birth of her son, that she noticed her sex drive took a real nosedive. “I never had a high sex drive, but about a year after my son was born, I realized I had zero desire. My husband has a high sex drive, and I knew that it would not be sustainable to not have sex in our marriage at that time.”
She was determined to find an alternative to divorce and stumbled upon a polyamory conversation on Clubhouse. Upon doing her own research, she brought up the idea to their husband, who was receptive. “It’s so interesting to me that people weigh sex so heavily in relationships when even if you are having a ton of sex, it’s still a very small percentage of the relationship activity," Mikki shared.
They chose polyamory because Mikki still wanted to be married, but she also wanted to make sure that Raheem was getting his individual needs and desires met, even if that meant meeting them with someone else. “I think that we have been programmed to think that our spouses need to be our 'everything.' We do not operate like that. There is no one way that fits all when it comes to relationships, despite what society may try to tell you. Their path to doing this thing called life together may be different from yours, but they found what works for them. We have chosen to design a marriage that works for us,” Mikki explained.
"We have chosen to design a marriage that works for us. We both consent to each of us having everything from casual sex partners to lifetime partners if it should go there. We believe love is abundant and do not limit ourselves or each other on how we express it."
She continued, “We both consent to each of us having everything from casual sexual partners to lifetime partners if it should get there. We believe love is abundant and do not limit ourselves or each other on how we express it. Our dynamic is parallel with kitchen table poly aspirations.”
Kitchen table polyamory (KTP) is a polyamorous relationship in which all participants are on friendly terms enough to share a meal at the kitchen table. Basically, it means you have some form of relationship with your partner’s other partner, whether as a group or individually. A lot of times, KTP relationships are highly personal and rooted in mutual respect, communication, and friendship.
Intimacy in an Asexual Polyamorous Marriage
Mikki says she and her husband, Raheem, still share intimate moments despite being in a polyamorous marriage. “Our intimacy is emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical, although non-sexual. We are intentional about date nights weekly, surprising and delighting each other daily, and most of all, we communicate our needs regularly. In my opinion, our intimacy is top-tier! I give my husband full-body massages, mani-pedis and make sure I am giving him small physical touches/kisses throughout the day. He is also very intentional about showing me his love and affection.”
Raheem and Mikki now use their lives as examples for others. On their website, thepolycouplenextdoor.com, they coach people interested in learning how to be consensually non-monogamous. “We are both relationship coaches. I specialized in emotional regulation, and Raheem specializes in communication and conflict resolution. The same tools we use in our marriage help our clients succeed in polyamory."
Mikki advises people who may be asexual or seeking non-monogamy to communicate their needs openly and to consider seeking sex therapy or intimacy coaching. Building a strong relationship with a non-sexual partner requires both empathy and compassion.
For more of Mikki, follow her on Instagram @getmikkibey. Follow the couple's platform on Instagram @thepolycouplenextdoor.
Featured image by skynesher/Getty Images
