Quantcast
How I Went From Loathing My Post Baby Body To Loving It

How I Went From Loathing My Post Baby Body To Loving It

Love & Relationships

Three months after my first child, Brendan, was born, I weighed less than my pre-labor weight. I was like Woohoo!


What Kelly Ripa said is true, breastfeeding is the key!

Breastfeeding makes all of your baby weight go away!

The baby literally sucks all of the fat out of you!

It just makes sense. Mother nature you are the best!

While my body definitely wasn't shaped the same as it was pre-pregnancy, at least I had lost weight to the point that my friend Gloria was a little concerned because my face kept slimming down and my collar bones became more and more defined. I was satisfied with my weight loss and figured I would moisturize the hell out of my stretch marks, do some crunches and maybe just maybe, one day I would be able to wear a bikini again. So every morning I lathered my belly, but somewhere between working, taking care of an infant, getting dinner on the table and managing other family and social relationships, those crunches just never happened.

By the time I was ready to come out of my baby hibernation, rejoin the world, and start working out again…surprise, surprise…I became pregnant with my second love biscuit, Grayson. Almost everything with Grayson was easier. I was still seeing the therapist I had to start seeing after I gave birth to Brendan, so I knew what to expect. And this time around, my body healed much faster.

But there was just one problem – my stomach.

Every morning I'd stand in front of the mirror in my underwear, and sometimes I would make it a point to identify a positive aspect about my appearance. Although this was a routine I'd been doing since high school, when I was around 4 months postpartum, I started to realize that I wasn't slimming down like I had done after my first child. I now had an outie belly button, a pooch that made me look about 3 months pregnant, and a chandelier of excess skin hanging from that outie belly button. I thought,“maybe I just need more time to recover."

During this time, I remember every magazine cover at the grocery store being about celebrity moms' rapid weight loss after having children, and I started to feel like there was something wrong with me. That I was doing something wrong. I should be eating healthier. I should be working out.

Two more months passed and there was no change in my body. And I began to realize that I had lost all the baby weight I was going to lose. I found myself sucking in my stomach and smoothing out my skin in the mirror every morning. My husband and I would try to figure out how I could fit in a run or a workout, but between being a teacher (which means I also have homework), my daily commute, and really wanting to spend quality time with my children, we just couldn't figure out how to fit it in. I tried some workout videos OnDemand and did crunches sporadically, but ultimately I just became super frustrated with the constant cycle of feeling bad about my body, wanting to change it, and yet having no time or energy to do so. Trips to the grocery store only added fuel to my frustration.

I wanted to see a celebrity mom with a pooch, stretch marks, saggy boobs, anything! But all I got were smooth bellies, pushed up boobs, spanx, photoshop, and myths about how I too could look perfect like that.

My frustration soon evolved into anger. I was pissed that I allowed the media to make me feel bad about myself. I was furious that society had gotten to a place where women's bodies aren't honored for bringing life into this world, but are instead expected to “snapback" to their pre-baby figures.

What kind of backwards shit is that?

Are we rubber bands?!

As a black woman who grew up constantly having to refute Eurocentric ideals of beauty, I am aware that the lens which I view beauty through is counter to dominant American culture. Dominant American culture views my nephew as a potentially dangerous thug, and my afro as wild unkempt mane.

I view both as magnificently beautiful, and I needed to view my post-baby body in the same way. I needed an outlet, a sanctuary, somewhere I could receive affirmation that other mothers look just like me. Because while this whole time I was fixated on a physical change, what I truly needed was a change in my way of thinking.

Naturally, I started where everyone starts when you want to explore what is out there. I Googled “post-baby body," but a majority of the results were just multiple workout blogs. There was one blog that had pictures of natural, post-baby bodies, but the pictures were just of women's bodies without their heads. I found another blog that took pictures of women's post-baby bodies across the country, but they were predominately white women and the pictures were in black and white.

What I needed was a site and community for mothers of color who were on the same journey of owning their bodies and their beauty again. I wanted beautiful media that counteracted every sexist magazine cover with a celebrity “rubber band" mom on it. So you know what I did? I created that community.

With the support of my family and my best friends, last August I launched MyPostBabyBody.org!

The goal of MyPostBabyBody.org, is to help women feel good about their bodies especially after having children. The site features vibrant photos of women of color showing off their post-baby bodies and sharing stories about their new self-love journey. There is also a blog portion where I bring attention to body positive stories and other women/body issues.

As I have put myself in this body-positive blogger position, it has pushed me to lead by example, and really work to adapt a body-positive attitude for myself. I still suck in my belly occasionally in the mirror, but I make it a point to appreciate my body, and remind myself that hating my insecurities only plays into the sexist, capitalist and other systems of oppression designed to keep us from focusing our energy on tearing down those very systems.

I still have a ways to go, but I know one thing…

I have been every size between 0 and 10, and I am more accepting of my body now than I have ever been before. Watch my story below:

Your October 2022 Horoscopes Are All About Finding Flow & Alignment

October is a month of balance. With some energy moving direct and some energy moving retrograde, there is a middle ground to find this month between what is unfolding and what you are letting go. The month begins with Mercury officially moving out of retrograde and going direct in Virgo. Mercury this month is cleaning house and sprucing things up after the somewhat tyrant energy it’s brought over the past few weeks. Now that Mercury is direct, there is less interruption when it comes to daily flow and plans, and this is a good month to start setting things into motion.

Keep reading...Show less
The daily empowerment fix you need.
Make things inbox official.
The Myth Of The Sex Drive & How Libido Changes From Your 20s, 30s, 40s & 50s

No one prepared me for how horny I would be in my late 30s. All the elders in my life prepared me for random chin hairs, weight gain, and menopause but no one said a mumbling word about my sex drive. Something happens the closer you get to forty. I went from wanting sex here and there to wanting it all the damn time. Is there a support group for this? I can’t be the only one who has the sex drive of the Energizer Bunny. Upon my research to figure out why I felt like a cat in heat, I discovered several theories surrounding women and our sex drives–including one that says the concept of having a sex drive is a myth altogether.

Keep reading...Show less
Exclusive: Da’Vinchi On Protecting His Peace & Why He Prioritizes Mindset Over Looks In Dating

Da’Vinchi has appeared in many television series such as All American and Grown-ish but it was his role in BMF as Terry Flenory that helped propel his career forward. Since starring in BMF, he made his Broadway debut with Thoughts of a Colored Man and is currently shooting an undisclosed movie in Vancouver. The 26-year-old actor is beginning to see the fruits of his labor and so it’s hard to imagine that he almost went in a different direction. Da’Vinchi spoke with xoNecole’s Dana Blair for our xoMan series about acting, being a sapiosexual, and protecting his peace.

Keep reading...Show less
Black woman with an afro and tube top laughing

If you have been on social media for any significant amount of time this year you may have come across women saying that they are in their “villain era.” For these women, being a villain means embracing the negativity and judgment from others that comes when you say “no” to people, and living your life unapologetically. For them, being a villain means letting the chips fall where they may when you no longer allow other people’s ideas about you to restrict you from living the life that you want and deserve.

Keep reading...Show less
Niecy Nash Says Her Relationship With Jessica Betts Is The First Time She Has Felt 'Fully Seen'

When Niecy Nash-Betts announced she was married to musician Jessica Betts, many people were surprised. The Emmy-nominated actress has a history of dating only men and was even married twice prior to meeting her wife. However, Niecy has become an example of the saying “love is love” and she and Jessica have been open about their relationship ever since.

Keep reading...Show less
Exclusive Interviews
Latest Posts