Birth control makes you gain weight. Birth control causes infertility. Birth control leads to cancer.
The list goes on and on when it comes to the reputation of how birth control (allegedly) impacts the female body. And I'm definitely one of those girls who was afraid to get on the pill, thanks to its seemingly scary reputation. But after doing plenty of research, I've channeled my inner Porsha Williams of RHOA and asked, "Who said that?!" when it comes to these speculations, because most of them aren't true. Yes, every woman's body is different and takes to birth control in its own way. But in essence, birth control isn't the cause for many of the problems we face. Let's get into debunking these myths, shall we?
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It Causes Infertility
One of the reasons I was hesitant to get on birth control was because I had heard horror stories about women who had trouble getting pregnant after they stopped taking the pill or removed some form of contraceptive from their body. This especially held true for a lot of my friends who had taken it in their teenage years with the hopes of attacking their irregular periods head-on. After being on the pill for years, many of them had trouble conceiving once they were ready. It's so easy to point our fingers at the pill because it can take a while to get birth control out of our system (an average of six to nine months). Still, there's no research that backs up the idea that birth control messes with our fertility. One doctor pointed out that if you've started birth control to help treat an issue (i.e. irregular period, endometriosis, or PCOS), the issue will most likely pick up again when going off birth control. That could contribute to problems with conceiving right away rather than the birth control itself.
It Makes You Gain Weight
I don't know how many times I Googled this after I started birth control. It seemed like it made sense to think that birth control was making me gain weight (or making it more difficult to lose it). While it's been said that birth control can cause your body to retain more water (which can lead to larger breasts… hey girls hey!), a doctor shut down the speculation that birth control is a direct cause to weight gain. At the same time, side effects to birth control (like what appears to be weight gain) should go away after about three months of being on the pill. Still, for women like me that were convinced my weight gain was because of the pill (I didn't have any trouble losing weight before and once I got on the pill, it seemed like it was holding on to my body for dear life), a doctor pointed out that this could be because of how your body responds to the hormones in birth control. This has yet to be proven. So for now, the consensus is that birth control doesn't cause weight gain. I'm not fully convinced of this yet.
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You Have To Take It At The Same Time Daily Or It Doesn’t Work
So all this time I guess I could've turned off my alarm set for when to take my birth control. I literally thought I had to take it at the exact same time every day or it would be less effective. Apparently, that's not the case, at least when it comes to the regular birth control pill that's mixed with estrogen and progestin. The ones that only have progestin do have to be taken at the same time every day. To be on the safe side, while it might not be necessary to make sure you have a schedule, it's definitely helpful; especially for the low-dose pill. Although the same exact time every day isn't necessary, it's important to take your daily pill within a few hours from that time each and every day. Breaking away from a schedule or completely missing days could cause breakthrough bleeding or a loss in effectiveness, and ain't nobody got time for that.
It Leads To Breast Cancer
It's easy to see why this myth has been going strong for years. The connection between oral birth control and breast cancer has increased over the years. Still, it's in the myth category because the connection is very low. The truth behind it basically says that the women who are most likely to get on the pill have lower cancer rates. It doesn't necessarily prevent cancer, but you don't have to think that you're welcoming any risk of cancer by taking the pill to put a hold (temporarily or permanently) on getting pregnant. Interestingly enough, birth control pills also have the ability to lower the risk of colon cancer, uterine cancer, and even ovarian cancer. And for those ladies who don't want to take the pill because breast cancer runs in the family, one doctor said that she suggests women in this position to take oral contraceptives considering it lowers the chances of being diagnosed with certain cancers, like ovarian.
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You Have To Stop It At Some Point
Listen, there is no deadline for when you can take birth control. Even though each of us has the right to stop taking it whenever we want (I'm about two weeks out of the game), it's not dangerous at all to stay on the pill for as long as you want. Keep in mind that while it can take a few months for your body to adjust to post-birth control life, you can also get pregnant right away. So it's not the best idea to stop because of fear of being on it too long. Again, no female body is the same. If you do feel like you're experiencing negative side effects associated with your birth control, then it's always best to have a chat with your doctor.
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Some women have their whole wedding planned out, from the bridal gown and venue to the bridal party and playlist. However, KJ was not one of those people. “I didn’t foresee a wedding in my future,” she reveals. “I was just gonna be the boss chick, rich auntie. I didn’t force love in my life until recently. I never had an idea of what a dream wedding would look like, it was easier for me to elope.”
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
And to many people’s surprise, that was their original plan – until Skyh brought up a valid concern. He was raised by his grandmother and thought she should be at the wedding, and naturally, that led to KJ wanting her grandmother to be there as well – then her mom – and later her sister – and, you’ve gotta invite the besties too, right? From there, the guest list continued to blossom. Much like the updo and pop of color bold red lip, she wore on her special day, which was initially on her Pinterest board as a soft glam look with her hair hanging on her shoulders, KJ is okay with changing her plan if it brings her and her loved ones happiness.
So let’s get into the wedding, which took place in Malibu, CA. The first thing you should know about the celebrity couple is that they’re non-traditional. They know, and they don’t care. So, in true unconventional fashion, they shared the morning of the wedding together.
“I woke up with Skyh, we walked our dog, had black coffee, and said good morning to the people who stayed at the venue with us,” she says.
Now, it was time for hair and makeup. While she was getting glammed up, she had Black-owned McBride Sisters wine and champagne (which ties into The Black Experience theme) on deck with her mom and friends, had her besties help rework her vows, retried on every outfit (sis is very Type-A), took photos, and ended the early-celebration with prayer and meditation. It seems very non-Bridezilla, I said.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company,” she explains. “The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
Things moved quickly, and before she knew it, it was time to line up to walk down the aisle.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company. The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
KJ Smith and her bridal party
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
Since everything started with their grandmothers, the couple wanted to ensure they honored them and planned to keep an element of their wedding traditional. Although we’ve all seen the reception videos and photos online, you may have noticed visuals from the wedding itself are harder to find.
“We planned for it to be traditional, but we’re not like that, so we tried to create those moments. We jumped the broom and had a salt ceremony (where the bride and groom individually pour salt into a glass container, symbolizing their lives becoming one.) But honestly, still, nothing was traditional about it.”
She goes on to explain that her mom caught the holy ghost coming down the aisle, her glam team was on deck, and she became so nervous with excitement that she had an anxiety attack – something she struggled with for years, she explains tearfully. Her friends had to literally cheer her down the aisle because of how overwhelmed she felt until she eventually calmed down.
“Skyh was standing there with his hand on his heart; we have our own little language, and I could feel the support,” she shares.
It was surprising to hear all these emotional moments happened before the party we saw online. That is until she once again got into the backstory.
“As a Black woman actress, for so long, it was popular to be mysterious and secretive, but that’s not who I am or what I like. Plus, we both wanted to create an experience for everyone there. We are the people who always host family and friends,” she says. “Like for me, the first order of business was getting sandals for the women so they can dance all night long. We had oxtail, D'ussé, and a coffee and sativa lounge – which is part of Skyh and I’s lifestyle and routine. We wanted to bring them into our world.”
Skyh Black (L) and KJ Smith (R)
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
She went on to discuss the dance routine she did for her husband at the reception, which has taken over the internet. Apparently, that’s another thing that didn’t go according to plan. According to KJ, she had promised a performance at their joint bachelor/ bachelorette party, but her outfit got stolen from her car. So, Skyh ended up performing for her – complete with a strip tease. Still, she never forgot her promise to dance for him.
So, she hired her friend as a choreographer, learned the routine, made friends and family watch it endless times, and attended Beyoncé’s Renaissance show a few days before for a confidence boost. It ended up being a show to remember. But that wasn’t all the night offered. Lil Mo performed, and the guests received special goody bags featuring their favorite Black-owned products like journals, hair care, and more.
“We made sure everyone was taken care of all night. That kind of stuff makes us happy. I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives,” she says.
But naturally, the internet is going to internet, and while there were countless people praising the event and applauding the newlyweds, some thought it was too over the top. I was curious to know her thoughts on some of the criticism.
“It’s cool. We did what we wanted to do. I’ve decided to share my world with people. Just how I went on social media platforms and found inspiration, I want people to do the same,” she explains. “I don’t think it's fair to my supporters not to give that out. There’s so much I wanna share with brides, specifically Black brides. I love that people are adding it to their Pinterest boards."
"I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives."
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
“I’m happy with it because we did what we wanted to do. They can do what they wanna do. Don’t be cruel, though, because you will get blocked,” she said, laughing.
The more I spoke with her, the more her sense of freedom shined through. People are always going to have their opinions, but at the end of the day, it’s you who has to live your life, and it seems like the couple realizes that and embraces that power. She also stressed the importance of not living for others and the lessons life has taught her.
“I’ve been to countless weddings, and I’ve been in countless weddings. I’m a generally older bride. So when women in my demographic get married, and you and your husband are busy working people like us, you deserve to have the one you want to have,” she shares.
“This is what we wanted to do. Our loved ones love and support us. We did so much to honor them, but we also wanted to start our own tradition, legacy, and creation. I'm not going to be pulled back into ideas of the past when I’m trying to create a future with my partner. “
If you’d like to see more of the couple, you probably won’t have to wait long. Although no content is planned yet, she admits to being an oversharer. “Me being open and transparent about my experiences lets people know it’s okay to have flaws; it makes you human, and for many years, I didn’t believe that was okay. I had pressure to be perfect, and I’d crumble every time,” she explains to xoNecole.
Now, she owns her flaws and uses them as a superpower to connect with her community and feel and express her love.
“Some people give us [Skyh and KJ] a hard time because they say we just seem too perfect. I’m like, why is that a bad thing? I love the people I love. From my man to my mama, to my friends - unabashedly. We move through time and space how we want to move. If we did it another way, we’d let ourselves and our union down.”
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Feature image by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
