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5 Things Men Say That You Should Take At Face Value (98.9 Percent Of The Time)
I don't have any children, but I do have a seven-year-old goddaughter. When she becomes a preteen, something I plan on telling her, on repeat, is one of the best things she could ever do is have a set of male friends. Not boyfriends, mind you. I mean, platonic male friends. They're the next best thing to having a really great brother. They're protective. They're honest. And they'll help to drive home the point I'm about to make.
Besides being a writer, something else that I am is a marriage life coach. Both professions mean that I spend quite a bit of time delving out advice. If there's one thing I find myself asking quite a bit to brokenhearted women is, "Why didn't you take what he said at face value?"
Not to say that men, as a whole, are the greatest communicators in the world. At the same time, though, I'm on the fence about how many of us, as women, deserve an award for being the best listeners. Is it just me or does it seem like a lot of times we get into more uncomfortable situations than necessary simply because we would rather interpret what a man is saying rather than accept what has already been said?
Just in case you're tempted to give me some pushback on this, here are five examples of what I mean when I say take your guy's word at face value.
“I’m not ready for a relationship.”
He likes you. You like him. You spend time together. You might have even had sex. In your mind, this all may emotionally translate into you being in a relationship (or heading there). But if this is what you're doing with someone and he tells you that he's not ready for a relationship, clearly this is evidence that not everyone defines a relationship the same way.
If you don't listen to him and decide to give him even more of yourself—mind, body and spirit—all the while hoping to change his mind, how does that make him a bad person if he decides to see other people or end things completely?
"Ready" literally means "completely prepared or in fit condition for immediate action or use". If a man is telling you he is not prepared to make a commitment or more importantly, that he's not FIT for one, he's basically giving you a forecast of how things will turn out if you keep pushing forward.
Choose wisely.
“The timing isn’t right.”
Chances are, if a man isn't ready for a relationship, one of the main reasons might be because it's not the right time for him. Please don't take that to mean that you can "love him into" the right time because (and please get this) him needing more time probably has very little to do with you.
In fact, there are probably life experiences that he needs to have outside of you in order for him to come to the conclusion that he's ready for a relationship.
What should be your response to this one? Either chill out and be his friend (just his friend) or let him go so that you can find your "right timing."
Who knows? Maybe in time, life will bring you both around to each other. Sometimes timing has a way of doing that.
“I love you but I’m not in love with you.”
If there's any sentence that is the cause of a lot of emotional upheaval and confusion, it would have to be this one. What does it really mean if a man says that he loves you but isn't in love?
Honestly, a lot of it depends on the guy, but I'll tell you what I immediately compare this to. I once heard a life coach say that one of the biggest mistakes we make in relationships is getting in too deep with someone who likes the qualities that we have but doesn't truly value us as a person. The first one means they admire us while the second one means they will do the work required to keep us in their lives.
If you've ever known a man who's truly in love with a woman, it's mind-blowing how far he'll go to keep her around. A man who simply "loves" may not even put a quarter of that effort in. Because he likes, not necessarily values what he sees in you. Make sense?
“I’m fine with how things are.”
Some people's values are more conservative than others. However, when grandma said, "Why buy the cow when you can half the milk for free?", at the very least, it's something to think long and hard about. Not just when it comes to the sexual decisions you make, but when it comes to all that you're doing with/for a man.
If you're basically being a "wife" to him—emotionally, sexually, relationally and otherwise—without requiring much in return and then you roll up asking what's up and he says "What? Things are just fine," while you may be disappointed, how surprised can you actually be?
You're doing most of the work while he sits back and benefits without having to take on any responsibilities. Why wouldn't he be fine?
“I want to be friends.”
What's sad about this one is it doesn't have to translate into you getting the brush off. I talk to a lot of guys and one thing they wish they had more of is friendships with women—non-dramatic, supportive, strictly-platonic ones.
The problem is a lot of us think that because a man thinks we're attractive and enjoys our company, somehow, he must be in denial when he makes this sort of declaration.
Listen, I think my brother is a cutie and he's one of my favorite people on the planet. I do not want a romantic connection with him though (eww). And that's just how a lot of men process women that they like us but still aren't into us.
If a man tells you he just wants to be friends with you, please don't take that to mean anything other than that. If you are tempted to, then translate what he said to mean, "I see you like a sister, sis," and hopefully that will keep things in perspective.
That way, you can move on to a man who doesn't want to emotionally "family zone" you.
That way, you can get with a man who says, "I dig you and I want to build a future."
That way, you can end up with a man who speaks in a way that you don't have to try and figure out what he really means. Everything will line up. 100 percent of the time.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Actor Jessie T. Usher reveals his secrets for maintaining his physical appearance while filming Amazon Prime's The Boys.
The series, which spans four seasons, follows vigilantes as they battle corrupt superheroes. In The Boys, Usher portrays Reggie Franklin, also known as A-Train, a superhero with incredible speed.
During a recent Men's Health magazine interview, the 32-year-old spoke about his diet and workout regimens. These routines help Usher stay in shape for the show's stunt work, which involves intense cardio to match his character's super-speed abilities.
In the discussion, he revealed his workout regimen consists of resistance training and cardio. On rest days, the Shaft star incorporates yoga and stretching into his routine.Jessie On What He Eats In a Day
Regarding his diet, Usher shared he typically eats three meals daily with minimal variations. He begins each day by hydrating and waiting an hour or two before breakfast. On production days for The Boys, Usher opts for eggs with herbs and seasonings, accompanied by fruit.
The Dangerous Lies actor keeps it light for lunch with protein-rich options like quinoa bowls or salads with lentils, chicken, and vegetables from CAVA. Dinner is his heartiest meal, featuring chicken and fish (particularly sea bass or salmon), after which he refrains from eating for the rest of the night.
Usher focuses on protein intake for all his meals rather than counting macro calories to support muscle growth. He boosts his protein with peanut butter shakes. While maintaining a disciplined diet, The Almost Christmas star allows himself occasional indulgences like Funyuns or Nutter Butters. To round out his health regimen, Usher takes daily vitamins.
Jessie On His Diet And Workout Routine For "The Boys"
When asked about adjusting his diet or workout routine for his role in The Boys, Usher explained that his health-conscious lifestyle eliminates the need for significant changes.
“Honestly, no. Because by the time I got to The Boys I was already health conscious. Very much aware of what I was putting in my body and how,” he said.
Regarding his workouts, Usher revealed he tailors his routines to include more diverse cardio exercises. This approach ensures he's physically prepared for the scenes he shoots for the show.
“A day of working out for The Boys is a little bit different. I feel like I added more variations of cardio work,” he stated. “When [you’re shooting] you just have no idea what they’re about to throw at you. I just want to be ready for all of those challenges, especially the cardio things. I just wanted to have the endurance to be able to get through whatever type of scene that I would possibly be shooting.”
Season four of The Boys is now streaming on Amazon Prime.
Everything ‘The Boys’ Star Jessie T Usher Eats In a Day | Eat Like | Men's Health
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Feature image by Phillip Faraone/Getty Images for Paramount Pictures