It's been almost five years now since I cold turkey walked off my news reporter job to blog full-time. Since then, I've experienced so many highs and lows of being an entrepreneur and #girlboss. From overlooking some important business details, to learning (the hard way) to deal with shady clients, losing some of my work benefits and not thinking about financial planning for my later years; I literally had a crash course in becoming a businesswoman.
With entrepreneurship being all the rage these days, so many people only flaunt the glitz and glamour of being in business but forget to share those little nuggets of how to actually make it work. In entrepreneurship, there's a lot of personal and professional business (no pun intended) to handle that can easily be forgotten or missed.
Quitting your job to build your own empire or to bring a passion to life is indeed a risky move to make, but it's also a move that can be both beneficial and fulfilling. Just like everything else in life, you have to weigh out the pros, cons and, "Girl, you sure you wanna do this?" scenarios. Don't be one of those people who quit their job to work for themselves…but forget to build a business!
Keep these four things in mind if you're on the road to entrepreneurship.
Make the business official.
GiphyIt took me fifty-leven days for one company to run me my check and another flat out refused to book me because I didn't have a business license. Sure, I could do the work and in my head it was easy for them to just write a check out in my name. All companies are different and not everyone can just write the check; they all follow procedures and processes unique to them and sis, you don't want to get caught up in all of that. I found that it made being an entrepreneur much easier when I could supply a client with proper, legal documentation on behalf of my company. Not only does it help you to get paid easier it also proves that you take your business and coins seriously.
Benefits? What benefits?
As soon as you say, "I quit!", one of the first things that disappear are your employee benefits. As a woman, it was super important for me to have some kind of health insurance, but the minute I walked out that door, I was on my own. Some companies are great in that they allow past employees to stay in their group plans but make the payments themselves; others just drop you. I've been making the sacrifice for five years now to pay my health and life insurance out of pocket; because of the way life is set up these days, I can't chance it. If this is important to you, make sure to keep this in mind as you journey to entrepreneurship. Will you need new insurance, can you join a group one…do you even care? And then there's the pension plan. How will you save money for retirement? Will you set up your own plan? This is definitely worth the conversation and discussion.
Where’d the money go?
GiphyI'm cheap. And I'm not afraid to admit it. As a freelance writer and TV host and occasional influencer who partners with brands, I know firsthand how fickle this industry can be. I've had partnerships taken away, given the 30-day notice and left to literally count my coins. Learning how to effectively budget and manage money is a great skill to have as an entrepreneur, in any field. All businesses, even the well-off, established ones, experience ebbs and flows in their companies and yours won't be exempt. Buffer those crazy days by saving, budgeting and investing.
It’s not an easy road.
Being my own boss is one of the greatest pleasures I've ever experienced. It's a thrilling journey of highs and lows that stretch you and strengthen you; it's simultaneously fickle and fulfilling, it has its bumpy days and days where everything is going right. More importantly, it's not for everybody. If you've decided though that you can and will do this, you have to commit to the cause and fight through the tough times.
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In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
When I came across a way to maximize the pleasure I receive from cunnilingus (already), I had no choice but to tap in. Who knew the key to taking oral sex to new heights was giving it a sideways twist? For those of you who might also be interested in ways to spice up the way you do oral, experience faster and stronger orgasms, or simply want to indulge in something new with your partner, the Kivin Method could definitely be the oral sex technique for you, too.
Keep reading to learn about the method that is sure to have you writhing in ecstasy in no time at all.
What Is The Kivin Method?
For the uninitiated, the Kivin Method is an oral sex technique that focuses on stimulating the clitoris from a different angle. Dubbed “sideways oral” by some, this method involves the action of giving head from a side-to-side movement as opposed to the up-and-down motion that people typically perform when giving head. (If you need a visual, this illustration is helpful.)
The difference in approach as you’re receiving head can be a game-changer in how you receive pleasure. Not only does the giving partner have access to the clitoris, but they can also access more easily the vulva and the labia, which are objectively a bigger focus in this version of cunnilingus. More access means wider coverage, and that, plus the new sensation of oral from a different angle, can heighten the way you experience oral sex that much more.
Where more pleasure flows, intense orgasms are sure to follow.
Getty Images
How To Do The Kivin Method
If you want to know how to do the Kivin Method, it’s actually pretty straightforward. The receiver lays on their back while the giver positions themselves perpendicular to the receiver. Their head will be facing the vulva, but instead of vertical, their face will be horizontal to the vulva.
From there, the giver can get to business, ensuring that they keep their head perpendicular to the receiver’s vulva while working on their craft. Because this technique can be more intense for some receivers, start slowly by stroking the vulva and clitoris sideways with the tongue, and allow sensations and communication from the receiver to be a guide of what you need more or less of with the Kivin Method.
Ultimately, the Kivin Method allows experimentation and unlocking what pressure, rhythm, and tricks work best for the giver and the receiver. Try implementing a finger or two, or adding a sex toy to the mix to intensify the act even further.
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Featured image by Delmaine Donson/Getty Images
