Sex fascinates me. I make absolutely no apologies for that fact. We got here because of sex. I'm a marriage life coach and sex is a big—HUGE—part of a marital union.
And, although I sometimes feel like the Church could stand to be reminded of this on the regular, sex is all up in the Bible—"be naked and not ashamed" (Genesis 2:24-25); "drink out of your own cistern" (look up what cistern means sometime—Proverbs 5:15); "Dear lover and friend, you're a secret garden, a private and pure fountain. Body and soul, you are paradise" (cue the song "Secret Garden" right here, y'all—Song of Solomon 4:8-15—Message); "do not withhold from your spouse" (I Corinthians 7:5) and, one of my personal favorites "There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact" (I Corinthians 6:16—Message)—these are all Scriptural references regarding copulation.
Due to all of this, if someone were to ask me what one of my passions were, sex—including sex education—would definitely top the list. And since I can't be good at educating anyone unless I study up on it myself, I try to spend at least a few hours a week seeing what's going on in the world of sex.
What do I have for you today, ladies (and gents who also enjoy the site) are some random and even semi-strange facts about sex. Some will make you laugh. Some will evoke a lift of the brow. Hopefully all will make you think—and then test a few of 'em out.
Ready? Sex ed class is officially in session, y'all.
Eating Apples Can Improve Your Orgasms
Some of you might've read this and thought, "Duh. It was the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden, after all." Yeeeah. I'm not quite sure where we got that from because Scripture doesn't say that (Genesis 3). But what research has revealed is women who consume more than one apple a day do not only increase in lubrication but are able to have more (including more intense) orgasms. Eat up!
Sex Is a Great Cure for the Common Cold
Gargling apple cider vinegar can reduce the duration of a cold. So can having sex. What they both have in common is they help to strengthen your immune system. When it comes to sex specifically, if your partner has the sniffles and you're afraid of getting it on with them, kissing is what will give it do you; sex won't. That's because colds (nor influenza) aren't transmitted via sperm or vaginal fluid.
Oral Sex Lengthens a Man’s Penis
I've penned an article on the site before about just how beneficial consuming sperm is (check that out here). Here's another oral sex gem. When it comes to penises, even though most of our nerve endings are in the first 1-2 inches of our vaginal opening (so no, technically size doesn't matter as much as a lot of us think), if you wish your man was packin' more than he is, fellatio can help him out. Although researchers are still trying to figure out the connection, one study reveals that a man getting oral sex ultimately lengthens his penis size. Hmph.
If You Use Emojis, You Tend to Have More Sex
The next time you send a winky face, some praying hands or, eh hem, an eggplant and whoever you text makes fun of you on using emojis instead of words, school 'em on what it really means. Believe it or not, a few years ago, TIME magazine published an article with this title—"People Who Use Emojis Have More Sex". Yep. You read that right. It even goes so far as to say that women who use kiss emojis have an easier time having an orgasm. Emoji away!
Sex Improves Women’s Memory
Got a test coming up? Something you can do to increase your chances of passing it is to get some the night before. Yep. What one study has revealed is direct penile-vaginal intercourse can significantly increase your memory and verbal recognition. Pretty cool, huh?
The Love of Music Will Help You to Have More Sex
If you love all things music, here's a good reason to listen to it more often. No matter how crazy or random this might seem, it would appear that people who listen to music out loud have sex 67 percent more than individuals who don't. By the way, if you're wondering what genre of music mentions the word "sex" the most, it's hip-hop and then pop with R&B holding (surprisingly) fifth place.
Weekly Sex Will Regulate Your Menstrual Cycle
Is your menstrual cycle all over the place? Something that just might help to regulate it is having sex on a weekly basis. The reason why is because the luteinizing hormone in your system is what helps to keep your period coming on the same day (give or take a couple of day), every month. When you have sex, it helps to balance this hormone out.
Sex Is About as Effective as Aspirin
One time, a husband told me that whenever he wants to have sex and his wife claims to have a headache, he tells her that his penis will do more for her than an aspirin ever will. Turns out that there's some truth to that. How sex works is, whenever you do it, it triggers endorphins into your system which soothes your nervous system and relieves your headache (even your migraines). Hey, don't knock it until you try it!
Women Are More Attractive During Ovulation
Procreation isn't the sole purpose for having sex (not by a long shot), but we all know that sex makes babies. That's why it comes as no shocker to me that women are more attractive to men during their time of ovulation just like women are hornier during that time of the month too. I'm pretty sure this all works hand in hand, actually.
A Top Three Favorite Sex Toy Among Women Is a Candle
Although I like to backlink sources as much as possible, because the sites connected to this random fact are NSFW, you'll just have to take my word for it (or Google it yourself when you get home). Anyway, something else I happened upon is next to vibrators and sex toys, what women enjoy masturbating with most are candles. Unlit ones, of course.
Cold Feet Can Hinder Climaxing
Personally, I hate sleeping—or sexing—with socks on. One reason is because I don't like being hot. Another reason is because I read somewhere that folks who keep socks on during sex have deep-rooted intimacy issues. However, what studies reveal is folks who keep their socks on when they have sex are able to have more orgasms than those who don't. Experts claim it's because it's easier to climax when our feet are warm.
Wyoming, Alaska and Vermont Have the Kinkiest Sex Sessions
Take it for what it's worth, y'all but the states where people have the kinkiest sex are not New York or even California; it's Wyoming, Alaska and Vermont. Maybe because there's not much to do there? If you live there, you tell me (LOL). As far as the places that have the longest sex sessions, that award goes to New Mexico, West Virginia and Idaho. The minute-man states are Vermont, South Dakota and Alaska.
Did you peep how two of the kinkiest states have the shortest sex sessions. Maybe kinky is connected to quickies.
Men with Belly Fat Last Longer
If you've been pressuring your man to get a six-pack, you might wanna pull back on that a bit. The truth of the matter is that men who have a bit of a belly bulge are able to last longer in bed than men who are constantly in the gym all of the time. According to an article I read, oftentimes as much as three times longer. Wow.
Fun fact: If you put on a combination of pumpkin and lavender essential oils, it can increase the blood flow that rushes to your man's penis by as much as 40 percent. (You're welcome.)
Female Night Owls Have Higher Sex Drives
If you're a night owl, you're probably having more sex than earlier risers. You might think it's because most people have sex at night out of convenience, but that's not actually the reason. The scientific reason is the longer a woman stays up, the more that the stress hormone cortisol will increase in her system. Cortisol is directly-connected to arousal and taking risks. Although, to be perfectly fair regarding the study, female night owls also tend to have a harder time getting into and maintaining the relationship. (Don't shoot the messenger!)
There Is No FDA-Approved Condom for Anal Sex
Last but not least, y'all. Last summer, our managing editor penned a beginner's guide to anal sex. Since 21 percent of women between the ages of 25-29 and 22 percent of women between the ages of 30-39, it's a relevant topic. At the same time, I do think it should go on record that there is currently no condom for anal sex that's been FDA-approved. This means, there is no condom that they are willing to, pardon the pun, back up. That's pretty serious when you actually think about what a condom is designed to do (protect you from transmitting and receiving STDs). The more you know, sis. The more you know.
Featured image by Getty Images
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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Feature image by Franco Zulueta
19 Must-Have Holiday Gifts For Your Friend In Their Hosting Era
What would the holiday be without the ones who host? As you make your Christmas gifting lists this holiday season, remember the ones who make the holidays feel special. When it comes to gifting, the best way to extend gratitude to the ones in our lives who open their hearts and homes to us each year is through intentional gifts when you are invited over. And do not worry; whether you're balling or budget-friendly, xoNecole's got you covered with gifts that the hosts in your life will love.
So let's raise a glass (or buy some as a gift, lol) to the ones who make it happen; happy shopping!
Robin Marble Wine Bottle Holder
Anthropologie
This wine holder is a beautiful way to store wine bottles on a kitchen counter, but can also be used as a centerpiece for your tablescape. Handcrafted entirely from marble, this rack can also be chilled in order to keep bottles cold for dinner party guests - a sophisticated touch that brings added charm to this piece
Sweet July Olive Oil + Balsamic Vinegar Set
I don't know about you but I trust anything Ayesha Curry makes. Her best-selling Olive Oil and Balsamic Vinegar are essentials for any host’s pantry. 100% extra virgin olive oil made using Arbequina olives, known for their delicate flavor and unique bright and fruity aroma, with an Oak-aged Balsamic Vinegar from Italy. Enjoy this over cheese, salads, or marinades.
Valleta Gold Cheese Knives
CB2
That cheese on your charcuterie board isn’t going to cut itself. Now my favorite gold knives from CB2 were discontinued, but rest assured these are just as fabulous. The elegant stainless steel knives set elevates the cheese board with wavy brass loop handles for a comfortable grip.
Aspen Martini Glasses
Crate and Barrel
Espresso martini anyone? What I love most about this hosting gift is the intentionality around gifting the host with the necessary tools to curate one of the most trendy drinks. The classic V-shaped martini is finished with a smooth fire-polished rim and pulled stem. And if you’re feeling generous, include a bottle of your favorite vodka.
Temple OUD Candle
So I know you might be wondering, what does Beyoncé know about candles? My answer - everything. I’m a true candle snob, and this Temple OUD candle with rich and complex notes of oud, Australian sandalwood, warm musk, night-blooming jasmine, Haitian vetiver, and violet leaves, truly elevates the room and is a wonderful gift to a host. Take it from me, candles burn all night long when you host gatherings, and this is a gift that tells someone, you appreciate them and want them to feel just as good in their home when they’re hosting, and when they’re spending time at home for self-care.
SIN Handmade Oyster Platter
I’m a fan of Whole Foods $1 Oyster Fridays, and so are my girls who love to host. If you know a host who loves to serve seafood, this ceramic oyster plate has fluting inspired by paper plates and—just like oyster plates of the Victorian era—specially shaped nooks for bivalves.
Dinner Plus Brining Blend
Hits *add to cart* immediately! Just in time for the holidays, the Tastemaker himself Scot Louie has launched his brine blend. A wet brine is the key to a moist and succulent turkey and roasted meats— Brining Blend is your secret weapon. This blend brines up to 20 lbs of meat and is the best way to elevate your holiday turkey for Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Hand Blown Champagne Glasses
Amazon
This one's for your bougie friend and in your price range! These elegant crystal champagne glasses are like candelabras in the darkness of the night, allowing you to find your one and only soulmate in the world. Imagine yourself intoxicated by the swirl of champagne, listening to the lilting melody of “ring” and raising your glass in celebration for only $25?!! Run, don't walk to get these from Amazon.
Embroidered Cocktail Napkins
There’s nothing a host loves more while hosting - than elevating their hosting experience. And these embroidered cocktail napkins allow for every gathering to have the timeless elegance of Threads & Honey's Embroidered Cocktail Napkins. Now before making a purchase like this, I’d take it a step further and consider their favorite color, and what fonts they like most before ordering.
Estelle Colored Wine Stemware - Set of 6
My personal favorite is Amber Smoke, but each color is flawless and the quality is well worth the purchase. If you want to give a host something that makes a lasting impression, go with Estelle Colored Glass. Estelle Colored Glass is a Black-owned luxury brand of hand-blown and specialty-made colored glass cake stands and stemware in a mix of jewel tones and soft pastels. Made for the founders' grandmother, Estelle, who she describes as "a jewel of a person that instilled in me an appreciation of the pastime of treasure hunting for beautiful finds -- especially for the kitchen which was the heart of her home."
Uncle Nearest Whiskey
There’s Whiskey, and then there’s Black-owned whiskey. Crafted by 4-time Master Blender of the Year and 5th-generation Green descendant, Victoria Eady Butler, this 84-proof Tennessee whiskey is perfect for sipping neat or mixing into your favorite cocktails.
French Kitchen Marble Wine Cooler
Crate and Barrel
Chill the wine in style. This white marble with grey veining unique to each piece chills wine at the table with classic flair. Not just a practical gift, but one that truly elevates the look of any gathering.
Tabitha Brown Electric Wine Opener
Target
Auntie Tab has got you covered with this fabulous electric wine opener that’s a part of her Tabitha Brown For Target collection! A thoughtful gift for the wine lovers, this makes it easy to start parties large and small in sophisticated style.
Compact Swivel Cheese Board with Knives
What’s better than a charcuterie board? Charcuterie served on a board taking its cue from a wheel of cheese. This unique design starts as a wedge and transforms into a tiered server for your favorite cheeses and appetizers with tucked-away flatware stowed in a small drawer inside the board guaranteed to impress.
VANE Monogram Tea Set
Founded by none other than Lynae Vanee, VANE centers “self” to combat the ever-pressing urge to pour from an empty cup. With VANE’s tranquil, grounding aesthetics in addition to its holistic approach to the user’s sensory experience, it encourages everyone to engage in self-care as an intentional — revolutionary — measure of reclaiming their time.
VANE SS Blend Box
You thought you could enjoy the tea set without the tea itself? Procure a variety of white tea-based Spring-Summer-inspired tea blends with flavors of lime & basil, peppermint & pineapple, rosehip & camellia, orange & persimmon, and more.
DeLonghi Espresso Machine
A little espresso to end the evening for the host and their guests is always a good idea. Imagine being the person to gift this espresso machine and having each evening filled with cups of cappuccino, espresso, and even caffeinated cocktails thanks to your present. This is the perfect machine for anyone who isn’t an expert at coffee but wants authentic barista quality right at home.
Modwix EcoLighter
Williams Sonoma
The EcoLighter from Modwix uses a flameless electric arc to instantly ignite a candle's wick. Unlike traditional lighters filled with butane, this planet-friendly accessory is rechargeable and infinitely reusable, getting up to 300 lights per charge. The chic design has a long neck for easy reach, and it's also windproof and water-resistant so you can use it anytime, anywhere.
KitchenAid Design Series Evergreen Tilt-Head Stand Mixer
Kitchen Aid
The perfect gift for the Nara Smith in your life who loves to make everything from scratch. KitchenAid’s newest evergreen tilt-stand mixer brings the essence of the outdoors within, so you can come alive in the kitchen every single time you use it. Ground yourself in natural elements of deep, forest green and a true, walnut wood bowl.
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