

If there's one thing that I can promise you is consistent about my writing content, it's that I'm ever on the quest to have as many people have as much fulfilling sex, on a consistent basis, as absolutely possible. Today, it's all about some little things that can make a really big difference as it directly relates to sexual pleasure. Some are already in your house, some are up the street at your local grocery store and a few you'll have to order online. Just know that if you're willing to add, even five of these tips, you and your partner will be wondering what the hell took you so long to do just that. So, let's make sex even better with the following 15 things, shall we?
1. Pop Rocks
Wanna bring even more excitement to fellatio? When's the last time you put some Pop Rocks into your mouth beforehand? If you haven't thought about them since you were a kid, they're the candies that create a popping/sizzling sensation.
Between that and the flavor of your choice, Pop Rocks can make going down more appealing to your taste buds while offering up a totally indescribable "vibration" for your partner.
Oh, and if you have a hard time finding them at your local store, you can always get some Pop Rocks on its company website here.
2. Listerine
Speaking of creating cool sensations during oral sex, if you like the taste of mint, try gargling some Listerine and then keeping a little bit of it in your mouth before taking him into yours. It creates a cool menthol feel that also can make him go all the way in…if you know what I mean.
3. Ice Cream
While we're on the topic of creating amazing sensations on genital regions, when's the last time that you had some ice cream put onto your labia during oral sex? If it's your man's favorite flavor, he will be sure to eat it up (pun totally intended). Plus, the cool sensation of the ice cream along with the warmth of his mouth will easily have you climbing the walls. Just make sure to put down a towel or prepare to wash your sheets afterwards. This can make a mess, although it's the best kind of one.
4. Clit Pump
I know, right? You learn something new every day. Today, for me, it's clit pumps. If you've never heard of them before, they're basically mini vacuums that you place over your clitoris in order to increase blood circulation to it. The benefit? Well, the more sensitive your clitoris is, the easier it is to climax. Many women sing its praises because the combo of the vacuum and oral action happening simultaneously can create the most intense orgasm ever. Cop one here and then report back. #wink
5. Masturbation Sleeve (or Banana Peels)
Never heard of a masturbation sleeve before? That's OK. I'll break it down. Long story short, it's the kind of sex toy that a man puts his penis into that feels somewhat like a vagina or even a mouth. Some come with lube. Some vibrate. While it might initially sound like the kind of game only one can play, a lot of couples enjoy them because they say it's great when it comes to mutual masturbation or oral sex. Men's Health once did a feature on this entitled, "I Tried 6 Male Masturbation Sleeves, and This One Was Definitely the Best". It might be able to point you into the right direction of which masturbation sleeve to get.
On the other hand, if money is tight or sex gadgets aren't really your thing, some people are all about using banana peels as an alternative. Yep. Literally putting their package in between a peel. Hey, if the grapefruit trick worked, I don't see why a banana peel wouldn't.
6. Delay Spray
Whether your man struggles with premature ejaculation, it takes you a bit longer to "get there" or your stuff is just so good that he sometimes releases before either of you planned, something that he might want to try is Delay Spray. If you've never heard of it before, it's the kind of spray that relaxes the sensitive nerves in his penis so that he can go for a longer period of time. The key is to apply the spray 10-15 minutes prior to intercourse. And if you're wondering — it will not affect your vagina, you can use it even if oral sex is going to happen (after the spray is applied; just wait about 10 minutes) and it can go on a flaccid or erect penis. If it's piqued your interest, you can purchase a bottle by going here.
7. “Honey Oil”
A couple of years ago, when I wrote an article onfall-themed sex, one of the things that I shouted out was cinnamon oil. Chile…chile. It's sweet, it's warm and it's such a non-sticky way to enjoy "tongue-cleaning" — and getting cleaned. Along these same lines, adding a teaspoon of honey to one-third cup of sweet almond oil, zapping it into the microwave for 10 minutes and then applying it to each other's bodies and licking it off can be pure bliss. There's honestly no other way to put it.
8. Cuffies
If low-key bondage is totally your thing but handcuffs are uncomfortable as hell, there are some cool cuffs known as Cuffies. What makes them a standout item is they are super strong yet because they are made out of silicone, they are uber comfortable too.
The real bonus? They're only $18. Definitely worth having in one of your nightstands, if you ask me. If you're interested, you can cop a pair here.
9. Necktie
While you're waiting on your Cuffies to arrive in the mail, a more-than-fair substitute is a necktie. It's soft. It's sexy. And it can double up as a bondage tool or a blindfold. Preferably both.
10. CBD Oil
Last fall, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, "7 Proven Ways Weed Makes Sex So Much Better". One of the things that I shouted out in it is CBD lube; not only does it make things wetter, the properties in CBD can also heighten sensitivity in the genital region. Along these same lines, CBD oil is dope because it helps to relax your body's blood vessels, so that blood flow is able to increase and your orgasms can intensify. Using it as a warm massage oil is the perfect way to up the ante as far as foreplay goes. Not "maybe" — definitely.
11. Partial Clothing
Most of the men I know, when it comes between choosing lingerie or nudity, they are totally doing for Door #2. However, I think there is something that is really sexy about having sex while partially clothed. A dress with no undies underneath. Breasts that are exposed with the bra still on. Panties moved over to the side. To me, it sends the message of, "You're so damn hot that I don't want to waste any more time trying to get all of your clothes off." And sex that is full of that kind of passion? It never misses.
12. “Sex Gratitude”
Out of all of the things on this list, perhaps my favorite one is this particular tip. If you want to have some truly incredible sex, the more dopamine that's surging throughout your body, the better. That's because dopamine is a type of neurotransmitter that sends messages back and forth between your body cells.
On the sex tip, dopamine is great because it plays a significant role in why and how we feel pleasure. Well, keeping this in mind, did you know that something that naturally triggers dopamine in your system is gratitude? When we express it and hear it, our brain releases a bit of dopamine which causes us to feel really good. So, whether it's during the act of foreplay or sex itself, tell your partner what you appreciate about them, especially sexually. I'd be shocked if he didn't return the favor and that the words you both hear won't prove to be the ultimate turn-on.
13. Open Blinds
If you consider yourself to be a closet exhibitionist (you like to be watched) yet you've never been bold enough to do something along the lines of having sex outdoors, a happy medium could be to open up some blinds in a room in your house. Whether it's in the day when the neighbors could actually see what's going on or at night when not a soul is looking, it's a simple way to "scratch the itch" without taking a really big risk.
14. Memory Foam Mattress Cover
Whether you have a squeaky bed or a house full of kids (check out "How To Make Sex Easier (& More Fun) When You've Got Kids"), don't let either stop you from getting as buckwild as you wanna be. A very easy and affordable way to "quiet your bed down" is to put a memory foam mattress cover on top of your mattress. Also, if you've got some box springs or a metal frame, spray some WD-40 on it could get your bed to shut up so that you can turn up as well.
15. “Sex Rewards”
I'm pretty sure you've heard of sex coupons before. Sex rewards are similar in the sense that you literally find fun and creative ways to "reward" for your partner for a job well done. If he makes you cum three times in a row, he gets his favorite meal prepared the following day. If you get into his favorite position, he runs the errands for you that you hate. The objective here isn't to use sex as a form of manipulation so much as an incentive to get excited about things outside of the bedroom. After all, rewarding people is one of the most effective ways to get them to do even more for you — or in the case of sex, to you. And what could possibly be wrong with that? Exactly.
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Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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My personal relationship with birth control pills is a bit of an odd one. Back when I first became sexually active (I started having sex with my first boyfriend a couple of months shy of 19), I took them for a couple of months, didn’t like how they made me feel, and so I quit using them altogether (and got pregnant almost immediately after). The rest of my adult life, I stayed off of the pill and pretty much only used condoms (and even then, not consistently — SMDH).
And yet here I am, now, all these years later, back on them again: surprise, surprise.
These days, it's for a completely different purpose, though. Now that I am in the hopefully latter stages of perimenopause (I’m not sure because my mother had a full hysterectomy at 29, her mother died at 53 and I don’t deal with my paternal grandmother because…chile… ) — although I have always had relatively easy cycles and I could definitely set my watch to them, about two years ago, my periods started to show up whenever they felt like it and it was damn near a crime scene once they did.
It was driving me crazy, and so, my nurse practitioner recommended that I take progestin-only pills to shorten, if not completely stop, my cycle: “After a year or so, we can wean off and see if you are entering into menopause on your own.” (Whew, perimenopause, chile.)
Although the first five months of being on this particular pill made me wonder if it was worth it to take this approach, I actually re-upped for another 12-month cycle because the extra progestin (a synthetic form of progesterone) has benefitted me in other areas as well because I am sleeping more soundly and my weight is more stabilized (by the way, when these things are “off,” they are signs of low progesterone levels). However, I did ask my nurse practitioner if, once I do decide to wean off of the pill, would there be any issues.
Her response is what inspired me to write this article because, until she said “post-birth control syndrome” to me, I had no idea there was such a thing. Anyway, if you give me a sec, I’ll explain to you what it is and why you should care if hormone-related birth control is currently a part of your life.
Yes, Post-Birth Control Syndrome Is a Very Real Thing
Okay, so it’s important to always remember that the way that birth control works is it “manipulates” your hormones so that you can significantly reduce your chances of conceiving. This means that taking them could result in some side effects including nausea; weight gain; headaches; irregular periods and/or spotting; increased stress; depression; blurry vision; breast tenderness, and/or a lowered libido.
That said, even though birth control pills are basically 99 percent effective (when taken correctly and consistently), if the side effects that you are experiencing are making you close to miserable, you should absolutely share that with your healthcare provider because…what’s the sense in preventing pregnancy when you don’t even feel up to having sex because you don’t feel good or your sex drive is shot? More times than not, your provider can find you another pill brand or option that will help you to feel more like yourself.
With that out of the way, think about it — if going on the pill can produce side effects, why would going off of it…not? And this is where post-birth control syndrome comes in.
For the most part, it’s what can happen to your body once you decide to come off of birth control. Typically, the symptoms will last anywhere between 4-6 months and, although the symptoms seem to present themselves most intensely as it relates to going off of the pill, any hormone-related birth control (like IUDs, injections, patches, the ring or implants) could produce similar outcomes.
Outcomes like what?
- Irregular cycles
- Breakouts
- Excessive gas and/or bloating
- Weight gain
- Anxiety and/or depression
- Fertility issues
- Migraines and/or headaches
- Shifts in your libido
- Sleeplessness/restlessness
- Hair loss
Whoa, right? And if a part of you is wondering, “Okay, if this is indeed the case, why have I not heard of this syndrome before?” It’s because it’s not a term that conventional method uses nearly as much as alternative medicine does. Still, it makes all of the sense in the world that if your body has to adjust to an uptick in hormonal intake, it would also need to adjust to removing those extra doses of hormones from your system as well. COMMON. DAMN. SENSE.
Anyway, if you were thinking about taking a break from birth control and taking all of this in has you feeling a bit…let’s go with the word “trepidatious” about doing so, I totally get it. There are some things that you can do to make experiencing post-birth control syndrome either a non-issue or a far more bearable one, though.
7 Home Remedies That Can Make Coping with Post-Birth Control Syndrome Easier
1. Take a multivitamin.Something that’s fascinating about what going off of birth control can do is it sometimes has the ability to lower your nutrition levels as it relates to certain vitamins and minerals; this is especially the case when it comes to vitamins B, C, E and minerals like magnesium, selenium and zinc. So, if you don’t currently take a multivitamin, now would be the time to start (along with consuming foods that are particularly high in those nutrients as well).
2. Up your vitamin D intake. Speaking of nutrient levels, a vitamin level that commonly drops after going off of birth control isvitamin D. This is hella critical to keep in mind as a Black woman since many of us tend to be naturally deficient in the vitamin as-is and vitamin D is important when it comes to fighting off diseases, regulating weight and keeping your moods stabilized (for starters). So, make sure that your multivitamin has vitamin D in it. Also make sure to consume vitamin D-enriched foods like fatty fish, eggs, mushrooms, yogurt and fortified orange juice.
3. Drink herbal teas. Since going off of birth control will cause your hormones to be all over the place for a season, consider drinking some herbal teas that will help to stabilize them. Black cohosh contains phytoestrogen properties, Chasteberry can help to level out your prolactin levels and green tea can help your hormones out by helping to balance out your insulin (which can sometimes directly affect them).
4. Keep some ibuprofen nearby. The headaches and migraines? Until those subside, you and ibuprofen are probably going to become really good friends; although I will add that ginger tea and inhaling essential oils like chamomile and lavender can help to ease migraine-related symptoms too.
5. Do some meditating. Waiting for your hormones to get back on track can be stressful as all get out. That said, something that can get your cortisol (stress hormone) levels to chill out is to meditate. If meditation is new for you, check out “7 Meditation Hacks (For People Who Can't Seem To Do It).”
6. Get massages. As if you needed an excuse to get a massage, right (check out “12 Different Massage Types. How To Know Which Is Right For You.”)? However, there is some evidence to back the fact that regular massages (somewhere around once a month) can help to lower your stress, boost your dopamine, increase blood flow and drain your lymphatic system so that you will have more energy.
7. Sleep/rest more. There is plenty of scientific research out here which says that sleep deprivation can throw your hormones out of whack — and since your hormones are already trying to stabilize themselves, you definitely need to get 6-8 hours of sleep and not feel the least bit guilty about taking naps sometimes too.
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Post-birth control syndrome may not be the most pleasant thing about getting off of birth control yet it is manageable. So, now that you know all about it, you can feel more confident about taking a birth control break (or getting off altogether) — without the surprises that can come with doing it. Give thanks.
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