11 Boss Women On The Biggest Career Mistakes They Made In Their 20s
From choosing love over our career goals to not negotiating, there are so many career mistakes that young women make.
When we are in our 20s, we are at a very vulnerable state in our lives. For some of us, we just finished college, are working at our first “real" jobs, and we are even starting families. Through the midst of it all, we tend to make simple mistakes as it relates to our careers. Since I graduated from undergrad, I've made plenty of the same mistakes that my female friends have made. I cringe now when I think of them from time to time, but now that I know better, I try my best to do better.
Recently, I was able to connect with a few girl bosses in various careers and personal backgrounds. Each woman shared their biggest career mistake and what they learned from it. Whether you are a graduating college senior, just starting out on your own, or a 20-something woman that is already working, you will be able to benefit from the wisdom of each of the boss women below. Each woman shared her own career mistake and how they've managed to get in formation (slay girl, slay!)
1. Sheena Allen (@whoisSheena)
Entrepreneur & Founder of Sheena Allen Apps & Insta Funds
Learn when to ask for help.
"My biggest career mistake in my 20s was thinking that I could do it all on my own. I started my first tech company as a solo founder and actually waited a good amount of time before seeking mentorship or a team to help in growing my company. I learned that it is important to have a great team in order to build a great company. Trying to do everything on your own will tire and stress you out, which only leads to hurting your company."
2. Troy Washington (@thetroyla)
On-Air News Reporter for KSLA
Have faith in yourself over everyone & everything else.
"I vowed that I would keep this mistake between myself and the reporter who found me bawling my eyes out in the restroom but if it helps someone else out in their career then I suppose the embarrassment is worth it. It took a nightmare live shot during the evening news to teach me that you shouldn't depend on technology. No matter how confident you are in your smartphone, keep a backup plan!
"I was reporting live on a complicated story, the anchor tossed my phone to me and my iPhone cancelled out of my notes. I spent the entire shot stumbling and trying to open the note in my phone. Finally to no avail I tossed the phone back to the anchors feeling defeated. To top it off a viewer came up to me right after and said "got a little tongue tied there at 5." I was mortified. Now no matter how simple or complex the story is I don't complicate things or depend on anything else. I rely on old fashioned pen, pad, bullet points, and what I know. This taught me to trust myself instead of a flimsy note in my phone.
"Believe it or not that moment built my confidence because I knew I could never repeat that mistake. In essence falling on my face has always delivered the best lessons. That was one of my first live shots and I've done hundreds more since then but I'll never forget that one. That's the one that humbled me, it hurt, and taught me that I never wanted to experience it again. In TV, you'll make mistakes and that's inevitable because you're human and likely those mistakes will be broadcasted, but as long as you don't repeat those mistakes, you'll be fine."
3. Shay Lawson (@ShayMLawson )
Diversity Professional & Attorney
Stay hopeful, be fearless, & focus on you.
"I have quite a few career mistakes that comes to mind, but this one sticks out the most:
"When you start working, you need to negotiate. Women make $0.79 for every $1 a man makes, often because men demand more. I didn't even know this was an option when I was in my twenties and in talking to my girlfriends they all agreed that they wish they had negotiated for a higher salary in their first few jobs. I know that's not something most young women are comfortable doing, but men do it ALL THE TIME!!!
"Do the research, know how much people at the job and experience level make, and also come prepared to explain why you want what you're asking be it for relocation, for cost of living, etc. Once you've been offered a job, don't worry you will lose the offer. You're not being petty over pennies, you're getting what you're worth."
4. Emily Drewry (@emily.drewry)
Assistant Social Media Editor at Forbes
Never let the world drown out your voice.
"My biggest mistake thus far has been holding back my thoughts in the workplace because I lacked confidence. As a 22-year-old in my first role out of school, I would frequently wait to bring ideas to the table until I was 100% sure they were good and would be successful. At a certain point, my boss sat me down and told me that I needed to stop focusing on my age and let the ideas speak for themselves.
"It's harder than it sounds to forget about seniority and structure at the office, but doing so let me shine so much more -- and perform better in my role. I try to remember that every day is a new opportunity to prove my skills, and I can't do that without speaking up."
5. Gia Peppers (@giapeppers)
Freelance Entertainment Journalist & On Air Talent (portfolio includes the NBA, BET, ESSENCE, Hot 97 & more)
Be faithful & fearless to YOURSELF.
"I've learned a lot in the first five years of my 20s. The top thing I want other young women to know is that an internship doesn't guarantee a job & you should be loyal to you. In college, I interned almost every semester to make sure I knew exactly what I wanted to do in radio and/or TV. When I graduated, my resume was stacked with "experience." I just KNEW everyone was going to be knocking at my door (or LinkedIn page) with opportunities. But, after I got all my cookout celebrations out of the way, I still had no offers and had to take a job outside of my field to start paying back loans. I hated it. I would go in the bathroom and cry.
"BUT, the resources I had-- like a laptop and overnight car service-- motivated me to work all hours of the night to ensure I would not be there longer than one year. Every moment you have is meant to prepare you for the next one. Do your best in that moment and learn all you can. And, don't be surprised if no one calls you RIGHT after you graduate. It takes a job to get a job. Once you get that job, be loyal to YOU. Our parents grew up in a time when you could stay at one company for 20 years and move up to make more money and gain experience within the company. Unfortunately, our generation doesn't have that security. In many fields, companies barely pay full salaries with benefits. In fact, many of these same companies don't offer raises until an employee threatens to leave. Have your own brand. Make yourself irreplaceable and save for rainy days. In this economic climate, you will probably have some."
6. Nicaila (Caila) Matthews (@CailaKSpeaks)
Senior Manager of Social Marketing at NPR, Founder of CailaKSpeaks.com
Setbacks are temporary. Comebacks create legends.
"My biggest career mistake in my 20s was believing that a job at a big media conglomerate would guarantee happiness and career growth. I was lured by the brand's name and glitzy reputation, but I did not take the time to assess how it aligned with my career goals. Two years and one horrible boss later, I ended up quitting my first job out of college and going through a frustrating period of unemployment, having to move back home, and feeling like a failure. I bounced back by starting to side hustle as a blogger and freelance writer, which led me to my calling as a digital and content marketer.
"If you're reading this and experiencing the same feelings of disappointment and confusion that I did, take the time to assess what you want from your career and life and write down three things you plan to do to get there. I worked at an unrelated job for one and a half years while I hustled to get to the next stage of my career, and ended up living with my parents for three years (two years longer than I planned). In the end I know you'll be happier and that much closer to fulfilling your authentic purpose on this earth. This low point in my career would later propel me into social media marketing and drive me to get my MBA. As I learned from my experience, sometimes you have to take a step backward before you can move forward in pursuit of your goals."
7. Sidnee Michelle Douyon (@sidmich_)
Editorial Operations Assistant at Forbes, and Music and Entertainment Writer/Reporter
Never let your insecurities get in the way.
"My biggest career mistake I've made in my 20's would be second guessing myself. There were times I was hesitant and even shied away from going after certain opportunities and interviews because I thought I didn't have what it takes to execute at 100%. I learned that you have to always go for what you want, especially in your career.
"If you let the fear of failure or your insecurities keep you from going after what you deserve than you'll never reach the heights of your potential. If I could go back in time to prepare myself for the struggles I went through, I wouldn't do anything different but develop a personal confidence within myself early on and really use that as a driving factor to push me forward in my career. Fast forward, I've definitely evolved into a much more confident journalist. Before I even execute an interview or gain an opportunity, I go into it like I know I'm going to "kill this." I also have evolved my work ethic to align with a 'newfound career confidence' where I put in the work & research to be able to go into an assignment or interview 100% confident and prepped."
8. Melissa Kimble (@Melissa_Kimble)
Senior Social Media Manager at EBONY, Leader of The#blkcreatives
Know when to walk away & when to stay.
"The biggest mistake I've made is giving away my power. Anytime my true value wasn't recognized or my energy was being depleted in situations that didn't fulfill or honor me, I should have made the decision to walk away from those things sooner.
"If you're constantly giving away your power, you're living in a place of fear and fear destroys everything, especially your chance to succeed and build the career life you really want for yourself."
9. Ariel Lopez (@ArielLopez__)
Founder of 2020Shift
Try to make the most out of every situation & be the best.
"The biggest mistake I made was making a leap before I was ready (I was 22 at the time) I was working full time at a staffing firm and also on a startup idea when I was presented with an opportunity to work from home. I immediately thought that this is was a dream situation. Make money and have more time to work on my own thing- why not? Unfortunately the position fell through within a month's time and I had to scramble to figure out how to make it. I went through a super rough time and almost had to move back home (nightmare) but was able to land something a few months later. I learned that you can't try to game the system. I wasn't taking the position to give 100% effort to them, I was using them as a catalyst to get my own thing off the ground (bad karma). It also taught me to really think things through before making life altering decisions. I wasn't financially prepared to sustain myself and my expenses if my job didn't work out.
"Ultimately, I took a risk on leaving something stable to pursue the unknown, but I think it paid off. That experience fueled me to do it all over again, just better. I actually don't believe in mistakes, just lessons learned. I recently took the leap again, but this time I had things aligned differently. Since then, I've evolved a ton as entrepreneur and also as a career coach. I'm able to advise people on their careers because of my personal experience. It's also showed me that if I can bounce back once I could do it twice. I'm unafraid because I know what I'm capable of."
10. Emmelie De La Cruz (@EmmelieDeLaCruz)
Author of Make Yourself Marketable & Personal Branding Strategist
Your personal brand is more important than you may think.
"The biggest career mistake I made was believing that I needed the right credentials to be an expert. Have you heard of Malala? Imagine if she censored herself because she considered herself too young and her story insignificant. We wouldn't have the youngest Nobel Peace Prize winner. Our personal brand is a combination of our personality, skill sets, and the value we create for others.
"It is all about who we are, what we do and how others perceive us through those in-person and digital interactions. Building your personal brand inside and outside the workplace is necessary to accelerate your career. Our insecurities around self-promotion, our credentials, and contributions will disappear when we understand that the stakes for us to succeed as a sisterhood are so high that we are almost forced to tell our story for the sake of being a resource to someone else. We have an important story that needs to be told and heard. The unique combination of your personal and professional experience, your skills and accomplishments already make you an expert."
11. Tola Lawal (@tola617)
Entrepreneur & Founder of SixOne7Creative
Never let them see you sweat or lose your cool.
"One of my biggest career mistakes was bringing my emotions to work. In my early 20's I let a co-worker take me out of my professional element and I went OFF in the office. My bosses and co-workers were SHOCKED! I was a great employee and most times I ignored the tomfoolery but at that point I was fed up. As busy as I was supporting a number of senior level executives, I didn't have time. But that day... that day, I had time. But after I lit the office up, I was SO embarrassed. After this mistake, I learned a few things. I learned the importance of a poker face, and that most of what goes on at work is not personal. Don't take any of it personally. If there is an issue, go to your immediate boss, and if that doesn't resolve the issue, take it to Human Resources.
"BUT don't EVER give someone the satisfaction of taking you out of your calm which can result in you embarrassing yourself. Since that mistake, I don't take much personally. There is always going to be someone, something, that ruffles your feathers at work. Be like a duck and keep calm. Don't let anything get to you, and if it does, vent in private. Vent to your accountability partners, your friends, but NEVER, EVER at work."
Featured image by Shay M. Lawson
Originally published December 9, 2017
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Brittani Hunter is a proud PVAMU alumni and the founder of The Mogul Millennial, a business and career platform for Black Millennials. Meet Brittani on Twitter and on the Gram at @BrittaniLHunter and @mogulmillennial.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?
German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” At close to two decades of working with married couples, I agree with this man 1000 percent. It’s actually the main motivation for why I once penned, “Are You Sure You're Actually FRIENDS With Your Spouse?” because, the reality is, if you’re not friends with the person who you vowed to share every aspect of your life with, for the rest of your life, it’s going to be very difficult (if not damn near impossible) to honor that level of commitment. Without question, I will now and forever die on the hill that if you like your partner, you can make it through the not-so-in-love-right-now moments. Vice versa? Eh…not so much.
A basis for why I feel this way? Another quote immediately comes to mind. Famed author Jane Austen once wrote: “There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.” You know, back when I also wrote “10 Things You Should Absolutely Expect From Your Friendships” for the platform, I shared that some of the traits of a friend — a real friend — include loyalty, honesty and compassion. And if you can’t say that your spouse is this way (as they say the same thing about you), chile…what is y’all doin’ over there?
So, why am I talking about marriage when this article is supposed to be about friendship? It’s because, something that life has taught me, kinda sorta the hard way, is we should vet potential friends — especially close friends — almost like we would a spouse.
And if you keep reading, I think you’ll get why I framed the intro in the way that I did.
Why Friendships Are Still Hella Essential
GiphyOkay, so before I get into why it seems that people have fewer friends than they ever had before, let me just say that, even as an ambivert who enjoys my own company and has absolutely no problem with being alone a good amount of the time, every personality type needs friends. That’s not just my opinion; science makes it a fact. Not only do studies support that healthy friendships help us to feel more satisfied with our lives, but they can also reduce our chances of experiencing depression, stress, and anxiety and they increase longevity overall.
This is why — without going too deep because it’s kind of another topic for another time — it’s important to not allow past hurts and disappointments from former friends (or folks you thought were your friends) to cause you to build up walls as you declare that you don’t need anyone. When you do that, all you’re really doing is working against your own health and well-being. The saying that “no man (or woman) is an island”? It is absolutely true.
That said, even if it’s just a couple of people, make sure that you’ve got individuals in your life who you can call a friend and, in turn, they can say the very same thing about you, okay?
Are All of Those People Your Actual Friends? Or Do You Just Happen to Know a Lot of Folks?
GiphyAight but what if you happen to be someone who swings on the other side of few? Meaning, if someone were to ask you how many friends you had, you’d quickly declare that you’ve got too many to count. Listen, not to patronize or anything yet, but whenever I hear folks (especially if they are over 35) say something along those lines, it takes me back to high school — a time when so many of us thought that so long as we knew a ton of folks and/or we were popular, clearly, we had many friends.
Wisdom and pure ole’ dealing with humans on a consistent basis will teach you that an article that I wrote a few years back for the platform has a title that is spot-on: “According To Experts, We Only Have A Few Friends — Here's Why.” According to it, the average American (based on a survey that was conducted) has somewhere around 16 friends. Oh, but wait. Last fall, I wrote another article for the platform entitled, “What's The 'Five Friendship Theory' All About?” According to it, if you’re someone who takes the word “friend” and the responsibility that comes along with it very seriously and quite literally, as an adult, you can probably only maintain about five close friendships.
Why? Well, that brings in another article that I once wrote: “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient.'” Chile, I don’t know about y’all but my friends know that if I call you that, you can call me in the middle of the night, and you can have money towards your rent (I’m not your mama but we all have hard times sometimes) and I’m gonna have your back in a way where you’ll wonder where you stop and I start — and no, I don’t have a lot of bandwidth for a ton of those people.
Okay, but what if you’re someone who is like, “I know that I have more than 16 and definitely more than five friends, no question”? The next thing that I would encourage you to explore is a theory by Aristotle (check out “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends”). Without even realizing it, many of us have people who we use the word “friend” for when…it’s kind of like how social media apps say “friend”: we’re familiar with one another and enjoy some of the same things, we might even have some of the same goals; at the same time, though, we’re not “all-encompassing friends.” We just get along really well at work (utility friends) or like to go to brunch at the same spots sometimes (pleasure friends).
Taking all of this into account, are you sure that you have a ton of actual friends? Or do you just happen to know a lot of people and you use that word for the lack of having another?
And that brings me to my next point.
There’s A LOT of Space Between “Friend” and “Enemy”
GiphyIf you read a lot of my friendship content, something that you will notice me saying quite a bit is that there is quite a bit of space between friend and enemy. It needs to be mentioned, as often as possible, because there are some people who get offended if you don’t consider them to be a friend — and that is unfortunate. I say that because the conclusion shouldn’t automatically be that they are your enemy just because “friend” isn’t what immediately comes to your mind.
They can be an acquaintance. They can be “cool people.” There is someone in my life who, while we’re not friends in the traditional sense, we are each other’s confidant; years ago, we agreed that we would be the place to tell each other whatever and it would stay between us — that is the main purpose that we serve in each other’s lives. Some people, you may consider to be spiritual family in the sense that you care for them and have some deeply profound things in common and still, they are not exactly a friend (I mean, a lot of blood relatives aren’t “friends” with each other).
All I’m trying to say here is we’re all too old now to only put folks in two boxes when it comes to this particular relational dynamic: friend or enemy. So, take some time out to seriously reflect on what you consider the various people in your life to be. I can promise you from personal experience that the sooner you know and the clearer you are, the easier it will be on everybody — because needs and expectations will be clear to you (and them once you articulate them) too.
What Got Folks to Having Less Friends? The Pandemic Plays a Significant Part.
GiphySo finally on to what inspired this piece to begin with. A part of it was an article that was published last year by Big Think entitled, “Americans more than ever have no friends. Here are 5 steps to make more friends.” Another was something that The New Yorker published back in 2021; it’s entitled “What COVID did to friendship.” Y’all don’t have enough time and I don’t have enough space to get into the fact that, just because the media may be talking about it less, that doesn’t mean that we’re not still in a pandemic.
In fact, one article stated my thoughts on it quite well when it said, “The real question, then, is not whether COVID is still a pandemic, but how much COVID illness and death are we willing to accept?” SMDH. And one of the things that has come with experiencing COVID is an interesting type of PTSD: detachment. There are plenty of articles out here to support the fact that my saying that is not merely my opinion.
Even according to the American Psychological Association, loneliness damn near skyrocketed, especially during lockdown and, unfortunately, a lot of people have not recovered from it. That’s why it did not surprise me at all when I read that more than ever, many people do not consider anyone to be a best friend; fewer people are relying on friends for any type of real support, and there is a semi-steady decline in people having friends, especially quality friendships, overall.
In fact, as far as close friends go, currently, close to 50 percent of Americans say that they only have three or fewer, and a relevant contributor to that was what the pandemic revealed as far as people’s proactive participation in other individuals’ lives (I actually read that young women were the ones who lost touch with friends during the peak of the pandemic the most). I also thought it was interesting that some studies cite that 12 percent of Americans say that they don’t have any friends at all.
Is the pandemic the only cause? No. So are things like people working more hours and spending more time online than they probably should (which also increased due to the pandemic, though). To that, Teen Vogue once published, “Social Media Is Impacting IRL Friendships” and Healthline once published, “Social Media Is Killing Your Friendships.” Then we also have to factor in having families of our own which can also take up a lot of time, and that sometimes can cause us to forget to nurture our friendships; so, before you know it, they fade to black. Not due to a fallout or anything, just…life.
And all of this? Some people are saying that it has led to what is known as a “friendship recession.” A huge flag about that is there are reports that a drop in close friends can cultivate a type of loneliness that is just as health hazardous as smoking a whopping 15 cigarettes a day. Not good, y’all. Not. Good.
Quality over Quantity Is Key. Just Make Sure That You Have a Friend or Two.
GiphyOkay, so what is my overall point? That’s a fair question. Just like sometimes “life life-ing” can make us forget to tend to our friendships, if you don’t stumble across content like this, you might not even realize that you’re feeling mentally stressed, emotionally strained, or super isolated and it’s all because you need to prioritize your friendships — because your mind, body, and spirit need them. Again, science has proved it.
At the same time, if, like a client of mine, you find yourself getting a little bit paranoid because you have noticed that over the past several years, your close friend count has been far less than what it used to be, this article proves that you are absolutely not (pardon the pun) alone. Honestly, there’s nothing wrong with having a very small circle of friends because quality is gonna beat out quantity every time; you just need to assess when it happened and why so that you can be sure that you are choosing it to play out that way and it’s not due to some underlying cause that you hadn’t taken into consideration — until now.
An Italian priest by the name of Thomas Aquinas once said, “The happy man in this life needs friends.” Even if it’s just one or two people, please make sure that you have folks who aren’t just your friend but your very close friend. You need them. They need you.
Everyone else, figure out where they fall and nurture accordingly. Life is a lot. We all get by with the help of our friends. Real talk, y’all. Thank goodness for them.
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Featured image by jose carlos cerdeno martinez/Getty Images