A 9-to-5 never bothered me, and I never dreamed of a corporate career. I was a worker bee, and I was cool with it. I was stable – I had a job and a paycheck. I was content – I had no desire to manage people. I didn't want to sit in middle management meetings, lead a team, or work my way up the corporate ladder. Those things just never appealed to me. And money isn't my greatest motivator, but I understand that, for most people, it is. I never saw myself as a people person, a girl boss, or SHEeo either.
But a few years ago, I had transitioned from a support role in the public sector to a consultancy role with a "big four" consulting firm in the private sector. At the time, the job title, and money were my greatest motivators. I could afford shit now – a whole lot of shit. I earned four times more than my previous government salary in a year. How? I didn't know a damn thing about consulting, business management, or marketing. They say it's about who you know, but it's also "sink or swim". I learned every damn swim stroke possible just to survive the first couple of months. I had something to prove: I am capable of doing this job and worthy of all the coins in my bank account.
I succeeded with grace, but I always do. Despite our strained relationship, I am my mother's daughter. And she gifted me with grace at a very young age. I grew comfortable in my role; I loved the respect and autonomy the position offered me. I loved the flexibility too. I was in a position where I thought I was seen and heard. My opinions were valued. For the most part, I was my own damn boss. But – with pay increases, bonuses, company perks, promotions, and titles come a level of work politics that I wanted no parts of. A toxic work environment, on-the-job harassment, and bullying will have you fold real quick.
I started to feel uncomfortable in meetings, training, and team outings. Like I didn't belong in the room. As if I was not smart enough to be around my elite colleagues. I grew tiresome of discussing revenues, business proposals, and projects. I was lost in every single meeting. Every conversation drained me. When would we ever talk about some real shit? Something that at least had meaning. All the things I loved about my newly acquired role; I slowly began to hate. I tapped out – I had to. My mental health was compromised, and my identity was lost due to the emotional trauma I endured.
What I didn't know was everything I hated about my corporate career gave me the confidence I didn't know I needed.
I exude confidence in every single thing I do now. I mean, my work ethic was already bomb, but it's fire now. I own everything I do, and how I do it, with ease. From the way I articulate myself to how I interact with people in social and business settings. There isn't anything I say I'm going to do, that I don't deliver on. I kill it every time. Let me explain how this came to be.
1.Making Connections Is Everything
In the corporate world, making connections with the right people is key. And building your network a must. You cannot survive without doing this. I've said this before, but I'm reserved by nature. I'm a lot quieter too, especially in a business setting. But having to interact with high-profile clients and top-level company executives daily forced me to shed some of that skin. Clients had an all-access pass to me – texts, phone calls, emails, coffee breaks, and impromptu meetings. My communication skills had to be on point, and they were. Developing relationships, gaining trust, and keeping clients happy became my thing. Building relationships with people is now and always has been one of my strongest skill sets. Who knew I was someone that likes to talk so much?
I used to be uber-selective about the opportunities presented to me. It was uncomfortable not knowing how to do something. I wanted to save myself the embarrassment of effing up the first time. I hate making mistakes. I even lacked knowledge in certain business areas, which led me to feel insecure. But I realized opportunities are learning experiences that I cannot pass up. Whatever I didn't know, I researched. BTW, research is also another skill set I was able to strengthen. The more you're willing to learn about a new subject or pick up a new skill, the more opportunities come your way. Think of it as building your personal toolbox. The more tools you have, the better equipped you are to succeed in your profession.
3.Challenging My Time Management & Organizational Skills
For someone who believed herself to be organized, my organizational skills were tested. When you are responsible for your own team, work product, presentations, deliverables, and running client meetings, you have to be a hundred percent on. There is no room for error. A lot of the time, I was teaching myself how to do this with little to no resources. I thought I managed my time well, but this was some next-level shit. I had to learn to stay on top of myself. I had to find tools and implement ways to help me to do so. Like making it a point to plan my workdays and allocate time when necessary. A planner became my best friend. This was not easy by any means, but I made it work. When I say I was stretched, I was S-T-R-E-T-C-H-E-D thin. But I stay ready, y'all.
4.My Writing Skills Are Lit
I always believed I wrote well, at least academically. English and social sciences were my strong suit, but technical report writing was a major shift for me. It was dry, monotone, and boring AF. I was accustomed to MLA and APA formats. Business writing was tough, but I managed. Proposal writing was even worse because you had to sell yourself and sell a service, and that didn't sit right with me. As much as I hated it, I wrote with no complaints. It challenged my creativity, expanded my vocabulary and writing style, and at times left me with writer's block. Even though I knew my writing was good, there was that one manager who constantly told me my writing was garbage. And now, here I am writing personal essays, interviews, lifestyle, beauty, and investigative pieces for a brand I love, xoNecole, and a founder I have followed for over a decade, Necole Kane. I couldn't be any happier. Success is always the best revenge.
5.I Do My Own Thing Now
Now, this is something I never saw coming–something I never dreamed of. A career I despised gave me the confidence I needed to create my own opportunity. Yes, I write. I write a lot. I'm in love with words and writing is forever my first love. I still consult, and I am a paralegal by trade, but now I get to do all of this for myself. The funny thing is, I didn't know I was going to end up here. It's beautiful. I am thankful a wrong career choice led me to do my own thing. I have no regrets. I get to decide how I show up in the workforce. I choose the type of people I work with. I negotiate the type of work I accept or decline. And the most important thing to me is building a business that is honest and has a purpose. I exist to help others.
Every single challenge I encountered in my previous career made me a better professional. Everything I hated about business and Corporate America made me a stronger person. It broke me down and built me up, but in the end, I found my way.
Now, I set the standard and I create the rules. I walk into rooms knowing what I have to offer is gold. And I think you should, too.
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Camille is a lover of all things skin, curls, music, justice, and wanderlust; oceans and islands are her thing. Her words inspire and her power is her voice. A California native with Trinidadian roots, she has penned personal essays, interviews, and lifestyle pieces for POPSUGAR, FEMI magazine, and SelfishBabe. Camille is currently creating a life she loves through words, self-love, fitness, travel, and empowerment. You can follow her on Instagram @cam_just_living or @written_by_cam.
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
In the crazy world of dating, so much attention is placed on the behavior during actual dates. Whether it is choosing the right outfit or making a good first impression, the focus tends to center on the in-person time spent together. But something that often gets overlooked is the significance of "between date behavior (BDB)." BDB is not just generic good morning text messages (that can be sent to 10 women in one minute), but rather text check-ins during the day and even nightly phone calls. This is the time when two people are apart but still find time for connection.
It is during these in-between moments that the foundation of a truly meaningful relationship is often built. A glaring example of what happens when there isn’t BDB is the early relationship between Carrie and Big from Sex and the City. At the beginning of the series, she was so hyper-focused on the time she spent together that she ignored that Big wasn’t calling or texting her often between dates. Instead, he would reach out and send cars based on his convenience… and not hers.
When it comes to dating, don’t be Carrie!
BDB in Dating
BDB in Dating #datingtips #datingadvice #singleblackfemale #singleblackwoman #blackfemininity #femininityforblackwomen #blackdatingadvice #blackdating #singlelatina #singlelatinas
Please realize that 80-90% of your time will NOT be with your partner while seriously dating, so the BDB will also be a significant part of your relationship. Here are some other reasons why what happens when you're not together is just as, if not more, significant than the hours spent face-to-face…
One of the key factors that makes BDB so crucial is authenticity. When we are with someone on a date, it is easy to put on a front (show one’s representative), showcasing our best qualities and concealing our flaws. But it is in our day-to-day interactions, the text messages and phone calls, that our true selves shine through.
Consistency in behavior is an indicator of authenticity. And authenticity builds trust. And trust is the cornerstone of any meaningful relationship.
Speaking of trust, it is one of the foundations of a successful relationship. Building it doesn't happen in a single evening. It's the consistency in behavior between dates that solidifies trust. When your person consistently communicates, shows interest, and keeps it respectful in the moments between your dates, it is reassuring that your potential partner is seriously interested and invested in the relationship.
Also, in between dates, the channels of communication become lifelines that connect two people and nurture emotional intimacy. How you communicate and what you choose to communicate about can significantly impact a growing relationship. Consistent, thoughtful messages and meaningful conversations like sharing your thoughts, dreams, and vulnerabilities can help create a strong emotional bond. Being supportive and understanding during difficult moments can bring you closer together.
While the time spent on a date is super important, the BDB, I would argue, should not be slept on. It's the glue that holds the connection together, builds trust, and sets the stage for a healthy, long-lasting relationship. So, the next time you find yourself waiting for that next date, remember that the journey between those dates is just as significant, if not more so, in the grand scheme of building a meaningful connection.
Hope this helps!
Coach Anwar is a certified dating and relationship coach who has 13 years of experience helping Black and brown women date with strategy, meet relationship-ready men, and get into the best relationship of their lives.
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