

As a single woman of a certain age, I feel like I've often been unprepared when someone would ask me the question, "Why are you still single?" I didn't mind as much in my 20s because my single status was mostly due to circumstances where I initiated a breakup. But around 30, it started to become a nuisance of having to "explain" myself. Instead of giving in to my natural reaction of going on the defense or feeling personally attacked, I wanted to explore why the question of "Why are you still single?" is triggering because of the negative connotations that are implied.
Luckily, I've provided 20 responses including ways to redirect the conversation or turn it into a teachable moment to show why some people actually choose to remain single.
20 Ways To Respond To "Why Are You Still Single?"
1."Am I not allowed to be single?"
This response can be tricky so it's all about presentation. This could come off as defensive and that's the last thing you want to do, so tread lightly. Then again, depending on who's asking, you may want to throw off this vibe so they'll think before asking anyone else.
2."Because I enjoy the peace of mind of being solo right now."
If you haven't met someone who complements your life in a way that makes it better to not be single, that's totally fine. Between dating men with too much baggage or not wanting to commit, I once experienced burnout to the point where I decided it was best for me to be by myself for a while. My advice is to stay single until you find someone who makes being in a relationship worthwhile. After all, staying single and standing your ground is something to be commended, not shamed for.
3."I don’t know. I guess I'm overqualified."
Because sometimes a ridiculous question warrants a cute and ridiculous answer.
4."What makes you think I’m single?"
That's it. Keep them guessing because they shouldn't be in your business, anyway.
5."I’ve never really thought about it. Why? Are you still married?"
Diverting the conversation is a classic tool you can use to evade personal questions.
6."Because not everybody can handle me."
You're telling the truth, after all. Being fabulous comes at a cost.
7."Oh, I’m not single. I’m in a love affair with…"
Myself, food, my career, etc.This is a witty response with a bit of a curveball. Why not play into this uncomfortable conversation with a laugh.
8."That’s kind of personal. Would you like to tell me about your relationship?"
This answer is the perfect response to let someone know how invasive their question is. It's also an opportunity to redirect the conversation, whether you pivot to talking about your new business venture or turning the discussion back to them.
9."A relationship is not a priority for me right now (but if that changes, I’ll be sure to let you know)."
OK, so you don't have to add that last part unless you're feeling extra snappy, but there's nothing wrong with letting someone know that other things are more pressing in your life at the moment. It also gives you a chance to talk about all the great things you are currently doing.
10."I’m simply not interested in dating."
That's not to say your feelings won't change at some point, but right now, you may be more focused on a project at work, going back to school, or working on bettering yourself. If a relationship is not on your radar at the moment, that's OK.
11."What do you mean by 'still' single?"
Challenge them to elaborate on what they mean. It's one thing to ask if you're single, but when the word "still" is added, it implies that there is a timeframe that you've exceeded and that for some reason you shouldn't "still" be single.
12."I just am."
Shrug and offer no more information. Period.
13."Why do you ask?"
Probe them to find out why they're inquiring about your relationship status. Are they asking to be shady or do they know someone who would be a good fit for you? Perhaps they're genuinely interested to see why someone as fabulous as you is still on the market. If they want to ask questions, throw one back at them and see where the conversation leads.
14."Because, apparently, I’m really good at it."
Sometimes it's good to make light of a situation and laugh at yourself.
15."Currently, I’m looking for a significant income, not a significant other."
Who can be mad at a career-focused response? Perhaps you're more motivated by financial stability than a romantic partner. Maybe you're more interested in getting your degree or starting a business. These are things to be applauded, not appalled.
16."That’s not a bad thing, is it?"
Again, this is for clarification. If you can get an understanding of why the person is asking, then it may not be so triggering. For example, they may think you're such a catch and may genuinely be curious about your decision to be single.
17."Because I haven’t found anyone who adds value to my life."
You don't want to be in a relationship simply for the sake of being in a relationship and until someone comes along who makes your life better, then it's perfectly fine to stick to your guns.
18."You know, when the time is right and when I’m ready to be in a relationship, I have no doubt that my person will show up."
This great answer conveys that you are happy with your life just the way it is and optimistic about what it may hold in the future.
19."Single is the new 20."
Can you imagine getting a re-do of your 20s with all the knowledge of having lived through them? Of course, you can't get that time back, but being single at a certain age can be a chance to avoid some major pitfalls.
20."You know, I really like to keep my relationship details private. I hope you understand."
This sets a clear boundary for what you're willing to discuss and what's off-limits. And it rolls off the tongue easily with a smile. #Respectfully.
Be honest. If you're enjoying this time to focus on yourself, dating multiple people, or spending more time doing things you enjoy doing, then just say that. Maybe your last relationship gave you an opportunity to discover past traumas that you needed to heal from. Stand in your truth and embrace your decision to be single.
Featured image by svetikd/Getty Images
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Also known as The Real Black Carrie Bradshaw for her relentless love of shoes and emotionally unavailable men, DeJa K. Johnson is unapologetic in her pursuits to find love, happiness, and orgasms. A graduate of UA Little Rock, DeJa earned a Master's degree in Applied Communication with an emphasis on Interpersonal & Romantic relationships. She is also the founder of TheBreakupSpace.com, a safe space for men and women who need help getting over the loss of a romantic relationship. To connect, you can find her on all social media @TheRealBlackCarrieBradshaw or send her an email to love@TheRealBlackCarrieBradshaw.com.
Eva Marcille On Starring In 'Jason’s Lyric Live' & Being An Audacious Black Woman
Eva Marcille has taken her talents to the stage. The model-turned-actress is starring in her first play, Jason’s Lyric Live alongside Allen Payne, K. Michelle, Treach, and others.
The play, produced by Je’Caryous Johnson, is an adaptation of the film, which starred Allen Payne as Jason and Jada Pinkett Smith as Lyric. Allen reprised his role as Jason for the play and Eva plays Lyric.
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Raven-Symoné & Her Wife Miranda Get Real About Intimacy & Why They Sleep In Separate Bedrooms
Raven-Symoné and her wife Miranda Pearman-Maday are proof that doing marriage your way is the only way.
In a recent solo episode of their podcast Tea Time w/ Raven & Miranda, the couple revealed that they've started to share separate bedrooms, and no, it's not because they're having problems. In fact, the decision has actually brought them closer. "Let's normalize it," Miranda said of sleeping in separate bedrooms, calling it a move that improved their relationship and their marriage for the better.
"We really function in better in separate spaces, especially when it comes to sleep," she explained on the podcast. "And I was like, 'We should have separate bedrooms.' And then we can decorate our bedrooms as we want, number one, which is great because you had a different vibe, so we both wanted to have different style of bedrooms. Now we get to have that. And we aren't fucking up each other's sleep schedules. Primarily, you're not fucking mine up, which is getting up at 2 a.m., 4 a.m. Raven, babes, you love to sleep in the reverse orientation."
She wasn't exaggerating either. Raven admitted that she has always had an issue with sleeping in normal orientation, dating back to her childhood. "When I was younger, I've always had a problem with staying in one orientation when I slept. My mom said that she would not like to sleep with me. And I would kick people when I sleep with them. And so I remember when we got engaged. We slept in my old house and you told me that when you woke up, my ass was in your face because I had turned my body around."
"One night, you literally flipped. I thought you were awake because it was so, it was so violent. Like you were sleeping on your side away from me. You flip yourself up and over, you like kinda sit up, and you had no clue where you were because you put your entire ass on my face. Both cheeks were suffocating me. Boom, it was impact," Miranda recalls. "And I was like, this is, this is going to be a challenge."
Suffice it to say, the incident became an issue. One that they needed to find a solution for. "So now," Raven said, "we've decided I'm sleeping in a separate room from you." The compromise? Whenever they need each other, "We text," Miranda added.
Despite where your mind might go when you hear "separate bedrooms" in someone's relationship, the pair assured that the move has helped their intimacy more than it's hindered it. "I will say it has upped my [feels] for you," Raven told Miranda. "There's a little bit of, I believe, in absence makes the heart grow fonder. We work together, we live together, we eat together, we cook together, we drive together. It's like, I'm going to have a little time to myself, and I think that it's actually helping."
Even with the perks of better sleep and better intimacy that have come with their decision to separate their marital bed, Miranda admitted that if someone had suggested to her separate bedrooms a year ago, she would've panicked.
Together since 2015 and married since 2020, Miranda revealed that the would-be solution initially had her questioning, "Does this mean divorce?" But she chalked that up to programming. "I was very much from a space where I was taking my information from heterosexual [relationships], [and feeling like] this is the best way," she said.
Raven also took the conversation deeper, pointing out how many people conflate sex with love, especially when it comes to intimacy. "I also think if you are basing your entire relationship on sex, then you're not really understanding what intimacy is. You're not understanding what deep love is because you can have a deep, loving, intimate relationship with someone and not have sex. Sex is like a cherry on top. You know what I mean? That's like a oooh, it's built up so much I got to release."
She continued, "I don't think sex defines a relationship. I think sex is lustful. And I think that a deep marriage and a deep intimate relationship is where I can literally be just looking at you, and I can be like... And you know what that means."
"And I know what that means," Miranda echoed.
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