There’s no better way to hit the reset button than taking a digital detox. With the year we’ve all had, unplugging should be more normalized and encouraged living in this ongoing pandemic. We constantly have our phones or laptops in our palms or within arm's reach, which enhances symptoms of anxiety, depression, and self-esteem issues. This is why more and more people are jumping on the bandwagon of digital detoxing or “unplugging” to combat the burnout caused by our devices.
As we can see, COVID is still impacting our daily lives, leaving everything up in the air and forcing us to be more present. The end of the year brings forth a rush of emotions navigating gift buying, the pressure to "finish strong," immersing with family members we may not get along with, or mourning loved ones.
Overall the end of the year can be a rush of joy but also exhaustion and endless comparison, which is why we should force ourselves to slow down and prioritize internal self-care. Living in a digital era, we miss a lot of things in the moment because we are glued to our phones. Let this time of year be the start to a new normal, detaching from your phone — coming back home to ourselves, and cherishing the limited time spent with our loved ones.
Here’s a list of suggestions for taking a digital detox:
1.Turn off all of your notifications.
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If you're the person that needs to reply to every notification as soon as you see a text, call, social media alert, or email, this will help you significantly. Turning off all of your notifications is a great start to decreasing the time spent on your phone because it’s one less bing or vibrating alert to connect you to the world.
If you want to take it up a notch, I’d suggest utilizing the Do Not Disturb function on your phone, so there is really no need to have your phone in your hands.
2.Immerse yourself in other activities.
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If you are addicted to your phone like most people these days, try to be super intentional with your limited to no phone usage for the remainder of the holiday season. Plan things to keep you busy, maybe catching up with friends in person, painting, playing an instrument, reading, working out, meditating, journaling, or maybe dancing in your room for the hell of it! Keep yourself entertained or well-rested with your phone out of reach or in another room to hold yourself accountable on your digital detox journey.
3.Try phone stacking if you're with a group of people.
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Phone stacking in groups is one of the best ways to hold everyone accountable during the digital detox because if everyone isn’t on their phones next to you, there is zero temptation to hop back on your phone. It allows everyone to be completely immersed in the moments shared together. Instead of everyone being in the same room taking a million selfies, it forces everyone to have more in-depth conversations catching up, reflecting on the year they’d had, and sharing endless laughs.
4.Leave your charger at home or out of the way.
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If you're heading to your family or friend festivities for the holidays, why not leave your charger at home? Knowing you left your charger at home allows you to be more intentional with your phone usage; you can’t be on social media apps or news sites all day browsing the web because your phone has limited battery life. Keep your phone on airplane mode to preserve the energy for GPS purposes and limit calls or texts to your loved ones for your arrival and departure.
5.Dive into some self-reflection activities.
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Whether you're spending the holidays alone or with loved ones, there is more than one way to dive into some self-reflection activities. If your friends are into doing breathwork, guided meditation, yoga, or have a guided journaling session. You can make up some self-reflection questions to answer alone or in a group about the things you learned this year, reflect on moments that brought you joy, lessons from adversity, and what new goals do you want to be intentional about for the following year.
Y’all, if the COVID era isn’t teaching us one thing, it’s teaching us to value being present more because nothing lasts forever. And though the last two years have felt like a blur, so much has happened, which is all the reason why you should prioritize time to recharge.
I hope you enjoy digital detoxing coming home to yourself, and taking in the cherished moments with your loved ones as well as with yourself.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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