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We Talked To 9 Men About When They Know They’re Ready For Love
Have you ever wanted to know if your man really loves you? I mean really, REALLY loves you. Have you ever found yourself asking: 'How will I know if he really loves me?' Well, I have some comforting news: you're in good company.
The truth of the matter is: so have I. So has my best friend, probably your best friend; so have many other women. And believe it or not, so has Whitney Houston. So much so, that she wrote a whole song about it. And it's in that vein that I'll let you in on a little hard truth: we won't ever know. Our feelings can be misleading, our blinding love can be deceitful. We can say a prayer with every heartbeat but the fact of the matter is until that man backs up with actions what he says with his lips, women will never (and I mean never) know if a man really loves them. Or if they're even ready to love in the first place.
Courtesy of OWN
But, fortunately, all hope is not lost. Our favorite love show where black people get to meet and potentially find love in a hopeless place (known as Atlanta) is back for another season! The series, produced by Will Packer and hosted by Thomas "Nephew Tommy" Miles, has a new roster of highly sought after singles and has once again solidified a spot in our Saturday nights.
I got the chance recently to talk with 9 bachelors from the second season of the OWN Network show Ready to Love (airing Saturdays at 10/9c), where they let me in on their thoughts about love, commitment, and everything else in between and they did not disappoint.
Here's what they had to say:
On the concept of courtship...
"Courtship is primarily on the man, however, I feel as if some women nowadays demand courtship and aren't worthy of courtship. And by that, I mean this: just because you're a woman, it doesn't mean you possess the qualities that a man is looking for in the 'woman for him.'''
On finding a compatible partner at this stage...
"Finding a partner at this particular stage in my life is easier for me. I know what I want, what I'm willing to tolerate, I'm financially stable, very aware of the red flags. I still leave room for mistakes or for things taken out of context. But I also know who I am and what I bring to OUR table."
On the things to know from the first date...
"Some things I'd like to know on the first date: are you separated or divorced? Where do you see yourself in two years? How ambitious are you? Do you have kids or do you want kids? Do you have a job or a career? On a scale of 1-10, how supportive are you—1 being horrible and 10 being superb."
On catering to the needs of your partner...
"I had the pleasure of growing up with sisters older and younger, with me as a middle child. I am very emotionally aware when it comes to expressing my needs but it becomes an awesome challenge to wake up and think, 'What can be done to add to my partner's happiness?'''
On how to revive courtship...
"The microwave mentality of dating has to change. Courtship is a true art of showing your partner creative romantic ways of how special they are. Courtship ultimately is a preview of what is to come, which is marriage."
On evolving to meet the needs of your partner...
"When in a committed relationship, I no longer live for myself but [for] us. Living for us will create change of old habits and create new ones. Selflessness is evolving one's mindset."
On how his outlook on love has changed...
"I make better choices on who I decide to spend my time with. I secretly place them in top picks and bottom picks. A woman who I get to know will move to bottom pick in the event we just aren't vibing. I also spend more time on the phone now with who I really vibe with because I feel like a woman really doesn't vibe with you unless she gives you phone time. That texting mess is all smoke and mirrors."
On making your partner feel loved in a new relationship...
"I think public displays of affection are necessary when it's someone you really like. Holding hands, dancing together, and occasional kissing is dope. It usually makes her feel special."
On what the last relationship taught him...
"I've learned to love myself more, love taking care of me first, and that peace of mind starts with self-care."
On how to impress a woman on the first date...
"I would advise not trying to impress a potential mate. Be yourself and take them to a place you enjoy or ask them what they enjoy doing!"
On making your partner feel secure in a new relationship...
"No one can make anyone feel any way at all. True happiness and love come from within. I would advise being secure with and loving yourself before dating anyone!"
On his love languages...
"My love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch."
On what he looks for on the first date...
" Good vibes, energy, and chemistry."
On being vulnerable with your partner...
"I'm ready to get outside my comfort zone."
On what his love languages are...
"My love language is quality time."
On being vulnerable with your partner...
"Vulnerability for me happens when I feel I can trust someone who I [feel] genuinely cares about me as a person and future mate."
On what’s missing in today’s conversation of courtship...
"Belief systems, sharing clear expectations and boundaries, timelines, and shared goals for the relationship."
On what will sustain a relationship...
"It is the compatibility piece that sustains the relationship. I realize how easy it is to have quick surface connections with people who also have connections with other people as well."
On being emotionally aware with your partner...
"I am very in-tune when it comes to catering to my partner. Communication is key when it comes to being open to their needs as well expressing my own. Closed mouths don't get fed."
On his love languages...
"My love language is acts of service."
On changing for love’s sake…
"Changing traits about myself will most definitely depend on who I'm changing those traits for and if I care to change those traits."
On positive indicators on the first date...
"What I look out for is for her to not be so serious. I don't want our date to feel like it's an interview. Let's laugh a little bit let's joke some, I'm sure we'll get to the serious conversation when we were talking on the phone."
On what he’s learned from his last relationship...
"I learned how to not be so closed-off. I need to open up more when it comes to talking instead of walking away all the time."
On where to take a woman on the first date...
"I want to do what's going to make her happy, so I would ask her what's her favorite restaurant and start there."
On what he looks for before committing...
"I look for a woman who makes it easy to trust her. She's open and honest about her past and her shortcomings. I also like a woman that's thoughtful and doesn't mind showing you how important you are to her life."
On the indicators of a compatible partner...
"I can't be with anyone who doesn't have a spiritual foundation or who doesn't believe in the economic empowerment of Black people in America."
On what to do to get to know a woman on the first date...
"I like taking a woman to the gym and putting her through one of my workouts. I want to see her effort, her drive, or if she'll complain or persevere. I'm big on fitness and a woman that can keep up with me and pushes past her own limitations is definitely a turn-on."
Be sure to catch Ready to Love every Saturday at 10/9c. And if you haven't already, watch the first full episode here.
Featured image courtesy of Instagram/@sellyourhomejimmyjones.
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Writer. Empath. Escapist. Young, gifted, and Black. Shanelle Genai is a proud Southern girl in a serious relationship with celebrity interviews, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and long walks down Sephora aisles. Keep up with her on IG @shanellegenai.
How This New Bond Repair Line Transformed One Mother's Postpartum Shedding Into The Ultimate Curl Comeback
This article is in partnership with SheaMoisture
For Crystal Obasanya, her wash day woes came shortly after her son did. The beauty and lifestyle content creator had been natural for years, but during postpartum, she quickly learned about one reality many mothers can relate to experiencing: postpartum hair loss. “Sis had thinning hair. Sis had split ends,” she shared about her hair changes in a Reel via xoNecole.
Over a year into her postpartum journey, Crystal explained she also had dry, brittle hair, noting that keeping it hydrated before pregnancy had already been “a task.” The 4C natural recalled going from thick hair during pregnancy to a thin hairline due to postpartum shedding as “devastating.” When it came to strengthening and revitalizing her hair, the new SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection was just the thing she needed to elevate her damaged coils to revive and thrive status and get them poppin' again.
SheaMoisture is providing us with the cheat code for transforming dry and damaged strands into thriving and deeply nourished crowns. By unveiling their 4-step hair system, the SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is equipping you with the tools to reverse signs of hair damage caused by protective styling, heat, and color and is uniquely formulated for Type 3 and 4 hair textures.
The haircare system revives damaged natural hair by repairing and rebuilding broken hair bonds through a game-changing combination of HydroPlex Technology and AminoBlend Complex, a unique blend of fortifying amino acids formulated specifically for curly and coily hair. Scientifically proven to reduce breakage by 84% and make your hair six times stronger (vs. non-conditioning shampoo), the collection infuses your hair with the nourishment it craves and the strength it deserves.
All five products of the SheaMoisture Bond Collection are infused with natural strengthening ingredients like Amla Oil and fair-trade shea butter. The collection consists of the 4-step breakage-fighting Bond Repair system, as well as the Bonding Oil.
“When trying it out, I quickly noticed that my hair felt revived and renewed, and my curls were so hydrated,” Crystal said while using the Amla-infused Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner. “I also felt my hair strands were stronger.” So much so that the influencer felt brave enough to get her hair braided shortly thereafter. “I can definitely say that I will be keeping it in my hair wash routine,” she added in the caption of her Reel about her positive experience using the products.
SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is making bond-building a key player in your wash day routines and the purveyor of life for thirsty manes. Because who doesn't want stronger, shinier, happier hair?
Step One: Bond Repair Collection Shampoo
Rejuvenate your hair with SheaMoisture Bond Repair Shampoo, your go-to solution for luscious locks. Packed with hella hydration power, this shampoo adds moisture by 60% while removing buildup without stripping your strands. This shampoo gently cleanses impurities while significantly enhancing shine, smoothness, and softness.
The Bond Repair Collection Shampoo is the first step in the 4-step Bond Repair system, all of which are powered by the uniquely formulated AminoBlend, and HydroPlex, SheaMoisture’s technology that rebuilds hair strength at its core.
Step Two: Bond Repair Collection Conditioner
Tailored to repair styling damage, this creamy conditioner locks in 12x more moisture than standard non-conditioning shampoos, boosting damaged hair strength by 1.5x with significantly less breakage. The creamy SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Conditioner deeply hydrates, enhances manageability, and leaves your hair looking healthier and shinier.
Step Three: Bond Repair Collection Masque
This Ultra Moisturizing reparative masque is a moisture-rich game-changer for those dealing with the aftermath of hair damage caused by styling. The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Masque delivers 13 times more moisture compared to non-conditioning shampoos, ensuring your hair feels nourished and soft. Designed to repair and rejuvenate, this masque significantly strengthens damaged hair — making it twice as strong while reducing breakage.
Step Four: Bond Repair Collection Leave-In Conditioner
Elevate your curl game with SheaMoisture’s Bond Repair Collection Leave-In Conditioner. Lightweight and hydrating, the Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner provides 12x more moisture than non-conditioning shampoos and tames frizz with 24-hour humidity control. Designed to define curls and coils, the leave-in conditioner enhances softness and shine allowing you to detangle effortlessly.
Bonding Oil
The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Bonding Oil is a multitasking all-in-one formula that acts as a heat protectant and provides the hair with moisture, strength, shine, damage protection, and intense nourishment. This lightweight oil not only offers 24-hour frizz and humidity control but also fortifies your tresses, making them up to 5 times stronger with significantly less breakage.
Featured image courtesy
Nia Long Reveals How She Financially Prepared Her Children For The Future
Nia Long has left a mark on the entertainment industry as a renowned actor and producer.
With over 70 projects to her name, the 53-year-old has starred in timeless classics such as Boyz n the Hood, Friday, Love Jones, The Best Man, and the Big Momma's House franchise. Despite her success in Hollywood, Long considers her most significant role to be a devoted mother to her two sons, Massai Dorsey II, 23, and 12-year-old Kez Udoka.
Like any dedicated parent, Long has provided for her children and taken significant steps to secure their future. The star has gone beyond typical parental duties by financially investing in her sons' long-term well-being and success. During the Money and Mindfulness: A Conversation with Nia Long panel at the American Black Film Festival, Long shared the strategies she used that helped one of her sons graduate college debt-free.
The actress' oldest son, Massai Dorsey II, recently graduated from NYU.
During the discussion, Long revealed that before she became a mother, she had started putting money away for her children in an account.
“One of the things is [that] I started saving for my children before I became a mother,” she stated. “I took $3,000, and I just put [it] in this account. I was like, ‘I’m never touching that.’ And it allowed me to get my son through NYU without any student loans.”
Although the Missing star didn't disclose specific details about the type of account she used, Long expressed gratitude for achieving her primary goal of ensuring her children want for nothing.
“I’m so proud. It makes me cry because we did it. Yes, we did it. And it was a plan. And if you put that plan into action and you just don’t waver from your ultimate goal, God will show you the way to get there. I can’t even explain it any other way. You just have to trust the process,” she said.
Toward the end of the conversation, Long explained that while she has financially supported her children through school, she's careful not to overdo it, emphasizing that she wants her children to understand the value of hard work.
“So in four years, anybody in here looking for a young lawyer [or] attorney, he’s going to be a good one,” she quipped while mentioning Dorsey’s future goals. “He needs a job to pay me back. If he’s anything like me, he has a spirit of abundance… a little bit too much because he’s still in my pocket. I just called him on my way here. I got a bill for his electric bill. I said, ‘Massai, really?’ And see, this is the thing, you can’t spoil them too much because part of what made me do what I’ve done is the hustle. You’ve got to draw the line where you don’t tamper with the hustle because in that hustle is that little bit of gangster that makes us make a difference.”
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Feature image by Kevin Mazur/Getty Images for Atlantis The Royal