
With Mercury retrograde nearly over, and a new moon in Aries at the beginning of this week, energies that carried over from last week are being forced to switch up for your highest good. There is so much going on energetically, and nobody is safe.
Learn what your sign has in store for you in the week to come in the areas of love and work. Click through the gallery below.
Aries

Last week, the collective Aries sign had some lagging emotional baggage clearing to handle. This week, if you are an Aries in a relationship, it is likely that the equilibrium shared between you and your partner has balanced, and a refocus on where the relationship is, and where it is going, has come into alignment. If you did the work from last week, you should indeed be smooth sailing for the rest of the month, when it comes to matters of the heart.
Keep this progression going by remaining emotionally, spiritually, and physically aligned with bae.
With the new moon in Aries this week, expect to have an explosion of fiery divine feminine energy! If you are single, it is likely that you are back on team #dreamingofyourfutureboo. Last week was full of Mercury retrograde emotional derailments, but this week, your attitude towards future love should be lighter. You will likely want to pump up your Va Va Voom this week, so pop those girls out, put on them pumps, and wear your best popping Fenty lipstick sis!
This week should start out with a bang for Aries, because you will be caught between work and play! New developments in your career or work could pop up out of nowhere that will take all of your attention. Try not to forget to put yourself first when it comes to your health, diet, and appearance. This week, you should be prepared and "camera ready" because you never know what opportunities might come. Time management will be one of your struggles this week, so make sure you have your alarm clock set.
Taurus

Taureans are learning lessons about letting things in their relationships build and grow without force.
There is an energy of being present in the now of the relationship and taking things day-by-day. The energy calls for you to see what you want to see as a future goal, instead of wanting that outcome now. If you were pushing for that ring, or for that move-in date, realize that experiencing the changes of the relationship in the now, will only enrich and better the outcome of each milestone.
If you are single, you might be in a place that you truly are running on your own time, and working on your own inner and outer development, separate from the desire for a potential life partner. At the same time, you will allow yourself to entertain someone who has something to offer, to help elevate your goals and achievements. The feeling of not wanting to align with someone that can't better your life in every way will likely be on the brain this week. Quite frankly, if a person of interest is not an addition to your package, then, you won't be doing the math.
When it comes to career and finances this week for Taurus, there is an energy of coming through a difficult financial or work-related period that possibly put a huge obstacle on our paths but made us stronger in the outcome by learning from the setback, or mistakes made. Due to the fiery new moon in Aries, many of us are now at a new beginning where we are eager and open to move forward. You may find that you become very inspired and come up with new ways to expand and succeed. Go for it sis!
Gemini

Last week, many Gemini signs were emotional roller coasters, or hot and cold when it came to love. This week, it seems that your attention might be totally distracted by something entirely else. It's possible to have feelings of being foggy, or detached from your partnership this week. It's possible that you could have a "Me First" attitude without even realizing it, especially if you're running on autopilot. This might not be a bad thing, as it will give you a chance to work on solo ambitions.
Putting your own 1+1 together might be your first priority in sorting out emotional and energetic changes.
If you are single and casually dating, you might find yourself wanting to be catered to this week. You will be put off by any small talk, low vibes, or simply have a short tolerance for anything that disrupts your flow. Under this fiery Aries new moon, there is a collective feeling of not extending any extra energy to anyone who you don't see as compatible. Don't be surprised if your flirting this week includes a lot of sass! There is an attitude of "either come with it all the way, or don't come at all." You won't be impressed by anything less than extraordinary when it comes to dating and sex.
For Geminis, this week could be hard on you in regards to having to play nice with others, who you don't feel have the same ambition, or drive. At work you may feel that you surpass certain people around you, who might be lazy, or underachieving at the job - but it might go unnoticed to everyone else. Don't allow your frustration about what other people are doing, or not doing, to affect your workflow and your efficiency. If your work ethic speaks for itself, any prosperity and abundance coming to you will be yours.
Cancer

For the Cancer signs in love, it seems that the energy from last week has carried over and there is still a quiet, introverted, and resting phase surrounding your love life. You'll be undergoing a "Love Hangover." For Cancers in a relationship, you might be in a place where things are not the greatest, but not the worst either. Emotionally, your vibrations might tip a bit to the left or tip to the right, but overall there seems to be a very still energy surrounding Cancer signs. It might feel like something is brewing, that is neither great or bad, but a reaction is in the process of happening.
Last week for the single Cancers, the realization of your ideal future with someone starting coming into focus, and this week, some Cancers might be feeling that what they want doesn't exist! Do not beat yourself up for feeling like you can't get what you deserve when it comes to finding a partner. Many Cancers might find that their prospects are either vibrationally underwhelming, or possibly less experienced than them.
You deserve the equivalent of yourself.
And though it might take a few more spins on the dating wheel, you have to trust and believe that ultimately you will find your way to the one that you want.
When it comes to money or career this week, many of you might find that you have lost a spark for something you are doing at work or creatively. If you feel that you have been giving a lot of your time and energy to something that feels routine, underwhelming, or non-reciprocating, it could be time to redirect your focus, or think of ways to pump some life into your coins. Success is not always on the fast lane, so you might have to get through the down time without flatlining.
Leo

For Leos in a relationship, the week might start off a bit tense in the love department, but as the week goes by, don't be surprised if you are unexpectedly delighted by a new development in your relationship. There is a lot of positive vibes surrounding Leos at this time. Something in your relationship might turn around, and that thing that was a problem for a long time might finally fall right into place. Ride this wave of Aries energy, and do your best to enjoy the small things, that make your relationship worth everything.
If you are single, luck is on your side this week! You might find yourself in the right place at the right time around the right people, if you allow yourself to think outside of the box, and try new things when it comes to dating. If you are currently casually dating, you could find yourself on date number #2 or so, with somebody that is engaging, lively, and popular. This time however, you might want to start digging a little deeper, and peeling the next layer of this individual's persona.
This week, when it comes to work and career, you might find yourself feeling behind, or stuck in a rut. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. The importance of relationships when it comes to business is all about building cohesive bonds with others in your network. In whatever industry you work in, you want to be known as someone who is easy to get along with, and can take and give constructive criticism. Maintaining a stellar reputation is key to progressing financially.
Be open and willing to join forces, or at least study someone who has been where you are.
Virgo

Many Virgos have been having a time dealing with the contrast of inner and outer feelings. It seems like half the Virgos are really working with positive thinking and communicating how they are feeling from their hearts, and the other half of some Virgos are still having trouble with any stubborn desires or demands from their partners, and are going through the silent struggle of holding back deep resentments of past issues.
Single or taken, you might find that you're somewhere in between both spectrums, or you fluctuate between the two. With this aggressive and fiery Aries energy, this week could bring everything to a head. Stay grounded. If you are single, fight the urge to rush a budding relationship. You don't want to end up with time and energy dedicated to a dead end.
When it comes to money and finances this week, some Virgos might realize that certain blockages to their coins could be some of their own limiting beliefs, habits, or fears.
The energy is asking you to let go and shed any personal energy blockers, in order to reverse any delays that the retrograde has likely contributed to. There is an energy of showing your own self tough love, and calling yourself out on your own BS. We are not perfect, and we always don't get it right, however, actively making sure that you keep yourself in check and disciplined when it comes to prosperity and personal accountability is something that we should take full responsibility for.
Libra

Last week there was a fast-moving, divine feminine energy that surrounded Libras. That energy moves right on into this week with many Libras wanting to play by their rules in love. If you are in a relationship, you could find yourself giving your partner a short rope about the things you find annoying or your expectations of them. This energy warns you that being controlling in any way could could be a result of something inward that is unsettled. With this fiery Aries energy, be sure to process any swift emotional feelings that come up this week before bringing it to your partner.
If you're single, you might be currently outgrowing old attractions and expectations. You might even surprise yourself by what and who you find yourself into these days when it comes to new prospects. This might start off feeling disorienting, or even hopeless if you realize that you don't know what you want anymore, but if you open up your evolving tastebuds, you might find a whole new sea with lots of new and different types of fish.
When it comes to money and career this week, many signs are going through a transition into new interests and opportunities. For Libras, a shift in focus will be on the brain. Where you have been steady dedicating your time, there is a growing desire to move into uncharted territory. At first, you might feel that you are abandoning ship, but you will likely realize that you are merely evolving into something greater.
Allow the journeys of others before you to clear up some confusion as you find your balance again.
Scorpio

For Scorpios in relationships this week, there is a good energy surrounding the balance and openness of your bond. If there were issues of not being on the same page last week, this week you should find a common ground or completion of a couple goal. You might find that you both are getting better with communicating where you lacked, and understanding where one another are coming from.
The energy here is asking you to strive to maintain a fun and light dynamic in your relationship, no matter how long you have been with your partner.
If you are single, "Why So Serious?" Scorpios are deeply emotionally and spiritually sensual, and sometimes this could cloud your idea of who your perfect match is or should be. Last week, there was a frustrating energy of wanting to find someone who matches you, but this week the universe is asking you to shed any romanticized ideas of who this person will end up being.
When it comes to money and career, many Scorpios are ready to level up! This fiery Aries new moon energy is pushing Scorpios to expand and enterprise. There is an entrepreneurial energy that is coming through this week that will have you ready to get those business plans together, or pursue that new position in your company. Whatever the case, get ready to feel a surge of focused energy that will make you spearhead your glow up.
Sagittarius

Last week was a tough week where conflict popped up for Sagittarius signs in relationships. This week, the energy is balancing and you might not be feeling as anxious or suspicious. Allow yourself to release what patterns don't serve you or your relationship. If you fight the calming inner peace that is overcoming you, you will miss an opportunity to find clarity in letting go of old situations.
Learning how to walk away from your own blockages is the beginning of starting anew.
If you are single, you might get a lot of attention from suitors who you have a wonderful, exciting time with, but the connection might be more about "no strings attached," than it is "happily ever after." If you have the feeling that your recent catch will be no more than a "wyd" type situation-ship, by all means do what you do, but don't get too comfortable with doing "couple-like things" like extended sleep overs, cooking breakfast in the morning, or excessive pillow talking. Guard your feelings by always keeping the dynamic in context.
When it comes to work and career, Sag signs might be undergoing heavy shifts in realizing a deeper purpose, or sense of what they want to contribute to the world. This could be frustrating because on one hand, you stay focused and directed when it comes to your goals, but this new sense of self is throwing a wrench in your operation. The fiery energy of this new moon in Aries is really forcing you to listen to your intuition when it comes to your next steps, even though you are still figuring them out. Give any new developments time to materialize.
Capricorn

This week for Capricorns in relationships, you might find that your relationship will benefit from you taking the time to explore who you are becoming as an individual, and how this is changing the things that you need from your partner. If you are with your soulmate, it is likely that they are mirroring the same energy. What you are struggling with is a reflection of what your partner is going through. Remembering this will help you understand the changes that are happening within yourself.
If you are single, it is likely this week that you are having an imaginary argument with the person yet to come into your life. This internal conflict is more about you and your subconscious frustration with not finding your match. If you find yourself drawn to memes like, "... meanwhile, I can't even get a text back!," or lowkey salty #teamsingle type posts, you might have to step back and realize that feeding into this energy, will only block you from manifesting your soulmate.
What you energetically digest is ultimately what you attract.
When it comes to Capricorns in the money and career department, try to remember that being too serious and forgetting to enjoy life as you work hard to secure the bag can add a lot of anxiety and unnecessary pressure on your spirit. Sometimes the best opportunities come out of fated meetings and taking risks. Capricorns likely push themselves to their limits, but doing so can essentially have the opposite effect.
Aquarius

This week, Aquarians will go hard for their partners. The fiery Aries new moon energy will have you being a complete ride or die for yours. When you are deeply connected to another person, whatever hurts them, hurts you too. Be there to support your baby with whatever they may need to get through a rough patch. Synergy with your boo will be deeply in tune this week, as well as feeling your partner's emotions from afar. Be careful to not be too overprotective over you love, and inadvertently make something worse!
If you are single and have had bad luck in the dating department, it might be time to do something to switch up your routines. Switch up your hairstyle, or treat yourself to a couple of new outfits. Investing in your own upgrade will help raise your morale surrounding your relationship status. If anything, sprucing up your look or doing some spring wardrobe shopping should be for you first.
Splurge a little bit on treating yourself to things that make you feel confident.
The new moon in Aries is really pushing people to transition into new careers or money-making ventures. For Aquarians, you might find yourself interested in acquiring new skills or education in a field of interest. Whether you want to enroll in some community sewing classes or consider going back to school to get your masters, this week will be filled with the desire to step up your game by adding credentials and mastery to your resume. This is not only about institutionalized education. Get on YouTube and research how to get into what has been peaking your interests.
Pisces

This week, there might be an energy of wanting to escape from any existing problems (big or small) in the relationship for some taken Pisces. I don't say this to mean that you don't want to fix any issues in your relationship, but this week you might really be feeling like you just need to set it on pause.
Taking a little time to focus on the brighter side of things will help you recharge and get back to any problems at hand with clearer insights.
If you are single, you will feel as if the universe is actively blocking energies and people that will not serve your greatest good. You will almost have this preemptive knowledge that going down the wrong route with the wrong person will only cause drama that you don't need to associate with. You may also have no time for dealing with "mansplaining," or know-it-alls. Your spirit will repel them like bug spray! Be sure to heed your intuition to avoid having to get somebody all the way together.
This week when it comes to money and career, some Pisces will be eager to get a passion project up and running. This energy is all about gearing up and setting a plan in motion. You may be more determined and motivated at work to grind and push yourself to reach financial goals of not having to feel like you have to "chase the check." No matter what you do to support yourself, the endgame is finding lasting security and upward mobility. Be open to expanding your network by offering your hand or expertise in what you do, or volunteering on a project that can put you in a position of more opportunity. Fostering symbiotic relationships with people in your sphere will eventually lead to you being able to make Boss moves on the daily.
All the astrological Tarotscopes above were channeled via Tarot Cards! For your own Intuitive Channeled Healing Session with me, follow @Melanade_Stand on IG and send an inquiry via DM!
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Your October 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Magnetic Love & Divine Timing
October is about the power of attraction. This is the month to set your intentions, create space for a new beginning, and find your balance between the past, present, and future. There aren’t many astrological transits this month, signaling more possibilities in the air and an opportunity to create that which you desire.
We begin the month in Libra Season, and Libra Season is always the time of year when love is the highlight. With Juno also entering Sagittarius on October 1, right as we begin the month, it’s about committing yourself to a new adventure, to the gifts of love, and to perspectives that heal and bring you closer to another.
October 2025 Astrology: An Overview
Mercury enters Scorpio on October 6, and Mercury in Scorpio only knows depth. The conversations being had this month are inspiring, transformative, and a little more blunt than usual. This energy is good for the power of persuasion and for asking for what you want, especially within business and financial matters. On the same day, we have a Supermoon in Aries, and this is a powerful Full Moon for reflection, owning your power, and letting go of the insecurities that don’t resonate with what you want for yourself and your future.
Venus, the planet of love, moves into Libra on October 13 after being in Virgo for the past month, and after some time of healing and clarity in love, Libra is here to bring in the romance. Venus loves being in Libra, and this energy creates new beginnings within relationships and provides a little extra magic in this area of life. With Pluto going direct in Aquarius on the same day after being retrograde since May, life and love move forward mid-October, helping provide more stable and nurturing foundations in your personal life and community as well.
The New Moon of the month occurs in Libra on October 21, making it a beautiful time for manifesting romance, balance, and harmony in your world.
This New Moon aligns with the Sun in Libra, and it’s all about letting a new beginning transform your world and the love in your life for the better. Scorpio Season officially begins on October 22, and Neptune retrograde enters Pisces on the same day, bringing in some water sign energy into the mix. As we close out the month, it’s time to renew, honor the transformations occurring, and know that your dreams aren’t as far out of reach as they may seem at times.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what October 2025 has in store for you.
What October 2025 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
ARIES
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is all about perspective, Aries. This is the month to trust the divine timing of your life, and not let the what-ifs overwhelm you. With the Sun in Libra, your sister sign, for most of the month, October is about building connections, finding your balance in love, and knowing that you are worthy of what your heart is seeking right now. We have a Supermoon in your sign on October 6, and emotions are a little heavier this month, but also healing. Give yourself grace, and let go of what isn’t working for you.
Venus is in your house of love from October 13 until November 6, and there is a lot to look forward to when it comes to romance and the relationship dynamics in your life as you move through the month. It’s about being confident in your power of attraction and letting love come to you right now. Before October comes to an end, we have a New Moon in your 7th house of love as well, and with all this energy in your relationship zone, life changes for you in love for the better in October.
TAURUS
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is a spiritual month for you, Taurus. You are thinking a lot about your next steps ahead, and are getting organized, focused, and aligned. The Supermoon on October 6 is a time of reflection for you, and you are entering the month ready to let go of the past, heal, and create space for something new in your life. This month is all about trusting your intuition and letting your wisdom guide you in your personal growth and evolution.
You are more than where you have been, and this month is a reminder of that.
With Mars in Scorpio and in your 7th house of love all month, you are motivated by the partnerships in your life right now. Your love life and relationships are where the action is for you this month, and you are honoring your passion and direction here. Venus, your planetary ruler, moves into your house of health mid-month and into November, and you are leaving October seeking healthier habits, daily routines, and relationships. Overall, this month is helping you align with your vision.
GEMINI
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is a fresh start for you, Gemini. Your heart is free, love is beaming, and you are feeling larger than life. This month is about taking a leap of faith in yourself, honoring your confidence in life, and being your biggest advocate. With the Sun in your 5th house of self-expression, romance, and happiness, and with Venus entering this same area of your chart mid-October, there is a lot to look forward to right now, and things are looking up for you.
On October 21, we have a New Moon in a fellow air sign, and this is a good time to set your intentions for creative projects, hobbies, romance, and your overall happiness in life. There are a lot of little moments of magic unfolding for you this month, and this New Moon is one of them. Before October comes to an end, Mercury, your ruling planet, enters Sagittarius, and this brings open communication into your relationships, and you are having lively conversations and insights.
CANCER
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis is a transformative month for you, Cancer. You are moving through closure, healing, and depth as you navigate the opportunities that are coming into your life, with the stability you are seeking. With the Sun in your 4th house of home and family in October, this is the month to spend more time in your safe spaces, connect with your loved ones, and get grounded. You are also more focused on your financial world right now, and this is a good time for building new foundations for yourself and looking at the bigger picture when it comes to your career and life goals.
Mars is in your house of romance and happiness for the entire month, and this is one of the highlights of your life right now. You are passionate about your joy and all the things that light you up inside, and you are protecting your peace and giving more of your energy to your pleasure. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Libra, highlighting your home life, and some Cancers may be moving at the end of the month or getting the opportunity to turn a page here. Overall, this is your month to reflect, go within, and make sense of what has been restricting you from feeling stable.
LEO
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is about taking things one day at a time and being patient with what is presenting itself to you, Leo. This month, you are getting your ducks in a row and gaining the clarity needed to create a new beginning in your life. The month begins with a Supermoon in a fellow fire sign on October 6, aligning in harmony with you and fueling your need for adventure. You are going over the wisdom you have gained as of late and how it has shifted the way you navigate your life and see the world around you.
On October 13, Pluto goes direct in your 7th house of love, after being retrograde here since May. This is bringing in more balance, empowerment, and passion into your love life, and this is a positive change of energy for you after a time of some power struggles within your relationships. Before the month comes to an end, we have a New Moon in Libra, and this New Moon is the best time to set intentions for clarity, communication, and connection. October is about taking your time with things and knowing that everything is working out in your favor at the end of the day.
VIRGO
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis October is about finding your balance, Virgo. There is a lot of energy when it comes to your finances this month, but you may be overworking or overcommitting yourself in the process. Honor the opportunities and responsibilities in your life, but make sure you are equally taking care of your health and prioritizing your time and energy so that you don’t burn out. Venus, the planet of love, is in your sign until October 13; use this energy to your benefit and let things come to you.
You are a magnet for abundance, romance, and support if you allow yourself to receive it.
On October 13, Venus moves into your 2nd house of income, and your relationships are a supportive place for you to lean on right now. Your love life and partnerships are where your financial world is evolving this month, and this is a good time to ask for what you want; you never know what may happen. At the end of the month, Neptune goes retrograde in your sister sign, Pisces, and you are taking a step back and reassessing what love means for you right now. Overall, October is about remembering that you don’t have to do it all alone, Virgo.
LIBRA
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLibra Season is here, and it’s your time to shine and thrive! This Libra Season changes everything for you, and October is when you really begin to feel this shift in your life. The Sun is in your sign until October 22, and it’s time to put yourself first. With a Supermoon in Aries as we begin the month as well, you are letting go of any unhealthy attachments or relationship dynamics that take you away from yourself, and are moving into deeper clarity.
On October 13, Venus, your planetary ruler, enters your sign, where it loves to be the most. With Venus in your sign for the rest of the month, love takes on a new tone, and you are feeling more love for yourself and where life is taking you right now. To end the month, we have a New Moon in Libra, and it’s time to set your intentions for where you want life to grow for you over the next year. This is a month of embarking on a new journey of self, and allowing what is inspiring you right now to build your confidence in yourself and your relationships.
SCORPIO
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is about honoring your freedom and your power to decide, Scorpio. A lot is going on for you this month, and you have the passion and energy to see things through. Mercury, the planet of communication, moves into your sign at the beginning of the month on October 6, and this is going to help you get your ideas across, making it a good month for business matters, networking, and getting inspired. With Mars also in your sign for the entire month, life moves forward for you in transformative ways in October, and you are a force to be reckoned with.
On October 13, Venus moves into your house of closure, healing, and endings, and you are ready to close one chapter of love and create space for a new one. You are in a contemplative space when it comes to matters of the heart, and you are ready to let go of any heaviness you have been feeling here. Scorpio Season officially begins on October 22, and you are ready to begin again. This Scorpio Season is about owning your confidence in life while letting go of insecurities or self-doubts that have been getting in the way of that.
SAGITTARIUS
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleEverything unfolds for you in a beautiful way this month, Sagittarius. You are flowing well with the energy of October, and life opens up to you. With the Sun in your 11th house of aspirations, dreams, manifestations, and community, you are feeling in balance with your desires and your reality, and are bridging the gap here. This is a month of friendship, believing in your dreams, and creating space for love. With Juno also entering your sign at the beginning of the month until the end of the year, you are attracting soulmates into your life.
On October 6, we have a Supermoon in a fellow fire sign, allowing you some closure in love and a chance at healing. Your heart is feeling renewed, and you are owning your power in creating happiness in your life. Before the month ends, Mercury moves into Sagittarius, where it will be until mid-November, and inspiration is heightened. Pay attention to the guidance you are receiving this month, the conversations you are having, and the light bulb moments that are going off for you right now.
CAPRICORN
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is about going within and connecting with the guidance of your soul, Capricorn. You are taking more time for yourself this month, and rightly so, as you need time to fully process what has happened so far this year. Pluto goes direct in your 2nd house of income, and this moves things forward when it comes to your earning potential, abundance, and values.
The key this month is in valuing yourself, your perspective, and what you are building in your life right now.
On October 21, we have a New Moon happening in your career zone, and this is a good time to manifest your goals within your professional world. Put yourself out there, show up, and know that you are worthy of success and that your dreams aren’t too big for you. As we close out the month, Mercury moves into your house of closure, even further facilitating your desire for contemplation and alone time this month. Overall, October is about taking care of your mental health, owning your successes, and finding your peace.
AQUARIUS
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is a new beginning for you in love and in life, Aquarius. Your heart is feeling inspired, and there is a lot to look forward to right now. The Supermoon at the beginning of the month will be occurring in your 3rd house of communication, giving you the answers you have been looking for and helping you close the door on a chapter in your life that left you feeling misunderstood or misdirected. You are ready for a change of pace this month, and you are receiving that as we begin October.
Mid-October, Pluto goes direct in your sign after being retrograde since May, and this is a huge breath of fresh air for you and your path ahead. You may have been a little harder on yourself while Pluto was retrograde this year, and now you feel ready to forgive, move on, and own your power. Before the month comes to an end, we have a New Moon in Libra, and you are embarking on a new adventure. The end of the month is a good time for traveling, exploring, and gaining a new perspective.
PISCES
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is giving you the guidance, perspective, and passion to see yourself with clear, loving eyes, Pisces. There is a sense of feeling more overwhelmed with life lately, and October is allowing you to gain the insight needed to move on from this energy, or at least see more of the gifts of what has occurred. On October 6, we have a Supermoon in an area of your chart having to do with self-worth, values, and income, and it’s time to see the gifts of what you have been investing in and valuing in your life, including yourself.
Let go of the need to play it small or count yourself out of important conversations, and know that you deserve a seat at the table.
With Pluto going direct in your 12th house of healing as we end the month, you are finally getting the answers you have been looking for emotionally, and it’s changing your perspective on your commitments in life and making you feel empowered. Before the month ends, Neptune goes retrograde in Pisces, and you are going to be moving through a personal revolution as we close out the year. You are inspired by change right now, and this month is what kicks starts this metamorphosis within you.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Falling Out: Here's How To 'Fall-Proof' Your Friendships
At this point, I’m pretty sure that all of us have heard the opening line of a poem by Brian A. “Drew” Chalker, which says, “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” Personally, I think that relationships move a lot better (even the ones that end) when you seek out the PURPOSE (more than the reason) for why someone enters and exits…yet that’s another article for another time.
Seasonal relationships — or as we’re going to discuss today, seasonal friendships. In the general sense, some people only last for a season in our lives because they were mostly “sent” to teach us something, and/or we’ve moved out of relational alignment with them, and/or we “misread” the purpose of them even being around to begin with (that’s a BIG one).
However, today, we’re going to talk about a different kind of seasonal friendship. Today is all about why it seems like, with fall, sometimes it comes with a shift in how we interact with those around us. Then we’re going to tackle what to do about it, so that we don’t hurt, offend, or end up ending a friendship prematurely, simply because we didn’t get how autumn may have impacted us in some unpredictable yet quite relevant ways that didn’t translate well to our peeps.
Chile, live long enough and you will get that good friends really aren’t the dime a dozen you may have thought that they were in high school. So, if you want to “fall-proof” your friendships as soon as possible, here is how to do just that.
Be Aware of How the Fall Season May Affect You
GiphyI have a friend who is a diehard Scorpio (IYKYK) and chile, like clockwork, about six weeks out from her birthday, she totally goes off of the grid — sometimes with a heads up, oftentimes without. And although I used to chalk it up to being nothing more than a period of self-reflection, she also seems a bit mentally and emotionally tapped out during that time of year too.
And so, I did a bit of research and discovered that although Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) — which is a type of depression that upticks during the fall and winter seasons — is quite prevalent around this time, it is also common for many humans to go into their own form of “hibernation” which causes them to want to isolate, sleep more and not socialize as much.
Interestingly enough, because many of us find fall to be our favorite season out of the four, that can also motivate us to want to be alone to walk and look at the turning leaves, to drink hot apple cider while staring out of our living room window or to watch fall-themed rom-coms all by ourselves. And then, if you add to that the fact that, whether consciously or subconsciously, we are storing up energy (sometimes energy that we barely have) to get ready for all that the holiday season takes out of us — yeah, sometimes the last thing that we want to do during the this time is be sociable.
So, off top, if it seems like you are pulling away from your friendships right about now, take out a journal and jot down if any of what I’ve just said resonates with you. Shoot, I’ve brought this up to that Scorpio homie of mine and she said that it definitely hit home.
Get an Understanding of If Autumn Is Draining You…or If “They” Are
GiphyFall fatigue. It’s something else that is extremely common. There are a few reasons why; however, probably the most popular one is that when the days are shorter (and you are indoors more often), you get less exposure to natural vitamin D which is a nutrient that helps to give you more energy. Not only that but exposure to darkness also ramps up your internal melatonin levels which can cause you to lag around as well — and when you feel worn out, what makes you want to have drinks with friends after work or brunch with them on the weekends?
Pretty much all you want to do is lie on your couch or sleep in your bed. And so yes, this is something else that you absolutely need to consider — that you don’t “have it” for your buddies because you physically feel completely drained.
Now, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t ponder another possibility. LOL. What I mean by that is, while you’re journaling and thinking, use the quiet time as an opportunity to decide if you are using fall as an excuse to avoid certain folks, mostly because have been draining you, hell, since this time last year.
And what are some signs of a draining individual:
- They give more than they take
- They bring more problems than solutions
- They gossip and/or criticize more than they affirm
- They deflect instead of taking responsibility and accountability for their actions
- They like to play the victim
- They constantly want to be the center of attention
- They talk more than they listen
- They are super dramatic and/or childish
- They don’t give a damn about honoring your boundaries
- They cultivate more chaos than peace (more times than not)
Listen, you can read articles like, “Texting Your Friends This One Question Will Reveal A Lot About Your Relationship,” “Make Your Friendships (Even) Stronger By Doing These 6 Things,” “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends,” “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend” and “10 Questions To Ask Your Close Friends Before The New Year Begins” to know that I am big — HUGE, in fact — on promoting taking friendship inventory on an annual basis.
And that’s why, I’m definitely encouraging you to think about if you find yourself pulling away from someone (or some people) right through here because, while you’d like to think that it has to do with the autumn equinox, it’s actually more about how they are draining you — not just during the fall season either.
Clearly Articulate That with Your People
GiphyOkay, so whether it’s the weather or the person, something that I am big on is communication. So much so that my circle is used to the fact that, right around Rosh Hashanah (the new year that I personally choose to observe), I may send out a mass email about my relationship-related thoughts, feelings and expectations.
I do that because I honor my friendships enough not to play games, be passive aggressive (check out “More People Are Using The 'Gray Rock Method' To End Relationships. It Needs To Stop.” and “What Should You Do If You're Dating A Passive-Aggressive Person?”) or act like they should be able to read my mind. Nah, I want you to know right where I stand, so that we can decide where we stand too. It proves to be pretty effective because it gives them the opportunity to take inventory on us too.
And so yes, clear communication is something that I recommend, across the board — whether you need to be quiet for a few weeks, just because, or you think it’s time to do some reevaluating of a friendship and its purpose (at least for now). That way, no one feels dismissed, confused or ghosted. And that is always a good thing (a great way to honor karma as well).
Find Compromising Ways to Spend Quality Time Together
GiphySo, what if, after all of what I just said, you really do believe that the fall season is what’s got you not wanting to “hang” so much? Does that mean not hang AT ALL because while your introverted and ambivert friends are probably semi-cool with that? The extroverts? They might feel pretty slighted — and like I (basically) said in my article, “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient,'” your relationships can’t just be about your wants and your needs. Their feelings have to be taken into consideration too.
Plan some one-on-one dates (even if you need to do it several weeks from now; it shows intention and gives them something to look forward to). Go to their house or have them come to yours. Hop on Zoom, so that they can at least see your face (good lord — LOL). See, the thing that I had to explain to my Scorpio friend is that no-contact with no warning is hella extreme. At least, let’s do something together before you vanish and at least commit to replying to every third text, so that I know when to do a wellness check on your ass. LOL.
You’d be amazed how smooth transitions in seasons can go (unless you’ve got a control freak for a friend on your hands) when you’re willing to hear people out, meet them halfway and make a few compromises. Try it.
Don’t Feel Like Talking? Text. Don’t Feel Like Texting? Email.
GiphyOn the heels of what I just said — there is nothing like individuals who don’t want to be bothered, who try and gaslight you about feeling some type of way about it, only for them to suddenly want you to be on-call to “come out and play” whenever THEY are in the mood. That is called relational entitlement and please, don’t fall for it.
Listen, the reality is that no matter how the fall may have someone feeling, unless it is diagnosed depression, they can at least text or email you every once in a while, not just to let you know that they are good but to check in on you as well — because, y’all, let’s not ever forget that the root word in relationship is RELATE and one definition of that word is “to bring into or establish association, connection, or relation.”
Relationships — friendships included — are a lot like plants and most plants need to be watered on a (fairly) consistent basis. That said, if you are going to be low-key for the next several weeks (or even a couple of months), care about your friendships enough to maintain some sort of communication. There is simply too much technology out here these days not to.
Tell Yourself and Them That…This Too Shall Pass
GiphyLove is patient. Put a bookmark on that for just a sec. A project that my mother executive produced many years ago featured one of the best gospel duos ever recorded — and no, I am not going to argue about it. The song is called “This Too Shall Pass” and it features Yolanda Adams and a white woman who can SANG sing, Crystal Lewis.
Now fun fact: When the album (Sisters: The Story Goes On) came out, I told my mother that “this too shall pass” isn’t exactly biblical (she didn’t believe me either—LOL). It’s actually a line from a 12th century Persian poem (the more you know, right?) — it is a beautiful sentiment nonetheless and it actually reminds me of something that I once heard Dylan McKay’s mom (shout-out to Beverly Hills, 90210) once tell Brenda (after she found out about him and Kelly): “Even despair exhausts itself.” Amen. To EVERYTHING, good and not-so-good, a time and season — and that is in the Bible (Ecclesiastes 3).
Anyway, as I wrap all of this up, I’m mentioning this phrase to say that if you are on the receiving end of a friend who relationally “falls back” during this time of the year, if you know that the two of you are good and it’s more about them and their stuff — practice a little patience. Sometimes, for friends to show up in their best form, they need some time to recharge and that is more than okay. Again, so long as the two of you are solid, it’s OK to give people some room.
This too shall pass. Literally.
___
It’s a columnist by the name of Richard J. Needham who once said, “You don't marry one person; you marry three: the person you think they are, the person they are, and the person they are going to become as the result of being.” It’s true and honestly, this insight can translate into friendships as well. There are seasons in those too and, the more you prepare for them, the easier they are to get through.
Friendship fallbacks don’t have to be fallouts.
Prepare. Adjust. Act accordingly.
Simple math.
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