Zendaya and Tom Holland are one of the hottest young couples in Hollywood. After being cast together in Spider-Man: Homecoming in 2016, fans were hoping that the two were more than just co-stars due to their on-screen chemistry, and after years of speculation, fans got their wish.
It’s been said that the best relationships start off as friendships and it looks like that’s the case with Zendaya and Tom. They both met while filming Spider-Man and in an 2017 interview with People, the English actor referred to Zendaya as his best friend.
“We are like the best of friends. She’s so great and amazing,” Tom said. “I’m a little worried [about dealing with fame … but] Zendaya is super famous and she’s been through this, and I just call her up and say, ‘How do I manage being famous?’ I’m very glad I have a friend like her.”
Zendaya and Tom Holland: A Relationship Timeline
Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images
Adorbs!
However, it seems that they have been in an on-and-off relationship as they have been linked to other people since initially sparking romance rumors in 2017.
The Disney alum reportedly dated her Euphoria co-star Jacob Elordi in 2020 and Tom was rumored to have a romance with family friend Olivia Bolton in 2019. But like any on-and-off relationship, they found their way back to each other.
Here’s a timeline of Zendaya and Tom’s relationship:
2016
The 28-year-old actress made her first appearance on her now beau’s Instagram back in July 2016. While it appeared like an innocent pool day with friends, this could also be looked at as the beginning of their romance.
2017
Wait wait...my favorite is when it says we go on vacations together HA! I haven't been on a vacation in years!😂😭🤣hbu @TomHolland1996 ??? https://t.co/zSkvcfzzTa
— Zendaya (@Zendaya) July 13, 2017
@Zendaya Does the press tour count 😂😝 https://t.co/2WsstZPyde
— Tom Holland (@TomHolland1996) July 13, 2017
While Tom said that he and Zendaya were just friends in the People July interview, another source claimed that they were more than that. The source said that they began dating while filming Spider-Man.
“They’ve been super careful to keep it private and out of the public eye but they’ve gone on vacations with each other and try and spend as much time as possible with one another,” claimed the source. “They’re both really ambitious and they challenge each other — but, most importantly, they make each other crack up. They seem to have a really similar sense of humor and love joking around together. They have great banter back and forth.”
However, both of the actors denied the claims on Twitter. “Wait wait...my favorite is when it says we go on vacations together HA! I haven’t been on a vacation in years! hbu @TomHolland1996???,” Zendaya tweeted. Tom retweeted her and wrote. “Does the press tour count?”
The rumors didn’t stop there. In December of the same year, Tom had an outing with Zendaya and her parents. Page Six reported that the actress’ parents seemed to be “charmed” by the Englishman.
2018
Both Zendaya and Tom were pretty lowkey this year, sans a couple of Instagram posts Tom shared of the Dune actress. In May, he praised his “mate” for her MET Gala look. “All hail the queen. Killing it mate 🙌🏻,” he wrote.
Later on in September, he wished the Euphoria star a happy birthday. “Me, myself and the birthday girl. Happy birthday mate - keep killing it and paving the way for the rest of us ♥️,” he shared on Instagram.
2019
David M. Benett/Dave Benett/WireImage
In 2019, the Spider-Man co-stars were reportedly dating other people. Zendaya sparked dating rumors after she was spotted vacationing with her Euphoria co-star Jacob in August 2019. Tom was also seeing Olivia.
2020
Paparazzi caught Zendaya and Jacob kissing in New York City in February, but they never confirmed that they were a couple. Tom, however, broke up with Olivia, but seemingly confirmed that he was back off the market after he shared a photo of Nadia Parkes on Instagram.
2021: Tom and Zendaya are back together.
Zendaya playfully shading Tom in a since-deleted tweet back in July.
In July 2021, paparazzi photos of Zendaya and Tom kissing appeared online, which sent Twitter in a tailspin.
Esteban Camarillo/Instagram
A month later, the pair were spotted attending a wedding together in Esteban Camarillo's IG Story, a fellow guest at the wedding. In regards to romance rumors, Tom and Zendaya kept it cute and still on mute.
However, a source told US Weekly, “They’re both not one to make their relationship public. They’re private when it comes to dating so any photos that have come out would’ve just been them going about their business and not knowing photographers were around.”
In September 2021, not one to shy away from shouting out Zendaya when she's slaying, Tom shared a photo of him and the beauty on his Instagram. "My MJ," it read, "have the happiest of birthdays. Gimme a call when your up xxx."
A month later in October, while on a promo tour for the box office smash Dune, Zendaya took a BFF test with co-star and best friend, actor Timothée Chalamet. One of the questions the BuzzFeed series asked was about their biggest celebrity crushes.
Timothée cheekily responds for Zendaya by saying, "Easy. Tom Holland." To which Zendaya laughs knowingly before answering the same question for her co-star. The adorable moment starts at 1:01.
Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images
It wasn’t until December 5, however, that they made their first red carpet appearance as a couple. They were all smiles as they attended a photocall in London for their film Spider-Man: No Way Home.
After news broke of their relationship, the actors openly gushed about each other during interviews. Speaking with GQ in November, both Zendaya and Tom spoke highly of each other.
“Having her in my life was so instrumental to my sanity,” Tom said. “She is so good at being the role model for young guys and girls. When anyone comes up, like, ‘Can I have a picture?’ it’s never a bad time. Whereas my initial reaction was: ‘Why are you talking to me? Leave me alone.’”
Zendaya shared, “The equal sentiment [we both share] is just that when you really love and care about somebody, some moments or things, you wish were your own…"
“I think loving someone is a sacred thing and a special thing and something that you want to deal with and go through and experience and enjoy amongst the two people that love each other.”
2022
Compared to the red carpet moments and spotlight much of their No Way Home press tour was in 2021, Tom and Zendaya kept their relationship out of the public eye in 2022, except for putting engagement rumors to rest here and there and PDA-filled paparazzi photos.
There was one rumor though that Tom flew 4,000 miles from where he was filming The Crowded Room in New York to Budapest where Zendaya was filming the Dune sequel just to visit his girlfriend. You can see the proof of that here.
2023
Tom and Zendaya may be all about keeping their relationship out of the limelight as much as possible, but private doesn't mean secret and 2023 was a year where the private pair dropped hints about their love through sound bytes. "Our relationship is something that we are incredibly protective of and we want to keep as sacred as possible. We don’t think that we owe it to anyone, it’s our thing, and it has nothing to do with our careers," Tom shared with The Hollywood Reporter in 2023.
He also referred to their relationship as something he holds "most sacred" in his life, later sharing in an interview for Jay Shetty's podcast that he and Zendaya "both feel very strongly that that is the healthiest way to move on as a couple."
In a September 2023 interview with Elle Zendaya echoed those sentiments, sharing how she feels about Tom and "protecting her peace" by holding their relationship close to her chest. "Parts of my life, I accept, are going to be public. I can’t not be a person and live my life and love the person I love. But also, I do have control over what I choose to share. It’s about protecting the peace and letting things be your own but also not being afraid to exist," she told Elle.
Also during that month, the two were spotted amongst A-listers enjoying Queen Bey's bday show during the Renaissance World Tour for date night.
2024
Date night in November 2024
Tom Holland/Instagram
With Zendaya's 2024 flawless back-to-back press tours for Dune: Part Two and Challengers, and Tom's stage role in the West End production of Romeo and Juliet and the release of his non-alcoholic beer brand Bero, there was no shortage of moments where the couple showcased their love for one another in their own way.
From very public Instagram Story displays of affection to holding hands behind the scenes at after parties or events, Zendaya and Tom were constantly spotted boo'd up and showing that their love was stronger than ever despite the lack of red-carpet appearances together.
In a February 2024 puppy interview with Buzzfeed, Zendaya gave her main man a massive shoutout when asked about "rizz" and said that his rizz works beautifully for her. "I think someone who has beautiful charisma, not on the Dune cast, but I personally—works for me—is Mr. Tom Holland. I’m more shy and kind of quiet, so it takes a little bit more to pull me out of my shell. But he’s great at just talking to people and getting to know people. You see him on talk shows and stuff like that. He’s just naturally very good at that. Whereas for me, I’ve definitely had to pull it out of me a little bit. So, he’s got that natural gift.”
2025: Zendaya and Tom are engaged
Zendaya attends the 82nd Annual Golden Globes Awards rocking what appears to be an engagement ring.
Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic
Starting the new year off strong, Zendaya sparked engagement rumors while walking the Golden Globes red carpet and sporting a sizable rock on her left hand that suspiciously did not match the vibes of the Bulgari jewelry she wore as accessories to the event. The rumors have since been confirmed with a source talking to PEOPLE, sharing that Tom has wanted to propose to Zendaya "for a while" and over the holidays was the perfect time to do it.
In a Dec. 18 interview for the Dish podcast, Tom teased his "secret" holiday plans with Zendaya for Christmas 2024 and shared that his hope for Christmas in the new year was that their families would be spending the holidays together. And now we know why. The actor had been planning to pop the question. He told the podcast, "I think what we'd like to start doing is rather than spending it with each family each year is bring the families together. That's what I think we want to do next time. This time, because we're both actors, we're terrible at organizing things, so it hasn't happened yet. The thought's there. The idea has been planted."
At the start of the year, comments Tom made in his cover story for Men's Health about respecting Zendaya's moment on red carpets by not walking them alongside her were making their rounds on social media, and now the couple we've all rooted for are engaged! In it, the 28-year-old actor said his reasoning was, "because it’s not my moment, it’s her moment, and if we go together, it’s about us." We love the way the Spider-Man star is never threatened by our girl's light! Congrats to the happy couple!
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by David M. Benett/Dave Benett/WireImage via Getty Images
Originally published on December 14, 2021, but has since been updated.
- Tom Holland And Zendaya Relationship Timeline ›
- Zendaya and Tom Holland's Relationship: A Complete Timeline ›
- Tom Holland And Zendaya Addressed The Viral Kissing Paparazzi ... ›
- Zendaya and Tom Holland's Relationship: A Complete Timeline ... ›
- Zendaya and Tom Holland's Relationship Timeline: 'Spider-Man,' More ›
RELATED
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock
Not to mention the fact that so many folks literally don’t read (you know, past skimming) anymore — and yes, I have stats to prove it. I recently read that back in 2022, reportedly, a little over 48 percent of people read one book over the course of that entire year (that is not a good thing and proves that book reading is on a steady decline). Meanwhile, the amount of time that is spent on social media: 2.5 hours on a daily basis. That’s 150 minutes of listening to folks just say…whatever. And if you listen to it long enough, you could actually start believing it as gospel.
This includes what I am going to touch on today: the belief that if someone really cares about you, they should constantly reassure you. Y’all damn near are gonna have me join the world of social media again, just to address this one fallacy. For now, though, I’ll settle for making some points via this article — because as you can see from the title, I don’t agree with that conclusion at all.
In fact, I personally believe that thinking this way is a pretty big relational orange — if not red — flag.
Reassurance. And What It Does for a Child.
GiphyIf you’ve read enough of my content, you know that I am big on word definitions — and when it comes to the word “reassurance,” the meaning alone explains why this article has the title that it does:
Reassurance: something, such as information, praise, or an action or gesture, that soothes, comforts, or restores to confidence
Reassurance restores confidence. Bookmark that, please. I will certainly circle back to that point before I am done.
Okay, so when it comes to, say a child, there is absolutely a place for reassurance. That’s because they are still in the process of significant self-development and so they need reassurance in order to feel safe, secure and loved. It’s also a way for them to establish trust in others.
However, did you know that many mental health experts say that if a child deals with, say anxiety, constant reassurance can actually be counterproductive because they can start to rely on external validation to emotionally stabilize them instead of learning how to remain calm and relaxed on their own (yeah, bookmark that too)? Some other ways that constant reassurance can become potentially problematic is it can cause kids to create problems that don’t exist, to overthink and to jump to the wrong conclusions (hmm…very interesting).
And so, already, we’re seeing something pretty interesting, right? Although reassurance has its place, too much of it, even for kids, typically ends up doing more harm than good.
Let’s keep building.
How 'Lack' As a Child Can Manifest As an Adult
GiphyOkay, so we just touched on how constant reassurance can be counterproductive for an anxious child. Now what about when that child grows up? If they never learned how to properly and effectively deal with their anxiety, what then? Well, this is where attachment styles can very easily come into play — especially since one of them is literally called “anxious attachment style.”
Anxious attachment style is rooted in insecurity. It typically stems from experiencing the type of dysfunctional upbringing that resulted in one or both parents being unpredictable or inconsistent in their caregiving approach and techniques. As a result, the child deals with things like fear of abandonment or rejection and, without healing from that, they become an adult who is pretty much the exact same way.
In relationships, it can manifest in them being extra clingy, codependent, super jealous, controlling or — catch it — someone who is always looking for validation and reassurance.
Hmph. Did you catch that? Did you really catch that? Needing constant reassurance in a relationship IS NOT something that should automatically come with a relationship. In fact, if you’re someone who has this type of need or even expectation, there’s a really good chance that what you actually need is therapy — not for your partner to work harder to make you feel better about yourself or the relationship.
Which brings me to my next point.
Relationships Can Be Therapeutic. They Aren’t Therapy, Though.
GiphySomething that some of my clients will tell you that they’ve heard me say, more than once I might add is, “PARENT and PARTNER are not palindromes.” A palindrome is a word (line, sentence, etc.) that is the same whether it is spelled backwards or forwards — and while, of course, parent and partner couldn’t qualify as being that, what I mean is there are far too many people who think that partners should pick up where parents left off and/or dropped the ball — and that is a super unhealthy approach to relationships. Come to think of it, not only is it unhealthy but really unfair as well.
This is exactly why I’m not big on phrases like “the princess treatment” in adult relationships. A princess is the daughter of a king while a queen is the wife of one. For a grown woman to expect a man to do what a father did for her as a child without accepting that as an adult, there are far more responsibilities as a wife that comes into play? Yep, that is toxic thinking.
And you know what? So is expecting your partner to overcompensate for where your father and/or mother didn’t show up in the way that they should have. That is not your partner’s fault, their role or their assignment while dating you. If you feel otherwise, it really is time to speak with a professional who can help you to do a bit of “reprogramming” in your thinking because, for you to feel and/or assume that since your parents didn’t make you feel confident and secure or teach you how to value yourself, your partner should work overtime to make up for it? There is not one thing that is healthy, mature or emotionally solid about having that type of mindset.
And that is why I am also good for saying that, although relationships can be therapeutic (healing), they should never EVER be seen as therapy. Therapists are trained to deal with the mental and emotional challenges that people have. On the other hand, no one should expect their partner to have the knowledge and expertise that professionals do — and while we’re here, partners also shouldn’t trust that someone who needs the assistance of a therapist to become whole (again) would know exactly what steps are required for that to happen.
So yeah, if you’re someone who thinks that being loved means that someone needs to constantly make you feel good about yourself or secure in the relationship — you probably do have an anxious attachment style. See a professional to get that confirmed, though. Because no one should have to make you feel valued or worthy. That is an inside job.
And this brings me to my final point.
It’s Not Fair to Want Someone to Love You More than You Do
GiphyFor this last point, something that Christ once said immediately comes to mind:
“No one puts a piece of unshrunk cloth on an old garment; for the patch pulls away from the garment, and the tear is made worse. Nor do they put new wine into old wineskins, or else the wineskins break, the wine is spilled, and the wineskins are ruined. But they put new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved.” (Matthew 9:16-18 — NKJV)
A lot of times, Christ spoke in parables because it was easier for people to get where he was coming from (Matthew 13:13). Anyway, along these lines, what would be the point in pouring a liquid into a bottle that has a hole in it? It’s not built to contain and maintain the fluid and so, no matter how delicious the drink may be, no matter how many times it’s poured into the bottle, the bottle is never going to remain full — because it has cracks in it.
BOOKMARK THAT.
My fourth baby’s daddy (check out “Why I Named The Children I Aborted”), while we were in the process of our “exit interview” (which is what I choose to call it) of our dynamic, he said something that has always stayed with me: “Shellie, your biggest problem is you receive compliments are revelations when they should be seen as confirmations.” Hmph. The irony of HIM saying that is kind of a trip and yet, at the time when we were experiencing each other, he was exactly right. I should’ve never had such a low sense of self-worth that whatever a man said to me had me so in awe that I either felt extremely grateful or became super addicted to his validation.
And y’all, that is exactly what needing constant reassurance looks like — because why does someone need to keep telling you that you are beautiful, keep saying that you are wonderful, keep letting you know that they want to be with you — keep restoring your confidence in yourself and in your relationship with them?
In other words, why should they work harder at making you feel good about yourself and solid in your relationship than you are willing to? Isn’t that just like pouring liquid into a broken bottle?
There is someone in my family tree who I had to distance myself from because he kept venting to me about his marriage and the fact that his wife was just like this. Sadly, it was never (and I do mean NEVER) enough that he chose her — whenever she felt some type of way about herself, here she came looking for him to fill her voids. After a couple of years of the nonstop needs for reassurance, he was worn out from doing it and I was exhausted from hearing about it. He was too scared to call her out and she was too unaccountable to get the real help that she needed. Whew. Toxic on top of toxic.
So Shellie, what are you saying — that we shouldn’t expect compliments, affirmations, support and encouragement in our relationships? Chile, if that is what you got out of this, you are choosing to think that way because that couldn’t be further from where I am coming from.
Again, you’ve got to remember what reassurance means: it’s about restoring confidence. A compliment is “an expression of praise, commendation, or admiration” yet if you already know that you are pretty, smart, funny, whatever, someone telling you that isn’t “building your confidence;” it’s cosigning on something that you are already aware of. Encouragement is about inspiring or stimulating someone and so yes, of course, the right partner is going to want to see you win in life and so they are going to offer up influence and motivation to help you — but what if they aren’t there?
Shouldn’t you be able to encourage yourself? ABSOLUTELY. However, expecting them to restore your confidence due to things that have nothing to do with them or because you simply lack self-confidence? That is not how relationships are to go. If you aren’t sure of yourself (which is a foundational definition of confident), get to the root of why and then figure what you need to do to become sure — that way, your partner doesn’t have to constantly “fill you up;” actually, what they do will be surplus instead of void-filling because your “bottle” will be unbroken.
____
I’m telling you, if you pay attention to the relationship side of socials, at least twice a day, someone will talk about how they think that a relationship should entail receiving constant reassurance. Lies on top of lies. No one should think that love means trying to make someone else feel sure about themselves because they don’t know how to do so on their own.
And this is why I say that expecting constant reassurance is an orange, if not red, flag.
Because when you already feel good about yourself, there is no need.
And if you don’t, figuring out how to is an inside job — FIRST.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock