

I Was The Only Woman In My Sexaholics Anonymous Meetings
As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer. If you have a story you'd like to share but aren't sure about how to put it into words, contact us at submissions@xonecole.com with the subject "As Told To" for your story to be featured.
This is Janell's story, as told to Charmin Michelle.
Hi. My name is Janell and I am a recovering sex addict.
And I remember the exact conversation with my friend of 15+ years when she told me that she thought I was an addict at all. After she said it, I was so taken aback by the comment.
"You think so?" I asked, almost in disbelief.
"Definitely," she responded.
I'm very self-reflective, and naturally a very open person, so I called my best friend of 25+ years, gave her no context, and asked her the same question. She didn't hesitate to agree.
I knew at that moment, I had a problem.
Growing up, I don't remember ever really discovering sex. My earliest memory of anything sexual was my mom sitting me down to have "the talk" in the 1st or 2nd grade. I remember this girl in my fifth grade class telling one of the boys that she was horny and they would play truth or dare or hide-and-freak, all of which disgusted me. I can recall getting a letter from my elementary school crush that read "I want to make you say ughhhhhhhhh" and how dirty and embarrassed it made me feel.
I didn't start exploring sex until high school with my boyfriend at the time. Even though I was in love with him, I really only used him to spite my mother as a rebellious teenager. I went to a private Christian school my whole life, went to church, was saved and sanctified and filled with the Holy Ghost. I attended an all women's college in the mountains of Virginia secluded from everything, including men (but I made sure to find them). From there, I went to law school in Baltimore, practiced law for a year, and eventually found my way back home in Atlanta.
I say all that to say, I probably look nothing like a sex addict—whatever that would be. But in hindsight, a combination of all the above is what ultimately led me down an ugly, unhealthy trail of promiscuity.
Wale said it best:
"But the problem is probably a deep past,
Still I'm feelin' of somethin' I need bad"
Anyway, as I got older, I became infatuated with the act of intercourse. I regularly collected f*ck buddies, and had lots of them. Somehow having someone that you could consistently bang, with no strings attached, made the idea of hoeing, less slutty. I would sex the same guy every day for extended periods of time, rinse and repeat. And I felt no shame in doing so.
Courtesy of Janell Henderson
I also never really chose my partners; intense sexual energy always seemed to find me. This is why I am now such a believer in the transference of energy, because most of my partners often struggled with sex addiciton too. I was always chosen and rarely took an active role in who I dated. Most times, I was just way too open to whomever came my way. This is not at all how I choose to date now, but then it was just too easy.
I was easy. *cringes in judgement*
Life came at me fast when about five or six months into the situation with one of my partners, his grandmother passed. I knew she had been sick because oftentimes when I went over to his house, he would be on the phone with family members discussing her health—though he and I never crossed that line and never had those types of discussions. One late night after the club, as I frequently would, I showed up at his job so we could go home together and have sex into the morning, as we always did. But this night he got a phone call and broke down crying. Not knowing what to do and being a woman, I offered to accompany him to see his dying grandmother, thinking surely he would turn me down. Mostly because a) he had just rejected the same offer from his best friend, who also was there during this call, and b) we were only f*ck buddies.
But shockingly, he accepted. So, I went to the hospital with him and sat by his grandmother's dying bedside for two days.
When we left the hospital, I was relieved to go back to our normal routines. I knew he was supposed to go to work the next day but because I was concerned that he hadn't slept in a few days, I reached out—something that we just didn't do before. I didn't get an answer so I immediately thought that something was wrong and decided to stop by his house to check on him. And chiilllddddd…he was there, in his room, loud as hell, and having sex with someone else. I was livid. But here's the wild part: it wasn't because I had feelings for him, or had fallen for him after a family tragedy like a damn Tyler Perry movie.
I realized I was only upset because in that moment, it wasn't me that was having sex. It was time to seek help.
Since I Google everything, I took a shot and googled "sex addiction". Lo and behold, Sexaholics Anonymous popped right up—and it was free, just as Alcoholics Anonymous or Debt Anonymous would be. I thought to myself, Who can beat free help? I had been to therapy before, and I knew how draining the process of finding a therapist could be: from finding one you actually want to commit to, to availability and money. These all slow the rehabilitation process down. SA gave me quick access to help and it seemed like a quick fix, so I signed up immediately. I literally was in class three or four days later.
SA was very similar to AA. You go around the room, share a little about yourself—without disclosing too much. The group leader, who I actually recognized because I'd see him out on occasion (go figure), would read an excerpt from the SA tenant book and then ask us to speak about how it made us feel, or if we could relate. I was the only woman in my tenant sessions, which didn't bother me at all. Women tend to behave more harshly towards women when it comes to sex. Most men could care less. In fact, every man who knew found it eerily attractive and I knew that, so I was comfortable.
It felt like home to be honest.
But for once, I wasn't there for the men. I was there for me; and furthermore, none of these men were the type of men I would have ever slept with. Even though admittedly my picking was lax, I was well aware that certain settings guaranteed all my partners were college educated, employed and regularly went to the gym. But in SA, I was laser-focused and being the only woman never even crossed my mind.
By our second meeting, a light bulb went off as clear as day and I got all the answers I was looking for. I attended one more session, collected my thoughts, and began focusing on evolving towards a higher purpose. I haven't attended SA since.
Ultimately, what I learned is an addiction is an addiction.
And most people—whether they can admit it or not—to some degree, have been addicted to something in their lifetime. All negative behaviors have a trigger, and to fix those negative behaviors, you have to identify and know your triggers to be able to recognize and avoid repeated cycles. What you feed on, will ultimately devour you in the end. Not only did I have sex every single day, I was around sexual energy all the time. I went to strip clubs regularly, listened to sexual music, talked about sex constantly; my friends would come to me with all their sex questions. It was sort of like I had become this trained expert. Don't get me wrong, sex was my favorite conversation to have, but my life unbeknownst to me, had a lot of sex in it. I was constantly feeding my addiction and it took me years to escape that mentality and lifestyle.
Today, I feel free. I haven't have sex in almost a year (I lost track of how long), I actively and intentionally decide to be abstinent, and no longer date. The adjustments were difficult but the lesson of learning what to feed my spirit, curbed my appetite. Instead of the radio or music, I choose to listen to sermons on YouTube or business podcasts. I unfollowed anyone on Instagram who casually talked about sex—including many of my favorite celebs. I became much more intentional about what I watch or where I go.
Courtesy of Janell Henderson
Sure, SA didn't stop me from having sex altogether, but it did give me the tools to recognize unhealthy behaviours and patterns to make more responsible decisions. And remember, these are triggers for me, so my adjustments were in response to what triggers me. And they may seem extreme, but when you have an addiction, you have to be extreme.
So. Any regrets? Of course not.
I don't live with regrets. If that's the case, I would definitely lived differently altogether, if given the chance. But we are only given one life, and my goal is to move forward making women feel superior through transformation, alignment and manifestation. I built a business on helping women feel beautiful through thrifted-only clothes—primarily because I used to thrive in superficial, high-end environments. But now, I can honestly say I feel most triumphant when I am having conversations with God in my journal, writing affirmations, visualizing my future, and reading and meditating on the Bible.
Self-love and admiration is purely in the eye of the beholder. Read that again, guys, it's important: Self-love and admiration is purely in the eye of the beholder.
And for me, the only difference between then and now, is from what source I pulled it from.
If you think you have a sex addiction and need help, you can join your local Sexaholics Anonymous meetings. You can also follow Janell on Instagram here to keep up with her journey.
Featured image courtesy of Janell Henderson
Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
Jodie Turner-Smith Files For Divorce From Joshua Jackson After Nearly 4 Years Of Marriage
2023 has become the year of celebrity breakups with headlines breaking left and right about celebs filing for divorce or ending high-profile relationships. The latest couple to announce their dissolution? British actress Jodie Turner-Smith. TMZ reported that Jodie has filed for a divorce from her husband, Dawson Creek alum Joshua Jackson.
As far as her reason for calling it quits, Jodie cited "irreconcilable differences," according to TMZ, and has requested joint custody of the couple's daughter, Juno Rose Diana Jackson. Late last year there were rumblings of there being "trouble in paradise" for the couple after the media realized they were no longer following each other on Instagram.
Those rumors were more than laid to rest when Jodie and Joshua went to the 2023 Oscars together earlier this year, and even more recently, when they celebrated her birthday together last month during the September unveiling of the Lotus Emeya.
Jodie Turner-Smith celebrates her birthday with husband Joshua Jackson at the unveiling of the new fully-electric Lotus Emeya on September 07, 2023 in New York City.
Brian Ach/Getty Images for Lotus
Despite seeming particularly happy and in love, perhaps the writing was already written on the wall even then. In the past, Jodie has been very celebratory publicly about her love for her estranged husband, even boldly recounting their love story for the books in a 2021 interview with Seth Meyers.
When Jodie and Joshua met, it was while at his birthday party in 2018. Their relationship was hot and heavy from the start, with Jodie openly noting that they began as a "one-night stand." During her 2021 interview with Seth Meyers, she jokingly referred to their love story as a "three-year one-night stand." She shared:
"First of all, I saw him before he saw me and when I saw him, I was like, 'I want that.' And then when he saw me, I just pretended like I didn't see him. He had to yell across the room to me, and I was wearing this T-shirt from a movie called Sorry to Bother You and [actress] Tessa Thompson plays a character called Detroit, and she has this T-shirt that says, 'The Future Is Female Ejaculation.'
"And so, he shouts across the room, 'Detroit!' He comes over and… does this really cute, charming thing that he does and just all night -- he just basically followed me around the party."
The couple were together from that moment forth, and even made things "Instagram official" less than two weeks later while on a dinner date. Joshua would later clarify to Insider that the night they met in 2018 was not a 'one-night stand' or a 'three-year one-night stand' like his then-wife joked but instead, it was "technically a three-night stand."
"It was sealed with a kiss that night and then we didn't leave each other's sides for, well, three years now," Joshua continued at the time.
In a July 2021 interview with Jimmy Fallon, Joshua dropped more details about the why behind getting married. He revealed that he didn't know he wanted to get married to Jodie until "the moment she asked me."
"She asked me on New Year's Eve. We were in Nicaragua. It was very beautiful, incredibly romantic, we were walking down the beach and she asked me to marry her."
He added, "I did not know [she would propose], but she was quite adamant and she was right. This is the best choice I ever made."
Joshua Jackson Reveals Jodie Turner-Smith Proposed To Him
Jodie received quite a bit of flack for proposing to Joshua because it goes against tradition and what society sees as acceptable for a woman to do to a man, and proposing isn't one of them. No matter how much time has passed, the viewpoints around who should do the proposing and who should be proposed to are still very traditional.
After being on the receiving end of such backlash, Joshua would later clarify to the media in a separate interview that it wasn't just Jodie's proposal to him that sealed the deal of them getting married, he proposed to her too. She might have initiated it, but Joshua followed through.
"I accidentally threw my wife under the bus because that story was told quickly and it didn't give the full context and holy Jesus, the internet is racist and misogynist," he explained to Refinery29 that same year. "We were in Nicaragua on a beautiful moonlit night, it could not possibly have been more romantic."
David M. Benett/Dave Benett/Getty Images
He continued, "And yes, my wife did propose to me and yes, I did say yes, but what I didn't say in that interview was there was a caveat, which is that I'm still old school enough that I said, 'This is a yes, but you have to give me the opportunity [to do it too].'"
"She has a biological father and a stepdad, who's the man who raised her. [I said], 'You have to give me the opportunity to ask both of those men for your hand in marriage.' And then, 'I would like the opportunity to re-propose to you and do it the old-fashioned way down on bended knee.' So, that's actually how the story ended up."
Joshua and Jodie would eventually marry in December 2019. Shortly thereafter, Jodie gave birth to the couple's first child, Janie, in 2020.
In a recent interview with Elle UK, Jodie shared the ways becoming a mother to Juno helped to heal her of her wounds from colorism she experienced in the past. "It's interesting because I had a lot of resistance to becoming a mother and, throughout my life, I always said if I were to have children, I wanted to have Black, Black babies so that I could affirm them as children with the love that I felt I needed to have been affirmed with by the outside world," Jodie shared with the outlet.
She continued, "Then I fell in love with my husband and we talked about having kids. I did have this mini pause, where I was like, 'She's going to be walking through the world not only having an experience that I did not have, but looking like people that, in a way, I'd always felt a little bit tormented by.' Now that I've got this little, tiny, light-skinned boss, I feel like it’s the universe teaching me lessons. I've been given a daughter who looks this way to heal my own conversations around colorism."
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Featured image by Amy Sussman/Getty Images