South Africa has always been a bucket list destination for me. I’ve admired the culture and history of its people, and I’ve been aware of its troubled political past since childhood. I’d often read books about the systemic and political struggles there, and I’ve watched many documentaries about esteemed activists and leaders like Nelson Mandela and Steve Biko, and entertainers like Miriam Makeba and Brenda Fassie.
When I got the opportunity to travel to South Africa via Afri-Centric, a woman-owned boutique travel company that specializes in curated experiences meshing luxury, authentic community, and continental connection, it was truly a full-circle, once-in-a-lifetime adventure. We went from Johannesburg to Cape Town, and we saw the beauty of parts of the Eastern Cape as well.
The experience showcased the impeccable tastes and savvy of Afri-Centric’s owner and managing director, esteemed tourism and hospitality industry veteran Itumeleng Pooe.
From that whirlwind trip—a first for me in almost every way imaginable—I was able to experience a range of lodging vibes, cultural moments, and must-see adventures. Here are a few travel itinerary options for your next trip to South Africa:
WHERE I STAYED
Rockefeller Hotel, Cape Town
Rockefeller Hotel, Cape Town
Chic, City Vibes: The Rockefeller Hotel
This is the perfect home base for a weeklong experience in Cape Town since it’s centrally located. It also has amazing views of the city, a rooftop lounge, a pool, a gym, and an excellent breakfast buffet. You’re a short drive away from the V&A Waterfront, where there’s shopping and eateries, Table Mountain, one of the “7 Wonders of Nature,” and the Mother City nightlife many on Instagram brag about. (A favorite of mine was Ayepyep Lifestyle Lounge. Order one of their brai platters and enjoy affordable bottle service, along with a good mix of R&B and Amapiano hits.)
The Rockefeller Hotel was the perfect home base for a trip to Cape Town since it’s centrally located. It also has amazing views of the city, a rooftop lounge, a pool, a gym, and an excellent breakfast buffet.
Sanctuary Mandela, Aerial view from suites floor
Courtesy, Sanctuary Mandela
Sanctuary Mandela
Historic Serenity And Presidential Aura: Sanctuary Mandela
This was by far my favorite hotel experience and I highly recommend making this your first stop when staying in Johannesburg. Not only will you be respectfully immersed in the life, culture, and experiences of Nelson Mandela, iconic activist and former president of South Africa, but you’ll also enjoy sophisticated decor, fine wine, amazing customer service, and delicious food. Arriving there after more than 17 hours of travel felt like a warm hug, and we were right in the middle of suburban Jo’Burg which had a welcoming calmness perfect to start a trip to South Africa on the right foot.
From here, we embarked on a very bittersweet but necessary visit to the Apartheid Museum, the largest site to extensively tackle pre-, during, and post-apartheid history and the global impact of the movement for justice, equality, and restoration of the country.
I thought I knew all I needed to know about this topic, but it was refreshing to start from the beginning of the history of the people who settled in the region and the sources of what would launch systems of oppression there.
Luxe Queenly Ambiance: Lanzerac Hotel & Spa
I literally got my Lady Danbury of “Bridgerton” fantasy on at this wine estate, engrossed in history dating back to 1692 and located in a mountainous town called Stellenbosch, a town in the Western Cape. Each suite is unique and includes classic but luxurious touches, and the wine is among the best of the best in the world. The property also has a spa and several dining retreats, and it is perfect for a baecation or girls' trip to relax and enjoy the opulence of the lush South African landscape.
Lanzerac Hotel & Spa
WHAT I DID: WINE COUNTRY, SAFARI, AND THE ARTS
First, when traveling to South Africa, especially for the first time, I highly recommend going with a group and booking transportation to excursions or other cultural events through an agent or tour company. This literally takes the guesswork out of the logistics of it all, and you’ll be privy to guides who can tell you all about South Africa, its history, and its people. Throughout our trip, we were well taken care of by ElJoSa Travel and Tours, where the coaches were clean, comfortable, and air-conditioned. The tour guides became like family by the end of the experience.
Cozy, Family-Centric Safari: Milima Big 5 Safari Lodge
It was here that I got to see what safari enthusiasts call “the big five,” which are the five largest and most dangerous animals in the wild. It was an exciting and centering experience, unlike anything I’ve ever encountered before. We had three drives through the bush with a guide.
At this lodge, we saw rhinos, elephants, a leopard, a buffalo, and a pack of lions that casually walked just two to three feet next to our truck. It was an extraordinary occurrence since, according to several guides, it’s rare to see all five during your first time on safari.
The lodge itself reminds me of camping experiences of my teenage years, with rustic amenities and a spectacular pool and dining area that offers views of the animals’ watering hole—we could see elephants casually taking baths and drinking as we ate lunch. Also, the staff, again, felt like family by the time we had to check out. You can opt to stay in one of the cabins or a beautiful luxury tent where the animals will literally greet you in the morning.
My view from the safari truck, Milima Big 5 Safari Lodge
After a morning safari drive, Milima Big 5 Safari Lodge
Wine Tasting In Alluring Romance And Opulence: Delaire Graff Estate
We made a stop here to see the grounds and taste their selections, and for the brief time we were there, I fell in love. Overlooking the Banhoek Valley in Stellenbosch, this property has vast views including those of Table Mountain, amazing wines, provocative African art, a spa, and a range of suite options that might make you want to extend your trip. Classy, elegant, modern, and upscale comfort are major themes here.
Delaire Graff Estate
Delaire Graff Estate
Coastal Vibes And Culture In Eastern Cape: National Arts Festival
While Cape Town and Johannesburg are top destinations for travelers, Eastern Cape offers an off-the-beaten-path regions that are just as worthwhile, including Gqeberha (formerly known as Port Elizabeth). The region offers striking and geographically diverse coastal and inland countryside experiences, and the Algoa Bay beachfront was a pleasure to preview for the short time I was there. It’s also the birthplace area of major South African leaders including Mandela, Biko, and Thabo Mbeki. I enjoyed our stay at the Sun Boardwalk Hotel, which is within walking distance of Blue Flagged Hobbie Beach in Gqeberha.
I also became an active part of history with the stop in Eastern Cape, as the National Arts Festival marked 50 years of providing a platform for South African and diasporan artists and creatives to serve, fight against oppression, collaborate, and express themselves. It was an honor within itself.
The festival has roots in Makhanda, a town formerly known as Grahamstown, and it’s a stop you should add to your itinerary when traveling to the region in the summer months.
Township visit, Eastern Cape
"Sarafina," presented by the Sonwa Sakuba Institute
We caught a riveting rendition of “Sarafina,” an iconic anti-apartheid musical-turned-film that has won numerous awards across global stages. We also saw a moving performance dedicated to the life of Sarah Baartman, a South African woman who was exploited by 19th-century Europeans as a human exhibit attraction. (For more information on the festival schedule and performances, follow on Instagram @natioonalartsfestival or visit their website.)
During the festival season, there’s a pop-up food experience called The Long Table, where we ate authentic South African dishes prepared fresh by what I anointed the “beloved aunties,” a group of elders who literally handmade everything with love.
It was a communal experience that felt like eating at your grandmother’s house. Standout dishes were the peanut soup and anything with lamb in it. You’ll need to either check their Facebook page or simply visit the area in order to know the hours and menu, but it’s definitely a worthwhile search and visit.
(Check out more on the Eastern Cape and plan your trip there via the Eastern Cape Parks & Tourism Agency Instagram or its website.)
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A Goddard College graduate, who earned an MFA from Pratt Institute and was awarded an honorary doctorate from Marymount Manhattan College, Mahogany offers unapologetic realness with a side of grace and empowerment. "I started touring locally. I started creating chat books so that those poems will go in the hands of the people who were sitting in the rooms," she shared.
"And then I started facilitating poetry workshops, so I used my chat books as curriculum. And that, in turn, allowed me to further invest in my art and show the community and people who were hiring me that it wasn't just a one-off, that it's not just, you know, a fly by night—that I am invested in this art as much as I am invested in your community, in your children's learning, in our growth."
Mahogany has a special way of moving audiences, and her superpower sparks shifts in perspective, post-performance introspection, and strengthening of community bonds, especially among Black women. (One can undeniably recognize her gift for arousal of the spirit and mind merely from her listening to her insights from the other side of a Google Hangout call. I can only imagine the soul-stirring, top-tier sensory encounter when watching her perform in person.)
In this chat with xoNecole, Mahogany reflects on sustaining a creative career, the aftermath of writing a banned book, and using poetry for both healing, community-building, and activism.
Anthony Artis
xoNecole: What are three key things that have laid the foundation for a sustainable creative career for you?
Mahogany L Browne: What has helped me is that I'm willing to go in being an expert at knowing poetry and knowing the way in which art can change the landscape of our lives, not just as a poet, but also as a poetry facilitator. How you move through classes, those things are mastered, right? So when I go into another space that's maybe tech-heavy, I don't mind learning and being, you know, a student of the wonder of how we can make this magic, work together.
Two, you’ve got to know how to pivot. Sometimes we say, ‘Alright, this is what my life is going to be. I'm going to be a New York Times best-selling author. I'm going to, you know, have an album that's Grammy-nominated. And then, say you get dropped from your record label. That doesn't mean you can't make an album anymore. You can also still create an album that can be submitted to the Grammys. So, what does a pivot look like as an artist who doesn't have an institution behind them? Pivot being a student of the wonder.
Relationships also really help. How do I serve the community? And in turn, that tells me how the community can show up. For me, I have long-standing ties with a community that will outlast my one life. So, what does it mean to create space where these relationships can develop, can be nurtured, can be rooted, can be cultivated? Creating space—it happens through relationships.
xoN: With today’s economic challenges, what does your current creative process look like, and what are you working on?
MB: I’m always thinking five years ahead. I just reviewed the pages for two children’s books and recently released a YA novel. I’m drafting an adult fiction manuscript now.
Anything I create is founded with the root of poetry, but it can exist in captions. It can exist in commercials. It can exist as a musical. So that's where I’m at now.
xoN: You started performing "Black Girl Magic" in 2013, had an acclaimed performance of it via PBS and the work went on to viral success shortly after. Talk more about the inspiration. And what do you think about the continued relevance more than a decade later?
MB: I wrote it as a rally cry for the mothers who had been keeping themselves truly in harm's way by, you know, being a part of the community right after the death of their child or their loved one. They are usually mothers of victims of police brutality—and just seeing how they showed up in these community spaces, they are devout to the cause but obviously still grieving.
"I wanted this poem to be just a space of reclamation, of joy and of you, of your light, of your shine, of your brilliance, in any which way in which you fashion. Every room you enter is the room you deserve to be in. What does it mean to have a poem like that that exists?"
And the first time I did the poem, the Weeping that occurred, right? It was like this blood-letting of sorts. The next time I performed it, I'm moved to tears because I'm seeing how it's affecting other women who have just been waiting to hear, ‘You belong. You deserve. You are good. We see you. Thank you, despite everything that they said to make you regret being born in this beautiful brown, dark-skinned, light-skinned, but Black body.’
Black women are the backbone—period. Point blank. And so, that that poem became a necessity, not just to the fortitude of Black women in the community, but like you know, in service of healing the Black women.
xoN: One of your books was banned at a school in Boston, and it was later reinstated due to parental and activist support. What was that experience like?
MB: Well, I think it happened because they were racist. That's it. Point blank. The reversal of it was empowering, right? I realized, oh, I thought we just had to sit here and be on a banned book list. But no, parents are actually the leaders of this charge.
So to see that, the parents said, ‘Nah, we're not gonna let you take this book out of my baby’s school just because it's a Black kid on the front saying, ‘Woke’ and they're talking about being a global citizen. They're talking about accountability. They're talking about accessibility. They're talking about allyship, and you don't want them to have compassion or empathy or have even an understanding, right? So no, we rebuke that, and we want this book here anyway.’ To see that happen in that way. I was, like, reaffirmed. Absolutely.
xoN: You recently organized the Black Girl Magic Ball at the Lincoln Center in New York. Honorees included author and entrepreneur Rachel Cargle and National Black Theater CEO Sade Lythcott. What impact did it have and what expanded legacy do you hope to leave with your creative works?
MB: I was really interested in not celebrating just the book, but celebrating the community that made the book possible. And so I gave out five awards to women doing that thing, like, what does it mean to be a Black girl in this world?
I just thought it was gonna be an amazing time. Everybody's gonna dress up—we're gonna celebrate each other. And boom, I then realized that it responded to like a gaping hole. There was a missing thing for Black girls of all walks of life, all ages, right?
"It's very intergenerational. That was intentional to come together and celebrate just being us."
You have all these instances where just being you is either the butt of a joke or it's diminished and not worthy of a specific title in these larger institutions. So what does it mean to just to be loved up on and celebrated?
It felt like a self-care project at first. You know, for the first couple of years, folks were coming and they were getting that sisterhood. They were getting that tribe work that they were missing in their everyday lives.
I love the Black Girl Magic Ball because we got us. If I go out with a bang, they'll remember that Mahogany worked her a** off to make sure all the Black girls everywhere knew that she was the light. We are the blueprint.
For more information on Mahogany L. Browne, her work, and her future projects, visit her website or follow her on IG @mobrowne.
Featured image by Anthony Artis
Fast forward to today — le sigh — and while the tradition isn’t really upheld anymore, in my opinion, perhaps it should be. I say that because, did you know that, when it comes to wedding night copulation, less than 40 percent of couples make that a priority these days?
And while, on the surface, that might not seem that much of a big deal, if you sit tight, I’m going to explain to you why, as a marriage life coach for over 20 years at this point, I 1000 percent believe that it is — a much bigger deal than many people would ever imagine.
Keeping yichud in mind, let me first take a moment to break down why you should consummate your marriage as soon as possible following your wedding; then I will follow that up with providing a few hacks to make sure that you have the mind, body, and spirit to actually do so.
Remember What “Consummate” Means
GiphyLet’s start off with what the word “consummate” actually means. You know, the same way that it irritates me when people who are dating say that they are monogamous instead of exclusive (check out “Why I Use The Word 'Monogamous' In Marriage And 'Exclusive' In Dating”), it also low-key irritates me when unmarried people who have sex for the first time say that they “consummated” their relationship. Why? Because consummate has specific meanings, and that ain’t one of them.
To consummate actually means “to complete (the union of a marriage) by the first marital sexual intercourse.” Back in ancient Jewish times, this was a really big deal because, more times than not, the couple was having sex for the very first time with one another (oftentimes, it was their first time being alone together as well).
These days, it’s been reported that only 10 percent of men and seven percent of women between the ages of 22-34 are still virgins; however, even if you’re not a virgin and shoot, even if your wedding night isn’t the first time that you’re having sex with your partner, the word “consummate” still applies because it’s the first time that you will be having sex with him as your husband and you as his wife — which is still a different kind of intimacy (check out “10 Wives Tell Me What They Wish They Knew About 'Married Sex'”).
I say that because…do you know what else consummate means? It means “to complete (an arrangement, agreement, or the like) by a pledge or the signing of a contract” and “to bring to a state of perfection; fulfill.” In other words, saying your vows isn’t what fully completes your wedding day — consummating your marriage is.
Let’s keep going…
Prioritize “Completion”
GiphyOkay, so by the literal definitions of consummate, a husband and a wife complete their union of marriage by having sex. By doing that, it brings their new kind of relationship into a state of perfection and fulfillment. It also makes their formal marriage arrangement complete. That is how important consummating your marital union is — so, why in the world would you not want to prioritize that?
Especially when you stop to think about the fact that complete means things like “having all parts or elements; lacking nothing; whole; entire; full”, “finished; ended; concluded,” “having all the required or customary characteristics, skills, or the like; consummate; perfect in kind or quality.” Hmph. Looks to me like the wedding vows, the exchanging of rings, the jumping of brooms, the reception — none of this results in a marriage getting into a state of “lacking nothing” or the day being “finished” or the marital relationship “having all of the required and customary characteristics” like SEX does.
That’s how essential it’s supposed to be seen and treated in a marital relationship (sexless couples, please remember that and also check out “10 Wonderful Reasons Why Consistent Sex In Marriage Is So Important “ and “How 10 Couples Reignited Their Sex Lives After Facing A Sexless Marriage” ). And THIS is why it’s so unfortunate that 60 percent of couples don’t see it this way.
Honestly, I’d venture to say that it’s because most haven’t even thought about how paramount the word “consummate” actually is and yet, again, as a marriage life coach (and someone who speaks on marital covenant A LOT), it’s my job to make sure to put as many engaged couples (or folks who want to be married someday) on notice — because if you can make sure that you take your wedding pictures, that you dance at your reception and that you hug the folks who you haven’t seen in years…you can certainly make time to PERFECT YOUR UNION with your spouse.
Hmph, let me tell it, if you do that on your wedding night, it will remind you to prioritize it during the rest of your marriage. It’s a foundational principle that deserves high respect and much consideration. And what if you’re like, “I hear you, Shellie, but I always hear that people are usually too tired for sex on their wedding night”? You know a saying that gets on my nerves and yet here, it does somewhat apply: “If you wanted to, you would” — and I believe that if you take the word “consummate” literally and seriously, you will make a way, no matter what. I do have a few tips to help you out, though.
Get Rest the Night Before
GiphyHands down, the two top reasons for why couples don’t have sex on their wedding night are either because they were too tired or they were too drunk. I’ll hit the drunk thing in a moment; however, when it comes to the tired thing — listen, I get it. Fewer days are going to be longer and take more out of you than your wedding day will. I will say this, though: the couples I know who waited until their wedding night, they somehow found the energy (because they had something new to look forward to) which means that, again, what is important to us, we certainly will make time for — and it’s important to see sex, in marriage, as not just a fun activity but a supernatural mental, emotional and spiritual bond:
"There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, 'The two become one.'" (I Corinthians 6:16 — Message)
That’s why it’s so important to, instead of staying up all night giggling and cackling with your friends the night before your nuptials, that you actually get some rest. Also, even though I know you want to avoid any bulge and bloat that you can, make sure that you at least snack on some fruit while getting ready the next day. Both of these things will help to give you fuel in order to get through the day — and night. So will one more thing…but let me tackle being drunkety-drunk-drunk matter first.
Toast. Don’t Get Drunk, Though.
GiphyA wedding reception is one big party that is being thrown in your and your beloved’s honor, and you should take in every moment of it. That doesn’t mean that you need to toss back multiple tequila shots and participate in every toast at every table, though. Listen, it’s no secret that having too much alcohol in one’s system can affect a man’s stamina (and not in a good way) and can have your sex drive on a roller coaster ride (also not in a good way), not to mention that it could cause you to pass right on out.
So, in the spirit of completing your marriage (again, literally) — how about sipping on champagne during the formal toasts and leaving it at that? After all, you’ve got bigger matters to celebrate…later on.
Don’t Be the Last One to Leave Your Reception
GiphyThere are two weddings that I remember attending in my lifetime where the husband and wife honestly couldn’t care less about their reception. LOL. During one wedding, the couple basically ate the cake and did the bouquet and garter toss all at once; hell, I don’t even remember them eating anything. I was actually in the wedding party and didn’t get to say “goodbye” either. They were outta there. Another couple? They didn’t show up to the reception at all! They actually recorded a video that ran during it where the husband said, “I know what salmon tastes like. I’m trying to figure some other things out.”
Meanwhile, another wedding that I went to where the couple lived together prior to their wedding day? Since the wedding and reception were at a plush hotel, many of their guests were staying at the same spot. So, after the couple shut down the reception, they then went hotel room hopping until wee hours of the morning. When I asked them what in the world they were doing, the bride literally said, “Girl, we’ve lived together for years. We can have sex any time.”
See what I mean? See what happens when you don’t fully grasp how important consummating your marriage is? It’s not “just sex” anymore — it’s perfecting some things. So yeah, definitely don’t be the last two people to leave your wedding reception, especially if you sense that you are starting to run on fumes. You need to do something more important than being the last people on the dance floor — and you already know what that thing is.
Book Your Honeymoon Flight for Later in the Day (or the Following One)
GiphyAnother reason why many couples don’t consummate their marriage on their wedding night is because they are rushing to go to bed so that they can catch their honeymoon flight. For this, honestly, it’s wiser to wait until the evening of the following day, if not the day after that. Not only will that give you time to “complete” your union, but afterwards, you can get a lot of the rest that you crave.
I’m telling you — if there is one thing that far too many couples do when it comes to their after-the-ceremony plans, it’s put unnecessary pressure on themselves by putting together a super strict schedule that they really don’t need. You’re married now, and whatever location you’re going to isn’t going anywhere. RELAX. HAVE SOME SEX. RINSE. REPEAT. THEN LEAVE.
Keep Your Expectations Realistic
GiphyOkay, one more thing about the whole “it’s important to consummate” point, and then I’ll be out of y’all’s hair. It actually circles back to the yichud tradition that I mentioned in the intro. Remember how I said that Jewish couples were left alone for 18 minutes? Well, in some of my other sex-themed content, I’ve shared that many couples are more than fine with intercourse lasting somewhere between 7 and 13 minutes.
My point? Listen, nowhere in this article did I say that y’all had to have 90s R&B sex the first time that the two of you come together as husband and wife. I simply said that you need to consummate the relationship, and I’m pretty sure that you both can muster up at least 10 minutes to make that happen. All of the “all night long” stuff — yeah, do that on your honeymoon. However, making sure that “oneness” transpires, so that the perfection of your union is established? That needs to happen as soon as possible.
____
An author by the name of Abhijit Naskar once said, “Sex is not just about going in or letting in, it is really about welcoming your dearly beloved into the deepest regions of your psyche, which are inaccessible to anybody else.” Truer words could not have been said than when it comes to a husband and wife.
Sex ain’t “just sex” in a marriage, y’all. It’s far more than that.
Consummate that thing. Down the pike, you’ll be oh so glad that you did.
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Featured image by Giphy