Most of us grew up hearing the number "8" when it came to our health. We needed to drink eight glasses of water every day and we also needed to get eight hours of sleep every night. Unfortunately, most of us are pretty hard-headed. Reportedly, 75 percent of us are not only dehydrated but chronically so while 40 percent of us aren't catching enough zzz's.
On the sleep tip, this is a problem because it's when we're sound asleep that our minds and bodies get time to refresh and recharge. As a result, our stress levels are reduced, our heart gets stronger, our memory levels improve, we lower our risk of anxiety and depression and even our cells produce more protein so that they can repair any damage that may have occurred to them throughout the day.
That's why, no matter what you've got happening on your to-do list, sleep has got to be treated as a top priority. Not just sleep…good sleep. If mentally you know all of this but, deep down, you have to admit that you're not getting the kind of quality rest that your body truly deserves, here are some tips that are sure to take your sleep experience to another level, just as soon as tonight (if you actually make the time to apply them!)
10 Simple Ways To Improve Your Sleep
Eat Breakfast Food at Night
If you've never had an omelet or a piece (or two) of French toast for dinner, you don't know what you're missing! Not only is breakfast food at nighttime absolutely delicious, but certain ones can also help you to get the much-needed rest that you're after too.
The key is to eat foods that are high in complex carbs, protein, calcium, and tryptophan (it's what turkey is full of and why you want to fall asleep right after you eat some of it). Some of the foods that contain this combo are traditional breakfast ones including scrambled eggs, whole grain cereal or toast, yogurt with granola, bagels with salmon and cream cheese or a banana, raspberry and almond milk smoothie.
Take a Magnesium, Calcium and Zinc Supplement
Virtually every part of our body needs magnesium, calcium, and zinc. For starters, it keeps our nerves, bones, muscles, brain and cellular health intact. When our systems are deficient in any of these, it can trigger restlessness, anxiety and even insomnia.
I can personally attest to the fact that if you take this three-combo supplement about an hour or two before bed for about a week, you will end up having some of the best sleep of your entire life! Whenever I take it, I feel a noticeable difference in a good way. When I don't, sleep just isn't as awesome.
Turn Your Thermostat Down
I don't know about you, but I personally think there is nothing worse than falling asleep when I'm hot. The thing that I couldn't figure out for the longest is how I could go to bed feeling totally comfortable and then, in the middle of the night, I would be burning up. What I discovered is our body temperature changes, a few times, throughout the night. The way to not allow that to disrupt your sleep is by turning your thermostat down.
How low? Between 60-67 degrees is good. If you crack open your bedroom window (so that carbon dioxide fumes die down), that's even better. You'll stay cool and your electricity bill will be less expensive in the process.
Use Cotton Sheets
First question—how often do you change your sheets? You should be doing it once a week or once every other week. Your skin is constantly shedding dead skin cells; for the sake of your long-term health, you need to remove the bacteria from your bedding.
Second question—what kind of bedding do you use? According to sleep experts, sheets that are made out of a Pima cotton or an Egyptian cotton that have a sateen finish are best. What's so great about sateen sheets? They're softer. Also, for quality's sake, make sure to get new sheets every 18-24 months.
Oh, and if you're entering into menopause and you want to reduce the feeling of hot flashes in the middle of the night, look for moisture-wicking sheets. If you've never heard of those before, don't worry too much about it. Just ask a sales associate in the store where you're planning to purchase them to point you in the right direction.
Apply Essential Oils to Your Feet
I'm pretty sure that you've heard somewhere that lavender is great for helping you to fall asleep. Whether you decide to light up a lavender candle, sprinkle some of the oil on your sheets or even dab a bit underneath your nose, it has a way of relieving anxiety, restlessness, and insomnia-related symptoms.
What you might not know is if you want the oil to be the most effective, try rubbing some onto the soles of your feet about 30 minutes or so before turning in. The reason why this is such a smart thing to do is because your soles have five skin layers and absolutely no hair follicles. The combo makes the pores down there super-absorbent so that the lavender is able to get into your bloodstream pretty fast (which is why you should wear flip-flops when you're mopping the floor, etc.).
How fast? It shouldn't take more than 20 minutes before you're feeling super calm and very relaxed.
Blow Some Bubbles
Unless you have kids, you probably haven't blown bubbles since you were one yourself. But, believe it or not, it's another way to help you to catch some zzz's. According to aNew York Post article, blowing bubbles is a fun form of deep breathing that helps to calm your nerves and relax your body.
It might sound crazy but hey, don't knock it until you try it!
Turn on Some White Noise
My last boyfriend was a music producer. A part of what that meant is, it was rare that he didn't want to go to sleep without some sort of music on. It drove me batty because while I'm a music lover as well, I personally like to sleep in silence. Or, at least until the past couple of months, I did.
What's changed? I really like the sound of rain when I sleep, so I've been playing white noise with rain sounds more often. When I read up on why I can sleep so well with those noises and not so well with music, I found that apparently when a noise wakes us up in the middle of the night, it's the change in frequencies that startle us more than anything. What white noise does is mask other frequencies so that it blocks out outside noise that has low, medium and high ever-changing frequencies that might disturb us.
White noise sounds that are really effective include rain, thunderstorms, the sound of a fan, ocean waves and pink noise. What in the world is "pink noise"? You can read more about here.
Put Some Beeswax on Your Hair, Skin and/or Lips
Here's a tip that I bet you didn't see coming. If you're someone who uses beeswax on your hair, whether you realize it or not, you're being pretty proactive when it comes to doing what is needed to fall asleep. That's because beeswax contains a compound called octacosanol. One thing that it does is lower the cholesterol levels in your body. The other thing it does is decrease your stress levels. The combo can make it easier for you to fall asleep.
If you don't want to put it into your hair, no problem. How about some DIY lotion or lip balm? If you want to give either a shot, click here and here for easy-to-make and also affordable recipes.
Drink Some Coconut Water with Honey
If you don't have any coconut water in your possession, you definitely should get some. Although it's made up of 94 percent water, coconut water also contains a good amount of calcium and magnesium, which we already discussed are must-have sleep nutrients. Something else that coconut water has plenty of is Vitamin B; there are studies to support that a lot of people who struggle with insomnia are typically Vitamin B deficient.
If you warm coconut water up and put a teaspoon of honey into it, even better! Long story short, our brains need energy even to stay asleep. When it runs out, sometimes that's what wakes us up. Honey is a food that will give your brain cells just the energy boost that it needs so that you can stay sound asleep all throughout the night.
As a bonus, honey also helps to stabilize your blood sugar levels as well as support the release of melatonin within your system. Melatonin is what helps to keep your sleep/wake cycles in their proper balance.
Have Sex
Yep. I saved the best for last. Think back to the last time you had sex that was followed by a night's sleep. Didn't you have some of the best rest EVER?! The reason is because sexual activity (especially orgasms) boosts the oxytocin and melatonin levels in your system. Whenever that happens, it makes you more relaxed, which makes it so much easier to fall asleep quicker; more soundly too.
So, if you've been having a really hard time falling or staying asleep, have some sex first. It might be all that you need to catch some much-needed zzz's (probably a few other things that you've been needing too!).
Featured image by Getty Images.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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Feature image by Franco Zulueta
Although I’m not exactly sure that writing about sex as much as I do was on my life’s work bingo card back in the day, I must admit that it has always been a topic that has fascinated me. I think it’s because, even though society likes to gaslight us by acting like the act is “no biggie,” there is way too much data out here that says otherwise. Hmph. Not like I needed the data in the first place because, in my opinion, any act that is responsible for creating life, that is something that is a pretty BIG deal.
So, today? Today, we’re going to tackle how sex impacts us when it comes to our energy fields. What (mostly) inspired this is once reading a science-based article about how it is a fact and not a myth that just like plants can absorb energy from other plants, humans can do the same thing by being in the space of other human beings. And when you stop to really think about it, doesn’t that make all of the sense in the world?
Otherwise, there wouldn’t be terms out here like “peer pressure” and big grown folks wouldn’t be out here trying to look and act just like some of their favorite celebrities or IG influencers (and yet, on that point, I digress).
So, since energy impacts us in some pretty significant ways, let’s take a few moments to see how it goes down when it comes to copulation — just so that you’re (even more) aware of what you’re getting yourself into when you “do the do,” as far as your personal energy space is concerned.
Energy. Revisited.
GiphyOkay, so before we get all up in how energy is exchanged during sexual activity, what is energy as it relates to human beings, in general? Well, in some ways, it all depends on who you ask. For instance, the famed Greek philosopher Aristotle once said that energy is about having the capacity to do something. Some medical experts say that energy is all about how something impacts you on a mental or physical level.
For instance, negative energy tends to be very heavy and draining while positive energy can increase feel-good chemicals throughout your system which makes it easier for you to do things like be creative and problem-solve. Something else that I think is important to keep in mind as far as human energy goes is it’s impacted by a myriad of things including a person’s stress levels, how healthy a person is, what their life choices are (as far as how their decisions influence them) and even what their sleep patterns are like.
And if all of this is true, then something else that Aristotle once said about energy would be beyond accurate: “The energy of the mind is the essence of life.”
Energy is life. Whew, so if this is indeed the case, does this mean that when you choose to have sex with someone, you are sharing your life force — whatever state that may be — with someone as they are doing the same to/for/with you? YES.
What Does It Mean to Exchange Sexual Energy?
GiphySince I grew up in an entertainment industry household, I think that’s probably why I’ve ended up with some close friends who are in the industry as well. That said, I will never forget when I was talking to one of them one day about a particular artist. When I expressed how much sex appeal that she had, my (male) friend simply said, “Yeah, I’ve been in her presence a few times before. She has some really dark energy. I didn’t even hug her.”
Now from a scientific standpoint, dark energy is simply what causes the universe to accelerate in growth over a certain period of time; however, when a person is described to have dark energy, that usually means that they have an evil and/or negative and/or heavy and/or draining aura about them. And y’all, here’s what’s semi-wild about what he said: did you know that science backs that hugs do indeed transfer energy?
Yep, research reveals that a hug from someone can literally alter your brain and body chemistry — so you definitely need to be discerning about who you let up into your affection space. Straight up. And so, since a hug has the capacity to do that, how much more can SEX?
To further emphasize this, let’s begin with an article that I read on Healthline’s website entitled, “Do We Really Exchange Energy During Sex?” After checking it out, one of the main things that I appreciated was when a doctor who was interviewed for the piece said:
“Every sex act is an exchange of energy [because] every sexual act raises or lowers your energy level…Therefore, a sexual relationship isn’t a purely psychological or physiological, mechanical act…Rather, it’s an energetic action. When we have an intimate relationship with someone, the two energies merge.”
Okay, so according to science, when two people have sex, energies merge. Well, according to Scripture, when two people have sex, oneness transpires (Genesis 2:24-25). Let’s keep going.
There was once a Physician-scientist by the name of Wilhelm Reich (who actually died in prison, in part, because of his radical beliefs on sex and orgasms during his time), who once said that having a healthy sex life (which, to him, including orgasms and is what he referred to as “orgastic potency”) is what played a huge role in one’s emotional health and well-being. That’s because, to him, without the release of sexual energy, neurological disorders would be come to be.
My takeaway from this is when you think about the fact that things like serotonin, dopamine, and the “the bonding chemical” oxytocin are all released during sex (and most certainly during orgasms), and also since sex (and orgasms) reduce stress — you need to tend to your sexual energy for the sake of your holistic health. Let’s continue on.
After reading an article on sexual energy on Cosmo’s website in which one of the sex therapists said that “our sexuality is our power" and then reading an article on the same topic on Well + Good’s platform where another expert stated that, “Many belief systems believe sexual energy is an expression of the soul's connection to the cosmos and the rest of the universe”, I thought about the word “power” and then “soul connection.”
At the end of the day, power isn’t just ability but the capability to influence and even take authority over something or someone. And a soul connection? Several years ago, when I penned a piece for the platform entitled, “I’ve Got Some Ways For You To Start Pampering Your Soul,” one of the things that I made sure to emphasize is your soul IS also your life. This means that soul connections are life connections.
And so, it would appear that sharing sexual energy also means that you are making a life connection with someone. And that type of connection has the power to influence you in ways that you couldn’t even begin to imagine. That is how deep exchanging sexual energy is.
What You Should Always Keep in Mind Before Sharing Sexual Energy with Someone Else
GiphyNow are there degrees to this whole sexual energy thing? Of course. The type of connection that a husband and wife of 20 years can make via sex is very different than a one-night stand. However, it would appear that science believes that it doesn’t really matter what you tell yourself about sex with someone (or even how many condoms you may use during sex) — potent energy is exchanged regardless.
That’s a huge part of the reason why I will forever roll my eyes about how ridiculous “casual sex” sounds to me, because, although I do believe that it is very possible to engage in coitus that has no real purpose (casual is purposeless, by definition), what isn’t possible is for there not to be a significant connection made from a scientific standpoint. Because again, if a mere hug can alter you (shoot, a handshake too), do you really think that allowing a man’s penis into the sacred space known as your vagina will not? After reading all of this…do you really?
When it comes to energy, author T. Harv Eker once said, “Energy is contagious: either you affect people or you infect people.” With all that was just shared about sexual energy, each and every person you choose to “engage” with, they are either going to affect you or infect you — just with their energy alone.
Knowing this, if there was ever a time to choose wisely, this would be it.
Your energy is your power. Who you exchange power with? CHOOSE WISELY.
EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON.
And because energy can shift…be cognizant of what you’re doing…EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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Featured image by Giphy