

10 Men Told Me What They Want In Their Relationship In The New Year
When you’re a relationship coach and a writer, you find yourself talking to all kinds of people about all sorts of stuff. For me, a perk that comes from that is being able to share with you what lurks in the minds of men and women on a variety of topics (especially since they know that I will go with their middle name or a pseudonym, so that their identity can remain concealed; today, it’s middle names).
Anyway, as we get ready to close out, yet another year, a couple of semi-recent conversations with some guys about what they want for their relationship in 2022 inspired me to ask a few more and then share what was said. The agenda is two-fold. One, so that you can see what lies beneath the surface when it comes to a lot of men and two, hopefully it will inspire you to ask your own boo or even some of your platonic male relationships about what their desires are. Because I’m a firm believer that we can get some really insightful gems (sometimes, ones that we can even apply to our own situations) when we just take the time to ask certain questions from different people.
Charles. Married. 32.
“Anyone who is single and reading this, please take seriously what I’m about to say. It is very easy, when you’re dating, to care about impressing your partner. When you get married, it’s then really easy to think that it’s not necessary to do so. Your spouse chooses to stay on a daily basis. This means you need to show them that you appreciate their decision to do so…on a daily basis. What I want my wife and I to do more next year is to ‘woo.’ We’ve stopped doing that and it’s made us both become more distant. The love is there but the desire is not where it needs to be. We need to get that back.”
Jameson. Dating. 24.
“I’m not in a relationship. I’m dating three different women and yes, they all know it. I like different things about each of them and, what’s weird, is that ‘thing,’ I can’t find in the other two. All this year, dating around was fun but I’m kind of tired now. Even guys get to the point where we want to not have to do so much juggling around with our time, attention, and communication. What I’m gonna focus on is making something more exclusive. Whether that’s one of the three or someone else entirely, I’m not sure yet.”
Andrew. Engaged. 29.
“My fiancée is amazing. What isn’t all that great is how ‘much’ her friends are. I think she thinks that a husband isn’t supposed to be a friend too because it’s like, we do the dating and sex thing but when it comes to really talking things out, she calls her girls. When I proposed, I made the decision that she would be my first go-to. That’s not really the case with her. This year, I want our connection in that way to get better. Yes, you’ve got your girls, but I want to be your man…I want you to want to share your thoughts and feelings with me and not just categorize me as the provider and sex partner.”
Zachariah. Married. 37.
“I need our sex life to get back to where it used to be. Damn, these kids. THESE KIDS. Remember how you once said to me that sex is really important to men because it’s the one time where they feel totally comfortable being totally vulnerable? There is a lot of truth to that. Sex with my wife is amazing but so is the talking and my feeling like that is a safe time to just…be when we’re alone like that. Hectic schedules, a 10- and 7-year-old, and different sleep schedules have got us looking crazy out here. I’m going to make sure we make sex more of a priority. The kids are gonna have to watch Hulu or something.” *laughs*
Christian. Dating. 43.
“I want to get married by the end of next year. My girlfriend wants to do the same. Problem is, we live in different states and both really like our jobs and they both pay a lot of money. One of the things that drew me to her was how she matched my ambition but learning how to compromise at this level is really hard. Something’s gotta give. Any suggestions?”
Jacen. Dating. 28.
“We don’t use titles but we’re not seeing anyone else at this point. Now that we’re here, I want to date more. I mean, f—k the dinner and a movie stuff. Let’s go glamping. Let’s take some road trips. Let’s have an outdoor picnic in the wintertime. Let’s parasail. Let’s do some s—t! It seems like people don’t really date anymore and if we do get to the point of getting married, I want us both to be able to say that we had a really good time getting to know each other…that we were each other’s ‘first’ when it came to doing some new things. Dating is what it’s about in 2022.”
Orman. Married. 40.
“How f — ked up is it that I want a divorce in 2022? No one tells you how much you will not be the same person after a decade or more of marriage. I love my wife, but we don’t mesh anymore and I’m not sure how much of the love is based on who we were back then. It’s a weird feeling to know that you really care about someone, but you think being with them is holding you back. I’m still feeling this all out, but I don’t see myself married in 2023. I really don’t.”
Malcolm. Engaged. 34.
“I want to get into some intensive therapy and I want my fiancée to do the same. Something that first bonded us was how we could empathize with a lot of our childhood trauma but as we’re getting closer to our wedding date, it seems like pain is what we have in common more than anything else. Don’t get me wrong — we love each other and I’m in this. But divorce is not an option to me and I think pushing the date back and healing separately will help our future marriage to make more sense.”
Xavier. Married. 38.
“I want my wife and I to just…accept each other. I don’t know what it is about marriage that makes two people think that its main purpose is to change their partner. All that does is create walls. There are things about me that my wife doesn’t like. There are things about her that I don’t like either. We chose each other because what we do like is much bigger. Next year, I want to work on just letting her be. You should be able to come home and relax; not feel like you’re constantly getting coached to be better. I think I’m gonna tell her that tonight. Thanks.”
Esterio. Dating. 30.
“I’m dating but I think I’m in love with my best friend. She’s not really physically my type but damn, she’s dope, and I think that I’ve been putting the physical above everything else and that hasn’t gotten me anywhere. She just started to take a casual thing slightly up a notch, but she’s told me that something is ‘missing’ with him, so I wonder if she thinks the same thing I do. F—k it. I tell her everything else. She might as well know about this too, right? Wish me luck.”
Best friends who are lovers is bomb. Well wishes, Esterio. Keep us posted…in the new year. #wink
Featured image by Getty Images
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
Exclusive: Gabrielle Union On Radical Transparency, Being Diagnosed With Perimenopause And Embracing What’s Next
Whenever Gabrielle Union graces the movie screen, she immediately commands attention. From her unforgettable scenes in films like Bring It On and Two Can Play That Game to her most recent film, in which she stars and produces Netflix’s The Perfect Find, there’s no denying that she is that girl.
Off-screen, she uses that power for good by sharing her trials and tribulations with other women in hopes of helping those who may be going through the same things or preventing them from experiencing them altogether. Recently, the Flawless by Gabrielle Union founder partnered with Clearblue to speak at the launch of their Menopause Stage Indicator, where she also shared her experience with being perimenopausal.
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
Jordyn Woods Shares The Key To Her Long-Lasting Relationship With Karl-Anthony Towns
Jordyn Woods is pulling back the layers to her relationship with NBA player Karl-Anthony Towns.
The 26-year-old model and socialite shared with PEOPLE at the Femme It Forward's 2nd Annual Give Her FlowHERS Gala that she believes the key to a lasting relationship is establishing a strong connection before entering into a romantic relationship.
During the event, the socialite spoke to the outlet about the importance of “friendship and trust” in her three-year relationship that started in the midst of the pandemic.
“We were really good friends before we started dating, and COVID gave us that free time in our life to really get to know each other,” Jordyn said. “Because a lot of people don't really get to know each other and they go into this relationship.”
She continues, “So, we've been through a lot together. We've seen each other at all different ways, times, phases, so I think we have a very strong foundation.”
Jordyn also notes that “quality time” has been a means to bond and keep their relationship thriving. Despite the NBA star’s demanding schedule, she expressed her desire to attend as many of KAT's games as possible, including his upcoming birthday game with the Minnesota Timberwolves. “It's his birthday in a few days, so I'm going to go to that game,” she says.
Quality time isn’t the only love language that the couple speaks.“We love gift giving and... What is it? The love language? The love language is quality time. We love everything,” she says.
The couple was introduced by mutual friends many years ago, and in May 2020 decided to move forward from a close friendship to a romantic relationship. Jordyn and KAT went public with their relationship in September of that same year and have since become young Hollywood’s discreet “IT” couple.
“I'm excited. Every holiday, we like to really go large for each other,” she explained. “He does so much for me. I do what I can for him. I want to say it's a lot. So when it's time to show that appreciation, we like to go all out.”
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Featured image by Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images