Mother/Hustler Jessica Chinyelu Has Advice For Entrepreneurs Struggling With Mom Guilt
The year was 2018, and lifestyle blogger, Jessica Chinyelu had no intention of leaving her full-time corporate job for another two years, but we all know how the saying goes: we plan and God laughs. Although her husband's mom stepped in to offer help as Jessica transitioned back into her regularly scheduled work life, her in-law's stay was coming to an end and it was time to make some tough decisions.
Jessica could either sacrifice precious time with her newborn to make someone else richer, or she could step out on faith and build generational wealth. Spoiler Alert: she chose the latter. To Jessica and her husband, this decision proved to be an easy one, even after trying and failing the same plan almost ten years earlier. Jessica told xoNecole, "I actually did not want to leave my job until 2020. I left my job back in 2009 and to be honest, I shouldn't have left. I ended up going back to corporate America. I had no idea what I was doing, I wasn't good with money and I had no business trying to start my own which is why I failed. But I thank God for the lessons because it prepared me for where I am today."
With the support of her husband and a prayer, she traded in the stability and security of a 9 to 5 to become a full-time entrepreneur for the second time. Jessica shared, "My husband encouraged me to leave my job in 2018 after giving birth and he believed in me. He believed I was ready this time around to go full-force, even as a new mom."
Now, Jessica makes a living as a lifestyle blogger, content creator, and booking agent, and couldn't see her life any other way. To date, Jessica has received more than $100,000 in paid sponsorships, hosted a number of sold-out conferences and workshops, and is the founder of Woman of Purpose, a non-profit that helps other women also live out their passions according to the gifts they've been given by God.
We sat down with Jessica to talk about securing the bag and your sanity, all while juggling the pressures of motherhood at the same damn time. Here's what she had to say:
How do you handle moments when you feel overwhelmed?
There are so many days when I feel overwhelmed. I'm a stay-at-home mom without a nanny and I'm running multiple fruitful businesses.
The struggle is real. I've found that slowing down keeps me sane and find my inner peace.
First, I pause and then take a deep breath. Afterward, I begin to tell myself, "Girl, It's Okay!" Whatever tasks need to get done can wait because my peace is better. I give myself time to process why I'm feeling overwhelmed. Most times, I feel overwhelmed because I've overextended myself or I didn't give myself a realistic timeframe to complete a task.
If I have to cancel a meeting, I do it. If I have to inform someone I need a tad bit longer to hand in a deliverable, I choose to be honest regardless of what the other person may think because my peace of mind is what helps me function from a healthy and stable place.
What’s the hardest part of your day?
The toughest part of my day is when I need to jump on a conference/Skype call but my precious baby boy wants all of my attention. Somehow, I always find a way to make it through those calls, even though it's hard. Hubby and I agreed we would send our baby to Montessori at 18 months. Until then, I make it work at home. It takes loads of patience, but it's so worth it.
When I have moments where I want to lash out (because every mama has those moments), I think about how blessed we are as a family where I can stay home and raise my kiddos instead of someone else shaping my child's character and personality. Think about it, some babies spend 8-10 hours per day at a daycare which means the majority of their time is spent with other people outside of the home.
Courtesy of Jessica Chinyelu.
How (and how often) do you practice self-care?
Self-care is a TOP priority for me. Before we had a child, I made sure my husband understood I need my getaway time! I go for a facial every eight weeks. I get a manicure and pedicure every four weeks. I ensure I go to my little Asian reflexology spot (they be hooking sistah up) once a month. I also use my girls' nights as a form of self-care.
I remember when I would place everyone else's needs before my own. It was not a pretty sight. I was moody all the time, I didn't feel good about myself, and I didn't look like Jessica anymore. I knew something had to change. I take at least 3-4 hours away from my family two days a week so I can focus on ME. It's needed! Your self-care is vital for your mental stability.
When do you feel most productive?
I feel most productive when I'm on a Starbucks patio with my headphones over my head sipping on a very berry hibiscus drink and knocking out my to-do list. If I get at least three tasks completed, I feel pretty darn great about it. I used to try and accomplish ten things, but I overwhelmed myself that way. Now I focus on what's TOP priority, get it done and reward myself.
What is your advice for dealing with mom guilt?[instagram https://www.instagram.com/p/BrlCpPhnv4-/\ expand=1]
Man, I wish someone would've taught me how to deal with this when I first had my baby. Have a team of #Mamabaes who you can vent to when your completely over being a mom. Husbands don't understand what we as women go through at times. A #Mamabae is your experienced friend who has 2 or more children and will not judge you for feeling like you want to slap your husband or leave your baby for a few days just to get away. She's never in competition with you (new moms have a tendency to be in competition with one another), and she's always encouraging you to be kind to yourself and treat yourself at all times. She will remind you that it's okay to leave baby with dad or grandparents or close friends while you go out and DO YOU. You need this!
Secondly, don't compare yourself to other moms. Instagram will have you thinking you're the worst mom and you end up not enjoying motherhood because every experience is being compared to another mama's journey. The beautiful thing about motherhood is each mama's experience is so unique. Cherish the process instead of beating yourself up about it.
Lastly, ask for help and don't feel bad about it. No one is asking you to be a super mommy and if they are, put them in their place. I know I do. Asking for help takes courage and when you ask for help, you can get more done for your family and most importantly for yourself.
"No one is asking you to be a super mommy and if they are, put them in their place. I know I do. Asking for help takes courage and when you ask for help, you can get more done for your family and most importantly for yourself."
What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned as an entrepreneur?
Money isn't everything. Chase peace and money will flow to you. I've become a professional at saying no to things because I realize if I'm losing peace over it, it's not worth it. One of my daily declarations is "God money (not good money) comes to me on a free course by the speed of the spirit." Money should not control you. You control money.
What is the most important lesson you want your kid(s) to learn from you?
This is such a great question. There are many lessons I want my kids to learn from me. I may get a little deep here because if you really think about it, it's a pretty deep question. I want my kids to know the truth about who they are, their true identities, and be so content with themselves and their true gifts that they never stray away from it. I want them to know they can achieve anything and to walk and talk like Kings and Queens because that's who they are. I want them to understand what living a true life looks like when you really allow your gifts to make room for you.
These days children are being influenced by anything and everything and it's important for us to teach our children how not to be easily swayed. I see young kids not confident in themselves, their abilities or their true gifts because their parents never took time to nurture those gifts.
I'm half American, half Nigerian. The Nigerian side of my family felt like everyone should be a nurse, a doctor, an engineer, or a lawyer. I do not want my children to grow up with this type of mindset. I want them to learn how to be true to themselves and transform their true gifts into a gift that is as fruitful or even more fruitful than the profession of a nurse, a doctor, an engineer or lawyer.
Courtesy of Jessica Chinyelu
What advice do you have when it comes to time management as a mogul mommy?
Time is extremely valuable because you cannot get it back. My best advice would be to become a super planner. I have multiple calendars to keep me on track. Create a family calendar that everyone can see. I placed a dry erase calendar on our fridge so hubby can see what I have going on for the month and he plans his activities around my schedule.
Also, communicate like crazy. Hubby and I have to discuss our schedules daily to ensure we're on the same page and a caregiver is booked when needed. And be sure to carve out your ME time and ensure it's on the calendar. You need that ME time.
How has being a mother helped you become a better entrepreneur (or vice versa)?
Becoming a mom has helped me go even harder. I feel like I do more as a mom than I did whenever I wasn't a mom. Motherhood brought a different side out of me in the greatest way possible and I'm embracing it to the fullest. My greatest ideas to date came after giving birth.
"Motherhood brought a different side out of me in the greatest way possible and I'm embracing it to the fullest. My greatest ideas to date came after giving birth."
What tips do you have for financial planning, both professionally and for your family?
I'll start with professionally. When it comes to your business seek advice from a financial advisor and hire a CPA. You need to know EVERYTHING about your business and where the money is going, how much is coming in, and what's not working for your business. Make sure your business is a legal entity and protect your personal assets. Get an attorney on your side. You never know what will happen in the future.
If you didn't grow up in a family where you had healthy conversations about money, be honest with yourself about it and seek help when it comes to your family. Money is such a touchy subject, especially in the black community. I wasn't good with money before I met my husband. It was a challenge in the beginning of our marriage because I never wanted to discuss money. We made a decision to have seperate accounts, a joint account, a joint savings and investments together. Although we have seperate accounts, we made a decision to be transparent about those accounts. This was hard because I was not used to answering to someone about MY money. When you get married, MY now becomes OURS. I had to change my mindset about money and get comfortable with planning OUR future together for OUR family.
Featured image by Instagram/@JessicaChinyelu.
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
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Tennis legend and entrepreneur Serena Williams is generously sharing her secrets on how she prevents the appearance of stretch marks during her pregnancy.
Williams is married to Reddit co-founder and businessman Alexis Ohanian. The couple share a 5-year-old daughter, Alexis Olympia Ohanian Jr., who goes by Olympia. Williams and Ohanian are currently expecting a second child, which has since been confirmed to be another girl following a recent gender reveal celebration.
Although Williams didn't disclose any information about her pregnancy routine in the past, the 41-year-old changed her mind this time around because she developed a step-by-step regimen that has proven to be effective so far in her goal to reduce stretch marks. In the YouTube video "My Belly Routine featuring Olympia," shared last month, Williams opens up about the particular products she uses regularly and some she applies on multiple occasions.
Serena Williams' Belly Routine
Serena Williams YouTube
At the start of the clip, Williams revealed another factor contributing to the release of the belly routine video: her determination not to get stretch marks.
"I thought it would be really good for me to show you what I use on my belly because I love beauty products. I love my makeup. I love all that stuff," she said while mentioning the products she used when she was pregnant with her first child. "But when I had Olympia in my belly, I didn't really put a lot of things on. I just put like, lotion and stuff. This time around, I'm like, I don't want to get any stretch marks."
Williams added that when she was pregnant with Olympia, she got little stretch marks and was willing to do anything to not have any for her second pregnancy.
Raw Cocoa Butter And Raw Shea Butter
Serena Williams YouTube
Further into the video, Williams shares that she begins her daily routine by rubbing raw cocoa butter on her belly, which reportedly improves blood circulation and prevents UV rays damage.
"I'll show you what I do. I have my own concoction... The best thing to do, I heard, was cocoa butter. So I order cocoa butter," she explained. “So I got raw cocoa butter, and I just rub it on my belly in the morning. Every morning I wake up, I just rub it on. The lower area is also super important for me. So I get a little bit on the lower area as well."
In addition to rubbing the cocoa butter on her belly regularly, Williams would apply it to her breasts and back. The next step is raw shea butter. Williams claims she usually combines both butters and rubs them on her belly, back, and chest, but she placed them one at a time for video purposes.
The main benefit of using raw shea butter on one's skin is retaining moisture.
Pure Vitamin E Oil
Serena Williams YouTube
After lathering herself up with cocoa butter and shea butter and the products set in, Williams applied pure vitamin E oil to improve her skin's elasticity.
"Say ten minutes has passed, I'm like, okay, that's all set and feels good. I get pure vitamin E oil," she stated. "Vitamin E oil is good for storing, and I'm just trying to make my skin more elastic, so I rub all that vitamin E oil on there...Again I get the lower part because that's where most of the stretch marks occur. So I get all that area, and then anything extra, I put on my back."
Pure Coconut Oil And Bio-Oil
Serena Williams YouTube
In the latter half of the clip, Williams disclosed the items she uses on different occasions, including pure coconut oil, especially if she notices that her belly feels dry after applying her go-to products.
"In addition to the products that I've already used on my belly, I usually like to switch it up. So at night, I'll change up my routine a little bit or during the day if I feel like my tummy's a little dry. I add on this pure coconut oil," she said.
Following that step, Williams explained that she started incorporating bio-oil into her routine because of the rave reviews she received from friends and family.
"Another one that I use, people swear by it, I started using is Bio-Oil," she stated while listing one of the oil's benefits. "It is natural, and it's for stretch marks."
Serena Williams YouTube
Williams wrapped up the video by suggesting that individuals currently expecting, like herself, invest in belly masks because they were created to reduce the appearance of stretch marks.
In addition to that statement, Williams also shared the best times to use the masks.
"Another thing I've been trying are these little [belly] masks.
So it's really cool. They're like stretch mark targeted sheet masks. You put the whole mask on your belly. Super fun if you want to have like a day just for you to just relax and rewind. Take a deep breath and spend time for you," she stated.
For Williams' full video on how to reduce stretch marks during pregnancy, click the video below.
My Belly Routine featuring Olympia
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Feature image by Serena Williams YouTube