While checking out a panel on a podcast earlier this week, a guy asked a question that I’m pretty sure others have wondered before, yet didn’t really know who to ask. Although I’m paraphrasing just a bit, he basically said, “My trainer said that the sign of a healthy man is he wakes up horny, hungry and happy. On the horny tip, do women have the male equivalent of morning wood?”
Ah, so glad that you asked, my dear, because the answer is actually “yes.” And because there is such a thing as a “hard-on for a woman,” it is my opinion that people really should engage in more morning sex — but I’ll get into all-a-dat towards the end of this piece.
If you’ve been rockin’ with me for a while, you know that I am good for sharing, what I consider to be water cooler (do offices still even have those?) content — you know, random facts that folks probably don’t know. And today, the topic is the flip side of morning wood for the fellas, which just happens to be something that is known as “morning bean” for the ladies.
Always Remember That Your Clitoris and a Man’s Penis Have a Lot in Common
GiphyHey, get mad/triggered if you want to, yet I am always fascinated whenever I see women teasing and taunting uncircumcised men on social media. For one thing, it causes me to wonder if they do regular vaginal self-exams (check out “Why You Should Give Yourself A ‘Vaginal Self-Exam’”) and/or any vaginal mapping (check out “Why 'Vaginal Mapping' Needs To Be Part Of Your Healing Journey”) — because if you do like sis says in the video below and take a mirror down to view how God made you, you might see some extra skin that you didn’t know was there yourself.
Not only that but clitorises and penises? Oh, they have a helluva lot more in common than either a lot of us know about or care to admit — including foreskin.
Am I serious? Absolutely.
For starters, science speak says that “The human penis and clitoris develop from the ambisexual genital tubercle.” And, as some fetuses develop more androgens, a penis emerges; without those androgens, a clitoris is fully formed. However, since they both start off in a similar way, a penis and a clitoris have, well, similarities.
An uncircumcised penis has foreskin while a clitoris has a clitoral hood. Both the penis and the clitoris grow larger during puberty. The penis and clitoris both contain erectile tissue in them as well — and this means that when they are sexually stimulated, they both become erect. And that, right there, is where the term “morning bean” actually stems from.
The Technical Name Is Nocturnal Clitoral Tumescence (NCT)
GiphyOkay, so when a guy wakes up in the morning with a hard-on, the technical term for that is called Nocturnal penile tumescence (NCT). It happens thanks to a combination of a man’s sleep cycles, his nerves, how his blood is circulating throughout his system, and the fact that his testosterone levels tend to be elevated when he is just waking up.
Meanwhile, the female version of this is called Nocturnal clitoral tumescence (NCT); it’s basically what transpires whenever a woman’s clitoris is doing the same thing and the slang term for this is…yep, you guessed it: morning bean (I’m pretty sure that the wood vs. bean comparison is pretty self-explanatory).
So, why have a lot of us never heard about this before?
There are probably several reasons; however, the one that tops my mind is since so much of what makes up a woman’s clitoris is inside of her body, when a clit becomes erect, it’s not nearly as noticeable as when a man’s penis does. Now, that’s not to say that if you really know your body, you aren’t able to pick up on some of the morning bean — or clitoral erection in general — signs, though.
For instance, morning beans can cause your clitoris to become extremely sensitive to the touch and, since they do fill up with blood, the part of the clitoris that you do see does tend to get larger (how much varies per person). Morning beans also tend to cause your clitoris to become darker in color (due to the extra blood) and could result in your vulva (the outer part of your vagina) becoming fuller/swollen as well. And just how long does this experience last? Well, reportedly, morning woods tend to subside after about 30 minutes. For us? As long as we are being sexually stimulated or aroused, a morning bean will stick around.
So, there you have it: just like men wake up with erections, so do women. And what is my greatest takeaway from this very fact? Well, although the best time of day to have sex has a lot to do with personal preference, if the man in your bed wakes up with a hard-on, I wouldn’t waste it if I were you. See, while society has had you thinking that he’s the only one who oftentimes has sex on his mind in the wee hours of the morning, now you know that your body has some dirty thoughts of its own that it would probably like to get off — more often than you would think.
Because it’s not like there aren’t some real bona fide benefits to engaging in morning sex…
Why You Should Absolutely Make the Most Out of Your Own Morning Beans
GiphyAlthough I did share all of what I said as a “something new for the day” fun fact, any time I can get y’all to get the most out of your bed, you know that I’m gonna do it. And yes, morning beans can definitely take your sex life to new heights.
I say that because:
Morning beans will (probably) make it easier for you to cum. Testosterone is a hormone that is present in both men and women (albeit much higher in men; the opposite goes for estrogen); this means that if it is elevated in men in the morning, the same goes for us. And the hornier one is, the easier it tends to usually is to orgasm. Give thanks.
Morning beans will intensify your orgasms. It can’t be said enough that the more blood that is circulating inside of your genitalia, the more likely you are to not just climax, but have more intensified orgasms too. And chile, if that ain’t a motivator for morning sex…what freakin’ is?
Morning sex will de-stress you. Say that you’ve got a presentation to make, a heavy deadline, or just a long day that’s ahead of you. Wouldn’t it be great if you could go into what lies ahead as calm and relaxed as possible? Sex can help to make that happen because it’s proven to reduce cortisol levels, so that you’re in a greater state of tranquility.
Morning sex will help you to be more energized and in a better mood. Didn’t sleep well, and so you’re exhausted? Woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and so you’re not in the best of moods? Sex can resolve both of these matters, thanks to the fact that copulation helps to stimulate feel-good hormones and endorphins. Hmph. Sounds better than the usual cup of coffee hack to me (check out “Your Morning Coffee May Be Causing More (Health) Issues Than You Think”).
Morning sex will make you feel more connected to your partner. I tend to mention oxytocin quite a bit in my content, so you’re probably quite familiar with the fact that it helps to bond you to your partner. Well, since oxytocin is at an all-time high during sex (and especially orgasms), if you want to feel especially close to your man (as he feels the same towards you) while the two of you are apart throughout the day — yep, you already know: get it in.
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Listen, I don’t know if you will ever run into someone who asks about clitoral erections — i.e., morning beans. If they do, though, now you have a thorough answer to offer.
And either way, now you also have a reason to let wood and a bean work together to wake you up instead of that dreaded alarm clock.
Again, sis. Give thanks.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Using the same material from the interior of the Volvo EX90, Hudson crafted a wool-blend car coat and waistbelt that combine the vehicle’s Scandinavian design with his signature tailoring and intention. The exclusive collection launched on October 20, and each piece is made-to-order by Sergio Hudson Collections.
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In October, I traveled to Charleston with a group of journalists to get a firsthand look at Hudson and Volvo’s location. During a fitting, Hudson said his goal is to make “great work that can stand the test of time.”
“People can look back on and say, ‘I remember when Sergio did that collaboration with Volvo,’” he continued. “Thinking about aligning yourself with classic brands that speak to where you want to go. And I think that's what this collaboration kind of means to me and my business.”
Hudson pinpoints his mom as the biggest influence for his designs. This collaboration was no different.
“This particular coat reminded me of the swing coats that my mom used to wear in the early 90s. You know, diva girls in the early 90s had Sandra suits,” he said, referring to Jackée Harry’s character in 227. “My mom wore those and she would have these matching swing coats to go over them. And that's where the initial idea came. This would be around the same time that we had our Volvo. So she would put on her suit, her swing coat, get in that red Volvo, and go to church.”
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With this capsule and beyond, Hudson wants to see more staples rotating in and out of closets this fall. He advises fashionistas to build her closet out with essentials to mix and match that aren’t just stylish but also sustainable.
“It's just those special pieces,” he said. “You can wear the same shirt and pants every day and nobody will notice. But if you have a special boot, a special coat, a special bill, a special bag, that kind of speaks to everything that your style stands about, that is something you should focus on.”
These are the same kind of staple pieces that return to our Pinterest boards and TikTok feeds season after season. Fast fashion has never been Hudson’s aim. “I'm trying to create a special pieces that can stand the test of time,” he said in his warm, Southern accent. “I'm only creating those kind of pieces from here on out.”
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For Hudson, this collaboration is revolutionary. It’s his first time working with a car company and experimenting outside of his wheelhouse in this way.
“This is a Scandinavian brand, and, you know, it's 70 years old. I'm an African-American boy from South Carolina that has had a brand for 10 years. So I think bridging those two worlds and seeing the similarities was the beauty of this project,” he explained.
Though Hudson and his partner and CEO of Sergio Hudson Collections Inga Beckham have made massive strides in just 10 years, Hudson said the industry is far from where he wants to see it when it comes to Black representation. He pointed to how few Black designers were at this year’s Met Gala despite the theme being Black dandyism.
“The fact that I dressed 18 people speaks to how many of us weren't there,” he said. He implored more of industries, fashion and beyond, to collaborate with Black designers often.
“Allow mentorship. Allow funding. Allow great design to shine through,” he implored. “When it comes to being a designer of African descent, when you can't get the funding that your counterparts have, you can't compete. When you get opportunities like doing a collaboration with Volvo, or you get opportunities to be at the Met Gala, that's putting us on the equal playing field, but really the funding behind it is what we need to take it to that desk level.”
Featured image courtesy