
Morgan Harper Nichols Got The Clarity She Needed Through An Autism Diagnosis At 30

If you're on Instagram, you have likely come across words written by Morgan Harper Nichols and, if you have, chances are you were both moved and inspired by her words. If you haven't come across her beautiful words, trust me when I tell you that you are missing out on some gems. Artist, poet, and musician Morgan Harper Nichols has managed to cultivate a massive following on Instagram (1.7 million and counting to be exact) with her magical, soulful words. Words that seem to hit you right in the gut because it's just what you needed to hear.
I'm one of those 1.7 million followers and the one word that comes to mind whenever I see a post from Morgan is vulnerability. The kind of vulnerability that makes you want to share too. In fact, in 2017, Morgan started a project where she invited people to share their stories with her via her website. And guess what? People shared. Morgan was able to take those stories from readers all over the world and create art with her responses to the stories she received. Of course, all stories and names are kept private but the art she has been able to create from those stories is shared all over social media daily.
Courtesy of Morgan Harper Nichols
Morgan's supporters are not the only ones that share personal stories though. Earlier this year, Morgan shared something very personal with her followers and blog subscribers. She shared that she was officially diagnosed with autism. The average age of an autism diagnosis is around three years old, so receiving a diagnosis as an adult is not as common and more difficult as there is no established procedure for diagnosing autism in adults. On her journey to diagnosis, Morgan found just how difficult it would prove to be. She shared that she actually asked her doctor for a referral years ago after suspecting that she might be on the spectrum. Her concerns were dismissed and she was told that she had nothing to worry about. She took his word but only for a moment.
Last year, Morgan got the courage to reach out again for help and today she is so grateful that she did.
Morgan on what led her to believe she needed help:
"There were a few things, but primarily I was struggling with a lot of social and communication issues. Especially in high school and college but I just thought that I was awkward. I would miss out on social cues and even basic things like email etiquette were a struggle for me. I just kind of put it on myself and thought that I needed to grow up and stop being so awkward. But by the time I was in my late twenties and grown, I realized I was still struggling with these issues and I felt like there was just something there and I didn't know what it was.
"My parents had actually talked about autism before but it is not a diagnosis that you even considered for a lot of girls, especially back in the 90s. And more so for girls of color. And black girls, it's almost impossible. I felt tired and exhausted all of the time. Now I know that I have a lot of sensory processing issues. I didn't realize that things like loud music or bright lights wear on me throughout the day. I just thought that I was just extra tired. So, that's what led me to seek help the first time."
"By the time I was in my late twenties and grown, I realized I was still struggling with these issues and I felt like there was just something there and I didn't know what it was. My parents had actually talked about autism before but it is not a diagnosis that you even considered for a lot of girls, especially back in the 90s. And more so for girls of color. And black girls, it's almost impossible."
Courtesy of Morgan Harper Nichols
On why seeking a diagnosis was the right thing for her and her quality of life:
"I had also dealt with pretty severe depression as a teenager. I think other people who have dealt with depression can relate to this but you just kind of know when you're headed in a direction you don't want to go back in. When I was a teenager, everything was so stressful. I mean, everything from trying to make friends to trying to keep up with school. I was just so overwhelmed and that drove me to depression. I think that was a part of it too, recognizing that it was something there and not wanting to go back to that place and wanting to get help."
Morgan on what has changed since receiving her autism diagnosis:
"One of the first things that the specialist said to me right after giving me the whole rundown of the diagnosis was, 'And it's not your fault.' I cried decades of tears in that moment. It was just such a healing moment for me because I had been putting so much responsibility on myself, especially after having had a medical professional look at me and say I was fine and had nothing to worry about. Having that said to me, I felt it was my fault and that I had to fix it. So having another professional who knows this diagnosis backward and forward tell me that it wasn't my fault just changed a lot for me.
"Since then, I've made some adjustments in my day-to-day life. I realized I was putting so much responsibility on myself, even with work and not asking for help. I kept thinking that I could do it. I've gotten help with things like managing emails. It's hard though because there's a part of me that feels like I should be able to do these things on my own. There's a lot of stigma around asking for help and unfortunately, we live in a society where people don't feel like they can ask for help, even more so black women. I feel like now I finally have the language to work through that and say, 'OK Morgan, I know you feel like you should be able to do this by yourself but there are legitimate reasons why you can't.' I've got to seek help and that's new for me because I do try to take all that on my own."
"I cried decades of tears in that moment. It was just such a healing moment for me because I had been putting so much responsibility on myself, especially after having had a medical professional look at me and say I was fine and had nothing to worry about. Having another professional who knows this diagnosis backward and forward tell me that it wasn't my fault just changed a lot for me."
Courtesy of Morgan Harper Nichols
On what it was like telling those close to her about her autism:
"It was surprisingly a very loving and supportive experience and I consider that to be a huge privilege. I have a sister who was diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome and ADHD as well. Because of that, my family at least had some kind of frame of mind on how to deal with these issues. You know, at least how to support each other through them. I only knew about autism because my mom was the one who thought something may be there but she had doctors tell her I was fine. My husband and friends were also very supportive.
"I was just surprised at how supportive people were. I think one thing that can hold people back (including myself) from wanting to share is that sometimes you may feel like you're putting a burden on other people. What I found is that people want to support you. Once you share, you're going to find that people really do care. I was even shocked at the amount of response that I got on social media. There's so much happening in the world and on social media, so I didn't know what to expect. I was just blown about by the support. If teenager-me could have seen this, she wouldn't have believed it. So grateful."
On what she would tell someone who might have a hard time advocating for themself:
"Honestly, the first thing that came to mind is something that I have honestly had to hold on to from the moment with that first doctor all the way to today and in different areas of my life, and that's that there are other people out there. And I say that for those moments where a person looks at you and says that there is nothing wrong with you, you need to stop asking about this, or you need to do this or you need to do that. Just take a deep breath and remind yourself that there are other people out there. Yes, there are people who will shut you down, but there are also other people out there who won't. It might take time to find those other people, but it is worth the pursuit."
Courtesy of Morgan Harper Nichols
Morgan on 'How Far You've Come' and what she hopes readers will gain from her book:
"The book actually started by going through my phone and looking at photos. It was the beginning of the pandemic and I was just thinking about all of the places I've been and could not get to. I ended up on this photo that I took at sunrise in New Mexico years ago. I'm a visual artist and one thing I love to do is paint over photos. So, I took the photo and I put it on my iPad and I started painting over it. When I started painting over it, I started thinking about how much I loved the photo and how beautiful it was. And when I looked at the date of this photo, it was a really hard season and a really hard time in life.
"I just started thinking about how there's probably so many moments in my life where there's two things happening at once, that I managed to notice something beautiful amidst the chaos. So, I wrote the book literally by going through my camera roll and looking at my photos and at different places on the map and finding beautiful pictures and also finding where I was growing in courage or strength even when there was so much else going on."
"I hope the book encourages you to go through your camera roll and find those photographs that show you how far you have come. My hope is that readers are able to see that with everything going on, they are still capturing beauty and able to notice where light is pouring in. I think that those two things together can teach us a lot about our journeys and help us give ourselves some credit for how far we've come."
Morgan's newest book How Far You Have Come: Musings on Beauty and Couragewill be released on April 27th and is currently available for pre-order.
Featured image courtesy of Morgan Harper Nichols
Erica Green is a Clinical Research Associate, blogger, and a sneakerhead. She has a love for all things women and she's pretty sure that women are God's greatest creation. Connect with her on Instagram @ erica_britt_ or www.lovethegspot.com
Your Guide To Letting Go Of What No Longer Serves You Based On Astrology
Letting go is a gift we are given and a strength that we find throughout our lives. There are times when we want to grab ahold of what we are experiencing and sensing, and times when we need to let go of something that was once everything to us or what we wanted for ourselves. The moment you conclude that you need to let something go in your life is the moment that your brain fights to make that happen for you.
In Astrology, there is an area of your birth chart that is designed for you to understand where you will be letting go a lot in this lifetime, and exactly how to do so. We dive through the birth chart as we seek a deeper understanding of ourselves and let go of what no longer serves us, and there are tools available to help us do so. If you don't know where your South Node is in your birth chart, you can use a free calculator like this one here.
What Does Your South Node Represent in Astrology?
When it comes to what we are destined to let go of or move away from in this lifetime, we look to the South Node. The South Node is the area of your birth chart that has to do with your past lives, karma, lessons, old habits and traits, gifts, and energy you are moving away from in this lifetime.
Your South Node is opposite your North Node, which is your destiny and the energy you want to move towards.
We can learn a lot from our South Node and it’s an area of our life where we tend to gain the most wisdom. By understanding why some patterns in your life tend to play out in the same ways, you can be more conscious of the choices you make in the now and let go of who and what doesn’t serve you in the process.
South Node Insights: Letting Go
The South Node is our natural gifts and talents, but also where we don’t need to focus so much of our energy on, taking us away from where we need to be developing, which is the North Node. So when you are looking to let go of something, gain a new perspective, or feel more trusting in what you are doing right now, you can examine your South Node.
We learn from our South Node by not making the same mistakes over again, letting go of what needs to be let go of, and understanding what we need in order to create space for our new beginning.
Read below for your South Node on how to let go of what no longer serves you.
Aries South Node: Letting Go of Independence for Connection
You are used to being independent and figuring things out on your own. In this lifetime, however, you are being asked to lean on others for support when you need it. You are working on letting go of the ego and focusing more on the heart. By extending your compassion for others, you discover a part of yourself that leads you toward empowerment and allows you to let go of a false sense of safety.
You are meant to experience harmonious, fortunate, and compatible love in this lifetime, and you will do so by opening your heart to others and letting go of people who don’t support you or whom you can’t count on.
Taurus South Node: Releasing Overdependence and Superficiality
With your South Node in Taurus, you are letting go of the need to acquire by focusing on the depth and intention of what you are obtaining. Your relationships tend to have a lot to do with your financial world, and these things can get twisted and distorted if you are not being careful.
In this lifetime, you are working on letting go of what doesn’t serve you by following your heart and your intuition more and focusing more on the feeling you want for yourself rather than the things themselves. You are also working on letting go of overdependence or superficiality in relationships, by connecting with the people whom you have a deep and spiritual bond with.
Gemini South Node: Finding Freedom in Authenticity
For you, letting go means following your freedom. You are meant to do things your own way in this lifetime, and the less you can focus on how you are going to be perceived, the more you can live the life of your dreams. With a South Node in Gemini, you are moving away from the commotion of life. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is traveling, getting out of your comfort zone, and being in new environments.
In past lives, you may have given too much of your focus on your social successes and business pursuits, and in this lifetime, you are meant to focus on the bigger picture. What helps you let go is understanding that once you do, better is available to you.
Cancer South Node: Trusting Yourself Beyond Emotional Impulses
With a South Node in Cancer, you are learning to trust yourself and your logic more than your emotional world in this lifetime. By letting go of feeling like you have to be the one to nurture and support everyone and allowing people to do that for you, you lead your destiny.
With your South Node in Cancer, you are letting go of emotional impulsiveness or making decisions irrationally before you have thought about them.
In past lives, you were led by your emotional world, and in this lifetime, you are meant to think more about your long-term goals and intentions. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is knowing that you are more than what you can give to others.
Leo South Node: Prioritizing Community Over Recognition
In this lifetime, you are working on letting go of the need to be seen and recognized and focus more on your need for community and soul companionship. You are moving away from the “I” and moving closer to the “We.” What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is giving your focus to humanity, the progress you want to make in this lifetime, and who you want to make it with.
You are learning how to work with others and let go of the need to figure everything out yourself. The more you connect with the people who make you want to team up and form a relationship, rather than the people who make you want to be alone, the better for you.
Virgo South Node: Embracing Compassion Over Perfection
In this lifetime, you are letting go of the need to do everything yourself and to have everything all together. You can let go of what no longer serves you by thinking more with your heart than you do with your mind and by trusting this gift of yours. By focusing more on your spirituality, emotional connections, and creativity, you let go of a timid side of you that can disrupt your relationships or the bonds you make.
In past lifetimes, you were focused on perfection. In this lifetime, you are meant to focus on compassion. By surrendering more to the flow of things, you can let go of what no longer serves you while remaining open for what does.
Libra South Node: Rediscovering Your Independence
With your South Node in Libra, you are meant to experience the gifts of independence, freedom, and inner clarity in this lifetime. In the past, you may have been more dependent on the people around you and made a lot of your focus on love. However, in this lifetime, you are being reminded to not lose your identity in others. You can let go of what no longer serves you by only moving towards the things that feel authentic to you.
You are meant to feel confident, inspired, and free in your relationships, and if you don’t feel this way, then that is a sign you are around energy that doesn’t serve you. You are meant to do things your own way in this lifetime.
Scorpio South Node: Letting Go of Struggles and Embracing Ease
With your South Node in Scorpio, you have lived many lives and have experienced a lot emotionally. In this lifetime, you are learning how to trust the process more and to understand that not everything has to be difficult or trying for you. You can experience great things with ease, and you’ll know you are in the right place when things are just falling into your lap.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is focusing more on the things and people who make you feel safe, stable, and comfortable. Instead of always seeking the rush or the thrill, bring your attention more towards the things that ground you.
Sagittarius South Node: Building Connection Through Learning
Your South Node in Sagittarius urges you towards connection with your community and your immediate environment. In this lifetime, you are letting go of the need to be everywhere at once, rather than with the people who matter most to you. You are moving away from knowing everything and into learning everything.
By looking at life as a place where you will learn, grow, and connect, you can let go of the things that stretch you too thin or don’t serve your heart.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is expressing yourself more, meeting new people, and spending time on a cause or creative project that inspires you.
Capricorn South Node: Choosing Home and Foundations Over Status
In this lifetime, you are meant to put more value and effort into your personal life, home, family, and foundations in life. In past lifetimes, a lot of your focus was on your reputation, achievements, and successes, and in this lifetime, you are meant to bring your energy more to the home base, family, and stability in life.
You will know if something is right for you if you want it because it makes you feel safe and nurtured, rather than just something that looks pleasing to the eye. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is by focusing more on your personal life rather than your public, and what you truly see for yourself here.
Aquarius South Node: Shining in Your Individuality
With an Aquarius South Node, you are meant to shine, be seen, and express yourself in this lifetime. You are letting go of the lone wolf energy you are used to, and working on taking up space. You are able to let go of what no longer serves you by being confident in yourself and the decisions you are making.
If someone doesn’t make you feel like the best thing in the entire world, then they aren’t right for you. In past lifetimes, you gave a lot of your energy to your community and the people around you, and in this lifetime, you are meant to focus on yourself and your path more. It’s all about doing what makes you feel good and trusting that you deserve to.
Pisces South Node: Honoring Logic While Embracing Intuition
Your lesson in this lifetime is that your mind is your gift. In past lives, you were very intuitive, psychic, and spiritual, and in this lifetime, you are learning to trust and honor the logical part of yourself more. You may tend to put your all into your relationships and not get the same energy back, and you are working on taking care of yourself first before you can give to another.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is trusting your body and the signals it gives you when you are around certain people or energy that doesn’t serve. Get organized, figure out your needs, boundaries, and wants, and get clear on who you are and what you want for yourself.
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Featured image by Guido Mieth/Getty Images
Luxury Hairstylist On Viral 'Hey Boo' Texts & Professionalism In The Hair Industry
As Black women, our hair is our crowning glory - whether we paid for it or not. We take pride in how we wear and take care of our hair. As with everything, hair care and hair styling have evolved over the years. Long gone are the days of Blue Magic (although I hear it’s making a comeback).
Now, we have a plethora of creams, oils, conditioners, shampoos, and stylists to choose from. Beyond wearing our natural curls, we have a range of options, from wigs and sew-ins to tape-ins, I-tips, and K-tips. So much choice! But you know what they say about too much of a good thing...
The Black hair industry has definitely blossomed in the last decade with a wave of new stylists and salons popping up all over the place. As much as I love that for us, many of these stylists have become the subjects of viral TikTok and Instagram tirades because of their alleged questionable behavior and bizarre rules.
Excessive policies, strange fees, long wait times, poor performance, and the infamous “Hey boo” texts. Beauty is pain, they say… xoNecole got to the root of these issues with luxury hair extensionist Dee Michelle, who’s been in the hair game for 20 years and runs a seven-figure business - all while being a mom of four.
Antonio Livingston
“I started my business with my career in the hair industry [at] very, very young age when I was maybe like eight...So, over the years, I've just built a very successful seven-figure business very quickly just by offering high-end services and creating great experiences for my clients, many of whom are high-profile professionals,” she said. “I'm also a mother of four, including a set of triplets, which inspires me daily to show what's possible with my hard work and focus.”
Dee’s business has gone viral on social media because of what many call outrageous prices for her invisible K-Tip installs.
“When I developed my invisible K-tip extensions technique, I made sure that it wasn't just about the hair or the style, but about providing a high-end experience from start to finish. So, my clients just aren't paying for the extensions or just the style itself, but they're investing into my meticulous, seamless craft and premium hair sourced from the best suppliers…I've spent so many hours mastering my craft, creating this seamless method that gives my clients long-lasting natural results, and my pricing just reflects that - the value of my expertise and the exclusivity of the service.”
The K-tip specialist stands on business when it comes to catering to her clients and giving them an experience worth the cost.
“And it's just important for me to also say that my clients are high-profile individuals who value quality, their privacy, and their time. They want a service that fits into their lifestyle and their time. They want things that deliver perfection. And I deliver that every single time.”
I’m sure we’ve all seen the various TikTok rants about people’s nightmare experiences with stylists and uttered a silent “FELT!” We asked Dee her opinion on a few nightmare scenarios that beg the response, “please be so forreal."
On stylists charging extra to wash clients’ hair:
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
On ‘deposits’ that don’t go towards the cost of the service:
“I think that's kind of weird, too, for deposits to not be like a part of the service. I've seen people have booking fees and I just don't understand it, to be honest. I disagree with that kind of policy…By all means, people should do what works for them, but to me, it doesn't make sense. Why does somebody have to pay a fee just to book an appointment with you? I don't get it. It feels like exploitation.”
On stylists charging extra to style (straighten/curl) wigs, sew-ins etc., after installing:
“I don't get it. Clients come to us to get their hair done, to get it styled. So why is it extra for you to style it? If you're going to charge extra, just increase your price. I feel like it could be just a lack of confidence in those stylists, feeling like people won't pay a certain price for certain things, or just their lack of professionalism as well, because people are coming to us to get styled.”
On the infamous “Hey boo” text stylists send to clients when they need to cancel/reschedule:
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
We know all too well what kinds of things will keep us from ever gracing certain hairstylists’ chairs with our butts again. So, what should hairstylists do to provide a good service to their clients? What is good hairstylist etiquette?
“For one, being on time is an important rule for stylist etiquette. It's just not okay to require your clients to be on time, and you're not on time. Also, communication. Being able to communicate clearly, respectfully, and professionally, whether that's in person, via text, or on social media. Style is etiquette. Appearance matters. So just maintaining a clean, polished, and professional look. Clients respect you more whenever your appearance reflects your work. There's just so many things, but another thing I would say is active listening. So, being able to pay close attention to what your client wants and also clarifying any questions that they might have. Just to ensure that they feel heard and to minimize any misunderstandings.”
Dee also shared some red flags to look out for when considering a new stylist.
“Even me as a client, if I'm booking somebody and they have a long list of rules, I don't even book with them. That's, for one, just such a huge turn-off. Also, stylists who have inconsistent or unclear pricing, that's a red flag. People who change their rates too much without an explanation. Poor communication. So, if a stylist is responding very slow or responding unprofessionally, or giving vague answers to questions, that can make clients question whether or not they are respecting their time and their needs.
Another red flag - an inconsistent or low quality portfolio. And I feel like, I see this a lot with stylists stealing other people's work, and their portfolio on social media is just very inconsistent.”
We couldn’t let Dee go without getting the tea on what styles she predicts will trend in 2025.
“I feel like people are going back to natural-looking styles. So, a lot of people are ditching the wigs, the lace fronts, things like that. People are still wearing them, of course, but it is becoming more of a trend to embrace your natural hair and something that's not looking too fake. That’s one thing that we're going to be seeing a lot. I would say a lot of layers are coming back, heavy layers. Those are becoming really, really trendy. And people are leaning more towards platinum-colored hair. I've been seeing lots of like blondes coming out. Also, jet black is always going to be a trend. But I would say more like natural colors, but natural colors that are still making a statement.”
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Feature image by Antonio Livingston.