

Michelle Obama Gets Real About Confronting Her Insecurities & Self-Doubt
Insecurities are the devil. They've popped up more times than I would like; in the most awkward moments. When I finally overcome one and do my dance to celebrate, another one pops up making me question myself. Whether it's wondering if my boobs are getting out of control (I'm rocking a 36I), obsessing over my uneven front teeth, or feeling like I'm the weakest link at a new job, if I'm not careful, I can find an imperfection at any given moment.
I might have thought something was seriously wrong with me if women like Michelle Obama didn't share their experiences with the same struggle.
We all look to her as a superhero of some sort: she's our sister, aunt, mother, friend, mentor and to some, all of the above. But her tangible proof of success isn't the only reason we admire FLOTUS in so many ways. She has no problem being vulnerable and honest when sharing her story. She doesn't try to wrap it up, put a bow on top and present it to us in this pretty package as if everything was perfect. Nope. Instead, she bares all.
View this post on InstagramA post shared by Michelle Obama (@michelleobama) on Feb 9, 2020 at 8:22am PST
In a recent conversation with Oprah Winfrey during the media mogul's 2020 Vision Tour, our Forever First Lady touched on her feelings of inadequacies. She confessed that being her own worst critic was the root:
"I struggle with looking in the mirror. I hate looking at myself. I hate listening to my voice. I hate watching myself on tape, because I'm constantly judging myself too, just like everybody else."
While our level for aspiration for Michelle went up after the release of her memoir Becoming, she revealed her self-doubt was certainly present while she promoted the best-seller.
"I lived in a cocoon of the White House for eight years. I knew sorta kinda that people maybe sorta liked me and might be interested in reading my book. Not everybody likes me. Some people think I'm the devil. When you're in politics, you get the good and the venom too."
The criticism she received while on the campaign trail with President Barack Obama didn't help.
View this post on InstagramA post shared by Michelle Obama (@michelleobama) on Oct 3, 2019 at 7:46am PDT
"People called me all kinds of things when I was campaigning for Barack, like it was a competition. They called me un-American, and this stuff sticks with you. Men talked about the size of my butt. There are people who were telling me I was angry. That stuff hurts, and it makes you sort of wonder, what are people seeing? That stuff is there. And look, I'm a black woman in America. And you know, we're not always made to feel beautiful. So there's still that baggage that we carry, and not everyone can relate to that. But yes, there is baggage that I carry just like anybody else."
And she's doing what she can to make sure her and Barack Obama's daughters, Malia Obama, 21, and Sasha Obama, 18, don't have to experience the same insecurities.
"I told my daughters, because as they're getting older they start to judge themselves and it's interesting when they talk about, 'I can't fit in my jeans that I had last year.' I said, 'But you're a whole other year older. You're now becoming a woman. You don't have a child's body.'"
"That's like saying at 20, I'm really upset that I couldn't wear my favorite overalls anymore from when I was 10. That's as ridiculous as it is at 56 to think that I should look like I did when I was 36, or for anyone to judge me like that, or to judge a woman like that."
She said that over time, she's learned to appreciate her physique no matter what; which means handling it with care in all stages.
View this post on InstagramA post shared by Michelle Obama (@michelleobama) on Oct 20, 2019 at 11:45am PDT
"We are so ridiculous as women. We don't want to talk about our age, and then we want to act like we should look like we did when we were 20, you know? When, I'm sorry, men you can look any kind of way. And it seems to be OK."
"[It's] all mine, and it's a healthy body that works, everyday. I try hard not to judge it. And it's different. You have to get to know your body, because what this body is at 56 — I can't do the things I did when I was 36. It's not the same body. We are living things. We're not machines. You know, we run out of gas. We need fuel. We need sunshine and light. We need to take care of ourselves and when you don't, as you get older, just like any living thing it begins to fail on you. And for me, I'm trying to figure out, what is that balance that I need to make sure that this body, that God gave me, that I'm taking care of it the best that I can and that it will serve me well as I get older."
Featured image by Paras Griffin/Getty Images
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Charmaine Patterson is a journalist, lifestyle blogger, and a lover of all things pop culture. While she has much experience in covering top entertainment news stories, she aims to share her everyday life experiences, old and new, with other women who can relate, laugh, and love along with her. Follow Char on Twitter @charjpatterson, Instagram @charpatterson, and keep up with her journey at CharJPatterson.com .
Exclusive: Gabrielle Union On Radical Transparency, Being Diagnosed With Perimenopause And Embracing What’s Next
Whenever Gabrielle Union graces the movie screen, she immediately commands attention. From her unforgettable scenes in films like Bring It On and Two Can Play That Game to her most recent film, in which she stars and produces Netflix’s The Perfect Find, there’s no denying that she is that girl.
Off-screen, she uses that power for good by sharing her trials and tribulations with other women in hopes of helping those who may be going through the same things or preventing them from experiencing them altogether. Recently, the Flawless by Gabrielle Union founder partnered with Clearblue to speak at the launch of their Menopause Stage Indicator, where she also shared her experience with being perimenopausal.
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
Victoria Monét Opens Up About Feeling ‘Validated’ Months After VMAs Turned Her Down To Perform
Victoria Monét has had an incredible year. Thanks to the success of the widely popular “On My Mama” that went viral, the singer/ songwriter’s Jaguar II album debuted in the top 10 of Billboard’s Top R&B Albums chart. She also went on to headline her own sold-out tour. So, when the MTV VMAs happened in September, everyone was surprised to learn that Victoria’s team was told that it was “too early” for the “Smoke” artist to perform at the award show. However, a couple of months later, the mom of one received seven Grammy nominations, including “Best R&B Album” and “Record Of The Year.”
Victoria is currently in London and stopped by The Dotty Show on Apple Music and shared how she feels “validated” after being dismissed by the VMAs.
“It really does feel nice and validating because, in my head, the reason why I wanted to be a performer at the VMAs or award ceremonies like that is because I felt like I am at the place where I should. I would work really hard to put on the best show that I could, and I was excited to do so,” she said.
“And I guess the best way to describe it for me is like when you're like on a sports team, and the coach is like, ‘No, you gotta sit this one out.’ When they finally put you in, and then you score all these points, and it feels like that feeling. You're like, yes, I knew it wasn't tripping, but I knew I worked hard for this, and so it's been super validating to just have these accolades come after a moment like that, and I know the fans feel vindicated for me.
While her fans called the VMAs out on their decision, the “Moment” singer kept it cute and is still open to performing at the iconic award show. “I feel no ill towards them because it's just maybe that's just truly how they felt at the time, but I hope their mind has changed,” she admitted.
Aside from recognition from the Grammys, she has also received praise from legendary artists such as Janet Jackson, Kelly Rowland, and Usher.
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Feature image by Amy Sussman/WireImage for Parkwood