
Michelle Obama Gets Real About Confronting Her Insecurities & Self-Doubt

Insecurities are the devil. They've popped up more times than I would like; in the most awkward moments. When I finally overcome one and do my dance to celebrate, another one pops up making me question myself. Whether it's wondering if my boobs are getting out of control (I'm rocking a 36I), obsessing over my uneven front teeth, or feeling like I'm the weakest link at a new job, if I'm not careful, I can find an imperfection at any given moment.
I might have thought something was seriously wrong with me if women like Michelle Obama didn't share their experiences with the same struggle.
We all look to her as a superhero of some sort: she's our sister, aunt, mother, friend, mentor and to some, all of the above. But her tangible proof of success isn't the only reason we admire FLOTUS in so many ways. She has no problem being vulnerable and honest when sharing her story. She doesn't try to wrap it up, put a bow on top and present it to us in this pretty package as if everything was perfect. Nope. Instead, she bares all.
View this post on InstagramA post shared by Michelle Obama (@michelleobama) on Feb 9, 2020 at 8:22am PST
In a recent conversation with Oprah Winfrey during the media mogul's 2020 Vision Tour, our Forever First Lady touched on her feelings of inadequacies. She confessed that being her own worst critic was the root:
"I struggle with looking in the mirror. I hate looking at myself. I hate listening to my voice. I hate watching myself on tape, because I'm constantly judging myself too, just like everybody else."
While our level for aspiration for Michelle went up after the release of her memoir Becoming, she revealed her self-doubt was certainly present while she promoted the best-seller.
"I lived in a cocoon of the White House for eight years. I knew sorta kinda that people maybe sorta liked me and might be interested in reading my book. Not everybody likes me. Some people think I'm the devil. When you're in politics, you get the good and the venom too."
The criticism she received while on the campaign trail with President Barack Obama didn't help.
View this post on InstagramA post shared by Michelle Obama (@michelleobama) on Oct 3, 2019 at 7:46am PDT
"People called me all kinds of things when I was campaigning for Barack, like it was a competition. They called me un-American, and this stuff sticks with you. Men talked about the size of my butt. There are people who were telling me I was angry. That stuff hurts, and it makes you sort of wonder, what are people seeing? That stuff is there. And look, I'm a black woman in America. And you know, we're not always made to feel beautiful. So there's still that baggage that we carry, and not everyone can relate to that. But yes, there is baggage that I carry just like anybody else."
And she's doing what she can to make sure her and Barack Obama's daughters, Malia Obama, 21, and Sasha Obama, 18, don't have to experience the same insecurities.
"I told my daughters, because as they're getting older they start to judge themselves and it's interesting when they talk about, 'I can't fit in my jeans that I had last year.' I said, 'But you're a whole other year older. You're now becoming a woman. You don't have a child's body.'"
"That's like saying at 20, I'm really upset that I couldn't wear my favorite overalls anymore from when I was 10. That's as ridiculous as it is at 56 to think that I should look like I did when I was 36, or for anyone to judge me like that, or to judge a woman like that."
She said that over time, she's learned to appreciate her physique no matter what; which means handling it with care in all stages.
View this post on InstagramA post shared by Michelle Obama (@michelleobama) on Oct 20, 2019 at 11:45am PDT
"We are so ridiculous as women. We don't want to talk about our age, and then we want to act like we should look like we did when we were 20, you know? When, I'm sorry, men you can look any kind of way. And it seems to be OK."
"[It's] all mine, and it's a healthy body that works, everyday. I try hard not to judge it. And it's different. You have to get to know your body, because what this body is at 56 — I can't do the things I did when I was 36. It's not the same body. We are living things. We're not machines. You know, we run out of gas. We need fuel. We need sunshine and light. We need to take care of ourselves and when you don't, as you get older, just like any living thing it begins to fail on you. And for me, I'm trying to figure out, what is that balance that I need to make sure that this body, that God gave me, that I'm taking care of it the best that I can and that it will serve me well as I get older."
Featured image by Paras Griffin/Getty Images
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube
Colman Domingo’s Career Advice Is A Reminder That Our Words Shape Our Reality
When it comes to life, we are always here for a good reminder to shift our mindsets, and Colman Domingo just gave us one we didn't know we needed.
In a resurfaced clip from an appearance at NewFest shared as a repost via Micheaux Film Festival, the Emmy award winner dropped a gem on how he has navigated his decades-spanning career in Hollywood. The gem in question? Well, Colman has never identified with "struggle" in his career. Let that sit.
Colman Domingo On Not Claiming Struggle
"I’ve never said that this career was tough. I’ve never said it was difficult. I’ve never said it was hard," Colman said. "Other people would say that—‘oh, you're in a very difficult industry. It's very hard to get work and book work.’ I’m like, I’ve never believed that."
Instead of allowing himself to be defined by other people's projections about their perceptions of what the industry is or was, Colman dared to believe differently even if his reality was playing catch up with his dreams:
"Like Maya Angelou said words are things. And if you believe that, then that's actually what it is. Actually I've just never believed it. Someone told me some years ago, they said, 'I remember you were, you're a struggling actor.' I'm like, 'I don't.'"
"I wasn't attached to a struggle. I was attached to living..."
He continued:
"Even when I was bartending and hustling and not having opportunities or anything, I never believed that I was struggling because I wasn't attached to a struggle. I was attached to living and creating and being curious."
Colman’s philosophy of attaching to living instead of struggle has blossomed into an enduring career. He first made his mark on stage in acclaimed Broadway productions before transitioning to the screen, where his star began to rise in the 2010s following his role as Victor Strand in Fear The Walking Dead. From there, his presence only grew, landing memorable supporting roles in If Beale Street Could Talk, Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom, and the hit series Euphoria.
In more recent years, Colman has stepped fully into the spotlight with standout leading performances in Rustin and Sing Sing, both of which earned him widespread critical acclaim and Academy Award nominations for Best Actor.
With all that said, Colman's advice is no doubt powerful, especially for those who are chasing their dreams, building something from the ground up, or have question marks about what's next in their careers. Words shape our realities, and how we speak about our journeys even in passing matters.
Words Create Our Reality & Colman Is Living Proof
"I tell young people that. To remember the words that you say about yourself and your career are true. So, I choose to make it full of light and love and it's interesting and every day I'm going to learn something new even if it looks like I don't have what I want but it's important to be in the moment... you really build on the moments moment to moment.
"And you're looking back at your career as I've been in it for what 33 years and you're like, 'Wow, that's what I've been doing.' And I've stayed strong to that so I think that is truly my advice."
Let this be your sign to give your path a reframe. When the path you're on feels uncertain, the journey is still unfolding. Like Colman said: "I wasn't attached to a struggle. I was attached to living."
That's a Black king right there.
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Featured image by Soul Brother/Soul B Photos/Shutterstock