Let’s make one thing clear, we support Black women– period. Megan Thee Stallion has become the latest example of the mistreatment Black women often face when speaking up for themselves. Since July 2020, when reports first surfaced that Megan, born Megan Pete, was allegedly shot by singer/ rapper Tory Lanez, she has had to deal with the dual trauma of the initial shooting and the subsequent harassment by Lanez, his fans, powerful people in the music industry, and the overall effort to discredit her.
Gun violence is an issue that continues to disproportionately impact Black women. According to a 2022 study, “Black women are three times more likely to be fatally shot by an intimate partner compared to white women.” (Megan has denied having an intimate relationship with Lanez.) During a particularly fraught time in hip hop, when we’ve lost so many artists to gun violence, including the recent murder of rapper Takeoff, it’s difficult to witness the continued minimizing and victim blaming of Megan by her peers in the business.
xoNecole has compiled a timeline of the events that unfolded following Megan’s shooting, including members of the industry who have seemingly undermined her story.
Megan Thee Stallion and Tory Lanez: A Timeline of Events
July 12, 2020
Reports surfaced that Megan had been shot by an unreported assailant while with Lanez, born Daystar Peterson, his bodyguard, and Megan’s friend at the time Kelsey Nicole when leaving a party at Kylie Jenner’s house.
July 16, 2020
Tory Lanez
Tim Mosenfelder/Getty Images
Page Six exclusively reported that Lanez had officially been named as a potential suspect in the shooting. “Tory fired the shots from within the vehicle while Megan was outside trying to leave,” a source told the outlet. “There is video and the police are investigating. This is a case of a man physically harming and abusing a woman.”
It was also reported around this time that Megan unfollowed the singer on Instagram.
July 22, 2020
Megan gets on Twitter to clap back at reality star Draya Michele who went on a podcast and suggested that Lanez and Megan “had some sort of Bobby and Whitney love that drove them down this type of road" and joked that “I want you to like me so much you shoot me in the foot too."
“Dumb bitch that shit ain’t fucking funny who tf jokes about getting shot by a nigga,” Megan tweeted.
Michele would later apologize saying that her attempt at a joke fell flat and that "I truly don’t glorify domestic violence... I was trying to say just love me deeply."
July 23, 2020
Podcaster Adam22 reports that sources told him that Megan and Lanez were in a sexual relationship and that there was a flirtation between Jenner and Lanez at the party. Their interaction reportedly caused Megan to become jealous and start “violating his ass” and “really shitting on him.”
That same day, rapper Cam’ron received backlash on social media after posting a transphobic comment about Megan saying, "Tory Lanez saw that dick and started shootn..IDC what no one say."
July 28, 2020
Rapper 50 Cent issues an apology to Megan after posting a meme depicting the Grammy award-winner as the character Ricky from the film Boyz n the Hood as he’s being shot.
“👀Damn I didn’t think this shit was real,🤦♂️It sounded so crazy @theestallion i’m glad your [sic] feeling better and i hope you can accept my apology. I posted a meme that was floating around. I wouldn’t have done that if i knew you was really hurt sorry. 🤷🏽♂️," he wrote.
August 19, 2020
Megan posts a photo of her injured foot on Instagram in an attempt to quell rumors that she wasn’t shot.
August 21, 2020
Megan gets on IG Live and confirms that Lanez allegedly shot her. “Since y’all hoes so worried ’bout it, yes, this nigga Tory shot me,” she said. “You shot me. And you got your publicist and your people going to these blogs lying and shit. Stop lying. Why lie? I don’t understand. I tried to keep the situation off the internet, but you dragging it.
She continued, “You really fucking dragging it. Motherfuckers talking about I hit this nigga. I never hit you. Motherfuckers like, ‘Oh she mad ’cause he was trying to fuck with Kylie.’ No, I wasn’t. Like, you dry shot me. Like, everybody in the car – there’s only four motherfuckers in the car: me, you, my homegirl, and your security. I get out the car, I’m done arguing. I don’t wanna argue no more. I get out, I’m walking away. This nigga, from outside the back seat of the car, start shooting me. You shot me!”
She also addressed rumors that the injury to her foot was actually caused by broken glass. “I ain’t get cut by no glass, but let me tell you why they’re saying that: the people in the neighborhood –there’s a witness – when the police came because the neighbors called the police – this did not happen at Kylie’s house.” She continued, “This happened damn near back at the house I was staying at. I was just trying to get home. We were five minutes away from my spot. The police come and I’m scared.”
“All this shit going on with the police. The police are shooting motherfuckers for anything. The police was literally killing Black people for no motherfucking reason. Soon as the police tell us all ‘Get out the motherfucking car,' the police is really aggressive,” she explained. “You think I’m bout to tell the police that we – niggas, us Black people – got a gun in the car?! You want me to tell them that we got a gun in the car so they can shoot all of us up? Nigga, I’m scared.”
August 25, 2020
Houston legend Bun B comes out in support of his fellow hometown resident. “I know Tory, I know his manager. I know all of ‘em. Fuck all that, though. If the man on drugs, get him some goddamn rehab. If the man got mental health issues, get him some therapy,” he said.
“But you not just gon’ sit here and shoot this girl, and we not say nothin’. This shit not real. Nobody’s talking about it because it’s a Black woman… put your hands on Lady Gaga and see how quick they lock your ass up.”
September 9, 2020
TMZ reports that texts allegedly coming from Lanez show that the singer apologized to Megan while she was in the hospital. "I know u prolly never gone talk to me again, but I genuinely want u to know I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart,” read the texts. He also blamed his actions on being “too drunk.”
September 25, 2020
Lanez releases his album Daystar where he finally addresses the allegations that he shot Megan. In his song “Money Over Fallouts,” he raps lyrics like, “How the fuck you get shot in your foot, don’t hit no bones or tendons?” and “If you got shot from behind how can you identify me?”
September 29, 2020
Billboard reports that Lanez’s team posed as members of Megan’s team to plant stories that made Megan look less credible including fake text messages. Lanez’s team denies the claims.
October 3, 2020
Megan performs on Saturday Night Live as a musical guest and she stops mid-performance to share a message about supporting Black women. "We need to protect our Black women and love our Black women, 'cause at the end of the day, we need our Black women,” she preached.
October 8, 2020
Lanez was officially charged with one count of assault with a semiautomatic firearm and one count of carrying a loaded, concealed firearm in a vehicle.
October 13, 2020
Megan writes an op-ed for The New York Times titled “Why I Speak Up for Black Women.” The article states: “I was recently the victim of an act of violence by a man. After a party, I was shot twice as I walked away from him. We were not in a relationship. Truthfully, I was shocked that I ended up in that place.
My initial silence about what happened was out of fear for myself and my friends. Even as a victim, I have been met with skepticism and judgment. The way people have publicly questioned and debated whether I played a role in my own violent assault proves that my fears about discussing what happened were, unfortunately, warranted.”
October 20, 2020
Lanez gets on IG Live to discuss the aftermath of the shooting and says that he still considers Megan to be a friend even if she doesn’t but that “I know what happened, and what you’re saying, what the alleged things and the alleged accusations of my name is, are not true. It’s falsified information. It’s false information.”
Megan responded on Twitter saying: “This Nigga genuinely crazy.”
November 18, 2020
Lanez pleads not guilty to both charges.
November 20, 2020
Megan’s debut album Good News is released where she addresses the shooting in the intro song “Shots Fired” with lines like “Imagine niggas lyin' 'bout shootin' a real bitch (huh?) Just to save face for rapper niggas you chill with.”
November 26, 2020
Kelsey Nicole (L) and Megan Thee Stallion (R).
Screenshot from Megan Thee Stallion's "Realer" music video/ YouTube
The “Savage” artist’s former friend Kelsey Nicole, who was one of the passengers in the car the night of the shooting, released a diss track to Megan titled “Bussin Back” where she rapped “Never been a jealous friend and the people really know it/If you would'vе kept it silent then I would'vе been told it/ See I really thought I knew you, thought that you would keep it G/ If you wanna talk gangsta, bitch, I'm really from the street.”
The former besties fell out following the shooting.
December 9, 2020
Rapper Jack Harlow responds to criticism of keeping Lanez on the remix of his hit song “What’s Poppin’” during an interview with Power 106. "I don't think I'm God. I don't have no room to judge anybody,” he said. “I wasn't there when this and that happened, I don't know anything."
January 21, 2021
The Source falsely reported that Megan dropped the charges against Lanez. The Canadian-born rapper’s representative came out and disputed the claims. Megan took to Twitter and said “Y’all can’t tell when shit fake news?”
February 2, 2021
“Buss It” artist Erica Banks goes on IG Live with Lanez, a move many people think was an attempt to antagonize Megan since Banks is signed to the same record label that she’s currently going through legal battles with since March 2020.
June 21, 2021
Megan got into a Twitter feud with rapper and frequent collaborator DaBaby after he worked with Lanez on a new song. “Support me in private and publicly do something different…these industry men are very strange. This situation ain’t no damn “beef” and I really wish people would stop down playing it like it’s some internet shit for likes and retweets,” she tweeted.
July 20, 2021
Lanez mentioned Megan in his freestyle on Hot 97 “Megan people trying to frame me for a shooting/But them boys ain’t clean enough.”
July 25, 2021
Tory Lanez (L) and DaBaby (R) performing at Rolling Loud in Miami.
Jason Koerner/Getty Images
DaBaby brings out Lanez during his Rolling Loud performance, a move that was a violation of Megan’s protective order that required the “Jerry Sprunger” singer to stay 100 ft away from her. Lanez’s bail amount increased after the violation.
August 13, 2021
Prosecutors have filed a motion to hold Lanez in contempt for violating the restraining order that was issued in his ongoing criminal case.
December 15, 2021
A judge upholds Lanez’s charges after an LAPD officer testified that he shouted “Dance, bitch!” before allegedly shooting the “Pressurelicious” artist.
February 22, 2022
Megan posts screenshots of alleged text messages on social media from what appears to be Lanez apologizing to her after the shooting; a move that was in response to him seemingly subtweeting her by writing "u can't buy and tweet your way out of this one ..not today."
March 21, 2022
Popular hip-hop blogger DJ Akademics tweeted and deleted a claim that Lanez’s DNA was not found on the weapon in the case. Megan responded on her Instagram stories saying “court ain’t even started so why yall ready to start lying.”
April 4, 2022
Lanez is arrested for violating a protective order after tweeting about Megan back in February. He was released on a $350,000 bond.
April 24, 2022
Megan appeared on CBS This Morningspeaking with Gayle King about the shooting and the events following it.
April 26, 2022
50 Cent took to Instagram to cast doubt on Megan after she said that she wasn’t in a sexual relationship with the “Luv” singer. “Now that I don’t believe, she had to think about her answer. SMH all this shit is crazy,” 50 said.
June 15, 2022
In her Rolling Stone cover, Megan addresses the shooting saying that she wants Lanez to “go under the jail,” and that “I thought everyone in the car was my friend, [and] the whole time that’s not how they thought of me.”
August 24, 2022
Lanez's lawyer drops him as a client, citing “irreconcilable differences.” The lawyer had been defending Lanez against assault allegations made by Love and Hip-Hop: Miamicast member Prince.
October 31, 2022
A judge in Los Angeles ruled that Lanez had to be placed on house arrest until the trial after Lanez was found in violation of his parole due to allegedly assaulting August Alsina in September.
November 4, 2022
On his collab album Her Loss with 21 Savage, Drake raps in the song “Circo Loco,” “This bitch lie 'bout gettin shots but she still a stallion/ She don't even get the joke but she still smilin'” a line that many people think is in reference to Megan.
The H-town rapper responded to the lyric by tweeting, “I know I’m very popular but y’all gotta stop attaching weak ass conspiracy theories in bars to my name lol Niggas nor hoes EVER address me or @ me WITH a fact or receipts. I AM CLOUT BITCH keep sucking my pussy.”
November 5, 2022
Rapper Lil Yachty — who co-wrote “Circo Loco” — said on Instagram live that the line was not a reference to Megan, but to girls who get butt injections.
November 11, 2022
An open letter signed by representative Maxine Waters, Me Too founder Tarana Burke, host Marc Lamont Hill, and other community figures was released in support of Megan saying in part “You are believed, loved, and supported.”
The trial against Lanez for assault and weapons charges begins Monday, November 28, 2022.
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The reason why I’m leading with this when it comes to this particular topic is that if you’re someone who has been sexually active for a while, you’re contemplating going into a season of abstinence or celibacy, and a part of your hesitation is you think that you’ll be one of the very few who’s done it, that couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s becoming more common than ever for individuals to at least go 6-12 months without sex…for a variety of reasons.
Okay, but what if you’re thinking about doing it, and you’re in a relationship with someone who you’re currently sexually active with? Not only that, but your partner is absolutely not on the same page with you when it comes to making this type of move. If that’s your challenge of the day and you’re not sure what you should do about it all, I’ve actually got a few tips, ones that, hopefully, will at least give you some of the clarity that you may be seeking in this particular season of (temporary) transition in your life.
What Is Your Reason?
GiphyPopular life coach Michael Hyatt once said, “When you know your why, you’ll know your way,” and when you’ve made the decision to go without sex, no matter how long that season may be, no greater words could be spoken. So, if abstinence is what you’re considering, definitely ask yourself what is your reason for that. Is it Scriptural or religious? Is it because you feel like you are confusing good sex with a solid relational dynamic?
Is it because you think that you and your partner are in an endless pattern of “making up to break-up” (check out “Make-Up Sex Might Be Doing Your Relationship More Harm Than Good”)? Perhaps you’re on some form of birth control, and you want to give your body a break from the hormones. Maybe you recently had a pregnancy scare that has caused you to do a bit of life reevaluating, and you don’t want to risk another chance of having a positive sign on a test until you get clear on how you want the next couple of years of your life to look.
I know when I decided to enter into my LOOONG season of not-getting-any, it was because I decided to see if I was in a pattern of counterproductivity — not just when it came to sex but with the people I chose to have sex with.
For me, I entered into my abstinence phase without being in a relationship (I did it after breaking up with the last boyfriend that I will ever have in this lifetime — check out “Why I'll Never Call Someone A 'Boyfriend' Again”), so my shift was virtually drama-free (well, minus all of the detoxing that I went through; that first six months or so without sex is a MUTHA). However, I have had times when I’ve wanted to go several months without sex, after having sex with someone, and it did not make for a smooth sailing between the two of us.
Anyway, when it comes to figuring out what you should do about your own situation, being very clear about your reasons can make it so much easier to do the next thing: come up with a plan.
What Is Your Plan?
GiphyFor the sake of time and space, I can’t address every dilemma for this, so let’s go with one of ‘em. Say that the (main) reason why you want to be abstinent is because you know you have a pattern of mistaking good sex for actual intimacy (check out “What If The Sex Is Great? But The Relationship Sucks.”). The guy you’ve been seeing, the relationship is under six months old, yet you could see a real future with him. Thing is, you’ve been having sex with each other for about three months now, and you just recently decided to go exclusive.
You know, with everything in you, that a big part of the reason why he was cool with not seeing anyone else is because sex is consistent (and good) between the two of you, so you’re not (completely) sure how he’s going to handle your new decision.
Well, what’s your plan? What I mean by that is, well, a few things:
- How long do you plan on being abstinent?
- What kind of abstinent do you want to be (no oral, no foreplay, no making out, etc.)?
- When you remove something, it’s wise to replace it with something else; how do you want to fill that void in the meantime?
- Where do you see the relationship going as a result of making this kind of shift?
- While you’re thinking about what’s best for you, what do you think is best for your relationship as well?
You know the saying goes “Fail to plan, plan to fail,” and when it comes to being abstinent when you’re in a relationship, I’ve dealt with this myself (and via clients) enough to know that when men are approached with this, what they tend to be the most interested in is 1) abstinent for what; 2) abstinent for how long, and 3) why abstinence would ultimately be beneficial for the relationship overall.
Listen, in a lot of relationships, sex is a significant part of it. That’s why you don’t want to go into something this paramount with a “winging it” mindset. The clearer you are about how this can be helpful for you both, at least on some level, the more open “he” will be willing to hear you out and take it into some serious consideration.
How Serious Is the Relationship?
GiphyLight at the end of the tunnel. I’ll tell you what, when you’re in a season of abstinence, and you know that there is some end in sight (because very few folks want to be abstinent forever), it can make going without so much easier to bear. That said when it comes to abstinence while in a relationship, there’s a big difference between telling someone who you’re in a new relationship with that you want to “press pause” for an indefinite period of time vs. telling someone who you recently got engaged to that you want to wait until your wedding day. The first one? Who knows where things are headed? The second? There is a date that is attached to the decision; indeed, there is “relief” on the horizon.
So yeah, that’s something else that needs to be considered because I’ll be real with you — based on how serious the relationship is, your decision to be abstinent may be a “me” decision or a “we” decision. Meaning, a guy who you’re just starting to see and dig, if there are no real lasting guarantees on the table, you really need to focus most on what’s best for you and kind of let the chips fall where they may. On the other hand, for someone who you are in it to win it with long-term (mutually so, not just in your own estimation), you would be silly to think that abstinence wouldn’t have the potential to significantly impact your relationship’s future. Why?
Because if sex was a part of your “house’s” foundation, if you pull some of the foundations out, it can cause the house to “shake” a bit — especially if some trying times present themselves during that same season. So yep, you factoring in the “weight” of the relationship is also what needs to be taken into some serious account. (Tip: You probably need to get him to weigh in on this as well. It’s not uncommon for one person to think a relationship is one type while someone else estimates it to be something totally different.)
Please Remember This at All Times: You Have Free Will. So Does He.
GiphySomething that I will forever say until the cows (and all of the other animals on Noah’s Ark) come home is people really need to stop dating like they are married — if you want to be married, get married. At the end of the day, dating is all about seeing if you’re a good fit for someone and if they are a good fit for you. Unlike marriage, no vows were taken before the Lord, your family, and friends. There is no paperwork involved. There is not the all-in intention of being with someone, no matter what, until death parts you. So, you know what that means? If one or both people come to a fork in the road where there isn’t room for compromise, no one is the bad guy for deciding to end things — yes, even when it comes to something like one individual wanting to remain sexually active while the other doesn’t.
I mean, how would you feel if the guy you were seeing decided that he didn’t want to spend money on dates or special occasions anymore because he needed to focus on getting out of debt? I’m not talking about for a couple of weeks either — I mean, several months or even a couple of years. If you can hang, he needs to keep you because you’re a real one. You know what, though? If you can’t, that doesn’t make you a gold digger or siren. If dates and gifts are what you feel like you need, again, especially if the relationship is relatively new, you need to do what’s best for you….just like he needs to do what’s best for him. It would be totally unfair on his part to expect you to be as invested in his self-development as he is.
IT'S NO DIFFERENT WITH YOUR DECISION TO BE ABSTINENT.
You are doing what’s best for you and he is not the devil incarnate if what is best for you is not what’s best for him. Husbands and wives have to make life-altering sacrifices; boyfriends and girlfriends (or the “untitled”)? They don’t. As unpopular (and perhaps even difficult) as it may be to hear, just like the Bible, Quran, Torah, and taxes don’t give a category for boyfriends and girlfriends (you’re single, married, divorced, or widowed), you should live your life in a similar fashion.
What I mean by that is, you’re single until you’re not. This means that you need to prioritize yourself above all else until someone vows to provide for and protect you (as you vow to help and nurture him). If you need to be abstinent, you don’t owe someone your body. If your partner doesn’t want to follow suit, he doesn’t owe you the sacrifice of going without either.
And so, if you can’t find any compromise, break up. Maybe you’ll cross paths in the future, maybe you won’t. What this season will reveal to you, rest assured, is what is best for you, who complements your life in the now, and how you should move as far as interactions with others go. Yet again, he’s not a villain for not wanting something that is different from what he initially agreed to. Don’t gaslight yourself or him into thinking otherwise. It’s not fair.
Always Do What’s Best for You
GiphyListen, as someone who knows long-term abstinence very up close and personally, very few things in life will teach you more about yourself than going without sex for a season will. It will teach you self-control. It will teach you how to figure out the difference between loving someone and “loving it.” It will teach you how to not settle just because someone makes you feel good. It will teach you how to exert self-discipline in other areas of your life. It will teach you how to not be afraid of losing someone if that means gaining more of yourself.
And honestly, that’s the biggest takeaway that you should get from all of this because, while there is a chance that your relationship is solid enough that your partner can roll with your decision if he chooses not to, choosing you above him and your connection, that is already making abstinence a bomb decision. Because when you do what’s best for you, you tend to choose who is ultimately best for you — whether it’s immediately or eventually — too.
___
Bottom line, if you know that putting sex on pause is best for you, for now, PLEASE don’t let a relationship keep you from doing that. It might feel good to ignore your innermost needs now…yet I can almost guarantee that you will regret it later.
And it’s NEVER worth it, while you’re single, to ignore or push aside you…for “him”.
Trust me on that, sis.
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