

In case you ever end up being a contestant on Jeopardy and there's a category that's devoted to nothing but honey, there are some things you should know. Honey has been hailed as being a sweet form of medicine and a powerful energy booster, ever since the beginning of time.
In order to make a pound of honey, bees must get nectar from over two million flowers. Each bee? It only makes one-twelfth of a teaspoon of honey in its lifetime. It's also reportedly the only kind of food that doesn't come with an expiration date. Not only that but honey is the only food that's produced by insects, and it's the only food that produces pinocembrin (an antibiotic that improves how your brain functions). Some of honey's health benefits include its ability to lower blood pressure, improve cholesterol levels and relieve coughing.
Yeah, honey is all kinds of dope. So, the next time you go to the store to pick up a jar of honey, get two. One for eating (local raw honey is best) and another for medicinal and beauty purposes. Which one is best for that? Manuka honey. Due to all of the antibacterial properties that this kind of honey has, it's great at quickly healing wounds, fighting tooth decay and healing a sore throat. Some studies reveal that manuka honey is even great at treating symptoms related to cystic fibrosis.
From a beauty standpoint, I've got 10 solid reasons why—although it's a little bit on the pricey side—manuka honey is definitely one of the best natural beauty products there is. (For the record, raw honey works well too. I'm going with manuka honey because it's the 2.0 of all honey types.)
1.Skin Moisturizer
Because honey has such a low pH balance to it, it's got the ability to remove all sorts of bacteria from your skin. As far as manuka honey is concerned, the high amount of antioxidants that's in it helps to nourish your skin. Although this kind of honey is powerful, it's also gentle enough to use on sensitive skin. If you use it on your face, after a week's time, your skin's texture will become noticeably smoother, all without clogging your pores in the process.
Some women simply apply a layer of manuka honey onto their clean damp skin, let it sit for five minutes and then rinse it off (then follow that up with adding a little sweet almond oil to their face before turning in every night). Or, if you'd prefer to make some DIY manuka body butter, click here to learn how.
2.Exfoliant
Something else that honey contains are amino acids which is why it's so good for your skin. Manuka honey is especially beneficial because it's a type of honey that contains a powerful antibacterial property known as methylglyoxal. The combination of the acids and methylglyoxal is what makes this honey an effective-yet-gentle type of exfoliant.
One way to get the most out of manuka honey is to make an exfoliating face mask. All you need to do is combine half of a mashed ripe banana with two tablespoons of manuka honey and half a teaspoon of ground cinnamon (you can also swap out the cinnamon for a teaspoon of baking soda if you'd like; it's also a really good exfoliant). Mix everything together, apply it to your clean and damp face and let it sit for 15 minutes. Then rinse, first with warm water and then cool in order to seal your pores.
3.Acne Treatment
On average, our body is made up of five million pores with 20,000 of them on our face. Each pore contains a follicle that has a hair and sebum (naturally-produced oil) in it. Too much oil, dead skin and/or bacteria in your pores can lead to an inflamed bump because the inflammation prevents the bacteria from escaping. Manuka honey is able to remove the bacteria and even slow down the pH balance surrounding your zits so that the healing process of your bumps speeds up.
All you need to do is mix a tablespoon of manuka honey with a couple of drops of fresh lemon juice (it is an astringent that can help to prevent acne scars) and five drops of lavender essential oil (it removes bacteria while soothing your skin).
Bonus Tip: Manuka honey is a fabulous eczema remedy too. There are many clinical studies to support the fact that it brings instant relief to dry, cracked and oozing skin. If you want to DIY some eczema cream, Dr. Axe has a cool recipe that's easy to make.
4.Acne Scar Fader
Technically, pimples are inflamed lesions that turn into wounds once you pop them (which is why putting stuff like toothpaste on them really isn't the best idea). Wounds are torn skin tissue that eventually turns into a scab and, usually a scar after that. An acne scar specifically happens when our body produces too much collagen in the effort to heal the wound; this leads to raised skin and discoloration.
If you apply a dab of manuka honey and sweet almond oil directly onto your acne scars, the properties in the honey will soften the scar tissue and even out your skin tone. The key is to apply the solution daily in order to get maximum results.
5.Dark Eye Circle Lightener
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There are alot of things that can lead to dark circles underneath your eyes—heredity, stress, allergies, sleep deprivation, too much sodium in your diet, excessive sun exposure and aging. Thanks to both the anti-inflammatory and bleaching properties in manuka honey, by applying a thin layer of it underneath your eyes (and letting it sit for 10 minutes or so before gently rinsing it off), it will increase blood circulation and boost collagen levels in that area. With this, you should start to see noticeable results in around 72 hours.
6.Hair Conditioner
Another awesome thing about honey is that it is a humectant (it pulls humidity from the air). This is a good thing to know if your hair is naturally dry. The high amounts of antioxidants and nutrients in manuka honey makes it the kind of ingredient that not only softens your hair but strengthens your hair follicles too.
If you'd like to give your locks a bit of a protein treatment while also keeping your tresses soft, combine three tablespoons of manuka honey with two tablespoons of avocado oil and one tablespoon of olive oil. Put everything into a microwave-safe bowl, use a whisk to make sure all of the ingredients are well-blended. Then zap the mixture in the microwave for 10 seconds and apply it to your hair, right after you've shampooed it. Let the mixture sit for 25 minutes with a plastic cap on your head, then rinse thoroughly and style as usual.
7.Lip Soother
There are all sorts of things that cause chapped lips. Although dehydration is probably the most obvious, humidity, sun rays and licking your lips too much (partly due to the bacteria that's in your saliva) can do it too. Since manuka honey is scientifically-proven to speed up the wound healing process (so much in fact that it's FDA-approved to do so) and tissue regeneration, that's why it does such a wonderful job at soothing and healing your lips.
If you want to make your own lip balm (complete with lavender and coconut oil), click here for the instructions. (You can also click here to buy some empty lip balm containers and here to purchase some small tin jars, if you'd prefer.)
8.Razor Bump Remover
Have you ever wondered what exactly causes a razor bump, it's this—whenever we cut our body hair, sometimes it tries to curl back and enter into the same pore; this is what results in an ingrown hair. This, combined with the dead skill cells that we're constantly shedding, can create quite the nuisance. The antibacterial properties in manuka honey is able to reduce the inflammation that razor bumps cause and remove the dead skin cells that are clogging up your pores.
The best way to use manuka honey to treat your razor bumps is to apply a thin coat of the honey directly on the bumps. Let the honey sit for 10 minutes and then rinse the oil while lightly massaging the bumps in an upward, circular motion. You should notice results within a day or so.
9.Nail Strengthener
Something that a lot of people are not aware of is how good honey is for your nails. Again, since it's got so many antibacterial properties in it, honey can help to heal toe fungus. Plus, it's awesome when it comes to restoring cracked cuticles and, it can strengthen your nails over time too.
Mixing a teaspoon of manuka honey, olive oil and apple cider vinegar is all you need to do. Apply the combo to your nails and cuticles, let it remain them for 15 minutes and rinse. If you do this twice a week, your nails will start to heal and your hands will become super soft as well.
10.Sleep Agent
Did you know that, according to a UCLA study on sleep deprivation, if you miss just one night of sound rest that it can age you? (Hey, that don't call it "beauty sleep" for nothin'!) That's why getting no less than seven hours of sleep is so important.
If you need a little help with, not only falling but staying asleep, don't turn in before swallowing one-half to one full teaspoon of honey (you can also put it into some caffeine-free herbal tea, if you'd prefer). What honey does is provide your liver with enough glycogen so that your brain is not "triggered" awake. In other words, honey literally gives you enough energy to stay sleeping. Plus, honey contains tryptophan; most of us know that it is an amino acid that is a powerful sleep aid too.
Yep, this is just one more reason to treat yourself and your beauty regimen to some manuka honey, just as soon as possible. I'm pretty sure you will absolutely love it—from head to toe.
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Originally published June 25, 2019
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube
Sometimes I get asked the same question, often enough, that I’m like, “It’s time to address this on a larger platform,” — and for, whatever the reason, as of late, folks have been asking me what different sex acts mean.
No, not from the perspective of positions or techniques. What they’ve basically wanted to know is if making love, having sex, and f-cking are simply different words to describe the same thing or if there truly is something deeper with each one.
Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
Back when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
A few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
And finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
____
One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
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