How Lauren Simmons Blazed A Trail As The Youngest And Only Woman Trader On Wall Street

When Lauren Simmons stepped through the doors at 40 Wall Street, it didn't cross her mind that her first day as a stock trader was one that would go down in history. In fact, prior to a chance encounter with fate, the then 22-year-old had no intention of working for her new company, Rosenblatt Securities, or the New York Stock Exchange at all.
"I had no clear direction of what I wanted to do," says Simmons. "I didn't know anything about equity trading. It wasn't a passion of mine in the sense of I've been working my entire life to get to the New York Stock Exchange."
It was, however, an opportunity of a lifetime. So early that morning before the sun hit the sky, she slipped on her heels, painted her lips, and made her way to what has been deemed by some as the geographic center of American capitalism. For it was on Wall Street that Simmons would earn recognition for being the youngest female trader and the second African-American woman in 226 years to hold the title, and just the beginning for a woman who refuses to be confined by conventional career paths.
Journey to Wall Street

Photo Credit: Ida John
Life for Simmons is anything but normal. At 25 years old, she's traveling the world as a motivational speaker for women and youth, is the executive producer of a biopic coming out starring Kiersey Clemmons chronicling her journey to Wall Street, and in the upcoming year will be the host of her own financial TV show. Oh, and there's a book in the works, too.
"This is what I wanted to do, which was so much more rewarding than, you know, the life of being a trader," she says.
Just a few years ago, Simmons had her heart set on a career in architectural engineering with a focus on designing and building homes. When she didn't get into her desired program, she switched to genetics with a minor in statistics in hopes of becoming a genetic counselor. Inspired, in part, by the desire to help families like hers who have loved ones with disabilities, and also by her love of numbers. But after writing her senior thesis and realizing that there was a lack of technological advancement in the field, she decided that genetics was no longer a path she wanted to pursue. She did, however, know that without a doubt, she needed to be in New York. So in December 2016, just after graduating from Kennesaw State University, she hopped on a plane to the Big Apple without a job lined up.
Ironically, Simmons says she wasn't always a risk-taker, but growing up with a twin brother who didn't let his disability handicap his life inspired her to pursue the one she wanted. "He never looked at his disability as a disability; he always would say yes to everything," she says. "And I just felt for me like I'm an able-bodied person, I don't have a reason to say no or to not do anything. The biggest roadblock for everybody is themselves and setting these limiting beliefs, and he really showed me that there really is no such thing as that."
"The biggest roadblock for everybody is themselves and setting these limiting beliefs, and he really showed me that there really is no such thing as that."
In New York, Simmons hit the ground running, applying for a number of jobs, and using LinkedIn to set up in-person meetings with over 300 executives, senior HR managers, and CEOs she found on LinkedIn. A tactic, she says, helped to separate her from the thousands of applicants hitting the inboxes of HR reps for what would often be only one position. While her strategy helped her to get some face-time with decision-makers, it didn't get her the response that she was looking for. Many expressed doubt in her goal of switching career paths, shooting down her desire to shoot for the stars, which Simmons says is, in part, due to generational differences.
"I think for the older generation, everything needs to be linear, meaning if you want to get a degree in genetics, then you're going to get a job at a hospital or something very linear and direct," she says. "I think the millennial generation, and even Gen Z is like, it's OK to want to switch jobs. It's OK that you got a four-year degree in something and you want to do something completely different."
Despite the resounding no's, Simmons continued to fight for that one yes. "There was a reason why I had this gut feeling that I needed to be in New York," says Simmons. "I didn't know what it was and what that was going to look like, but I knew I would find that job and I knew that it was going to work out."
For nearly three months, she continued to hustle her resume to anyone who would take a meeting with her. Her resilience paid off when a gentleman who worked at a large financial firm connected her with a colleague in equity trading. But there was one catch— she had never worked in the financial industry before, let alone at the biggest hub for trading and investing.
"I tell people you have to be comfortable with being uncomfortable in these spaces," says Simmons. "The biggest growth comes from putting yourself in a new environment. When I get answers like, 'Oh, but I'm not qualified' or 'I'm this or that,' I'm like, OK, so let that person tell you no. Don't stop yourself from doing it because you've already told yourself no before the opportunity even came your way."
"I tell people you have to be comfortable with being uncomfortable in these spaces. The biggest growth comes from putting yourself in a new environment."
The next day, she would get her first introduction to the trading floor.
Youngest Woman on the Trading Floor

Photo Credit: Ida John
At 5:30 in the morning, Simmons would join her colleagues on the trading floor of Rosenblatt Securities to start a nearly 12-hour shift. As the only woman on the trading floor, she certainly was one you could not miss. "The first day I went around and literally was introduced to everybody, which is 250 men, and most of their names were John. They were like forget about our names, just guess and it most likely is John, which turned out to be very true."
The lack of diversity both in gender and skin color didn't escape her notice. Yet years of attending a predominantly white high school and working in male-dominated environments throughout college prepared her for this very moment. "There was a reason they said yes to me," she states with unshakeable confidence. "Your job does not care if you're tall, skinny, fat, blue, black, or orange; it cares that you do well in your job. And I just wanted to do really well in my position."
Life on Wall Street was a drastic change for the young college grad but in an exhilarating way. Her days would range from administration work in which she would arrive early to set up everyone's computers, attend meetings before the open and after the close of the stock market, and run around with her high heels echoing across the trading floor in an attempt to get the price of the opening stock for institutional clients like Google and Apple, whom she traded a notional value of $150 million a day. "I didn't go to school for finance, let alone the stock market or anything related to it, so I had a lot to learn within a short amount of time, but I loved it."
"I didn't go to school for finance, let alone the stock market or anything related to it, so I had a lot to learn within a short amount of time, but I loved it."
Unsurprisingly, the long hours both in and outside of work left little time for a social life. While she got along well with her male colleagues, there weren't often invitations extended to join the boys' club for after-hour drinks and the likes. Outside of the workplace, inclusivity was a foreign language. Still, Simmons credits having male mentors like Richard Rosenblatt for helping her navigate the financial terrain. And to this day, she has yet to be embraced by other women for mentorship, something she hopes will change with her generation.
Before she could officially claim the title of equity trader, however, she first had to pass a mandatory test for securities professionals that, at the time, boasted a low 20% passing rate.
"The men on the trading floor were making open bets on if I was going to pass," she says in an interview with Express. "Everyone thought I was going to fail. When I found out I passed, I didn't scream, I didn't get excited, I just opened the result's paper and closed it. And everyone was, like, 'Did you pass?' And I was like, 'I did.' And there was silence on the trading floor. You could only hear the machines whirring. Everyone was in shock. I rang the bell that day."
"Everyone thought I was going to fail. When I found out I passed, I didn't scream, I didn't get excited, I just opened the result's paper and closed it. And everyone was, like, 'Did you pass?' And I was like, 'I did.' And there was silence on the trading floor. You could only hear the machines whirring. Everyone was in shock. I rang the bell that day."
It would be another few months before she would learn that she not only passed the infamous exam but was only the second African American to do so. Nearly a year after starting on the trading floor, the media started to pick up that there was a new girl on the block breaking down barriers. Her story hit outlets like Forbes, Harper's Bazaar and CNBC, flashing images of the baby-faced beauty who was keeping up with The Johns.
Her newfound notoriety also opened her up to a world that she didn't previously consider. Soon she was picking up speaking engagements and encouraging more women and minorities to fearlessly pursue careers in finance, and inspiring her generation to strive towards financial freedom.
"I started getting exposure to the opportunities that I was given and realizing that my purpose was bigger than trying to make white men wealthy," she says. "I really wanted to see more people of color and women and younger people being able to infiltrate those spaces."
Beyond Wall Street

Photo Credit: Ida John
Back in the comfort of her childhood home where she's traded in the now silent streets of New York for the soft rustling of the wind through southern grass and trees, Simmons is educating me on which stocks are worth investing in given the current state of the market. Just a few days before, the Dow plummeted a shocking 3,000 points, an extreme loss that hasn't occurred since the Black Monday crash of 1987.
"The travel industry is going to be shot for the next 21 months because 93% of countries aren't allowed to travel," she says. "Once the travel ban is lifted, it's going to be a while before travel and airlines and cruises kind of bounced back. I believe that the market is going to reset to its bottom at least two more times."
That same day, Simmons posted on Instagram for the first time in three months offering her followers a chance to ask any questions, and ensuring them that "this will pass." She has since been regularly going live, using her platform to lessen fears about the stock market and offer financial advice, a foreshadow of what's to come with her financial talk show set to air in 2021. As the self-proclaimed "Suze Orman of her generation, for her generation," she hopes to bring a fresh perspective on the topic of personal finance, encouraging millennials and Gen Z to develop better spending habits with an emphasis on building generational wealth.
"I know people are eager and there are so many companies who are like invest now as early as you can," she says. "And while I think that is true to a certain degree, I definitely put an asterisk at the end of that sentence. Because if you have student loan debt, if you don't have anything in savings, and you haven't saved for retirement, why are you putting the extra cost that you should be really putting into yourself into the market?"
"70% of Americans live paycheck to paycheck," she continues. "Trying to build generational wealth is building up a budget and building up savings. Obviously getting to be able to buy a home at some point, but having revolving credit card debts is not actually preparing for your future and isn't going to create generational wealth, and preparing for your future is not stock market. You want to be thinking about your future, and that is always first and foremost. No credit card debt, student loan debt, you know, start to actually build out that wealth beyond your savings account— beyond your retirement account."
"Trying to build generational wealth is building up a budget and building up savings. Obviously getting to be able to buy a home at some point, but having revolving credit card debts is not actually preparing for your future and isn't going to create generational wealth, and preparing for your future is not stock market. You want to be thinking about your future, and that is always first and foremost. No credit card debt, student loan debt, you know, start to actually build out that wealth beyond your savings account— beyond your retirement account."
It's been a year-and-a-half since Simmons left Wall Street, a move that she says didn't come without criticism. In a recent interview, she shared that many thought her decision to leave the trading floor to be "foolish" and dismisses what she refers to as "dated mindsets" before declaring that no one should stay in the same job their whole life.
"I knew I wasn't going to stay on the trading floor but I knew that it would lead to opportunities bigger than what I would have even imagined," she says. "I was enjoying it, but I gave myself a limit. Two years and then I'm going to go on and do something else."
She credits her mother for instilling a fearlessness in her that's fueled the risks taken to pursue her dreams. She shares a story of the single-parent being in and out of the hospital with her twin brother, and ultimately quitting her job on the spot after an employer gave her an ultimatum of putting her job first or her kids. "She definitely taught me to be fearless and do things that are right for you, and have a passion and purpose. She's always told me don't ever give anyone the power to be able to control you. You have the power to do whatever you want to do and make sure that you take life as that."
"You have the power to do whatever you want to do and make sure that you take life as that."
With each leap of faith, Simmons continues to leave a legacy that will be spoken about for generations to come. Even if that road comes with a level of uncertainty. "There were a lot of periods where things weren't happening, and it's realizing that everything isn't going to happen instantaneously," she says. "I look back at my story as inspiration for me on a daily basis when things aren't going the right way, just realizing it's going to happen the way that it's supposed to happen. Even if that doesn't align with my time, you know?"
As the saying goes, well-behaved women seldom make history. And this story— her story— is one for the books and the big screen.
For more of Lauren, follow her on Instagram.
Featured image by Ida John; all images courtesy of Lauren Simmons
Your December 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Surrender & Alignment
December is about letting go. We end the year with the need for more peace, reflection, and rejuvenation, and that is exactly what December is providing for us. The Sun is in Sagittarius, and anything is possible. This is the month to believe in that and to know that the universe is supporting you. With a Supermoon in Gemini as we begin the month as well, we have an opportunity to gain the closure we have been looking for this year and to wrap up old projects, ideas, and communication breakthroughs.
This is the month to make your peace the priority and let go of trying to control the way the tides are turning. Trust in your new beginning, and give yourself time to prepare for it this month.
A big part of the clarity that is coming through this month is due to Neptune going direct in Pisces on December 10, after being retrograde here since July. With Neptune now direct, we are able to see our inspiration and creativity a little more clearly, providing the perfect energy for dreams and manifestation to be built upon. The smoke is clearing, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with this newfound clarity that this transit is bringing. Mercury also moves back into Sagittarius on December 11, which is great for communication and clarity, and the adventures you were trying to see through at the beginning of November come around for you again with greater purpose and support.
On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Do You Expect Others To Read Your Mind? Here's The Problem With That.
Omniscience. If someone were to offer you $100 right this second for the definition of that word, could you immediately provide it? If you’re not sure, basically omniscience is about being able to know everything — and to those who believe in God, only he is given that honor. For those who believe in Satan? Not even he is omniscient (as much as he would like people to think otherwise).
Sometimes, it might feel that otherwise because some beings and even people are truly masterful when it comes to reading body language, observing patterns, and picking up on cues. Still, no matter how much it might seem like someone can read someone else’s mind, they can’t. It is literally impossible — and I will briefly expound on that in just a moment.
Oh, but there are plenty of people whose egos have them thinking that they can read someone else’s mind. Then there are others who have fantasies, which create unrealistic expectations that others in their lives actually should read their mind. And you know what — both of these things can cause unnecessary stress, drama, and trauma, if folks aren’t careful.
And that’s why I think it’s important that we unpack this a bit more. Because if you’re someone who thinks that if another person truly cares for you, they should be able to read your mind, it’s time to let that ridiculous yet semi-popular notion absolutely and completely go.
Here’s why.
It’s Scientifically Impossible for Someone to Read Your Mind
There are a couple of reasons why I am starting this off with R&B singer Avant. For one thing, I don’t think that he gets nearly enough flowers and secondly, clearly, this is a more-than-fitting song for today’s topic, wouldn’t you say? Because, lawd, there really is something that makes some of us feel all warm ‘n fuzzy about the mere thought of a man telling us that he is so in tuned with us that he can basically read our mind.
Hmph. Problem with that is, as I said in the intro, it is scientifically impossible (for us and for AI to do, praise the Lord!). And yet the fact that so many individuals think that they defy scientific data and research is oftentimes why there are so many breakdowns in communication — because if you run on assumption (that you can read someone’s mind) without clarification and confirmation, you can create issues that didn’t exist before you decided to fall for your own mind-reading theories.
Now to be fair, while science is still trying to figure out why we can’t read minds, what is sure is that we do have the capability to perceive the thoughts and actions of others if we’re willing to pay really close attention. However, do keep in mind that reading and perceiving are different. Reading? It’s about being able "to apprehend or interpret the meaning of" and "to anticipate, expect, or calculate by observation." Perceiving? It’s all about “to become aware of, know, or identify by means of the senses” and “to recognize, discern, envision, or understand.”
And already, do you see the differences? So much certainty comes with reading while perceiving is about humbling oneself (bookmark that) to not try to know everything but instead to try and understand what is transpiring. And since no one person (or their mind) is ever truly static, that is a huge part of the reason why believing that you can read someone’s mind — no matter how close you may be to them — is futile. You can change your mind on a dime. Others can do the same. Learning to perceive what is going on instead of assuming that you can “read” folks is far more beneficial.
Besides, you might be surprised by a particular demo who thinks that if you are truly who they need you to be, you will read their minds — and boy, once you know who they are, that may cure you of the whole “read your mind” ish…quick, fast and in a hurry.
The Expectation Is Oftentimes Rooted in Egomania
GiphyWhile doing a bit of research on this topic, I thought it was interesting that a particular type of person kept coming up. Can you guess which one? A NARCISSIST. What I kept noticing is a telling sign of a narcissistic individual is they expect others to read their mind.
I must admit that I was caught off guard by that at first because narcissists and their damn egos are so out of control (bookmark that) that it would seem like they would be more focused on acting like they know the thoughts of other people. Here’s the thing, though — the reason why narcissists want others to read their mind is because they want you to do things like guess what they want and need before they ask — and they want that to happen because they believe that they are so damn special that you should put in the extra blood, sweat and tears to figure it all out. Hmph. Now that tracks.
Another reason why narcissists want you to be able to read their mind is so they can manipulate and deflect. Meaning, if you say and do things based on what you thought they wanted you to, should everything crash and burn, they can dodge accountability and blame you for it. Hmm, does reading someone’s mind seem romantic and beautiful now? SMDH.
And again, all of this is tied to ego because, at the end of the day, mind-reading is a form of control and narcissists are definitely very controlling people. And honestly, mind-reading is as well because why do you even want to know someone’s private thoughts before they share them and, at the same time, why would you want someone to have that kind of power in your life either? “Eww” is what immediately comes to my mind. “Yuck” is what follows.
So, why is it that so many people think that it’s a good thing to have someone read their mind — I mean, the ones who don’t show narcissistic tendencies, that is? Good question.
5 Reasons Why Some People Wish Someone Would/Could Read Their Mind
GiphyOkay, so ego and pridefulness aside, what would be some other reasons why people think that it’s such a wonderful thing if someone who they are in some sort of intimate relationship with can read their mind.
1. They are caught up in Disney and rom-coms. One day, I am going to do an article on all of the ways that Disney and rom-coms have destroyed the reality of relationships. For now, I’ll just say that the scripted tales of both have caused a lot of people to think that if someone loves them, they should be able to read their mind. Nooo…if someone loves you, they should care to know what is on your mind. And that brings me to the second point.
2. They aren’t as good at communicating as they think. Are you a good communicator? One way to know if you are is you’re able to clearly articulate your wants and needs — because really, if you are able to do that, why should anyone even need to read your mind? Feel me? Let’s move on.
3. They want someone else to work harder at their relationships than they do. I say it in my sessions often — it’s beyond crazy to think that someone should work harder at figuring out what your wants, needs and expectations are than you are willing to express them. Hmph. It makes me think of a friend of mine who says that “should” is a dangerous word. What she means by that is saying that someone should do or not do something simply because YOU THINK that’s how it “should” go is a surefire way to stay disappointed and even be disillusioned. No, your man shouldn’t just know what you want every year for your birthday. Did you state it? If not, why aren’t you playing fair? Who has time for all of the guessing games and then getting penalized if they guess wrong? Stop it.
4. They think it’s the sign of a healthy relationship (it isn’t). Anyone who knows me knows that I am always and forever going to be Team Healthy over Team Happy and my reason why never changes. Only children expect to live in a world where they are happy all of the time — and yes, there are a lot of childish people out here. People who want their mind read? They tend to live in happy land. Meanwhile, a healthy relationship knows that clear communication, mutual respect, keen listening, patience and understanding that humans make mistakes are foundational to its success.
5. They are lazy. And yes y’all, some people want others to read their mind because they are lazy and it really is just as simple as that. Thing is, while they are being passive aggressive, dropping hints or giving the silent treatment so that you can figure out whatever it is that they…want you to figure out, that tends to take more effort than simply speaking up. Ridiculous, chile.
How to Let the Myth Go
GiphyGee, after reading all of this, suddenly reading minds just seems like a lot of silliness with a sprinkle of drama and potential trauma, doesn’t it? And it’s all because some people choose to treat something that is a myth like it’s a bona fide fact. SMDH.
And what if you happen to be one of those individuals? How do you break free? COMMUNICATE. Openly, clearly and maturely share what’s on your mind and heart because, the true tell of a solid relationship isn’t that someone can read your mind; it’s that they can retain what you’ve already stated.
Less reading. More perceiving. That’s the secret sauce.
And when you accept this for what it is, you will realize that it’s far better for you, your partner and your relationship to stop expecting the impossible and to accept what is actual: that learning your partner, as they strive to do the same thing with you, is better than you both assuming that you know what…maybe you do, maybe you don’t.
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Author Frank Sonnenberg once said, “People can’t hear what you don’t say. Thinking isn’t communicating” — and I think this is a perfect place to bring all of this to a close.
Find the kind of relationship(s) where intention is so strong that mind-reading isn’t even desired.
At the end of the day, it really is as simple as that.
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