

“Reclaiming my time” isn’t just a catchphrase coined by our beloved ‘Auntie’ Maxine Waters. It is an assertion that Black Americans have been striving to obtain for centuries. Pillaged and plucked from our Motherland, stripped of our culture, and robbed of our freedom, Black Americans have fought vigorously to not only reclaim our time but to reclaim our identity for centuries.
While the foundation was laid by those who came before us, the world saw an undeniable shift in the early 2020s.
George Floyd, like so many others, paid the ultimate price. As a result of his untimely death, the world reached a tipping point. Black squares standing in solidarity filled our timelines, companies plastered their promises on their websites, and DEI, all of a sudden, became a buzzword. The world was now “woke” from its all-too-complacent slumber.
The Story of Juneteenth Is the Story of Freedom
More than ever before, the nation wanted to hear our stories and right its wrongs. Let’s be clear, not everyone shared these sentiments. Go to any corporate Instagram page and read the comments under any Black-centric, supporting post. The vileness of some keyboard warriors never ceases to amaze me. Nonetheless, historic shifts were made. People like Dr. Opal Lee, the 95-year-old activist who set out to walk from Texas to Washington, D.C. in hopes of gaining support from Congress to officially name Juneteenth a national holiday, finally saw her dreams and hard work manifest into reality.
For the first time since its inception over 150 years ago, Juneteenth became a recognized Federal holiday in June 2021.
Now, more than ever, people are privy to the date etched in history in which all enslaved Black people were set “free” as deemed by the Emancipation Proclamation. This day, when General Gordon Granger rode into Galveston, Texas with his Union soldiers to inform over 250,000 enslaved Black people they were now free, came two and a half years after the actual Emancipation Proclamation, on June 19, 1865.
Despite Black history, Black stories, and Black celebrations like Juneteenth being brought to the forefront, there are still seemingly gaps that need to be bridged between our present and our past. There are stories from our ancestral archives that need to be told and retold, so that our history, all too often diminished by high-rise condos, quaint cafés, and overpriced artisanal shops, may never be forgotten.
This was evident when I first visited Houston and learned about the history and legacy of Freedmen’s Town, a neighborhood built by newly freed Black Americans in the 1800s. This was a community built by hand, brick by brick, where Black businesses boomed and Black families flourished. It was a place where Blacks had freedom of choice and could reclaim their identities that had been stripped through years of slavery and oppression. There were dozens of Freedmen’s Town settlements across the United States, but most notably in Texas. Houston’s Freedmen’s Town is the only remaining freed slave community of its kind in the United States.
Not surprisingly, Texas was the location of the first Juneteenth celebrations. In 1872, Jack Yates and members of his church raised $1,000 to purchase ten acres of land in Houston, known as Emancipation Park. This community cornerstone served as a formal gathering space for Juneteenth celebrations.
While the national spotlight on Juneteenth has grown in recent years for many Black communities, Juneteenth roots run deep in Texas.
To get a better idea of how Texans honor and celebrate Juneteenth in this day and time, their perceived importance of the holiday, and how they define their Blackness, I tapped some locals to get their perspective.
How Black Texans Continue To Celebrate and Preserve Juneteenth
Zion Escobar
Executive Director of the Houston Freedmen's Town Conservancy (HFTC)
Courtesy of Zion Escobar
I, myself, have older family members who have never heard of Juneteenth, despiteJuneteenth having been around for over 150 years now. Why do you think there are still so many people who don’t know about this celebration?
When I’m kind of pondering that question, I really actually have to reflect on the surface level -- why I think people don’t know about this, and then the deeper level -- why I think they don’t know, right?
And, if I start with the idea that context is everything, I truly believe that once the country is introduced to the story of freedom -- which, a.k.a., the story of Freedmen’s Town, the story of the Houston/Galveston region’s Juneteenth story, and the context that has, to the social justice movement happening throughout the country, to modern-day issues of policing and how all of these things really track back culturally to norms and Jim Crow laws, and post-Reconstruction Era, decisions that were made, in regards to redlining in Black communities and culture erasure -- when people have that context, they’ll realize that a lot of the things that they are out in the streets fighting for, that this is so not new.
That this problem is 150+ years old. I think that more people will start to understand. The example that I would use as a kind of that beacon of hope is that the 1619 Project has set the context for America, for a conversation that’s been around since 1619.
So, I think the answer is that context is everything. People have a tendency to say, “Oh, Juneteenth is about slavery and nobody wants to talk about slavery” and people actually don’t understand that it’s actually the story of freedom. And, it’s the story of what we did, what Black excellence looks like before all these systems of oppression really took hold and were established as a system.
As the Director of Houston’s Freedmen’s Town Conservancy have you seen an evolution in the way that Juneteenth has been celebrated in Houston? How so?
As the director of the Houston Freedmen’s Town Conservancy, I have seen a substantial shift in how Juneteenth is being celebrated in Houston. Case in point, we’ve been free for over 150 years now, and for the first time ever, the grassroots, the foundational non-profit organizations’ leadership in Houston have come together to collaborate on a city-wide Juneteenth experience; meaning, we are not just having a parade that the city gets to come to.
As Black organizations, we are working with each other to uplift, co-program, co-fund, co-market and communicate what this is about, and to show unity in a way that I think people need to see around the world -- that we are all on board with this story and we understand that this needs to come into the American consciousness in a very real and solid way and we are showing up to do the work and we understand the assignment.
[In] previous years, I can’t say that there was such a cohesive consciousness of understanding, and the social justice movement has awakened that vigor, that thing, within everyone to say, ”We need to get it together and make sure that the story is clear and that the context is clear”; because people are celebrating Juneteenth in far reaches of the globe and they don’t have the context. Which is how you get Juneteenthice cream and Juneteenth Vaseline.
"It’s too important to the fabric of Houston’s history, to America’s history, to the history of the slaves that came and laid the foundation for what we know as Houston today that all of America is celebrating -- the wonderful Black culture and music and expressions that have come from Houston. People need to understand the context."
So, we are ready to do that work, because we are not going to see the Cinco de Mayo of Juneteenth, where people say it’s tacos and beer and no one actually knows the true history. It’s too important to the fabric of Houston’s history, to America’s history, to the history of the slaves that came and laid the foundation for what we know as Houston today that all of America is celebrating -- the wonderful Black culture and music and expressions that have come from Houston. People need to understand the context. So, it’s evolved because it is time and we’re ready and I think the consciousness of the collective community is ready. And so, I’m excited to see what we do and I’m excited to continue this inaugural effort in collaboration with everyone.
Finish this sentence: My Black is ________.
Resilient.
Lauren Greer
Principal
Courtesy of Lauren Greer
Black history is American history. As an educator, how are you seeing Juneteenth being taught in school systems, if at all?
So, that’s interesting just because as an educator, just in light of all the things that have happened recently, there’s some conversations about critical race theory and things of that nature, and because I am in an urban school district, there have been lots of initiatives just around all things cultural diversity and things of that nature. I will say though, as far as just teaching Juneteenth in and of itself, I still haven’t seen that in the classrooms. However, I’m also in an elementary school setting as well. So, it looks a little bit different than what it looks like say in middle school or high school or something like that.
This is the first year, though, where they have the actual holiday on the school calendar. So, my kiddos are off on June 20, that Monday. This will be the first time ever that that’s happened. There are lots of schools in our district. We have different calendars that are already on summer break, but my babies are not on summer break yet. So, we will actually experience the national holiday for Juneteenth while we are still in school. So, while there are initiatives for cultural diversity, Juneteenth still is not a primary focus, as of yet.
As a Texan, has Juneteenth always been something that was celebrated by you and your family? Please explain.
Yes. A lot of the things that I learned, like all things Black history and Black culture, things like that I actually learned at church. Because, the neighborhood I grew up in was a predominantly Caucasian neighborhood, but my church was always Black American. So, from Black history plays, to Juneteenth, to picnics in the park, to the parades that come with it, all of that has always been a part of my upbringing. So, it was not uncommon to literally go to the neighborhood park for all of these things -- for picnics, and just, you know, games, and things of that nature.
Learning all the history that comes with all that was just an embedded part of what I learned in church all the time. And, then just my mom, she just wanted to make sure that we knew our history and so literally I grew up hearing about this all the time in my household, on Sundays or Wednesdays, Vacation Bible Schools, all of those things is the space that I really learned all of the things Black history and Black culture.
How do you celebrate and honor Juneteenth now?
All things Blackity Black Black Black to be completely honest. Usually, getting with friends, picnics, hanging out in the backyard, just reminiscing on history. But, we kind of live it every single day. So, now that there’s a national holiday for it, so to speak, that doesn’t change how we’ve always felt about it, it doesn’t change how we always felt about our culture. It’s given us a space to embrace it a little bit more. Just because of all the things that have happened in our nation in the last few years it’s kind of really drawn light to some things. So, it causes us to be more aware of our culture and also more proud of our culture and who we are as well.
And, so, we take those opportunities on a daily basis to kind of reminisce, but on that day we like to get together and kind of hang out and chill together as well. So, that will probably likely happen again this year. We will all probably get together at somebody’s house just to be around each other.
Finish this sentence: My Black is __________.
When I thought about that question, the cliche answer is 'beautiful.' But, then, as I was thinking about it again this morning -- my Black is needed. I really believe that all of us have been given an assignment on the earth. And I really believe that there’s something that I bring to the table that someone else doesn’t bring, and there’s something that someone else brings to the table that I don’t bring. So, I feel like it is so needed. There has been a target out for our culture for so long, and I feel like we cannot allow society to keep subtracting from our culture.
"There are people that need us to stand in the gap. There are lessons that need to be learned from each and every last one of us. And there is wisdom that needs to be poured into the land. And, each one of us has a responsibility to do that."
Whether it be through entertainment, whether it be through politics, whether it be through education we can’t allow that because we are needed. There are people that need us to stand in the gap. There are lessons that need to be learned from each and every last one of us. And there is wisdom that needs to be poured into the land. And, each one of us has a responsibility to do that. Lauren has a responsibility to do that too, in all of Blackness and all of her educated-ness. The world needs that, and so my Black is needed.
Ebony Parker
Residential Loan Officer
Courtesy of Ebony Parker
What does Juneteenth mean to you?
Juneteenth to me is a representation of perseverance and displays our ability to make lemonade out of lemons at any time. It is us, as a people, continuing to get the leftovers but making them appear as a five-course meal. Juneteenth is the beginning of laying the foundation for our future as the freedom finally granted was the work of our ancestors, but the starting point for us to be able to accomplish the many things we have accomplished. Without the notification of freedom, we would still be sitting on the sidelines, unfortunately. Instead, we are now the trendsetters that everyone is continuously trying to duplicate, unsuccessfully.
As a born and raised Texan, has Juneteenth always been something that was celebrated by you and your family? Please explain.
Unfortunately, Juneteenth wasn’t always celebrated for me. The school system, especially in Texas, has always taught a watered-down and quite often inaccurate version of history, typically leaving out any representation of Black people outside the role of slaves (which unfortunately the textbooks now also consider us as “workers” instead as that narrative makes them appear innocent versus revealing the genocide and cruel things done to my ancestors and even more unfortunate are the things that are still occurring daily). My mother, too, was uneducated on the significance of the day and unable to pass down the knowledge.
"Juneteenth is the beginning of laying the foundation for our future as the freedom finally granted was the work of our ancestors, but the starting point for us to be able to accomplish the many things we have accomplished."
Therefore, I began educating myself on Black culture in college and embraced Juneteenth while finding less of a desire to celebrate July 4 as it along with other “federal holidays” wasn’t an inclusive holiday for those of us that didn’t meet the “standard."
How do you celebrate and honor Juneteenth now?
I like to do all things Black at an exponential level. I ensure that I don’t allow myself to drift towards code-switching. I spend time with my loved ones being unapologetically me. I ensure to be intentional in educating my children and peers. But, more importantly, I celebrate the day by setting a new goal to crush that will further my family, community, and culture.
Finish this sentence: My Black is __________.
My Black is simply Ebony! It is beautiful, intelligent, excellence, confident, sassy, trendsetting, nurturing, loving, and perseverance!
MyKayla Searles-Houston
UTHealth Graduate Student
Courtesy of MyKayla Searles-Houston
Why do you think it's important for younger generations to learn about Juneteenth?
I think it is important for the younger generation to learn about Juneteenth because this is our history. This is a part of our culture, especially being Black and from Texas. And, I think it's important to hear from our community and families because oftentimes we are taught history from a narrative or perspective that is not centered in Blackness. So, learning about Juneteenth should be something families talk about with all age groups because one day it'll be the younger people's responsibility to pass down this information.
"I think it is important for the younger generation to learn about Juneteenth because this is our history. This is a part of our culture, especially being Black and from Texas."
How do you celebrate and honor Juneteenth?
I usually celebrate Juneteenth by hanging out with my friends or family! Somebody may barbecue, or we will go to local community festivities which are always nice. There is usually some great food around which is one of the best parts! Honestly, I just love being surrounded by Black people who show love to each other, and being together on Juneteenth is another way for us to express ourselves and have some fun!
Finish this sentence: My Black is __________.
My Black is loving, intentional, and full of care and compassion.
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Featured image courtesy of Ebony Parker
Originally published on June 14, 2022
'Sistas' Star Skyh Black On The Power Of Hypnotherapy & Emotional Vulnerability For Men
In this insightful episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Sistas star Skyh Black, as he opened up about his journey of emotional growth, resilience, and self-discovery. The episode touches on emotional availability, self-worth, masculinity, and the importance of therapy in overcoming personal struggles.
Skyh Black on Emotional Availability & Love
On Emotional Availability & Vulnerability
“My wife and I wouldn't be where we are today if both of us weren't emotionally available,” he shared about his wife and Sistas co-star KJ Smith, highlighting the value of vulnerability and emotional openness in a relationship. His approach to masculinity stands in contrast to the traditional, stoic ideals. Skyh is not afraid to embrace softness as part of his emotional expression.
On Overcoming Self-Doubt & Worthiness Issues
Skyh reflected on the self-doubt and worthiness issues that he struggled with, especially early in his career. He opens up about his time in Los Angeles, living what he calls the “LA struggle story”—in a one-bedroom with three roommates—and being homeless three times over the span of 16 years. “I always had this self-sabotaging thought process,” Skyh said. “For me, I feel therapy is essential, period. I have a regular therapist and I go to a hypnotherapist.”
How Therapy Helped Him Heal From Self-Doubt
On Hypnotherapy & Empowering Self-Acceptance
Skyh’s journey is a testament to the power of tapping into self-development despite life’s struggles and being open to growth. “I had to submit to the fact that God was doing good in my life, and that I'm worthy of it. I had a worthiness issue and I did not realize that. So, that’s what the hypnotherapy did. It brought me back to the core. What is wrong so that I can fix it?”
Watch the full podcast episode below:
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Women Are (Still) Spelling 'Coconut' With Their Hips. And Guys Are Losing Their Damn Minds.
While prepping for a podcast interview a while back, because I received the questions beforehand, I did a bit of research into one of the inquiries: what are men’s current favorite sex positions? I doubt any of you are shocked by the fact that what continued to pop up (like here, here, and here) was doggy style and the cowgirl position (i.e., when a woman is on top).
When it comes to ridin’, specifically, that got me to thinking about something that was all over the internet a few years ago: women who were advising that you spell “coconut” with your hips, during sex, in order for you and your partner to receive maximum pleasure and satisfaction.
When I asked a few women I know if they ever tried that before, I was surprised to discover that not only had they, but many didn’t treat it as some random social media fad — they actually still do it to this day. Partly, because it’s fun to them and partly because their partner(s) seem to go crazy for it.
Listen, any time something sexual works like a charm, I’m going to shout it out — (late) trend or not. And so, if you’ve never heard of the whole coconut thing, you tried it and forgot all about it, or you just want to try something new/different/else tonight — here’s a reminder, in article form, that coconut-ting is still alive and well, y’all. And the men are all about it!
But First, The Grapefruit Technique
Video Credit: Myem/YouTube (Funny part starts at 2:40)
If this woman is not familiar to you on sight, you ain’t a real one. LOL. Although I know that a lot of people think that the concept of grapefruiting came from the movie Girls Trip (you can see the clip from the film here) that absolutely is not the case. Auntie Angel (whose real name is reportedly Denise Walker) is the creator of the Grapefruit Technique and although I thought that this video came out way earlier, apparently it made its way onto the YouTube streets sometime back in 2014.
If for some reason, you’re not familiar with grapefruiting on any level, I will tell you right now that I had to download this video because it is absolutely NSFW — so you should probably watch it on your lunch break (on your phone with the volume as low as possible) or at home…because chile, the sound effects? Whew, the sound effects. LOL. However, when I sat down to pen this piece, I thought it was hilarious that this video is what immediately came to mind because it seems like, when it comes to “blow his mind sex hacks,” fruit is constantly on the menu.
When it comes to oral sex, it’s grapefruit.
When it comes to ride ‘em cowgirl, it’s a coconut.
What Is the “Coconut” Sex Trend?
@windy_moraba #duet with @mysteri0us.gir1 spell coconut with your waist 😂😂😂
Okay, so what in the world does a coconut have to do with intercourse? Well, for starters, if you and your partner are looking for an all-natural lubricant, coconut oil works well. HOWEVER, do keep in mind that the disclaimer on this is you shouldn’t use it if condoms are in the mix because they can actually cause rubbers to be less effective (silicone lube is a solid bet for condoms, by the way).
There is another way that coconuts are kinda-sorta incorporated when it comes to making sex more pleasurable — and it actually became pretty popular right after COVID lockdown (2021): spelling C-O-C-O-N-U-T with your hips while you’re on top of your partner.
It’s wild how I forgot all about this until a client of mine was telling me how much her husband liked her on top while it wasn’t her favorite thing to do because it felt awkward to her. When I said, “Have you ever heard of spelling ‘coconut’ with your hips before?” — at first, she looked at me like I was crazy and then she busted out laughing: “Girl, no” was her reply.
Hmph. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it because, as wild as it might sound on the surface, the word isn’t the point so much as the movements that come with spelling it out are.
When you’re moving your pelvis around to make a “c,” “o” or U-turn, not only does it intensify the level of sensation that both you and your partner feel during intercourse, it can also increase the level of blood circulation to both of your genitalia which can make your orgasms more satisfying too.
At the end of the day, spelling “coconut” is simply reminding you that there are more options to riding than simply sitting there while your partner pumps for all he’s worth or you humping up and down like you’re on a pogo stick.
Spelling “coconut” is an easy hack to bring some variety into cowgirling. However…
Honestly, the “Fruit” Isn’t the Point. THIS IS.
From grapefruiting and spelling “coconut” to reading articles that I’ve penned for the platform like “How To Improve The Taste Of Sperm” — fruit and sex are always going to be a winning combination, one way or another. However, the main point of this article isn’t about making sure that you are a master speller so much as providing you with tips that will make the cowgirl position something that you are confident about and you find a ton of fulfillment in doing.
You can make both of these things happen by incorporating the following things:
Stretch beforehand. A charley horse during sex is the worst thing ever — and chile, don’t let it be right before you’re about to climax. SMDH. Yeah, if you want to feel more comfortable when you’re on top, make sure that you stretch beforehand and that you are well-hydrated. That will reduce the chances of experiencing a totally-out-of-nowhere muscle spasm — whether you decide to “spell” during sex or…not.
Bring pillows into the mix. Sometimes riding is a challenge because your partner feels farther away from your body than you would like. Putting a pillow underneath him can help to elevate his pelvis, so that you don’t feel like you’re stretching and straining. Speaking of pillows, a longer one can really come in handy because it can give your knees some additional support as well.
Also, ask him to put his knees up. Speaking of making the “grind” easier for you, ask your partner to put his knees up. That way, your back can recline on his legs as you’re moving your hips around. You’d be amazed how much this one hack can do for you. Straight up.
Add lube. When you get a chance, check out “The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant” and you will automatically see why bringing lubrication into a cowgirl session is an absolute must. It reduces friction. It makes your movements glide with ease. And it’s just more fun. Promise you that.
Lean in. If your partner happens to be on the larger side of life, one way that you can control his depth is by leaning forward into him. That way, your hips can better control how much or little he is inside of you, so that you can get into a position that gives you the sensation that you are looking for.
Get him to multitask. Again, whether you are spelling “coconut” or not and whether you are riding cowgirl or reverse cowgirl — something that is awesome about being on top is it frees your partner’s hands to do, umm, other things. And since it is so much easier to have an orgasm while your clitoris is being stimulated, get your partner to put some of the lube that we discussed earlier on his fingertips, so that he can gently rub on your clitoris while you are riding him. It doesn’t get much better than that!
Don’t wanna spell? Hula Hoop then. What if you try the whole coconut thing and it’s not a favorite for you (or him)? No problem — when’s the last time that you hula hooped? Pretend that you have one of those around your hips and move around that way. I’d be shocked if you ended up feeling “meh” about that option.
5 Guys Tell Me What They Love When Their Partner Is on Top
A part of the reason why I am “team cowgirl” is because it provides a lot of benefits to the woman: she has more control, it tends to be more comfortable for her, it’s a great position for a quickie and the orgasms tend to be that much more — wonderful. However, as I was thinking about spelling coconut, in general, I couldn’t help but wonder what guys thought about it and the cowgirl position overall.
If you’re curious, here’s what five of ‘em said.
1. Braxford. Engaged. 35. “Y’all be spelling up there? Who knew? My favorite thing about when my fiancée is on top is what I think every man likes: the view. It’s a chance to see her entire body and experience it at the same time. Not even doggy style accomplishes that. Damn, where’s my lady at?”
2. Denez. Single. 42. “Do you know how many ‘spots’ you have access to when y’all are on top? Breasts are in my mouth. Hickeys are on her neck. Prop my head up on a pillow and her tummy is getting licked. When a woman is riding you, it’s sensory overload! It’s crazy how each one looks amazing in that position too.”
3. Omar. In a Serious Relationship. 29. “[He said her name yet I’m not going to share it] isn’t a very vocal lover. Her body and technique are insane, so even though I love dirty talk, I’ve learned to compromise — except when she’s on top. She’s not saying much but those moans? And yeah, we tried the coconut thing. ‘Cs’ and ‘Os,’ hell yeah. ‘Ns’ and “Ts’? Nah.”
4. Nolen. Single. 45. “45 isn’t old but it’s old enough for your back to show out on you when you least expect it. My experience has been that women don’t want a lot of thrusting when they are on top, so it’s like having some of the best sex without having to do much at all. Well, aside from trying not to bust too quickly. I take that back: riding is easy on the body; it’s work on the brain.”
5. Ivan. Married. 37. “I like the spelling sh-t because it switches things up. We make a game out of it by her picking a word and spelling out while I try and guess what it is. We also try to see how many words that we can get to before one of us cums. 12 words is pushing it unless it’s like ‘dog’ or ‘cat’ or something. I’ve guessed ‘coconut’ a few times and I get what the excitement is all about. Spelling bee sex: try it.”
Yep. I concur.
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Featured image by Giphy