Whew, y'all. I know some of you clicked on this fast AF, but let me just say two things before getting into the whole Jada/August/Will saga. One, we really need to stop talking about celebrities like we know these people personally (unless we actually do). No one is perfect and, honestly, even the hashtag #relationshipgoals is pretty annoying. I mean, I can't tell you how many times folks would tell me that they wanted a marriage that was just like Jay Z and Beyoncé—well, they wanted it until Jay Z admitted that he had been unfaithful. People are human and humans are flawed. This means that relationships also are flawed as well. Every single one. Some more than others. Second, you don't have the time and I don't have the space to try and cover all things Will and Jada or Jada and August. Will and Jada have been married for over 25 years and, according to Jada, she and August have been done for a few years now. We're never going to know the whole story because we aren't involved in Will and Jada's union. As far as Jada and August, I've been in enough relationships—and situationships—to know that perspectives are everything.
Very rarely do both individuals have the same one, let alone the people who are looking from the outside in.
I just wanted to get that out there beforehand because, before I do shallow deep dive into what Jada shared when she met herself at the table today (you can check it out here), I think it's important we keep in mind that speculations aren't facts. Opinions aren't either. We all certainly have the right to both. However, my motivation for penning this is more of a cautionary tale of how we can find ourselves in things that 1) we may not have been prepared to get involved in and/or 2) oftentimes don't have an expiration date, in the sense of when they'll come back up again. Which is why we should always choose wisely. Very much so.
Anyway, as a marriage life coach, I'm pretty sure I could come up with 15 points. But, for now, here are my three main takeaways from what Jada Pinkett Smith, August Alsina and Will Smith had to say about…well, you know.
TAKEAWAY #1: Guard Your Heart
I'll be the first to raise my hand in this class and say that I was sooooo prepared for Jada to skirt around what August said had transpired between them—an affair. After all, when you're "coming to the table" to get to the bottom of things, typically that needs to involve all of the parties; yet her Red Table today was only her and Will. Still, I must admit that Jada was surprisingly candid. Maybe a little uncomfortable along the way (understandably so), but she did admit that, 4 ½ years ago, her friendship with August turned into what she first said was "a different kind of entanglement". Well, she went with "entanglement" until Will offered push back so that she would admit that it had been an actual relationship. Jada said that she and Will had been going through a difficult time back then, to the point where they basically separated and weren't sure if reconciliation was even on the table.
"I was in a lot of pain. I was very broken…I wanted to feel good," expressed Jada. She also shared that she was aware that she was codependent at the time and "It helped to heal somebody". (No one heals anyone by the way. We support them through their own healing. It can take a codependent a really long time to grasp that point.)
As a codependent-in-recovery myself, let me tell you that I totally get where Jada is coming from. When folks are hurting, some reach for a bottle, some reach for pills, some reach for people. For her, it was people. More specifically, August. I guess that, since she and Will felt as if they were on the outs, it was justifiable (especially since she said, later on in the interview that "I don't look at it like a transgression at all…I was able to do some real healing.")
To that, please let me just say that, as a marriage life coach, I think it's important to keep in mind that until someone is divorced, they aren't. Yes, I know that different people do marriages different ways. I also know there have been rumors for years that Will and Jada are in an open marriage (in part, due to her saying things like Will is not her husband but her life partner and Jada also saying that Will "can do whatever he wants" as long as he can look himself in the mirror); however, I'm speaking to the "August Alsinas" of the world.
When you fall for someone who is in a bad place in their marriage, they're separated or even they're simply in something that's complicated, you are risking—A LOT. Not only that but you also tend to waste (yes, waste because waste means "to consume, spend, or employ uselessly or without adequate return") time, effort and energy that you'll never get back on a person who took vows with their spouse, no matter what they may have offered you.
That's why, the first takeaway for me is, it's so important to guard your heart. Again, Jada said that she and August started out as friends. They then became really good friends. And then, well, the rest I think is left up for interpretation, but we know that it didn't remain platonic. And what I gathered from both Jada and August's take on their entanglement/relationship is, not only was it intense, there was pain experienced in the fallout (according to Jada, she didn't just up and cut August off one day; he actually abruptly ended all communication with her; that can be quite painful).
Listen, being married doesn't make you oblivious to other people. And while I do think that mature married individuals can have opposite sex friends, even single ones, boundaries need to be clear. That's how husbands and wives can guard their hearts. As far as us single folks? It really is best to go into any interaction with someone who is married (or in something long-term) like they are not an option. PERIOD. If you know that is going to be difficult for you, for the sake of your own heart, health and well-being (not to mention your time, effort and energy), it's probably best to leave "said person" alone. PERIOD. Otherwise, while your interaction with someone who is already involved might be great for a while, it tends to end. Eventually. Case in point—no matter how…whatever Jada and August's relationship was, it wasn't him that she was looking at today from across the table. It was her husband.
TAKEAWAY #2: Love Doesn’t Have to Kill You. It Really Doesn’t.
YouTube
I like August. Again, I don't know him personally, so what I mean when I say that is, I like his music, his heart for his family, his resilience related to his health, his openness about fighting through his demons—for the most part, I like what I see as far as how he strives to work through what is clearly a very full plate. But it wasn't my "like" for him that had me totally convinced he wasn't making the relationship up in his head (like A LOT of people claimed before today's table talk). When I saw the video for "Nunya" with visuals that featured Jada's middle name "Koren" last spring (even though he denied it was about her, which was…weird), I knew something was up then. That's because I've dated musicians before. When you move them, you become their muse. You're gonna hear about it too. Literally. And then when I watched his interview with Angela Yee at the top of the month. Whew.
"I totally gave myself to that relationship for years of my life. And I truly and really, really, deeply loved and have a ton of love for her. I devoted myself to it. I gave my full self to it. So much so to the point that, I can die right now and be OK with knowing that I truly gave myself to somebody. And I really loved a person. I experienced that. I know what that feels like and some people never get that in this lifetime. So, I know that I'm completely blessed…I have literally never been in love in that kind of way. So much so that, being intertwined in that kind of way…walking away from it? Butchered me. I'm shaking right now because it almost…killed me. Not almost. It did. It pushed me into being another person. My newer self. It…broke…me…down. It was a part of me being paralyzed, trying to pull myself apart. It will probably be the hardest thing that I will ever experience in this lifetime."
When I heard August say all of this, I wanted to just give him a hug. Not a groupie hug. A big sister kind of embrace. I know what it's like to love someone so fully that it almost suffocates you. At the same time, healing and retrospection have taught me that oftentimes, that's not so much love as it's chemistry, connection and need. See, I'm the kind of woman who isn't fond of people saying things like, "Love hurts" or "Love is blind". From a spiritual sense, it's because the Bible tells us that "God is love" (I John 4:8&16), and He doesn't do either of those things to us. From a broader scope, I just think that seeing love through that lens teaches us to look at love from a dysfunctional space. Love doesn't hurt us. Choosing to love someone who isn't the best complement for us? That can hurt. Love isn't blind either. But the oxytocin highs from sex, the total preoccupation with someone who keeps you from using common sense, the wanting something so badly that you'll abandon all reality—those things can blind you to the truth.
I wanted to hug August, not because he fell for Jada. I get that. It's because he fell for a married woman who, through the experience, he said it butchered him; that even with all of his health issues and the loss of his own sister, nothing has hurt him more. Yet, to him, the silver lining was, if he never loved again, at least he could say that he had. Oh, August. You deserve so much more than that. All of us do. Our greatest love experience shouldn't "butcher us"; not by a long shot. I really do hope that some real healing transpires so that he can look back and see Jada more like a lesson instead of the love standard. Someone else's spouse should never be our mountaintop of how we think love should be.
TAKEAWAY #3: ENVY. NO. ONE.
I'll be honest. Watching Will and Jada discuss this situation today? It's probably the most in sync I've seen them in a very long time (it was just this past April that Jada said quarantine made her feel like she didn't know her husband at all). Maybe it was a united front for publicity's sake. Maybe August's spilling of the beans has resulted in some recent heart-to-hearts. Who knows? But there were a few things that they said that definitely inspired my final point for today.
Will: "We came together young…we both were broken in our own ways."
Will: "[Marriage] ain't for the weak of heart."
Will: "I wish it could be all marriage and miracles."
Jada: "You gotta go through some shit to get the answers."
Will: "There's real power in just knowing that somebody's riding with you, no matter what. And you can't know that, until you go through some stuff…I don't wanna go through this anymore…I'm gonna get you back first."
Jada (in response): "I think you've gotten me back. I think we're good on that."
Will (in response): "That's probably true."
Those quotes? That's not a fairy tale marriage. Not by a long shot. You know, I've heard people say since, forever, that Will and Jada are the epitome of Black love. Lord, y'all. Will and Jada are two human beings who are trying to figure life's journey out, just like the rest of us. That's a "full stop" statement. When other people let us peek into their world (or even when we find ourselves snooping), our resolve shouldn't be "I want what they have". We should be more in the mindset of, "I appreciate what they've shared. How can I apply those thoughts or tips to my own situation?" No more. No less.
Besides, if you get caught up in envying someone else's relationship, not only does that cause you to approach your own from an altered angle, 8 times out of 10, you're going to end up disappointed. If not immediately, eventually. That's not the couple you were putting on a pedestal's fault. You've got to own every ounce of your own disillusionment. So yeah, don't envy other people. It profits you nothing. Not one damn thing.
Anyway, no matter what kind of marriage Will and Jada have, at the end of the day, I will rock with Will from the perspective of marriage ain't for punks and 25 years is a really long time to be with someone. I will also commend him for making this statement to his wife—"I told you the first year that we were married that I can love you through anything."
If there's any main thing to take from this entire semi-saga, y'all—it's probably that.
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On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
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GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
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CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
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LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
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VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
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LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
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ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
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SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
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CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
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Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
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Oh, but there are plenty of people whose egos have them thinking that they can read someone else’s mind. Then there are others who have fantasies, which create unrealistic expectations that others in their lives actually should read their mind. And you know what — both of these things can cause unnecessary stress, drama, and trauma, if folks aren’t careful.
And that’s why I think it’s important that we unpack this a bit more. Because if you’re someone who thinks that if another person truly cares for you, they should be able to read your mind, it’s time to let that ridiculous yet semi-popular notion absolutely and completely go.
Here’s why.
It’s Scientifically Impossible for Someone to Read Your Mind
There are a couple of reasons why I am starting this off with R&B singer Avant. For one thing, I don’t think that he gets nearly enough flowers and secondly, clearly, this is a more-than-fitting song for today’s topic, wouldn’t you say? Because, lawd, there really is something that makes some of us feel all warm ‘n fuzzy about the mere thought of a man telling us that he is so in tuned with us that he can basically read our mind.
Hmph. Problem with that is, as I said in the intro, it is scientifically impossible (for us and for AI to do, praise the Lord!). And yet the fact that so many individuals think that they defy scientific data and research is oftentimes why there are so many breakdowns in communication — because if you run on assumption (that you can read someone’s mind) without clarification and confirmation, you can create issues that didn’t exist before you decided to fall for your own mind-reading theories.
Now to be fair, while science is still trying to figure out why we can’t read minds, what is sure is that we do have the capability to perceive the thoughts and actions of others if we’re willing to pay really close attention. However, do keep in mind that reading and perceiving are different. Reading? It’s about being able "to apprehend or interpret the meaning of" and "to anticipate, expect, or calculate by observation." Perceiving? It’s all about “to become aware of, know, or identify by means of the senses” and “to recognize, discern, envision, or understand.”
And already, do you see the differences? So much certainty comes with reading while perceiving is about humbling oneself (bookmark that) to not try to know everything but instead to try and understand what is transpiring. And since no one person (or their mind) is ever truly static, that is a huge part of the reason why believing that you can read someone’s mind — no matter how close you may be to them — is futile. You can change your mind on a dime. Others can do the same. Learning to perceive what is going on instead of assuming that you can “read” folks is far more beneficial.
Besides, you might be surprised by a particular demo who thinks that if you are truly who they need you to be, you will read their minds — and boy, once you know who they are, that may cure you of the whole “read your mind” ish…quick, fast and in a hurry.
The Expectation Is Oftentimes Rooted in Egomania
GiphyWhile doing a bit of research on this topic, I thought it was interesting that a particular type of person kept coming up. Can you guess which one? A NARCISSIST. What I kept noticing is a telling sign of a narcissistic individual is they expect others to read their mind.
I must admit that I was caught off guard by that at first because narcissists and their damn egos are so out of control (bookmark that) that it would seem like they would be more focused on acting like they know the thoughts of other people. Here’s the thing, though — the reason why narcissists want others to read their mind is because they want you to do things like guess what they want and need before they ask — and they want that to happen because they believe that they are so damn special that you should put in the extra blood, sweat and tears to figure it all out. Hmph. Now that tracks.
Another reason why narcissists want you to be able to read their mind is so they can manipulate and deflect. Meaning, if you say and do things based on what you thought they wanted you to, should everything crash and burn, they can dodge accountability and blame you for it. Hmm, does reading someone’s mind seem romantic and beautiful now? SMDH.
And again, all of this is tied to ego because, at the end of the day, mind-reading is a form of control and narcissists are definitely very controlling people. And honestly, mind-reading is as well because why do you even want to know someone’s private thoughts before they share them and, at the same time, why would you want someone to have that kind of power in your life either? “Eww” is what immediately comes to my mind. “Yuck” is what follows.
So, why is it that so many people think that it’s a good thing to have someone read their mind — I mean, the ones who don’t show narcissistic tendencies, that is? Good question.
5 Reasons Why Some People Wish Someone Would/Could Read Their Mind
GiphyOkay, so ego and pridefulness aside, what would be some other reasons why people think that it’s such a wonderful thing if someone who they are in some sort of intimate relationship with can read their mind.
1. They are caught up in Disney and rom-coms. One day, I am going to do an article on all of the ways that Disney and rom-coms have destroyed the reality of relationships. For now, I’ll just say that the scripted tales of both have caused a lot of people to think that if someone loves them, they should be able to read their mind. Nooo…if someone loves you, they should care to know what is on your mind. And that brings me to the second point.
2. They aren’t as good at communicating as they think. Are you a good communicator? One way to know if you are is you’re able to clearly articulate your wants and needs — because really, if you are able to do that, why should anyone even need to read your mind? Feel me? Let’s move on.
3. They want someone else to work harder at their relationships than they do. I say it in my sessions often — it’s beyond crazy to think that someone should work harder at figuring out what your wants, needs and expectations are than you are willing to express them. Hmph. It makes me think of a friend of mine who says that “should” is a dangerous word. What she means by that is saying that someone should do or not do something simply because YOU THINK that’s how it “should” go is a surefire way to stay disappointed and even be disillusioned. No, your man shouldn’t just know what you want every year for your birthday. Did you state it? If not, why aren’t you playing fair? Who has time for all of the guessing games and then getting penalized if they guess wrong? Stop it.
4. They think it’s the sign of a healthy relationship (it isn’t). Anyone who knows me knows that I am always and forever going to be Team Healthy over Team Happy and my reason why never changes. Only children expect to live in a world where they are happy all of the time — and yes, there are a lot of childish people out here. People who want their mind read? They tend to live in happy land. Meanwhile, a healthy relationship knows that clear communication, mutual respect, keen listening, patience and understanding that humans make mistakes are foundational to its success.
5. They are lazy. And yes y’all, some people want others to read their mind because they are lazy and it really is just as simple as that. Thing is, while they are being passive aggressive, dropping hints or giving the silent treatment so that you can figure out whatever it is that they…want you to figure out, that tends to take more effort than simply speaking up. Ridiculous, chile.
How to Let the Myth Go
GiphyGee, after reading all of this, suddenly reading minds just seems like a lot of silliness with a sprinkle of drama and potential trauma, doesn’t it? And it’s all because some people choose to treat something that is a myth like it’s a bona fide fact. SMDH.
And what if you happen to be one of those individuals? How do you break free? COMMUNICATE. Openly, clearly and maturely share what’s on your mind and heart because, the true tell of a solid relationship isn’t that someone can read your mind; it’s that they can retain what you’ve already stated.
Less reading. More perceiving. That’s the secret sauce.
And when you accept this for what it is, you will realize that it’s far better for you, your partner and your relationship to stop expecting the impossible and to accept what is actual: that learning your partner, as they strive to do the same thing with you, is better than you both assuming that you know what…maybe you do, maybe you don’t.
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Author Frank Sonnenberg once said, “People can’t hear what you don’t say. Thinking isn’t communicating” — and I think this is a perfect place to bring all of this to a close.
Find the kind of relationship(s) where intention is so strong that mind-reading isn’t even desired.
At the end of the day, it really is as simple as that.
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