JAY-Z Opens Up About Infidelity: "The Strongest Thing A Man Could Do Is Cry"
He couldn't see tears falling down his eyes, so he had to make this album cry. Jay Z and Beyonce are undeniably music industry royalty, reigning supreme in business, music, and love. Together for nearly twenty years, the Brooklyn rapper with a penchant for the thick like honey Houston native have held it down from the "03 Bonnie & Clyde" all the way to 2017 "Shining."
But everything sweet ain't sugar, and all that glitters isn't gold.
With the release of Jay-Z's 4:44 album, which is arguably some of the best work of his career, many viewed it as validation to the skepticism surrounding the meaning behind the force of an album that was his wife's 2016 release of Lemonade. Jay-Z has been more honest than ever in his music and it's a characteristic that lends itself to his interviews time and time again. Case in point, his recent interview with T Magazine. In addition to his incredible career, Hov spoke about therapy, infidelity, and the calmness at the center of a storm.
When asked about his vulnerable track "Song Cry" when he rapped about the possibility of his marriage falling apart and the pain of seeing another man playing with his child, he revealed:
"The strongest thing a man can do is cry. To expose your feelings, to be vulnerable in front of the world. That's real strength. You know, you feel like you gotta be this guarded person. That's not real. It's fake."
Jay also broached the subject of mental health, particularly his decision to seek out therapy and the awareness that he developed from realizing how connected emotions are to everything.
"I grew so much from the experience. But I think the most important thing I got is that everything is connected. Every emotion is connected and it comes from somewhere. And just being aware of it. Being aware of it in everyday life puts you at such a ... you're at such an advantage. You know, you realize that if someone's racist toward you, it ain't about you. It's about their upbringing and what happened to them, and how that led them to this point. You know, most bullies bully. It just happen. Oh, you got bullied as a kid so you trying to bully me. I understand."And once I understand that, instead of reacting to that with anger, I can provide a softer landing and maybe, 'Aw, man, is you O.K.?' I was just saying there was a lot of fights in our neighborhood that started with 'What you looking at? Why you looking at me? You looking at me?' And then you realize: 'Oh, you think I see you. You're in this space where you're hurting, and you think I see you, so you don't want me to look at you. And you don't want me to see you.'"
It was there he also realized how damaging men being in pain but not knowing it or understanding it can be.
"You have to survive. So you go into survival mode, and when you go into survival mode what happen? You shut down all emotions. So even with women, you gonna shut down emotionally, so you can't connect."… In my case, like it's, it's deep. And then all the things happen from there: infidelity..."
Although some believe that the couple's painful but beautifully transparent albums stemmed from conversations, Jay revealed Lemonade and 4:44 were conceived in an organic way, from a place of healing after pain. And in some ways, music became its own version of therapy for the couple.
“…It happened – we were using our art almost like a therapy session. And we started making music together. And then the music she was making at the time was further along. So, her album came out as opposed to the joint album that we were working on. Um, we still have a lot of that music. And this is what it became. There was never a point where it was like, 'I'm making this album.' I was right there the entire time."
He also admitted how “uncomfortable" but necessary it was to be there and immerse themselves in one another's work. They were truths that had to be told so that they could be free.
“…The best place in the, you know, hurricane is like in the middle of it.“We were sitting in the eye of that hurricane… But the place is right in the middle of the pain. And that's where we were sitting. And it was uncomfortable. And we had a lot of conversations. You know. [I was] really proud of the music she made, and she was really proud of the art I released. And, you know, at the end of the day we really have a healthy respect for one another's craft. I think she's amazing."
Jay also provided some insight into why divorce wasn't an option for him, even with his past afflictions. He knew he caused Beyoncé insurmountable pain, but what was most important was the fact that he was also willing to correct his mistakes and undo the damage he had done.
“You know, most people walk away, and like divorce rate is like 50 percent or something 'cause most people can't see themselves. The hardest thing is seeing pain on someone's face that you caused, and then have to deal with yourself. “So, you know, most people don't want to do that. You don't want to look inside yourself. And so, you walk away."
The first step is being honest with yourself. The second step is knowing that there is strength in the parts of you that the world tries to deem weak.
Watch Jay's 35-minute interview with T Magazine in full below, or click here.
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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6 Spring Events To Boost Your Professional And Social Networks
When spring arrives, we all want to be outside, looking fabulous, and back to socializing. And now is the perfect time to add a few great events to your calendar to get you through the quarter in order to make new friends, build new partnerships, and talk new opportunities to level up.
Spring is a high season for networking and social events for Black women, with many organizations and event entrepreneurs booking prime locations and offering dynamic experiences that you can maximize in whatever way possible. Write down your goals, and get out there. Start with a few of these events between now and the start of summer:
New Orleans Jazz And Heritage Festival, April 23 - May 3
The New Orleans Jazz And Heritage Festival is a 10-day event held over two weekends, bringing together thousands of musicians, craftspeople, and food lovers to share in common threads of culture in the heart of New Orleans. You'll get to enjoy works by artisans local to Louisiana as well as from across the U.S. and around the world.
Black Food Truck Festival, April 26-28
Hosted in Charleston, S.C., the Black Food Truck Festival includes an opening party, access to more than two dozen food truck vendors, and a time to workout with other attendees. Charleston has long been known as a Southern foodie destination, with global recognition due to James Beard-awarded chefs heading popular restaurants there and a renewed focus on Gullah and Geechee culture and food in the region. And what better conversation ice-breaker than to talk about food with a new acquaintance?
Black Women's Mental Health Conference, May 4
Hosted by New York University, this is a one-day event to tackle issues of mental wellness and health that uniquely affect Black women and girls. The keynote speaker for this year is Kim Young, MSW, LCSW, founder of Dope Black Social Worker® and host of the podcast Revolutionary Hoodrat, and leading licensed professionals in the field will offer their insights and share their experiences. And, of course, no college-led event is without time blocked specifically for networking.
Strength of a Woman Festival, May 11-12
Anything with Mary J. Blige headlining or leading is a win, especially if we're talking about women's empowerment and enjoyment. This event will be held in New York City, and beyond the performances from some of our favorites like Muni Long, Jill Scott, and The Clark Sisters, there will be a Gospel Brunch. And even if you're not able to attend or concerts aren't your thing, just being in the city during that time will mean you're bound to run into plenty of other women to network with at local bars and restaurants nearby.
Carefree Black Girl Cookout, May 4
Held in the Queen City, Charlotte, N.C., this is a day festival amplifying the voices and brands of Black women entrepreneurs, artists, and creatives. There will be vendors, glam and beauty bars, and complimentary meals for the first hour (according to the platform's website). They're hosting another cookout in Philadelphia on May 25.
Black Women Leading Live, May 13-16
Touted as an “intimate retreat + conference,” this Virginia Beach, VA event will be held on a resort and is offering a professional development experience led by Laura Knights, founder of the Black Woman Leading® program and podcast. It’s an ideal fit if you’re a mid-level or senior professional, as the topics and approach are set to cater to those levels of career experience, with coaches and speakers pouring into attendees with a holistic approach.
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