We love a man who isn't afraid to speak his mind and keep it all the way real, and when it comes to love and relationships, Jean Elie certainly doesn't hold back. It's no surprise that Elie caught our attention on HBO's Insecure as Ahmal Dee—Issa's smart-mouthed little brother who appears on the last few episodes of Season 2.
But while we certainly appreciate having a little eye candy on the show, we have our eye on Elie for other reasons. Beyond the humor, the Haitian-American is proving himself to be one to watch, snagging credits on ABC's American Crime and visually directing music videos for Timbaland co-signed artist Brandon Tory. Not bad for someone who just a few years ago decided to quit his day job and hopped on a one-way flight to Los Angeles with only $1,000 in his pocket to pursue his acting and directing career.
That kind of ambition alone makes us just a bit curious about the actor after the cameras stop rolling, so we sat down with Elie for some real talk about his insecurities, his thoughts on cheating and why he prefers tomboys over supermodel types.
What was it like when you found out that you landed the role of Ahmal Dee on Insecure?
I was shocked! (laughs) It literally took two weeks before I heard anything back. And usually if I don't hear anything back within a week, it's out of my head. Then, I got a phone call at the most random time of the day and they were like, “Hey, Insecure called and said they want you to play Ahmal." Then my boys were like, “Yo, what's wrong?" And I was like, they called and said I got the role for Ahmal, to play Issa's brother. I was like, this is crazy. Like that's nuts. What does this even mean? What happens next?!
What are you most excited about with playing Issa's brother? Where would you like to see this role go?
I would love to see him extend into a third season. I'd like to get more back story on his character, to see what he gets himself into-what his MOUTH gets him into because he has a smart mouth. I'd also like to see what his life is like outside of Issa and his beef with Kelli. Like, what's going on with that?
Insecure deals with a lot of the modern complexities of dating. Molly and Dro, in particular, have blurred the lines of their friendship and have become lovers. Do you think it's ever okay to blur the lines or do you prefer to just keep friends as friends?
It's cool to blur the lines, but it's more important to have a conversation. As awkward as it may be, have that conversation to know that this is what it is and this is what we're doing. Being with your friend can make it the best experience in the world, you know? Because it doesn't have to be about sex, you're actually enjoying each other's company. You're able to be honest and open with one another. Communication is key in any relationship – as long as you have an open channel to talk to one another it'll always work out. But you also have to accept the fact that someone's going to end up hurt in this situation if you guys don't make it an official thing some time down the line. Especially if that conversation isn't had.
Molly's professional life is flourishing. But her personal life and her love life is kind of trash – especially with her making the decision to hook up with a married man. Is there something to be said about ambitious and successful people and their dating life? Do you think it's hard to balance being successful while also trying to date successfully?
Yeah, I think anything is possible. It's not impossible, but it's hard. Molly is a strong, black, independent queen who does her own thing but she's also flawed like everybody else. I think once she gets rid of expectations, which is what we all should do, we'll all do better.
Expectations on relationships, on careers, on anything that we have – it usually ruins things. We have an idea of what things should be instead of really accepting what it is. I try to get rid of my “should." Everybody has their own time. Everybody has their own process. Things will happen when they're supposed to happen, not when you want it to happen. Especially in relationships. I try my best not to look for something. I let things come to me.
"We have an idea of what things should be instead of really accepting what it is. I try to get rid of my 'should.'"
So, you're not sliding in any DMs?
Nah, I'm not sliding in any DMs. But I am liking the 100th picture though. I will scroll down your whole timeline (laughs).
How do you navigate dating and finding a genuine person to spend your time with?
My friends, they help hook me up. I don't like those dating app situations. I've tried a couple of them before and I always end up with some type of weird person (laughs). Like you really have to read people's bios and some people don't have them. I went on a couple of dates with this one girl and she was talking a mile a minute – she was looking for a sponsor. So, my homegirls usually try to hook me up. Sometimes the relationship works, sometimes it doesn't. Usually my relationships start off as just friends, which is great, so it's like alright, I know you're not crazy. I know you're actually doing the things you said you're doing. But again, sometimes things just don't pan out.
Are you dating right now?
Yeah, I'm dating, but I haven't found anything serious yet. I'm still out here mixing and mingling (laughs). I have to feel like we're best friends and I can really talk to her about anything. I don't believe in cheating, so once I get in a relationship, that's the relationship I'm in. Nothing can come between me and the person I'm with, which is why we have to be super honest with each other. A lot of the time relationships fall to the wayside because people don't communicate properly or they start talking in circles and they end up breaking up. I try to be as honest as I possibly can with whoever I'm talking to.
"I don't believe in cheating. Once I get in a relationship, that's the relationship I'm in."
Frazer Harrison/Getty Images
One of the songs on Insecure's soundtrack this season is called “Supermodel" by SZA. SZA also has a song on her album CTRL called “Normal Girl" and those two are arguably juxtapositions. What kind of woman attracts you more? Are you more drawn to the Supermodel IG Famous types or the girl-next-door Normal Girls?
I like the normal girls, the girl next door. I like them a little tomboy-ish. I'd like a girl that's nice, cool, pretty, cool with her family even if she still has to work some stuff out, likes the outdoors, and someone that can joan around with me (laughs).
What would make a woman stand out to you?
I love when a woman doesn't feel like she needs somebody to make her complete. If she doesn't feel like she needs me, then that makes me want to be there for her. If a girl is doing her own thing, that's attractive too. I don't want her to need a man in her life, I want her to want one. Because if the want is mutual, then everything will work out.
The name of the show is called Insecure and for good reasons. What's one insecurity or fear you have when it comes to relationships?
My fear is that I might leave a person in fear of my heart. Or that I might get scared and feel like this is it. I don't believe in cheating, but I've seen a lot of cheaters. If I get married, it's a wrap for me and her and I don't want that to happen. So, in fear of that actually being something that happens to me, that keeps me from locking stuff down.
There was a meme floating around Instagram that read: “If the love doesn't feel like 90's R&B, I don't want it." But what does Jean say?
90's R&B is cool. It's amazing (laughs). If the love doesn't feel organic, if it feels like we're forcing it – then I don't want it. If it doesn't feel like a natural thing, like we grew into it, I don't want it.
"If the love doesn't feel organic, if it feels like we're forcing it – then I don't want it."
Fun Facts:
Now Listening: Brandon Tory, Chance the Rapper, SZA, DRAM, Childish Gambino
Best Impersonation: Barack Obama
Favorite Food Places in LA: Comfort LA, Wurstkusche, The Federal
Favorite Food: French fries
Currently Binge-ing: Narcos, Viking, Sons of Anarchy, Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones
Neo-Soul or Trap Music: Neo-Soul
Team Lawrence or Team Issa: Team Lawrence (his reasons were kind of legit ladies, cut him a break)
To tie you over until the third season of Insecure, be sure to get your fix of Jean Elie on Twitter and Instagram.
Featured image by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images
RELATED
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock
1. Create a Budget. Stick to It.
GiphyBudgets, boy. I recently read that one of the reasons why they don’t work for a lot of people is because many folks don’t have a clue about how much money they spend on a monthly basis to begin with. SMDH. That said, at the end of the day, it’s important to remember that a budget is simply setting boundaries/limits on your spending — and being intentional about moving in this fashion is always a wise move; especially when it comes to this time of the year…especially being that it’s typical for half of all Americans to take on some type of holiday season debt with 17 percent needing six (or more) months to pay it off.
Know what can prevent this kind of financial chaos? A SPENDING BUDGET. Tips for how to create one of your own this year can be found here.
2. Never Shop When You’re Stressed or Pressed
GiphyYou know how they say that it’s not a good idea to go grocery shopping when you’re hungry? Although the holiday season can be a stressful time, avoid shopping for gifts (or décor or food for recipes) when you are feeling stressed out or pressed for time. More times than not, that cultivates anxiety which could cause you to either purchase things that you don’t really want or to spend money that you don’t really have (P.S. If you’re relying on credit cards, that qualifies as money that you don’t really have. Just sayin’).
3. Don’t Keep Up with the Joneses
GiphyKnow something else that can stress you out: trying to keep up with the Joneses. And y’all, now that we have social media, the reality is that envy is at an all-time high. That’s because it can be really easy to watch holiday engagements, holiday trips and folks bragging about the things that they’ve received in times past, only for you to find yourself wishing that you were them — or putting pressure on yourself and those in your world to keep up.
Listen, it is King Solomon who once said, “So are the ways of everyone who is greedy for gain; It takes away the life of its owners” (Proverbs 1:19 — NKJV) and “A sound heart is life to the body, but envy is rottenness to the bones” (Proverbs 14:30 — NKJV) and he’s considered to be the wisest man who ever lived (during his time — I Kings 4:30). Yeah, both of these verses are a spiritual reminder that whatever you are planning to do or give, do it out of the goodness of your heart — not so that you can low-key “outdo” the next guy.
4. No Need to “Tit-for-Tat”
GiphyThis one might be a bit controversial yet I’m totally okay with that. I don’t care what the occasion is, no one is OWED a present. A gift is a voluntary token of one’s appreciation or affection. That said, if you decide to give someone a present this year, don’t automatically expect something in return. If you get something, cool. If not, if you were giving for the right reasons, it really shouldn’t matter (RIGHT?). On the flip side, if someone decides to get you something and you don’t have something to offer in return, also cool.
Other than going to someone’s home for a holiday dinner or party, for anyone to feel like they should have something in hand because someone else does…that’s not giving, that’s competing — and that absolutely should not be the spirit that you are in (or around) during this time of year.
Again, a gift is not an obligatory thing. If you’ve always thought otherwise, it’s time to do some serious reprogramming.
5. Avoid the Pressure to Buy for Lots of Adults
GiphyLast month, Newsweek published an article that said it’s wise to not spend a ton of money purchasing gifts for adults. A financial expert in the piece said that it’s best to buy for kids because, more times than not, you’re going to get adults something that they already have a lot of, they don’t really need or they’re not going to use (beyond maybe regifting) anyway.
If you’re not feeling that insight, my take would be to exchange names and set a price cap for the grown folks. I say that because, I don’t think that people ever outgrow wanting something over Christmas. It’s just that the over-the-top energy should be reserved for the kiddies — and even then, the “4-gift rule” (want, need, read, experience) is probably your best bet for them…financially and otherwise.
6. Go for Thoughtful over Expensive
GiphyIt’s kind of wild how much close-to-torture folks send themselves through to purchase gifts that, a good 6-8 months now, most folks aren’t even going to remember. That’s why it’s also a good idea to purpose in your mind to get something thoughtful over expensive.
Honestly, that’s a big part of the reason why Etsy continues to be a go-to for gifts (for every occasion) for me. It’s because you can oftentimes get things customized/personalized which ends up meaning so much more to people than something that you bought at a generic department store that might have a high price tag yet still lacks in sentimentality and deep meaning.
7. Use Coupons and Promo Codes
GiphyCoupons (and promo codes) are a slippery slope in the sense that…they remind me of when I used to go overboard while thrift store shopping. I say that because, just because I might find several bomb dresses for under $20, what am I going to do with 50 of ‘em (over time)? It’s just as much of a waste of money as buying couture if neither option gets much use.
And that’s kind of the thing about coupons and promo codes. Some people end up overspending because they rationalize that so long as there are discounts attached, it’s all good. At the same time, this doesn’t mean that you should forego coupons and promo codes altogether. The key is to put together your shopping list (and budget) and then use discounts specifically for those items. If you do this, you could save well over $1,000 annually (at least, depending on what you decide to buy).
8. Avoid Add-Ons
GiphyYeah. Dodge add-on expenses. Add-ons like what? The first thing that comes to my mind is a warranty. What’s the chance that someone is actually going to need that? Another example is paying for things to be “professionally” gift wrapped. Chile, throw that stuff in a gift bag with some tissue paper and go on about your day. All good.
9. Rethink Gift Cards
GiphyIf there is any time of the year when there is a noticeable hike in gift card purchases, now would be it. And although they are a convenient approach to gift giving, at the same time, many come with hidden fees, the full amount oftentimes goes unused (which ends up being a waste of money) and they do come with expiration dates that are oftentimes forgotten.
So, if you’re someone who likes to wait until the last minute to do your holiday shopping, resist the urge to impulsively pick up a handful of gift cards. Unless it’s to a place that you know someone is going to use within the next few months, they could end up in somebody’s kitchen drawer for the next couple of years. And what a waste that would be.
10. They’ll Get It When They Do. And That’s Okay.
=
GiphyOne more. Although it is super thoughtful and proactive to get people their gifts in time for whatever occasion you purchased them for, if trying to reach that goal is going to require paying for rush shipping that is damn near as high as the price of gift or spending a lot of gas money that you don’t have at the moment to drive miles and miles away — take the pressure off to spend a ton of cash just to make sure that something arrives at December 25. Listen, through doing business with Etsy, I have learned that through this administration, there are all sorts of tariff issues going on and the USPS is slower than ever too, so paying more may not guarantee much.
The hack? Send a message that something special is coming…soon enough. The thought really is what counts (more times than not); plus, it builds anticipation of something good coming, even if it’s after all of the Christmas Day hoopla. And no one (with sense) is going to have a problem with that.
Now don’t you feel better? Happy Holiday Shopping, sis.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock