If there’s ever a time when I think it’s worth it to sit in a braider’s chair for 5-7 hours, it’s right around May. Although it’s not necessarily “on purpose,” it seems that the only time when I get some bra-length, medium-sized, box braids is when the weather is warm. For me, I think it’s because, since I don’t have a relaxer in my hair, I don’t really want to think about or deal with the crazy-ass humidity that Nashville brings during that time of the year — and, for the most part, braids make that a non-issue.
Maybe you feel the same way I do about getting braids in the spring and/or summertime — or perhaps March through September being your favorite months for this particular style is due to something else. Either way, if you’re gearing up for a braid appointment, I thought it would be cool to share 12 things that can help you get the most out of the time that you spend, along with the money that you invest to get those bad boys put in.
This way, not only will your braids look absolutely bomb until it’s time to take them out, but your own hair can remain healthy throughout the process too.
1. Choose Your Hair Brand Wisely
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With articles out here like The Guardian’s “Over 3,000 beauty products targeting Black women contain health hazards, study shows,” Harvard’s “Uncovering the dangers of hair products marketed to Black women, girls” and, as it specifically relates to today’s topic, Essence’s “A New Study Finds Carcinogens In 10 Synthetic Braiding Hair Brands” — now, more than ever, it’s important to be hypervigilant about doing research on and reading the labels of the beauty products that you buy.
When it comes to braiding hair, specifically, a braiding hair brand that’s made from repurposed banana stems is Rebundle; it’s not the cheapest on the planet yet it is pretty quality stuff. Thankfully, Essence has a list of some other options here while Byrdie also features some here that you can look into too.
2. Go with Smaller Instead of Larger
When it comes to the shelf life of braids, once you hit somewhere around the six-week mark, it’s usually time to put on a movie and get comfortable for a couple of hours, so that you can take them down. However, if you want to try to squeeze even more time out of them, first, make sure that you tie your hair up (or put it into a bonnet) every night with a silk or satin scarf (in order to reduce frizz and tangling more than anything else). Also, consider going with smaller braids. Sure, it’ll take more time to install and it will probably cost a few more bucks as well — but if you can get 2-3 more weeks from the style, it’s actually worth it.
3. Try Dry Shampoo on Your Braids
Whenever I have braids in my hair, the thing that I hate the most is wash day. Why? Because that’s when the opportunity significantly increases for my braids to get looser and for frizz to transpire. Typically, my workaround is to cleanse my scalp with a good ole’ bottle of Sea Breeze and then rinse my hair while in the shower every couple of weeks (so that I’m not spending a lot of time rubbing on the braids themselves). However, something else that you might want to try is a dry shampoo (you know, a cleansing product that absorbs dirt, oil, and sweat without any water being involved).
One brand that gets a lot of praise in the braided hair department is Batiste Sweat Activated Dry Shampoo. Another is Amika’s Perk Up Talc-Free Dry Shampoo. At the very least, it can buy you some time until you have the time to cleanse your braids oh so very carefully with “regular” shampoo.
4. Apply a Lavender/Jojoba Oil Blend to Your Scalp
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If one of the things that you absolutely don’t look forward to when it comes to having braids is the fact that your scalp flakes up, something that you can do to reduce the chances of that happening is to keep your scalp well-moisturized. One way to do that is to apply a mixture of lavender oil and jojoba oil. Lavender is good for your scalp because it contains antimicrobial properties that help to keep fungi and bacteria from irritating your scalp (which means that it can help to prevent dandruff flakes).
Jojoba oil benefits your scalp because it is able to deeply moisturize your scalp while helping to prevent itchiness. Plus, the combo can help to keep your braids smelling really good too.
5. Use Sunscreen on Your Scalp Too
SUN. FREAKIN’. SCREEN. When you get a chance, check out “Your Scalp Ages Six Times Faster Than Your Face. Why It Matters.” so that you can get a good understanding of why it’s important to slow down the aging of your scalp. For now, I’ll just say that skin that isn’t protected by sunscreen is skin that is definitely going to age faster than you would like it to. Not only that but since braids cause you to have so much of your scalp exposed (due to all of the parts that are on your head), you definitely need to make sure that the UV rays don’t work overtime to irritate or damage it. Travel + Leisure has a few sunscreens for the scalp that are worth giving a shot. You can check them out here.
6. Use a Leave-In Conditioner on Your Braids
Something that you definitely need to keep in mind if you’ve got longer hair tucked inside of your braids is you should wash your braids with a sulfate-free shampoo and you should apply a leave-in conditioner while your braids are air-drying. That way, your own hair can have some additional moisture added in which will also reduce frizz and fly-aways. Oh, and speaking of leave-in conditioner, don’t be afraid to refresh your hair with some of it one day a week.
It’s another way to smooth the cuticles of the braids and help to keep them flexible and shiny. For this tip, my two cents? Use a leave-in that comes in a spray rather than a bottle. It tends to be thinner in texture, so you don’t have to worry so much about residue and build-up.
7. Keep Gels to a Minimum
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Honestly, I’ll be glad when the super long lashes and the baby hairs that look more like bangs decide to take an indefinite hiatus (#lesigh). In the meantime, at least this article gives me a solid reason for discouraging huge baby hairs: gels can cause product build-up and, at the very least, that can make keeping your braids as fresh as possible hella challenging. So, if you do like to lay your edges down, try and take the minimal approach — both with the amount of hair that you use and how much gel that you apply to them.
Oh, and look for a flake-free edge control brand. One that I personally like is She Is Bomb (here). It’s super affordable, lasts a long time, holds really well, and nope, no flakes for me.
8. Dip Your Ends to Keep Them Smooth and Frizz-Free
Whether you want to reduce frizz or you want to add some waves or curls to your braids, you can do this by dipping your hair in hot water. I will say that if you don’t want to run the risk of burning yourself, you might want to enlist the assistance of a friend to help you out. However, if your braids are really long, you should be able to dip them on your own without any issues.
Whenever I want to add some waves to my box braids, I will section them, braid them, dip them, let them cool a bit, and then take the braids down. The waves last for weeks. Perfect! As a bonus, dipping your ends can actually keep them smooth and fresh-looking. For tips on how to DIY dip, check out this video tutorial here.
9. Steam Your Braids Every Couple of Weeks
Something that I’m surprised doesn’t come up more often is how beneficial it is to steam braids. Not only is it a great way to give your scalp some relief if your braids are too tight when you first leave the shop, but it can also help to keep your scalp hydrated with as little hair manipulation as possible. Plus, steaming your braids can help to keep your braids looking shiny and new for a longer period of time. InStyle has a list of steamers that benefit natural hair most here. Best Products Reviews also has its own list here.
10. Refresh the Front of Your Hairstyle
I remember a few years ago, I watched a YouTube video of a woman who said that her (originally) knotless braids lasted for almost four months because she would “simply” (SMDH) tie her braids into a knot once there was enough new growth to make that happen. Lawd, please don’t follow her lead. Not only does that lead to unnecessary tension (and weight) on your hair follicles, but it can make it complete and utter hell to take the braids (and knots) down without pulling out quite a bit of your hair in the process.
Instead, if you want a couple of more weeks with your braids, make an appointment with your braider to get the first couple of rows around the front of your head redone. You’d be amazed how this one step can do wonders for a braided hairstyle — not to mention that it’s better for your hair and (usually) a hella cheap approach to making your style last longer.
11. Try Not to Over-Style Your Braids
There is nothing like having some long, knotless, medium-sized box braids that were done right and well. Honey, it’ll have you out here acting like you should try every hairstyle you can find! Thing is, the more that you manipulate your hair, the quicker that your braids will come loose, the more frizz and fly-aways that will pop up, and the sooner that your new style will age. Am I saying not to play around with some looks that you like? Damn well you should. Just try to avoid doing a different style multiple days of the week.
Wearing them down, tying them up in a scarf, or putting them in a top bun (although you should move that bun around in order to not put tension in the same spot all of the time) will make enough of a statement because braids are beautiful…all on their own.
12. Take a Break from Your Braids
Final one. Braids are so damn pretty and convenient that I’m sure a lot of us would pull a “Moesha” (if you’re a real one, you caught what I mean by that) and have braids in constantly. Thing is, that’s not healthy for your natural hair because the tension and weight of your braids can lead to hair damage and even hair loss if you’re not careful. So, if you plan on going all spring and summer with some sort of braided style, try to at least take out a couple of weeks in between braid appointments to deep condition your own hair, pamper your scalp, and give both of them a break.
That way, you can be confident that your hair is ready for your next batch of braids — whether that’s for a summer vacation or some other time that you have in mind. Enjoy!
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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We spoke to NYC-based experience curator and owner of POP! by Yaz, Yasmin “Yaz” Quiles, to help guide first-timers. According to Yasmin, an experience curator is “someone who not only focuses on an actual event but the entire experience, and that can mean anything from the first point of contact, things from an invitation, a website, all the way to the end and after effects.”
If you are hosting the holidays in your home, it is important to touch on all of these points so that your guests can have an experience to remember. Here are the steps to successfully host family and friends for the holidays.
1.Plan and Organize:
Before people start showing up to your house, you must plan out what you need and for how many people. It's also a great time to be creative. “The first part is the dream part because it’s the fun part. What do I envision my event to look like? What do I want my people to feel when they come to my space? Ask all of the questions for the first point of contact,” says Yasmin. “What kind of invitation [am I using?] Who am I inviting? What kind of music are we listening to? The food. So, you start thinking about what the vision is, and then after the dreaming, you organize your thoughts.”
That includes putting together a budget. “See what you have access to, what you need help with, and what you may need to outsource,” she advises. Meaning, this is the time to decide if you and your family will be cooking or if everyone will chip in to get dinner catered.
2.Repurpose Your Items:
Photo courtesy of Yasmin Quiles
As you continue to plan and organize, it's important to take stock of what you already have at home. This can also help you stay within budget. If you have a limited budget then start thinking about how to utilize what you already have in a innovative way.
“I also like to start with inventory. What [are] items in your house that you can use? That way you can determine what it is that you have to get,” she suggests. “I feel like a lot of people always put together a list and it's always 'buy, buy, buy, buy,' versus ‘oh, wait a minute, I actually do have some things that I can utilize and I can just use it in a different way.’”
For example, “Utilizing a console as a small bar area or creating fake fireplaces. I think there are ways to use items in your space so that you don’t have to continue to fill it up with new things.”
3.Make Your Guests Feel Like They Are at Home:
Ever heard the saying, "mi casa es su casa?" You want your space to make guests feel like a home away from home and having a cozy place to sleep plays a major part in that. Be realistic about how many people you can fit comfortably in your home. “Figure out how much space you have in your house and how many people you can truly accommodate,” she says. “What that means is even if you have a two-bedroom apartment, what are some creative ways you can create some space for them? Is it an air mattress or is it getting a hotel that is close to you; Airbnb's?”
You also want to provide your guests with the necessary accouterments and the gift of convenience. If you have certain rituals in your home, you want to make sure your guests can also participate in them. “What I love to do with my guests, I always love to make them feel like they're at home even when they are not, so I like to replicate the things I love in a hotel room. In our house we take off our shoes so we always have disposable slippers here that people can slide on or brand new socks in a basket,” she explains. “That way they can feel immediately comfortable the moment they pass the threshold in your house."
"And in the bathroom or if there’s a powder room, I like to put together a little welcome basket and it can be something as simple as here’s your towel, here’s your washcloth, all the little toiletries you may need," she adds. "I give them their own little stash, that way they don’t feel like they’re burdening me by asking, 'oh, do you have q-tips' or whatever it is. It’s all already set up there for them and it makes them feel so welcome and thought of.”
4.Food and Entertainment:
Photo courtesy of Yasmin Quiles
Along with welcome baskets, the Afro-Latina entrepreneur also enjoys putting lists together with a few of her recommendations. Think, welcome lists you receive at hotels and Airbnb. “I’ll put together a short list of my favorite restaurants, my favorite channels or shows to watch that way they can be entertained while I’m doing other things,” she says.
The holidays involve a lot of cooking and so going out to eat may not be an option. But neither is eating mac and cheese, collard greens, and ham all day, every day. So, it's best to provide options for your guests. “When people go to other people’s homes, they really want the house experience so eating out is great, it’s fine, but I think it really makes people happy when immediately there at home at your house," explains Yasmin.
"What I like to do is immediately have an assortment of snacks available and that means everything from the folks that are on a diet to folks who want to indulge and have a little bit of everything. That way we have a good selection. And [I like to have] things that can be left out for a couple of days as well so I’m thinking pre-packaged items that way [they can] 'grab and go.'”
5.Activities:
When having guests stay over for a few days, you should want to do more than just stay in and look at each other the whole time. Similarly to the way Yasmin advises providing a list of recommendations for eating out and indoor entertainment for guests, she suggests providing guests with a list of favorite stores or favorite markets with recommendations of what to buy.
This can also be a great time to show your guests where you live by going on walks or a scenic drive. "A lot of times these holiday celebrations happen when we are in the midst of planning and doing things and doing all the last-minute errands. Another thing I like to do is photo albums, people love photo albums.”
Yasmin recommends having a physical photo album that you and your guests can look through or a digital frame such as Aura Frames that holds photos online that you can continue to add to.
6.Music:
What’s left is providing the ambiance. One of the many ways that people do this is by having a playlist. Creating a playlist is fun but can also be time-consuming. Not only do you have to add your auntie's favorite Christmas song to the playlist but you may also want to take a trip down memory lane with your siblings and jam to a throwback from your childhood. Yasmin reveals a solution, which she refers to as an “elevated” experience.
“You can hire a DJ. They can do a set on Twitch,” Yasmin says. “There’s a chatroom function so you can put it on your TV, so all the guests who are there can listen to the music live but if there are guests who can’t make it for whatever reason, they can tune in and participate via the chat.”
The experience curator also suggests having a quiet space for those who are more introverted or need a break from the loud music and crowd.
7.The Breakdown:
Whether you and your family decide to cook together or hire a caterer, cleaning up after a big event is always a buzz kill. Yasmin recommends outsourcing help as a way to enjoy yourself and not worry about the aftermath. “Clean up can be a big hassle. It is okay to get a cleaning team. It is okay to hire a bartender. It is okay to hire anybody who can make your job easier,” she assures.
“The point of these events really is to connect and I feel we get so caught up in the doing that we forget that and the party ends and we’re like, ‘Dang, I didn’t get to have a conversation with my best girlfriend who I haven’t seen in six months.’ Give yourself permission to outsource so that you can have a good time.”
For more information about Yasmin, you can visit her website at yazquiles.com and follow her on Instagram @popbyyaz.
Feature image courtesy of Yasmin Quiles
Originally published on December 13, 2022