How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
What happens when you put 22 gorgeous single men and women on a beautiful island with no phones and lots of smoking hot sex appeal? For fitness influencer Clinton Moxam and Wilhelmina model Uche Nwosu, it resulted in a nearly three-year relationship and a fur baby named Rue. The post-MTV's Are You the One?season six power couple still flourished in their love and addiction for one another despite their confirmed "no match" midway through the season. Now, we can all watch their YouTube videos together in jubilee and root for them as they post cute #RelationshipGoals photos that bless our Explore pages.
Though Uche is originally from East Grand Rapids, Michigan and Clinton is originally from Palm Bay, Florida, the two lovebirds have made Hollywood their home. Unfortunately, this wasn't always the case and the two had to adjust to living apart for nearly half a year. "We had to do long-distance for about five months last year and we definitely had to work on our communication––but we made it through and came out on the other side stronger," said the certified personal fitness trainer. With growth comes growing pains, but even with their fights and disagreements, Clinton and Uche still managed to come out swinging. Three years to the date they met, Clinton popped the question and made his three-year girlfriend his fiancee and life partner.
"We have different communication styles which was something that we have had to work on throughout our relationship," says the lifestyle influencer. "Also - what to watch on TV. Clinton always caves though, we're finishing up Real Housewives of New Jersey: Season 10." Clinton chimes in that their disagreements are typically caused by miscommunication regarding things that are happening in their individual lives and not communicating it to one another effectively. "This can lead to one of us being offended about how the other is seeming to act, not realizing that the issue isn't even really between the two of us," adds Clinton.
In this installment of How We Met, we caught up with the reality television alumni and newly engaged couple about meeting on MTV, the importance of effective communication to avoid arguments, and their appreciation for each other's sense of humor.
*This interview was conducted prior to Clinton's proposal or knowledge of the proposal.
How They Met:
Uche: I got a scouting call right after New Years' 2017 for an MTV show. I had just moved from Chicago to Los Angeles at the time where I was interning for a stylist and I didn't think much of it. I went through the first round of interviews and before I knew it, it was the middle of May and I was being flown into Los Angeles for final casting. Long story short, I ended up going on a reality show in New Orleans purely for the experience. We were both going through different situations at the time and neither of us were looking for love on the show whatsoever. I always laughed when the whole premise of the show was centered around "winning love and money" when that's exactly what ended up happening for me.
Clinton: I moved to NY right after graduating college in August 2016. From there, I was doing a bit of modeling and trying to grow my social media platforms. I was contacted by MTV about a show they were casting called Are You the One?. I went through the whole casting process and was picked to be on the show. I met Uche on a big green stage with 20 other people as we started filming for the show.
Instant Attraction:
Uche: The day we met was also the day we met the rest of the cast (22 of us). That day is still a huge blur to me! The cameras, the mics, the house, everything was so new. I remember I didn't even end up talking to Clinton until the very end of the night. We ended up sitting by the pool and talking for a few hours. Like I said, my intention coming on this show was just to have an experience and possibly win money––I had gone through a lot of not great situations prior, and at the moment I wasn't looking to get into a relationship. I remember on day four (mind you, these TV days are unlike real days! Whereas when you meet someone in the "real world" you spend maybe a few hours a day with them––we were spending 24 hours, all day, every day with each other––with no phones or contact with the outside world. Every three days marks a "TV week"), talking to my friend Nicole and telling her that I really think I was starting to like Clinton, but I wasn't sure what to do about it. I was definitely being cautious, I didn't know what was going to come from it and didn't want to start getting attached! All I know is we just gravitate towards each other, always.
Clinton: Similar to Uche, I was in a prior situation before going on to the show. It was a situation where myself and the person involved were not 100% sure what direction we were going. When the show started, I wasn't actually interested in getting to know anyone. I was hoping it would possibly create other opportunities for me and I would win the money in the end. The entire first day was hectic. I didn't have a conversation with Uche until later that night as we were both trying to have different conversations with different people, not exactly thinking that any of the conversations would lead anywhere, but that's just what we were there to do. From my initial conversation with her, I knew she would be the only person I could even hold a conversation with. She was so effortlessly funny and charismatic, but I don't think either of us thought much of it. It wasn't until day three or four that I was just watching her as she walked through the house and I got this feeling inside of me like a little light bulb turned on and I said to myself, '"Hold up! you really like her." From that moment on, she hasn't gotten rid of me!
Courtesy of Uche & Clinton
"From my initial conversation with her, I knew she would be the only person I could even hold a conversation with. She was so effortlessly funny and charismatic, but I don't think either of us thought much of it. It wasn't until day three or four that I was just watching her as she walked through the house and I got this feeling inside of me like a little light bulb turned on and I said to myself, 'Hold up! you really like her.' From that moment on, she hasn't gotten rid of me!"
First Date:
Clinton: Our technical first date was on the show. The whole house wanted us to win a date so we could go into the "truth booth" to see if we were a match (spoiler alert: we were not). We finally won a date on week five. We went on a ferry in New Orleans, had a caricature artist draw us, and it was really fun. Later that night, we had to go into the truth booth and find out we weren't a match so the day… didn't end quite well. Our first date outside of 'the house' was mini-golfing and a movie! It's like we were waiting to see if the spark we had on the show would still be there in the outside world and it without a doubt was.
Making It Official:
Uche: Well, before the show I was kind of in flux as to where I wanted to be and what exactly I wanted to do. It just so happened that earlier that year, my mom took a job at a hospital in Florida where she would work two weeks out of the month in Urgent Care. The show stopped filming at the end of July and I decided to go see my mom before making my next steps. It just so happened that out of all the places in Florida she could have relocated to, it was exactly 49 minutes away from where Clinton's mom lived.
Clinton: Before the show started, I decided it was time for me to move back home to Florida, so I packed my car and planned to drive down to Florida after the show finished. It just so happened that we ended up being there at the same time which allowed us to spend a lot of time together. I would go to her mom's place Thursday through Sunday every week and we would just hang out and spend time together. We went on dates and we went out, but the majority of our time was just spent getting to know one another and laughing. We did this for about 5-6 months and in November of 2017 while filming the "Reunion" episode of the show that we were on, I officially asked Uche to be my girlfriend.
Uche: I honestly wasn't trying to get humiliated on national TV so I was leaving it all up to him to take the next step. I don't know, it was like I was looking for some big red flag. Everything just seemed too good to be true––I've never met anyone like him.
Clinton: Uche never pushed me to make it official. Even though we were very exclusive and open with one another, we were taking our time trying to really get an understanding of one another. We learned so much about each other and developed such a strong foundation of love in this time that the night I asked her to be my girlfriend. I also told her I loved her because I knew what we had was going to last.
Courtesy of Uche & Clinton
"Uche never pushed me to make it official. Even though we were very exclusive and open with one another, we were taking our time trying to really get an understanding of one another. We learned so much about each other and developed such a strong foundation of love in this time that the night I asked her to be my girlfriend. I also told her I loved her because I knew what we had was going to last."
The Sweetest Thing:
Uche: His sense of humor and his heart! No one loves me better or makes me laugh harder. We will literally spend the whole day making each other laugh. I don't know if anyone else thinks we're funny? But, I don't know… Saturday Night Live should probably give us a call.
Clinton: Definitely her sense of humor and her smile. From the moment we met, we've naturally bounced off of one another and our relationship is filled with jokes and laughter. I say her smile because I think it's the cutest thing in the world. I love seeing her smile because it's the physical representation of how she is actually feeling. Seeing my woman happy makes me happy, and that's why I love that smile.
The One:
Uche: It definitely happened over time. When he first told me, the night of the show reunion––I was surprised he said it, but I felt the exact same. I had thought I had been in love before, but I realize now that's not what that was. I kept saying I felt "different", that I had a "different feeling". I still don't even know how to describe it but he really is my other half. It just feels right and I feel the most me when I'm with him. I HATE to be cheesy, I'm so sorry, but honestly––every single day I am reminded that it really is love.
Clinton: I knew it was love because of how Uche and I were with one another. I had experienced love, commitment, and the challenges that come along with it. I saw it in both of us that we had the capacity and the willingness to be selfless, understanding, genuine and truthful with one another because Uche showed me all of those characteristics from the time we met. Love is a feeling but it also takes a lot of work and we were both ready for that.
Courtesy of Uche & Clinton
"I had experienced love, commitment, and the challenges that come along with it. I saw it in both of us that we had the capacity and the willingness to be selfless, understanding, genuine and truthful with one another because Uche showed me all of those characteristics from the time we met. Love is a feeling but it also takes a lot of work and we were both ready for that."
Baggage Claim
Uche: I had to learn that every argument doesn't mean it's the end all be all. It sounds so silly now, but I was so used to being in tumultuous relationships where I always had to have my guard up and be ready for the next curveball. This relationship has matured me so much and I am so happy we met in the time we did, Lord knows I had to go through the things that I did to fully appreciate and recognize a blessing when it's presented to me. We've also had to work on our communication. I've always thought that being outgoing meant that I was a good communicator––so wrong. I've had to be honest with myself and realize that I actually kind of suck at communicating when it comes to talking about the not fun and uncomfortable elements of life. We've really grown!
Clinton: We had to learn how to talk to one another about our past and the things we struggle with as individuals. We navigated those conversations by proving to one another over time that we can be trusted with knowing the hard things that neither of us wants to tell people we cannot 100% trust. As time passed and we continued to prove ourselves to one another, we opened up more and became even closer. I also had to unlearn the kind of "tit for tat" mindset. We're one, we're in this relationship together and we both bring different things to the table that are valuable in different ways.
Talk To Me Nice
Uche: I would say that my love languages on the giving end are: gift-giving and words of affirmation. On the receiving end, it would be acts of service and gift-giving, but by gift I mean ANYTHING. If someone ever gives me anything that lets me know they're thinking of me, honestly anything, it means a lot to me I don't know why. Oh, especially cards! I keep all of my cards. If you've ever written me a card, literally ever, I guarantee you I still have it!
Clinton: My love language is words of affirmation. I'm pretty simple––I don't need much but I do need my woman to tell me that she's proud of me and that she sees me. I'll do anything for her and I just want to know that she appreciates me.
Courtesy of Uche & Clinton
"I had to learn that every argument doesn't mean it's the end all be all. It sounds so silly now, but I was so used to being in tumultuous relationships where I always had to have my guard up and be ready for the next curveball. This relationship has matured me so much and I am so happy we met in the time we did, Lord knows I had to go through the things that I did to fully appreciate and recognize a blessing when it's presented to me."
Loving Yourself:
Uche: I've been through my fair share of frogs. I'm not saying I'm perfect, I've definitely had to grow up a lot and learn from past relationships. But never have I ever been fully appreciated and encouraged to be who I am, SO authentically. I've always been a confident person but going on such a widely publicized show opens you up to so much scrutiny. There was so much positivity and love coming my way but you are always going to have your online trolls and negative people that want to bring you down.
It's so easy to focus on the negative and I did fall into that trap many times, especially right after the show when things were still fresh. Clinton has never left my side and has always lifted me up, had my back, and encourages me ALWAYS to be exactly the person I am. Never too much!
Loving Your Partner:
Clinton: I've learned that love requires a lot of patience. We met at 21 and 23 years old, I don't think people understand how much there is to figure out individually and together at this point in life. I definitely didn't realize that, now that we've known each other for three years and we've gone through different things together, I'm seeing how important patience is.
I'm becoming my own person, she's becoming her own person and we are also coming together as one. Growing up, we are conditioned to think that you are supposed to find this perfect person and then they complete you, which isn't true at all. What really happens is you find an amazing person and you guys love and commit to one another and then there's a lot of work to be done. It's all worth it because the love and relationship you build is unbreakable!
For more Uche & Clinton, follow them on Instagram!
Featured image courtesy of Uche and Clinton.
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There is quite a bit of science to back this up too. For instance, physical touch can lower stress and boost immunity. Physical touch makes us calmer and more compassionate. Physical touch reduces pain and anxiety. Physical touch helps to cultivate emotional intimacy with other people. Physical touch creates comfort and pleasure. Bottom line, physical touch does so much for us which is why we should learn as much about it as we possibly can.
That’s not to say that all of us desire to be touched in the same fashion, though. For example, did you know that there is quite a bit of research to support the fact that men and women (overall) long to be touched in different ways?
In the effort that we all become more “fluently effective” when it comes to how we “speak” the language of physical touch to those around us (especially when it comes to our partner), let’s explore how a man wants to be touched vs. how a woman prefers to be.
Men and Women Are Different. Even When It Comes to Touch. Why, Though?
GiphyBefore I get into some things that I discovered about men and women when it comes to where they prefer to be touched and how those places differ from one another, first let’s — pardon the pun — touch on why there is even a difference in the first place. Apparently, because women’s fingers are naturally softer, they are better when it comes to touch discrimination. What is that? Touch discrimination is basically having the ability to tell the difference between different types of touch sensations. And this is probably a big part of the reason why research also says that when compassion, anger, or happiness is conveyed through touch, men and women tend to respond/react a bit differently as well.
Case in point: One study stated that when two men try to convey compassion through touch, it doesn’t really resonate well, although men can detect anger, even through the slightest touch, extraordinarily well. And happiness? Well, when two women are sharing that feeling through touch, it is clearly conveyed — meanwhile, between a man and a woman or two men? Yeah, not so much.
The thought process for these three emotions is, when it comes to compassion because women have been the prominent caregivers throughout history, they have “mastered” the ability to express it. Anger? Remember, men are good at detecting it — studies say that it’s because they tend to feel and express anger more often; I’d venture to say that being protectors and providers requires being aware of that emotion far more often as well. Happiness? Reportedly, women tend to be happier more often than men are and they also convey their emotions, openly, more than men do too.
How Men Feel About Physical Touch (Overall)
GiphyOkay, so when it comes to unique things about men and women as it relates to touch, let’s start with the fellas, out the gate. I wanna do that because, when I was doing my research on all of this, I immediately came across something that proved what I just said in the intro. What part in particular? Did you know that, even when it comes to truly platonic friendships, men still wish that their female friends would engage in physical touch more than women do (via their male friends)?
That’s because, even when it comes to intimacy among friends, physical touch displays trust and a feeling of closeness — and research says that men find that to be valuable. And so yes, this does amplify the point that physical touch and the need for it go well beyond sexual intimacy.
Still, I’m sure that it comes as absolutely no surprise that if you were to ask a group of men and women who prefer the love language of physical touch more, it’s going to be men (especially if they are over the age of 45). And while there are many theories for why this is the case, mine is that, since men are traditionally known and expected to be providers and protectors and that is hard work, I think they feel safe, reassured, seen, validated and deeply cared for through physical touch. It’s a way for them to get “off of the clock” from using touch to take care of others to being touched in a nurturing way.
Some other interesting things about men and touch is, although women seem to be more at ease with being touched overall, guys are more comfortable with being touched by strangers, especially in a flirty way (in part, because they process it as a potential for “opportunity” — read between the lines there), they prefer women touching them over being touched by men and they are known to initiate touch more if who they are touching is a woman.
And what about touch as it relates to sexual intimacy? Well, according to science, while both men and women enjoy their genital region, lips, ears, shoulders, and inner thighs to be caressed, men also respond to the back of their legs to be touched while women barely even acknowledge that part of their body (in this way). Men also consider their hands to be an erogenous zone far more than women do. It should also be noted that men are more aroused by touching their partner than being touched by them.
How Women Feel About Physical Touch (Overall)
GiphySo, what about women and touch? Well, something that is associated with women quite a bit is affective touch. If you’re not familiar with what that is, affective touch is all about having the ability to touch in a way that cultivates feeling and emotion. Not only do women tend to be better at doing it, but they also find it to be a more pleasurable experience than men do. Research says that this is because of the fact that, overall, women have had more positive experiences, as it related to touch than men.
Something else that is interesting about affective touch is women who express themselves through touch are typically considered to be more affectionate and trusting as opposed to men who touch a lot. And so, since women like to give affective touch, they are also highly responsive to it — and that could explain why women like to touch and be touched (like reaching out to touch someone’s hand) when someone is sharing their thoughts and feelings with them.
Another thing to note about women and touch is because their pain perception is a lot more sensitive than men’s, even slight adjustments in touch (pressure, temperature shifts in body parts, etc.) will affect them in a way that won’t affect men. When it comes to sexual intimacy, specifically, this could explain why even a slight shift in touch can bring a woman into or take a woman out of the mood far easier and quicker than it would a guy’s.
Something else that should go on record here is how women respond to touch based on their menstrual cycle. For instance, when a woman is ovulating, she tends to be more sensitive to touch; plus, she also finds kissing to be more of a priority. Meanwhile, the drastic shifts in hormones during menopause and postmenopause can make women less sensitive to touch.
As far as sex and sexual stimulation go, women reportedly like to be touched more than to touch. Also, when a man looks into a woman’s eyes while touching her, that increases her arousal levels significantly (men prefer women to gaze at their genitalia; not sure if anyone is shocked there — LOL). Places where they prefer to be touched include their breasts, neck, and butt; some even say that they can orgasm just from being stimulated in those spots (along with their lips and ears). As far as the type of touch that is most effective for women during copulation, oral reigns.
And what about how men feel about oral sex? Well, I once read an article that said that 27 percent of the male participants in their study would rather get some fellatio tonight than receive a raise, so…you do the math. LOL (while we’re on the topic of oral sex, a little over 50 percent of men and women find it to be more intimate than intercourse and consider refusal to engage to be a relationship deal-breaker. Agreed).
GiphyOkay, so with all of this intel on how men and women differ in the touch department, what does all of this even mean? To me, it’s a blaring reminder that even something as simple as touching has billions of layers to it — that even though touch is something that we all need, the art of it is something that must be studied and mastered; especially when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex and even more so when that person is our partner.
And yet, we shouldn’t take this information lightly because, when you (again) factor in all of the ways that touch is holistically beneficial…just imagine how much better intimacy would be, on all levels, if we respected how people prefer to be touched more often.
A poet by the name of John Keats once said, “Touch has a memory.” Think about that the next time you reach out to touch someone — and they reach out to touch you. Then ask yourself: what memories do you want them to have? What memories do you want to keep?
How can all of this data help to make that happen?
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Featured image by Giphy