Sometimes speaking up for ourselves and what we deserve at work is easier said than done. While previous studies say women don't negotiate as often as men, recent studies counter and suggest that women do in fact negotiate, they just don't get their full ask as often as men. The beautiful thing about life is that there is power in asking for what you want, especially in the workplace.
We talked to a few boss women in career coaching on the art of negotiation and helpful tips to get what you want.
Jacqueline Twillie, Founder of Zero Gap
Big Yourself Up and Prime The Pump
If you know you've been killing it and other people are acknowledging your value-add, let your boss know this too! "When you're receiving compliments at work, [it's important] to really accept them so don't shy away and say, 'No big deal.' Really say, 'Thanks for recognizing that. I pride myself on doing this well.' [That way] you are emphasizing the value that you add. So, you've been priming the pump with those two things."
Speak From A Standpoint of Team
Understanding your company culture and language is crucial in stating your case that you understand the vision, direction and business goals for the company, and how you meet or exceed them. Jacqueline recommends using the DISC Profile Assessment which gives insight into how people communicate.
"When you ask for something, whether it's that time off from work or a promotion and some type of adjustment, what you should do in the next instance is use language like 'we' and 'us,' it needs to be communal."
We know that double standards are real, and common language can be particularly helpful for women. "Stanford researchers showed us a few years back that western culture American culture specifically expects women to be communal, and because we have to be communal that is like a two-edged sword," says Jacqueline. "If we come off like 'I-I-I' it will backfire even if we negotiate with a woman."
When it comes to negotiation, Jacqueline lives by the motto L.A.T.T.E – a checklist of five points you should use before you go into a negotiation which she shares in her book, Don't Leave Money On The Table: Negotiation Strategies for Women Leaders in Male-Dominated Industries. It stands for:
Look at the details.
Think about the walkaway point.
Talk it through.
Evaluate the options.
Yvette Gavin, Founder of Yvette Gavin Consulting
Build With Your Boss
One-on-one meetings with your boss are optimal times to showcase your work and skill set. "You should be having regular one-on-one conversations, meeting with the person they report directly to. Don't wait for your manager to schedule a one-on-one with you. You schedule it with him or her," says Yvette.
Frequent one-on-one meetings with your boss allows them to understand your work value and can place you in a better position to negotiate comfortably. "When you want to talk to your leader, it shouldn't be like, 'OK, now I need to have a conversation about making more money.' You should have already established some type of rapport so that by the time you get to the place where you now want to really negotiate, you have something more to leverage."
Tone and Body Language Is Key
How we carry ourselves is also a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. While it's natural to be nervous in a negotiation meeting, it's important to exude confidence. Show that you deserve a seat at the table through verbal and non-verbal behaviors like sitting up straight, speaking loudly and clearly and eye contact. "If someone comes into my office and they are acting meek, not looking me in my eye and don't sound like they are convinced that they deserve to earn a pay increase, I'm not going to buy it either."
Time Your Negotiation Request Properly
If your company is in crisis mode about budget cuts or operation issues, then it may not be a good time to bring up a promotion request. Instead, set yourself up for a promotion by showing you're a team player and are flexible to changes.
"If you have knowledge that the company is about to go through a transition weather [it is] a lay off or cut back, your leaders are more concerned at that point about putting out the fire," says Yvette. "You really just want to show yourself and adding greater value than your peers when that transition [happens] and how you do that [is] you volunteer to help in some way right help help your leader."
Latesha Byrd, Founder of Byrd Career Consulting
Play It Big With Negotiation Ask
"Every year, you need to ask for something. Ask if you are on track to receive a promotion or what your future looks like at that company. There are so many things you can negotiate for, like maybe you want a flexible work schedule. So, think about your current lifestyle and the position you are in."
While many may typically think of negotiations as financial, Latesha recommends exploring more ways your company can invest in your growth and success.
"Don't just focus on salary, [focus] on the other things and other benefits that you want," says Latesha. "One thing that I think we should all negotiate for [is a] professional development budget - that includes going to conferences [and] letting them pay for membership professional association."
Be Confident In Your Value
Despite the nerves you may be experiencing during a negotiation meeting, it's important to conceal it as best you can. "They (managers) can kind of sense that fear and hesitation and nervousness, they're not going to take you seriously. Speak from a place of, 'Hey, this is how I've added value.'"
Latesha also recommends to stay away from language like "I think." You know what you deserve, say it with your chest!
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Chief Mom Officer: 23 Quotes From Working Moms Finding Their Balance
The truth is, Black moms create magic every single day. Whether we're juggling motherhood with a busy 9-5, a thriving business, or staying at home to run a household, no day is short of amazing when you're managing life as a mommy. This Mother's Day, xoNecole is giving flowers to CMOs (Chief Mom Officers) in business who exemplify the strength it takes to balance work with motherhood.
We've commissioned these ladies, who are pillars in their respective industries, for tidbits of advice to get you through the best and worst days of mothering. Here, they share their "secret sauce" and advice for other moms trying to find their rhythm.
Emmelie De La Cruz, Chief Strategist at One Day CMO
"My mom friends and I all laugh and agree: Motherhood is the ghettoest thing you will ever do. It's beautiful and hard all at the same time, but one day you will wake up and feel like 'I got this' and you will get the hang of it. After 4 months, I finally felt like I found my footing to keep my kid and myself alive, but it took vulnerability to take off the cape and be honest about the areas that I didn't have it all together. The healing (physically and emotionally) truly does happen in community - whatever and whoever that looks like for you."
Alizè V. Garcia, Director Of Social & Community Impact at Nike
"I would tell a new mom or a prospective mother that they must give themselves grace, understand and remember there is no right way to do this thing and have fun! When I had my daughter three and a half years ago, I was petrified! I truly had no clue about what to do and how I was going to do it. But with time, my confidence grew and I realized quickly that I have all the tools I need to be the mother I want to be."
Nikki Osei-Barrett, Publicist + Co-Founder of The Momference
"There's no balance. I'm dropping sh*t everywhere! However, my secret sauce is pursuing interests and hobbies outside of what's required of me and finding time to workout. Stronger body equals = stronger mind."
Lauren Grove, Chief Experience Architect, The Grant Access, LLC
"I try to give myself grace. That’s my mantra for this phase of motherhood…grace. I won’t be able to get everything done. To have a spotless house. To not lose my cool after an exhausting day. Those things can’t happen all of the time. But I can take a deep breath and know tomorrow is another day and my blessings are more plentiful than my pitfalls."
Rachel Nicks, Founder & CEO of Birth Queen
"You have the answers within you. Don’t compare yourself to others. Curate your life to work for you. Ask for help."
Tanisha Colon-Bibb, Founder + CEO Rebelle Agency + Rebelle Management
"I know love doesn't pay bills but when I am overwhelmed with work or client demands I take a moment to play with my baby and be reminded of the love, energy, science, and Godliness that went into his birth. I am brightened by his smile and laugh. I remember I am someone's parent and not just a work horse. That at the end of the day everything will work out for the good of my sanity and the love within my life."
Christina Brown, Founder of LoveBrownSugar & BabyBrownSugar
"Learning your rhythm as a mom takes time and can be uncomfortable when you’re in a season of overwhelm. Constantly check in with yourself and assess what’s working and what’s not. Get the help you need without feeling guilty or ashamed of needing it."
Mecca Tartt, Executive Director of Startup Runway Foundation
"I want to be the best for myself, my husband, children and company. However, the reality is you can have it all but not at the same time. My secret sauce is outsourcing and realizing that it’s okay to have help in order for me to perform at the highest level."
Jen Hayes Lee, Head Of Marketing at The Bump (The Knot Worldwide)
"My secret sauce is being direct and honest with everyone around me about what I need to be successful in all of my various "jobs". Setting boundaries is one thing, but if you're the only one who knows they exist, your partners at home and on the job can't help you maintain them. I also talk to my kids like adults and let them know why mommy needs to go to this conference or get this massage...they need to build an appreciation for my needs too!"
Whitney Gayle-Benta, Chief Music Officer JKBX
"What helps me push through each day is the motivation to continue by thinking about my son. All my efforts, though exhausting, are to create a wonderful life for him."
Ezinne Okoro, Global Chief Inclusion, Equity, & Diversity Officer at Wunderman Thompson,
"The advice I received that I’ll pass on is, you will continue to figure it out and find your rhythm as your child grows into new stages. Trust your nurturing intuition, parent on your terms, and listen to your child."
Jovian Zayne, CEO of The OnPurpose Movement
"I live by the personal mantra: 'You can’t be your best self by yourself.' My life feels more balanced when I offer the help I can give and ask for the help I need. This might mean outsourcing housecleaning for my home, or hiring additional project management support for my business."
Simona Noce Wright, Co-Founder of District Motherhued and The Momference
"Each season of motherhood (depending on age, grade, workload) requires a different rhythm. With that said, be open to learning, to change, and understand that what worked for one season may not work the other...and that's okay."
Janaye Ingram, Director of Community Partner Programs and Engagement at Airbnb
"My daughter's smile and sweet spirit help me to feel gratitude when I'm overwhelmed. I want her to see a woman who doesn't quit when things get hard."
Codie Elaine Oliver, CEO & Founder of Black Love
"I try to listen to my body and simply take a break. With 3 kids and a business with 10+ team members, I often feel overwhelmed. I remind myself that I deserve grace for everything I'm juggling, I take a walk or have a snack or even head home to see my kids, and then I get back to whatever I need to get done."
Jewel Burks Solomon, Managing Partner at Collab Capital
"Get comfortable with the word ‘no’. Be very clear about your non-negotiables and communicate them to those around you."
Bridget Bogee, Marketing Lead At Meta
"Ask for help and always prioritize making time for you."
Julee Wilson, Executive Director at BeautyUnited and Beauty Editor-at-Large at Cosmopolitan
"Understand you can’t do it alone — and that’s ok. Relinquish the need to control everything. Create a village and lean on them."
Salwa Benyaich, Director Of Pricing and Planning at Premion
"Most days I really try to shut my computer off by 6 pm; there are always exceptions of course when it comes to big deals or larger projects but having this as a baseline allows me to be much more present with my kids. I love the fact that I can either help with homework or be the designated driver to at least one afterschool activity. Work can be draining but there is nothing more emotionally draining than when you feel as though you are missing out on moments with your kids."
Brooke Ellis, Head of Global Marketing & Product Launches at Amazon Music
My calendar, prayer, pilates class at Forma, a good playlist, and oatmilk lattes all help get me through any day.
Courtney Beauzile, Global Director of Client and Business Development at Shearman & Sterling
My husband is a partner who steps in when I just can’t. My mom and my MIL come through whenever and however I need. My kids have many uncles and aunts and they will lend an ear, go over homework, teach life lessons, be a presence or a prayer warrior depending on the day.
Robin Snipes, Chief of Staff at Meta
"Enjoy the time you have to yourself because once kids come those times will be few and far between."
Monique Bivens, CEO & Founder at Brazilian Babes LLC.
"For new moms, it is very important that you get back into a habit or routine of something you use to do before you were pregnant. Consider the actives and things that give you the most joy and make the time to do them."
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Tracee Ellis Ross On Why She Declined The Idea Of Someone Else Running Her Hair Company
Actress and entrepreneur Tracee Ellis Ross recently revealed the driving force behind her desire to become the owner of her haircare brand, Pattern.
According to its site, Pattern is a haircare company that provides a wide range of products, from shampoos, conditioners, oils, creams, and many more to individuals with curls, coils, and tight hair textures. Although Pattern would launch in 2019, the idea for the company first came to Ross a decade before --in 2008, when her hit show Girlfriends wrapped-- following a brief encounter at a beauty supply store and many wanting to recreate her past looks.
At the time, those individuals couldn't achieve the exact results because limited natural hair products were offered to the public. That instance became a pivotal moment in the star's life because she spent eleven years experimenting with professionals to create products that best suit those within the natural hair community.
In a May conference with Fortune's MPW Next Gen, Ross opened up about the struggles she faced early on as an entrepreneur trying to get Pattern off the ground and why she declined the offer to have the company be run by someone else.
Tracee On Past Struggles And Why She Chose To Run Her Company
During the discussion, the 50-year-old revealed that she is Pattern's "majority owner" because the company's overall mission to cater to those in the natural hair community was built from her "experiential knowledge."
"I'm a majority owner of my company. [Other celebrities with brands] aren't the founders of the company. Often, they join a company that exists," she said. "The mission [at Pattern] is born out of my experience. It's born out of my own experiential knowledge."
Further in the interview, Ross would add that she avoided partnering with an expert for Pattern because she felt she had gained enough knowledge experimenting with products in her bathroom.
"I didn't want to partner with an expert or a 'professional' because I felt—like so many—I had become my own best expert in my bathroom because the beauty industry was not catering to us," she stated.
Despite refusing to have a partner within her company, Ross found creative ways to build it. It includes paying a chemist with her own money to bring her visions of various products to life, and sending those samples to retail stores, ultimately leading to partnerships.
The final piece that helped Ross during her journey was receiving advice from business partners on ways to improve the brand, one of which came from Ulta Beauty CEO and Footlocker CEO Mary Dillon.
The black-ish star claimed that Dillon helped her realize how she could use her celebrity status and journey to promote Pattern, which she did. Because of that, Patten has now become a favorable haircare brand among many.
Tracee On How She Plans To Use Her Company To Create Opportunities For Others
Toward the end of the discussion, Ross disclosed how she plans to use the power of being Pattern's CEO to help others.
The High Note star explained that being an owner of a company has given her access to be around other CEOs interested in what appears to be becoming more profitable, and with that, she wants to expand that access to other people.
"I know that I have access to sit at a table with a CEO in a way that perhaps another founder doesn't. And when I do that, I make sure that those conversations are not only centered around Pattern," she said. "They're centered around creating and expanding the access for all of us."
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