Fairly recently, I saw a tweet that cracked me up. Not because of the tweet itself but the comments (Black Twitter’s comment section is king!). I’ll let you peep the tweet for yourself and then guess what men said underneath it before actually looking to confirm your suspicions:
i love an \u201ci got it\u201d ass man. you know what else you finna get?— MS. LEO (@MS. LEO) 1638576156
Take it how you want but I’ll be the first to stand in solidarity with my brothers that women who expect all of the finer things in life (I’m speaking to the ones that come with a price tag), only to turn around and only offer up sex on Christmas, Valentine’s Day, their anniversary and their man’s birthday are slightly scamming. Anyone who wants to give pushback, how would you feel if your man did that to you? That’s why I said that while I do think that sex is quite precious (extremely so), if you’re going to take the “Merry Christmas” approach to it without giving much else this year, there needs to be a lot of pre-planning and effort put into it in order to make things extra special.
So, whether money is a little on the tighter side right now or you want to present some holiday sex in a very special way, here are 15 things that will definitely keep your man from being like those dudes in the comment section were (if you catch my drift).
1. Stuff Some Stockings
Stockings are a signature symbol for Christmas and since a “sexy Christmas” is the theme of this particular article, why don’t you and yours purchase a couple of ‘em and then fill them up with things like flavored condoms, DIY sex coupons, handcuffs, body paint, blindfolds, sex dice, massage candles, edible undies, a new sex toy, flavored lubricant and whatever else y’all’s sweet little hearts’ desire? If you like to move discreetly, virtually all of this stuff can be found online if you just put the name of what you’re looking for into the search field of your favorite search engine.
2. Play a Few Rounds of ’12 Sex Games of Christmas’
A cool way to spend some quality time with your partner is to play a couple of games. In the spirit of getting all hot ‘n bothered, one that you might want to purchase is called 12 Games of Christmas. With game titles like Please Go Down for Christmas and Rudolph the Romantic Sex Slave, how can it not, at the very least, pique your curiosity in the naughtiest way possible? You can get it here.
3. Cop Some Peppermint-Flavored Lubricant
Remember how I mentioned lubricant in the stocking suggestion? If there is a signature scent (and flavor) for Christmas, peppermint would definitely have to be one of them, so why not get a tube of some peppermint-flavored lube? A fan favorite is Aloe Cadabra Natural Organic Personal Lube Edible Vegan Peppermint Tingle because it’s water-based (which makes it safe to use with latex condoms), it doesn’t mess with our pH and it tastes great although it’s sugar-free. If you’re interested, you can get it here.
Oh, and if you really want to take things to another level in the oral sex department, put a little lube where you want it and then put some oral sex pop candies into your mouth (you can find some here). Remember Pop Rocks from back in the day? Same thing. Different purpose. #wink
4. Bring in Some Mistletoe
What would a sexy Christmas be without at least one mistletoe, right? As far as where to get some, local home improvement stores, some arts and crafts stores and usually Walmart and Target carry them. Since we all know that the tradition is to kiss underneath it (and also since no one said that the kissing had to only be done on the mouth), how about putting your mistletoe in a place where you want a lot of the action to go down? Over your bed. On your showerhead (check out “So, This Is How To Make Shower Sex So Much Better”). In your kitchen. On top of your washing machine (don’t knock it until you’ve tried it!). On your bra. In your underwear. The possibilities are endless.
Just know that if your partner sees a mistletoe somewhere, there will absolutely be no confusion about what you want to transpire.
5. Get a Mini Christmas Tree and Hang Some Dirty Date Night Tokens from It
Whether you get a big tree every year or this year, you want to scale things down a bit, make things festive in your bedroom by investing in a miniature Christmas tree that you can put on your dresser or nightstand. Then hang some “naughty” tokens from it or put some around it. Etsy is my joint and I found a merchant who sells some wooden ones that say things like “Oral Sex,” “Wild Card,” and “Fantasy Fulfilled”. You can get a set of them here if you’d like.
6. Customize Some Wrapping Paper (Then Wrap Yourself Up in It)
I can’t tell you how many husbands have told me that sex with one woman doesn’t get old, so long as the sex itself doesn’t get boring (check out “10 Men Told Me Why They're Fine Having Sex With One Partner”). Because men are visual creatures, one way to prevent that from happening is by “wrapping up the gift” (the gift would be “you” in this case). If you literally want to wrap yourself up in paper, a fun approach is to hit up the site Gift Wrap My Face so that they can literally put your face on some wrapping paper.
Or, if you’d like to take the lingerie approach, this is the time of year when a lot of shops sell teddies that look like a big red bow. An example of what I’m talking about is located here, here, here, here, and here.
7. Give Your Bedroom a Christmas/Winter Wonderland Theme
Some bedding in traditional Christmas colors like red, green, or silver. Some cranberry garland on your bedposts (that you should be able to find at your local arts and crafts store). A Christmas wreath on your bedroom wall. A string of twinkle lights. Little red bows everywhere. White faux fur throw pillows. Snowflake art. A big basket filled with scented pine cones. Bedding that is slate grey and light blue (a dope Christmas color scheme). Lots of candles in Christmas scents like vanilla, pine, frankincense and myrrh, clove, or pomegranate.
There are all kinds of simple and pretty inexpensive ways that you can totally transform your bedroom into a Christmas winter wonderland so that it literally feels like you and yours are enjoying each other in a different kind of space.
8. Have Fun with Some Fake Snow
What is a winter wonderland without snow? These days, you can create the illusion of having some, even inside of your house, thanks to different kinds of fake snow that’s currently on the market. One brand that a lot of people like is Buffalo Snow. You can get some snowflakes here and some flurries here. A bed full of snow? Pardon the pun but how cool is that?
9. Turn on Some Blizzard ASMR
Although I’ve never really struggled with sleeping well, something that has absolutely changed my life over the past few years is sleeping with rain ASMR on. It just makes the quality of my rest so much…sounder. If you like nothing more than feeling like you are trapped in a snowstorm during your Christmas time off yet it looks like you’re not even going to get flurries this year, one way to work around that is to turn on some blizzard-sounding ASMR videos.
YouTube has quite a few of them and the windy sound really does make you feel like you’re in eight feet of snow. One of my favorites (that lasts for 10 hours, ad-free) can be found right here. Sex in a blizzard? C’mon now.
10. Bring in Some Christmas-Themed Edible Aphrodisiacs
In the article that I wrote, “12 Traditional Christmas Items That Are Low-Key Aphrodisiacs Too” a couple of years ago for the platform, a few edible things that I mentioned included eggnog and candy canes. Some other foods to add to that list includes a full-on entrée like a leg of lamb (it’s got carnitine which is great for men and their fertility), a “cozy drink” like apple cider (it can help to get you wetter), and a dessert, like a pumpkin pie (it’s high in zinc which increases sexual desire). Pick your pleasure.
11. Share Some Hot Chocolate Shots
There really is no telling how often I’ve shouted out dark chocolate when it comes to it being a great food for your sex life. A top reason is because serotonin (a hormone that stabilizes your mood and helps you to feel good) and phenethylamine (a natural chemical that offers up a stimulant effect) in dark chocolate can help to boost your libido. Keeping all of this in mind, what is Christmas without hot chocolate, chile?
To make things extra spicy in the absolute best ways possible, serve up some Mexican hot chocolate shots (recipe is here). The cinnamon will increase blood circulation to your genitalia and, if you decide to go with tequila instead of vodka, well — if you’ve ever had a tequila shot before, you already know what kind of night you’ll be in for. #wink
12. Light a Gingerbread Candle
One of the best things about sex, if it’s good (and I mean, REALLY good), is it involves all five senses — sight, hearing, taste, touch, and smell. As far as scent goes, there is plenty of scientific data to support that one of the reasons why what we smell can strongly affect our mood (good or bad) is because of what we associate a particular scent with. If you used to eat or bake gingersnaps or make gingerbread houses around this time when you were a kid, that can “trigger” feelings of safety and warmth.
So, to smell something that resembles gingerbread while being intimate with your partner, that can make sex “sweet” in the best way possible. Gingerbread candles are not usually very hard to find this time of year. Yankee Candle, Big Lots, DW Home, Kohl’s, and Michaels are just some of the places where I noticed them online.
13. Play a Sexy Round of “Guess Your Gift”
Even if you do plan on going all out in this way, still try and get something that goes in a box or gift bag. Whether it’s a tradition for you and your partner to open presents up on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, make foreplay extra fun by playing a couple of rounds of something that I call “Guess Your Gift.” You each will give a super vague hint. Whoever guesses correctly can make a specific foreplay-related request (kissing a certain erogenous zone, giving a five-minute massage, etc.) If they don’t get it right, then the other person can make their foreplay request known. Talk about making the curiosity as awesome as the gift itself. Whew.
14. Put Poinsettia Petals All Over Your Bed
I’m pretty sure that it comes as no surprise to you that the December birth flower is the poinsettia. That’s pretty cool because they represent things like love, hope, good cheer, and success. Also, a nickname for it is Mexican flame flower. I don’t know about you, but all of these sound like good vibes to have in your sex life.
Although red rose petals are pretty popular when it comes to flowers to sprinkle on your bed, in your bathtub, or on your floors in order to set the mood, since all of this centers around a Christmas theme, why not go with some red or white poinsettias this year? It’ll be just as seductive and a lot more holiday-themed.
15. Fulfill a Fantasy
Want your partner to feel like they were blessed in a mighty way this Christmas? Ask them what their fantasy is and (so long as it doesn’t compromise your core because some people’s fantasies are next-level) do your best to fulfill it. It brings spontaneity into the relationship. It adds newness to the dynamic. And it definitely sets the two of you up to have a pretty unforgettable Christmas in the sex department. A great way to make sex feel like an actual Christmas gift. Straight up.
Featured image by Giphy
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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Feature image by Franco Zulueta
Astrological Self-Care: What Black Women Need Right Now, According To The Stars
The political environment Black women in America are faced to live in at this time has taught us how important it is to give back to ourselves. When we feel pushed up against a wall, we ask ourselves what we have left to give, and oftentimes, what we have left to give needs to go to us. It feels like in society we take a few steps forward, just to take ten steps back, and this push and pull can be detrimental to our wellbeing.
When we take a look at what it feels like to be dismissed or discouraged like many of us are feeling now, this energy is a shock to our system. We must find ways to feel whole, nourished, and capable, no matter who else wants that to happen for us.
By taking care of ourselves during these uneasy or uncertain times, we build a foundation for not only strength but for love. We tell ourselves that we are worthy of a break or a new beginning and that we are more than worthy of experiencing everything we want in this life. If you are feeling a lack of energy or depleted, then rest is your medicine right now. If a light has been struck within you, motivating you to create change or to go after your dreams, use this as a fire to get you started. Don’t let anyone make you doubt your magic when you carry the whole world in your hands.
This is why so many Black women lean towards their spirituality or Astrology in these turbulent times. We know there are places to go even when we feel shut out, and that our connection to the universe, or God, is ever present in these trying times. We go to the places we know will heal, and we continue to build the parts of us the world has so often tried to take away.
When we need a little encouragement, we can connect to our intuition and the guidance of our soul, and ask the stars for a message. Read below for a message for your sign right now.
If you are an Aries...
Take some time to see where in your life you are currently experiencing abundance, or where you would like to. Look at the full picture at this time, and notice where some culminations have ended up being a positive change of pace for you. You are being reminded that there is nothing in this life that you can’t have and that you are meant to experience major blessings in this lifetime.
This is a good time to manage your finances wisely, look for new working opportunities, and advocate for yourself and your financial desires in the workplace. The work you do is meant to be acknowledged, supported, and paid accordingly, Aries.
If you are a Taurus...
The words we tell ourselves are the most significant words we have to live with. Right now, write a list of things you love and admire about yourself. Make post-it notes and put these words around your house in areas you know you will pass by often. It’s time to remember who you are and how loved you have always been. When you can take the time to look within and ask yourself what you really need right now, oftentimes it’s just a few kind words or a reminder of the significance of who you are.
If you are a Gemini...
It’s time to look at your goals, professional world, and financial intentions, and see if you are living the life you dream of here. What goals have you had for a long time and have pushed to the side due to timing or fear? This is the time to step into your inner knowing and power, to own your skills and work ethic, and to ask for what you need. You are experiencing an inner awakening that’s changing the way you look at your work life, what you really want to do here, and who you want to surround yourself with in this environment.
If you are a Cancer...
This time is reminding you that it’s okay to let go of what isn’t working for you. If you have felt like you have been putting more effort into things than what you are getting in return, it’s time to reevaluate where you are focusing your energy. Take some space to give yourself more of the nourishment and energy you so often give to others, and fill up your own cup right now, Cancer.
You take on a lot more than most, especially in the working environment as you always want to be someone others can lean on. Right now, however, it’s time to put your efforts into the things you want for yourself rather than what others want from you.
If you are a Leo...
Leo, you are meant to shine. There is not much that can dim your light because you know this truth. The more you can tap into your inner power right now and remember who you are, the more you can overcome and succeed. You are meant for big things in this lifetime and it’s time to remember your power. Think about your strengths and where you excel more than most. Remember that the unique gifts you were born with are meant for you for a reason, and shine, shine, shine, Leo!
If you are a Virgo...
You are a wise soul, Virgo, but you may not always trust this inner knowing. Your guidance at this time is to listen to your intuition more. If you are around certain people or environments that don’t feel right or supportive to you, trust that instinct and move away towards new energy. The more you can check in with yourself and listen to what your intuition is telling you, the more you can be in safer environments that don’t make you feel less than or out of place. You are being asked to protect your energy more and to only do the things you feel 100% about doing.
If you are a Libra...
Everyone deserves a new beginning, and that includes you, Libra. This time in your life is about taking a leap of faith in yourself. Sometimes things are worth taking a risk on, and you are looking at your personal goals right now and seeing what needs to be brought forth. Write a list of your current goals and intentions, and then write down concrete plans or strategies to see them through. A new beginning is meant for you right now, but you need to be the one to take that first step. Remember your confidence and your courage, and go after your dreams, Libra.
If you are a Scorpio...
Having more safe spaces to go to and nourish in would do your soul wonders right now. You need more stable foundations for your dreams to come to fruition, and there are people who will support you in making this happen. You deserve to relax, to rest, and to take more time out to nourish your inner world, and that is what is being asked of you now. Spend time with the people who provide you a safe space to just be, and focus on your long-term goals. Where do you see yourself and your life five years from now, and what can you do right now to feel a little bit more secure in the process?
If you are a Sagittarius...
It’s never too late to learn something new, and you are in a space of development and clarity right now, Sag. This is a good time to learn a new skill, develop your knowledge, and work on the things that hold importance for you. This time in your life is about getting focused and putting the effort in to back your intentions. You are someone who is always on the go and always focused on the bigger picture, but life is asking you to buckle down, focus on the details, and get started on that thing that you’ve always wanted to do. Who knows where your creativity, knowledge, and dedication will take you right now? Probably somewhere magical.
If you are a Capricorn...
Remember how loved you are, Capricorn. Nobody can take away the love you have for yourself and no one can take away your ability to love, and you are being reminded of the power of your heart. This is a good time to develop nourishing and stable relationships in your life and to focus more of your energy here. Build a strong community and support system in your life so that your heart doesn’t feel misunderstood or out of place. There are people who resonate with you and your energy, and it’s time to find those people or connect more with the ones you already know.
If you are an Aquarius...
You need a break right now, Aquarius. You are someone who is very connected to what is happening to the collective, and you are more in tune with this energy than most. Therefore, when things are feeling especially chaotic, this can be detrimental to your health and well-being. You need some space right now to let things come to fruition without you forcing them to. You need time to regain your strength and your energy, and to let things play out for you, trusting that they will be for your benefit. Go on a vacation and allow yourself to take a pause right now, and for time to do its thing.
If you are a Pisces...
This time in your life right now is about asking yourself what you truly want. New options are coming into clear view for you, and you are taking your challenges and turning them into opportunities. You are a powerful manifester, Pisces, and it’s time to start manifesting the intentions you dream of and are contemplating right now. There are a lot of things up in the air for you, but you have the power to turn them into your concrete reality. Ask yourself the tough questions, then prepare your heart to walk into a new door.
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