It’s always a good time to start saving. Whether you have a few bucks or hundreds to set aside every payday, putting away a little amount of funds over time can lead to financial security later down the road.
As life would have it, there’s always something that we’re striving to obtain that may take a little more than the everyday cost to cover. No matter if you’re saving up for the deposit to your big girl apartment, putting money aside for a girls' trip, or simply wanting to start a new financial discipline, establishing a savings account dedicated to our financial goals can help keep track of your progress and ensure that funds are aside for when you need them the most.
While spending money is fun in the moment, committing to the habit of making regular contributions to our savings account is a practice that will delight your future self. And setting realistic savings goals is the best place to start. “One of the easiest ways to set realistic savings goals is to start by knowing how much money you're bringing in,” Dr. Melody Wright, P.D. AFC, tells xoNecole. “That's going to be how much income you have and how much money is actually going out in the form of expenses. Based on what you have left when you subtract your expenses from your income will determine how much to put into savings.”
How To Set Realistic Saving Goals
Setting savings goals can feel like a daunting task, depending on how much you seek to put aside and how much cash flow you’re currently working with. That’s why when it comes to creating your savings plan, Dr. Wright says to consider what you can mentally manage first.
“Let's say you have a goal to save $10,000. For a lot of people, that large amount is going to overwhelm them because they're only going to be focused on saving that $10,000,” she explains. Instead of allowing the big, end-goal numbers to fluster you, breaking the amount down into your first $500 or $1,000 and tracking your progress from there can make the goal feel more manageable.
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There are various options for savings accounts, and having the right clarity on what separates a traditional savings account and a high-yield savings account is an important distinction to make to ensure you’re getting the best return on your savings. “Whenever you're thinking about opening a savings account, you want to make sure that it has no minimums, has little to no fees, and is FDIC insured,” she says.
The FDIC provides deposit insurance to protect your money in the event of a bank failure, allowing your deposits to be automatically insured to at least $250,000 at each FDIC-insured bank.
Traditional savings accounts, commonly found in brick-and-mortar banks, typically offer an average annual percentage yield (APY) of around 0.30%. In contrast, high-yield savings accounts, depending on the type, can yield significantly higher returns, sometimes over 15 times more, with rates reaching as high as 5%. The key factor is that the higher the APY, the more money your funds will earn while they sit in the account. This increase in earnings is attributed to the power of compounding, where the money in the account generates returns and begins to work for you.
What is a Roth IRA?
The mention of a Roth IRA is a common term in financial planning discussions. A Roth IRA is a type of individual retirement account with distinct features. “IRAs come in different flavors,” Dr. Wright explains. “Two of the main flavors that you'll see are traditional IRAs and a Roth IRA. With a traditional IRA, you're putting money in that hasn't been taxed. However, when it's time to take that money out, you're going to get taxed on that money.”
Unlike a Traditional IRA, contributions to a Roth IRA are made with after-tax dollars, meaning they are not tax-deductible. However, qualified withdrawals, including earnings, are tax-free in retirement. Roth IRAs provide tax advantages, flexibility, and a unique approach to retirement savings within the framework of individual financial planning.
It’s important to note that there are stipulations when it comes to setting up a Roth IRA, which is why the traditional option is available. Roth IRAs come with certain income limits, and based on whether you are married or single, if you make over a certain amount, you won’t be able to invest in a Roth IRA.
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Sinking Funds
Organizing sinking funds for short-term savings goals involves establishing a systematic approach. Sinking funds are useful for saving towards specific objectives like a trip or wardrobe revamping. The key to effective organization lies in the planning process.
“You want to set the sinking funds up based on priority and how soon you'll need that money,” she says. “Once I establish which fund I’m going to need to use first, then I start to put more money into it. When you think about it, you want to prioritize them based on how soon you'll need that money and how much money you'll need to be saving.”
Consider categorizing sinking funds, determining contribution amounts, and creating a dedicated account for each fund. This structured approach ensures that funds are allocated appropriately, making it easier to track progress and meet short-term financial goals.
Overcoming Limiting Beliefs Around Money
For those feeling intimidated or overwhelmed by the prospect of planning their savings accounts, one thing to keep in mind is that even taking the first step towards saving is a commendable one. Whether you’ve had a savings account that you’ve had to use, or starting from scratch, Dr. Wright reminds us that saving is something you can start and restart anytime.
“A lot of times, we feel like we have to put a lot of thought into it, but the idea is that you want to start saving as early as possible and as much as you can,” she says. “If all you can save is $5 or $20, start saving that because as you continue to save those amounts, they’re going to build, and it’s going to be earning money for you.”
Dr. Wright often tells her clients to “prepare for famine while they're feasting,” because we don't know what tomorrow is going to bring us. “When life is good, and that money is flowing in, you want to make sure that you're putting some money aside for those times when that money is not as abundant or when those seasons are a little bit drier so you can have that to fall back on.”
She continues, “The goal is for you to start putting money in that savings account and not touching it unless you have a true need so that money can grow for you.”
Remember, financial planning is a journey, and progress is more important than perfection. Happy saving!
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When they met, Jason had just moved to Atlanta for a new job opportunity, and Elise was living happily in her career and had put dating on the backburner. But luckily, a mutual connection saw something in both of them and thanks to a yoga-themed baby shower and a chance text message, they found their forever. Check out their beautiful How We Met story below.
I’ll start with the easiest question. Can you both tell me a little bit about yourself and your background?
Elise: Sure, my name is Elise. I’m actually from Atlanta, GA – not a transplant. I grew up here and left right after college to pursue my career. Now I’ve been back going on eight years, and I’m in my early 40s.
Jason: And I’m Jason. I’m originally from Racine, Wisconsin. I went to school at Florida A&M University, so I am a rattler. I went back to the Midwest for a period of time, in Indianapolis. Now, I’ve been in the Atlanta area for a little over two and a half years.
Jason and Elise Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Wow, that’s nice because Atlanta gets a bad rap when it comes to relationships. So you have to give us the deets. How did you two find each other?
Elise: So I work in TV and I was on-air for a number of years and then transitioned into being a producer and then a manager. As a producer, I’d always have guests on. And there was a woman who came on frequently named Rosalynn (@Rosalynndaniels, often referred to as The Black Martha Stewart), and we connected instantly. Anyway, she got pregnant right before COVID and invited me to a “modern-day yoga baby shower.” I came to support, but was also just curious about that theme.
I had an amazing time. And when it was over a few of us stuck around and convos got personal. She ended up asking me the infamous ‘Are you dating’ question. When I told her no, she decided to set me up. So I should tell you, in both of my only two serious relationships, I was set up – so I was like no.
But she pointed at her husband, who was folding up chairs, and said that another friend set her up with him. Sometimes, it takes people outside of us to see what we need. A few months later, she reached out and said she had family relocating and thought I’d really like him. So she gave him my number, and I reached out with a text. He responded with a call, and that night, we talked for about 2-3 hours. So that’s how we met. I was a little nervous because me and Rosalynn were starting a friendship, and here I was, talking to her family!
Jason: It was new for me too. Remember, I was new to the area, and I had heard so many “stories” about how people have been done wrong in the dating world. Whether it’s by theft or scamming (laughs). Plus, I had just got a new job and wanted to focus on that. But I did want to be able to date someone in a more personal way and see where it led. I felt like who better than someone who I trust to connect me. Rosalynn knows I’m private, about business life, and my personal life is important to me.
So let’s get into your courtship. What was your first date like?
Elise: We had our first convo on a Monday, and he asked me out the next day. I didn’t have any plans, but I still said no. I was just playing hard to get (laughs). But we were talking every day, and he told me he wanted to take me somewhere I’ve never been. And I’m like, you’re in my city! But he sends me three options, and sure enough, two of the places I hadn’t gone to. So, our first date was October 1, 2021, and somebody was 45 minutes late.
Now Jason, why were you 45 minutes late?
Elise: It was me – in my own city. I just got turned around, and the traffic was horrible. I kept calling him and giving him permission to leave. Full transparency: I probably wouldn’t have waited if the shoe was on the other foot. But this was my first sign of what I now know and love the most about him. It’s his patience. When I got there, I was frazzled and everything, but he was just super calm. It ended up being a great first date.
Jason: I remember just waiting and being concerned for her well-being. Because I know how traffic can be, especially when someone is rushing. I was just scrolling through my phone and looking through the menu. It was cool.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Courtesy
That’s beautiful. Now let’s talk about the “what are we” convo? Did you have one of those and if so, who initiated it and how was it?
Elise: I initiated it. Jason was dating me – and still does. But by this time, we had been on a number of dates. We were on our way to a winery, and we had a bit of a drive. So I decided to state my intention. We were just a few weeks in, but we were spending a lot of time together and we are people of a particular age. So I told him, I know Atlanta can be a Black man’s playground. There’s so many beautiful professional women here. But I’m dating with intention. I don’t want to kick it or hang with a good guy even though he’s not my person. I was done with all of that. So I’m “laying down the law” in my eyes, and he didn’t flinch. He let me finish and basically let me know we were on the same page. He was not trying to sow his royal oats.
Jason: Yeah, I was not trying to be Prince Akeem. But also, it was more so about setting a tone and goal for myself. My mama always told me to set my goals. And having a family was always one of mine. I think the biggest thing of it all, was I felt blessed – in terms of moving for work and meeting Elise, now being married. There’s victories being placed in my life.
I love that you both shared that because sometimes I get feedback on these stories and it seems like sometimes we’re afraid to really voice what we desire, no matter what that looks like.
Elise: Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
Jason: I think her sharing those values resonated with me, and hearing her “lay down the law” was fine because I was there, too. I would say to millennial women, don’t be afraid to tell a mate what you want. You never know what that would lead to. Time is a precious commodity. Elise saying that early on showed me that she values both of our time. It showed her heart, character, and integrity, and I was drawn to that and the mature conversation. In the social media world, we don’t have those pointed conversations face-to-face. I would challenge readers to have those conversations in person, and you would get more from that convo than any post or reel. Because you see body language reactions and have deeper communication.
Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
You both have mentioned time, family, and integrity. I’m curious what other core values do you both share?
Elise: Early on, our faith. Not just do you believe in God. It had to be deeper in that. I needed someone who would lead me, our home, and our family. I didn’t want to be in a push-and-pull relationship about prayer, church, or have conversations about being better people. Also, we discussed finances. That doesn’t just mean going to work. We chatted about ownership and what it looks like for us. How do we support each other individually and together? I know I like having my hands in a few different pots, and I needed someone who was supportive of that and likewise.
Jason: My background is that I was raised in the church. My father is a deacon and my mom is a deaconess. They've been married for 55 years. Faith was very important to me and it was crucial that my wife have that relationship as well.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Can we talk about challenges? Big or small, what are some things you had to grow through together?
Elise: I have never lived with anyone – not a roommate, a sister, friend, boyfriend or anything. Now, I’m in my 40s and I'm living with someone. When you’ve been by yourself for so long that was a challenge for both of us. We weren’t pulling each other's hair out but I’m a bit extreme. Things are color-coded in my closet. For me, working in news is chaotic so I want my home to be peaceful and organized.
Jason: I’m a man, and she’s a woman. That dynamic alone adds a flair to it. She wants things a certain way. She’s a Capricorn. But just in terms of how she wants to keep a home was a big adjustment for me. It took time.
On a smaller level, what are some of the things you disagree about day-to-day?
Elise: Cleanliness and systems. Like, he recycles and I do not. But sometimes I just have to decide if it really needs to be a thing or if I can just take care of it.
Jason: This is where my organization takes over (laughs).
What are your love languages? Do you know?
Elise: Jason’s is an act of service which works because I love cooking for him. It doesn’t feel like a chore to me. I love when I’m out, picking up his favorite juice. The other day I saw he needed t-shirts while folding clothes. So I just like doing small things for him that he doesn’t expect. He’s very much that guy that will ask to help so it doesn’t bother me.
Jason: I’d say Elise is all of them, but physical touch would probably be the biggest one. I had to get used to that. She’s taught me it in a number of ways. I remember we actually talked about love languages, and I sent her this song called “More Than Words” by Extreme. That explained to her how I felt.
Finally, can we end with the proposal? Tell us everything!
Jason: It was at a restaurant. And again, I was trying to find somewhere she hadn’t been. Also, I didn’t want to do it on our anniversary because that would have been too obvious. I contacted one of the restaurant’s staff and decided to change up the dessert menu. Each item was something special to us.
Elise: We go on so many date nights, so I just thought it was a regular night. We had finished eating, and I had to go to the bathroom. They had a nice mirror, girl. So I’m in there taking videos and stuff.
Jason: While she’s in the restroom, I’m getting everything in place with the waitress.
Elise: So as I’m reading the menu, I realize it’s telling our story and he eventually proposed. It was so special; I actually had the menu framed! It was so beautiful and thoughtful.
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What I mean by that is, to this day, reportedly, onlyaround 18 percent of women are able to honestly say that they’ve been able to “see the mountaintop,” just from intercourse alone. And although I am in that number and some of it does have to do with certain “tricks of the trade” (technique, knowing your body, etc.), a lot of it has to do with how your body was made more than anything else (more on that in a second).
That’s why, wheneverthe whole topic of the orgasm gap comes up, I really wish that (more) women would stop stressing themselves out over whether they can have an orgasm vaginally or not. Because while your partner “aiming to please” is a very valid point and necessary requirement when it comes to healthy and happy copulation, if you’re basing being orgasmic on whether or not you’ve had a vaginal orgasm before, you’re really missing the point — and wasting precious time on something that isn’t nearly as big of a deal as you might think that it is (or society might try to make it out to be).
I’ll explain.
What Is a Vaginal Orgasm — and Why Is It So Difficult to Achieve?
GiphyBefore going deeper into this thing, let me just say that my reason for defining a vaginal orgasm isn’t to come off as patronizing or condescending in any way. I’m just doing it because I think that far too often, whenever the topic of orgasms even comes up, folks loop them all in together — especially vaginal vs. clitoral ones.
That being said, a vaginal orgasm is when you’re able to climax from intercourse alone. This means that you don’t need any (direct) clitoral stimulation in order for an orgasm to take place. Okay, so with that being said, why is it so challenging for so many women to have one? Well, that gets into what I said about the makeup of one’s body — which no one has any control over.
See, the reason why vaginal orgasms are fairly easy for me is that (and yes, my doctor has confirmed it) the distance between my clitoris and my vaginal opening is pretty close together — and the closer they are, the easier it is for a vaginal orgasm to go down.
And gee, when you put it this way, vaginal orgasms still kind of have a cheat code, right? Because whether or not your partner is directly stimulating your clitoris or not, if a vaginal orgasm is about “close clitoral placement,” he still kind of is relying on the clit to make it all happen— he’s just not needing to use his hands, a sex toy or you’re not needing to help him out.
Another thing to note about vaginal orgasms is the G-spot tends to play a starring role in it too. Still, since, at the end of the day, all a G-spot is, is the backside of the clitoris on the inside of your vagina, it’s still the clitoris for the win.
Hmm…sounds to me like, really, a vaginal orgasm is just a different kind of a clitoral orgasm — I mean, not exactly, but kinda…because if there was no clitoris involved at all, I highly doubt that vaginal orgasms would even exist.
NOW do you get why I say that they aren’t as big of a deal as they are made out to be? Orgasms are beyond awesome. And you shouldn’t feel bad if the one that you’re not able to make happen (possibly yet) is a vaginal one.
Let me do my best to drive this point even further home.
Okay. You Are Having Orgasms, Though…Right?
GiphyIf you read articles on our platform like “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight” and “11 Types Of Orgasms To Add To Your Must-Hit List,” you’ll get that when it comes to “climbing the walls,” there are all kinds of ways to get there. For me? Even though vaginal orgasms aren’t hard for me to experience/achieve, for whatever reason, these 38H cups of mine will almost yawn when it comes to nipple orgasms.
In other words, breasts aren’t in the top five of erogenous zones for me (check out “So, What If 'Typical Erogenous Zones' Annoy TF Outta You?” and “Feelin' On These Pressure Points Will Give You The Best Sex Of Your Life”) — and I’m okay with that. If I happen to experience an orgasm that way (which is oftentimes on a fluke), cool. As long as I know that I can get an orgasm some sort of way, I’m golden.
You’re not me; still, I do encourage you to have a similar mindset. Although it can always be fun to find different ways to achieve things like a blended orgasm (more than one orgasm happening at once) or a kissing orgasm (which is pretty self-explanatory), if you’ve ever had any type of orgasm at all — at the end of the day, that should be good enough because, no matter how the climax happened, wasn’t it pretty damn spectacular? Anything else is just…a bonus. So, why ruin the good that you’ve already got going with stress, internalized pressure, and overthinking?
Hey, I’m not exaggerating by saying that, either. There is plenty of data out in these streets (like these articleshere,here, andhere) that points to the fact that stress definitely lowers libido, hinders sexual arousal, and can ultimately get in the way of having an orgasm. So, if you’re already gettin’ yours, even if it’s the more common way (clitorally) — who cares?
Science has pretty much always said that the purpose of your clitoris is sexual pleasure…so it makes sense that it would be the main part of your body that can “get you there” (if you know what I mean). Therefore, why worry about why your vagina “can’t” when what was created to orgasm totally can?
Am I getting through?
Vaginal Orgasms Shouldn’t Be the Goal. Pleasure Should.
GiphyOkay, and what if you’re one ofthe one-third of women who reportedly have never had an orgasm before or hardly ever do? If you happen to fall into this category, that is a bit different because I understand why this would be something that you would want to say you’ve experienced, first-hand, at least a few times in this lifetime. Actually, you are the main reason why I’ve penned articles like “Can’t Climax? 10 Questions You Should Ask Yourself,” “10 Hacks To Help You Climax More Consistently,” and “Here's Why You Can Climax Sometimes And...Sometimes You Can't;” it’s because I definitely don’t want to gaslight you into thinking that orgasms aren’t one of the best things that life has to offer…because they are. No question.
At the same time, though, the same way that you can overthink about having a vaginal orgasm, that’s the same way that you can rob yourself of enjoying the pleasure of sex overall, if you think that you can’t have a great time unless you come (or always come). Just likekissing feels really good without any kind of sex being involved, the intimacy of sex is amazing even without an orgasm — and yes, I know what that is like as well. Do orgasms come pretty easily for me? Yes.
Still, “off nights” happen, and that doesn’t mean that the rest of the sexual experience still wasn’t satisfying. Indeed and I promise you that the more you make the goal to simply embrace the closeness of relishing your partner as they do the same thing to, for, and with you, the more you can fully appreciate sex…even if it doesn’t end in fireworks. Besides, if one thing is the epitome of, “At least we had a really great time trying,” it’s having sex even if orgasms don’t transpire (by the way, if you really are not at peace with not having orgasms, start with getting your hormone levels checked, then consider seeing a sex therapist — it may be physical or psychologically-based. It can never hurt to get checked out to see).
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Bottom line here: your vagina wasn’t designed just for your sexual pleasure alone (remember, babies come out of there). Know what is, though? Your clitoris. If it’s working and getting the job done (however it happens), that really needs to be good enough. If a vaginal orgasm happens along the way — great. If not, it’s still all good. And I do mean that literally.
Any kind of orgasm is a wonderful thing.
Get it how you live and take the pressure off, sis.
Now…go get you one. However it…cums.
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