

I grew up with a mother who was good for writing a letter—or 2 or 10. This was especially the case as I got older, there was a breakdown in communication, and she wanted to make sure she was heard and/or she wanted to clarify a few things and/or sometimes, she even wanted to apologize. Between that being a part of my upbringing and my being an avid reader and writer from an early age, letter writing has continued to be a part of my life and lifestyle. Ask anyone who's close to me—or who I've released before—and they'll tell you that it's nothing for them to receive a letter—or 2 or 10—from me. It's such a powerful way to process, purge and even cleanse in some ways.
I got the confirmation on this several years ago, when I penned a spiritual letter of sorts to single women. Whenever a woman reaches out to me who feels as if she's at her wit's end (romantically speaking), I email it to her. It's been really humbling to see the kind of peace and "Ohh…so that's what this has all been about" insight that it provides. And the beauty of it is, since it's a letter, she can always refer back to it (another plus of sharing your thoughts and feelings via writing rather than simply having a conversation; it's documented). Yeah, letter writing is an underrated superpower. It really is.
That's why I am a huge fan and avid encourager of women writing love letters. No, not to other people (although that's cool too)—to themselves. If the first thing that comes to your mind is that it sounds odd, feels awkward or even leans on the side of vanity, I'm hoping that in 3-5 minutes (give or take), I'll totally be able to change your mind.
There Are Proven Psychological Benefits to Writing Things Down
Did you know that if you write your goals down, there's a far greater chance that you'll achieve them? There's an article that ran in Forbes that said this is actually proven in neuroscience. It claims that jotting things down taps into your "external storage" (it's a visual reminder) and your "encoding" (the biological processing by which decisions are made). So already, can you see that if you write yourself a love letter, it will serve as a visual reminder while also helping you to make decisions that are centered around self-love?
Also, there are other psychological benefits that come from writing things down. Writing things down helps you to express your emotions. Writing things down brings forth clarity. Writing things down can also help you to see how much progress you've made over time as you go from one level of thinking to another.
So yeah, before going any further, this point alone should be enough of a reason to pull out a pen and piece of paper, don't you think?
You Need to Document How You Feel About Yourself
Sometimes, when a woman writes me about all of the things she hates about her life, I'll ask her to shoot me 10 things that she likes about herself and 10 things that she totally dislikes. 9 times out of 10, it never fails. While she can easily rattle off all of things that she loathes, she struggles with sharing even five things that she loves. Although you might want to automatically chalk that up to her having low self-esteem or a lack of self-awareness, while there may be some truth to that, the reality is that all of our brains come with an automatic negative bias. Researchers are looking into all of the reasons why, but a part of it is due to what we expose ourselves to on a daily basis, both inside and out.
Anyway, I'm bringing this up because between all of the political drama, gossip blogs and vlogs and Instagram filters that we're exposed to on the regular, it can be really easy to become extremely cynical and hard on yourself. One way to counter that is to "reprogram your mind" by focusing on positive stuff. A great starting point is to hone in on specific things about yourself that are good, healthy and affirming.
Since it's so easy to talk about what you don't like about yourself, why not go out of your comfort zone and write down some of the things that you actually do?
It’s a Great Reference Point for the Not-Feeling-Your-Best-Days
You wake up 15 minutes late. The outfit that you want to wear decides to fit you funny. You leave your car lights on overnight. When you finally do get to work, you forgot all about the staff meeting you were supposed to lead. Then you get a text from your man that totally pisses you off and a voicemail from your mom that totally leaves you baffled. You order your lunch and it's all wrong. The day just sucks. Sucks, I say.
When you wake up on the wrong side of the bed and it has a domino effect, not only does that have a tendency to drain your energy, it can make you feel all kinds of bad about everything that's transpiring; including when you look into the mirror and it's a bad hair day on top of everything else. Something that can calm and center you is a self-written love letter. It can remind you of all of the things that you've got going right within when it seems like life, at least for today, is all wrong.
It Sets the Standard of What to Require of Others
Now that we've gotten a few reasons down for why you should be all for writing a love letter to yourself, you might be thinking, "OK Shellie, but how do I actually go about doing that?" That's where this point comes in. Although you could hash out an email, I think getting some pretty stationary and writing all of what you have to say in your own handwriting is far more impacting. Think about what you love about you—both inside and out. Think about what you are deserving of. Think about what sets you apart from everyone else on this planet. Reflect on the standards and boundaries that must be put into place in honor of the love that you have for you. Tell yourself why you are going to nurture and pamper yourself without reservation or apology more often. Write down all of the reasons why someone should feel honored to have you and why you will wait until that kind of individual comes along.
I promise you, once your letter is complete, it will automatically put a fire in you that will not only inspire you to love yourself, it will require others to respect and esteem you to the utmost as well. Yep, writing yourself a love letter will change your life and the way people in your life treat you. Guaranteed.
It Holds You Accountable to What Love Means to Yourself
A lot of us struggle with doing an exercise like this because 1) we don't even know what it means to love ourselves and 2) we definitely don't hold ourselves accountable to doing it. Yet ironically, that's the main point and purpose of writing ourselves a love letter. A letter is a written form of communication. As you're exploring in your mind what self-love means to you and you're putting those words down, it can define love in a way that is distinctive; a way that resonates with you like nothing else can because no one knows you quite like you do.
Then, once the letter is written and either mailed to you (why not? That way you can get more than a bill), posted on your fridge or blown up and hung over your bed, you can read what you said, over and over again, making sure that if no one else loves you right and well, you will. Daily.
So, what are you waiting for? Pull out a bottle of wine, a pen and stationery and get to writing. If something profound comes to mind (and I'm pretty sure that it will), put a line or two in the comment section.
Everyone deserves at least one love letter in life. Especially one that they've written—to themselves.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
What It Means To Find True Self-Love
Jada Pinkett-Smith Wants You To Chill With The Negative Self-Talk
How Pursuing God Taught Me Self-Love
Feeling Yourself Is The Vital Step To Finding The Love Of Your Life
Feature image by Shutterstock
Originally published on September 7, 2019
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Your Guide To Letting Go Of What No Longer Serves You Based On Astrology
Letting go is a gift we are given and a strength that we find throughout our lives. There are times when we want to grab ahold of what we are experiencing and sensing, and times when we need to let go of something that was once everything to us or what we wanted for ourselves. The moment you conclude that you need to let something go in your life is the moment that your brain fights to make that happen for you.
In Astrology, there is an area of your birth chart that is designed for you to understand where you will be letting go a lot in this lifetime, and exactly how to do so. We dive through the birth chart as we seek a deeper understanding of ourselves and let go of what no longer serves us, and there are tools available to help us do so. If you don't know where your South Node is in your birth chart, you can use a free calculator like this one here.
What Does Your South Node Represent in Astrology?
When it comes to what we are destined to let go of or move away from in this lifetime, we look to the South Node. The South Node is the area of your birth chart that has to do with your past lives, karma, lessons, old habits and traits, gifts, and energy you are moving away from in this lifetime.
Your South Node is opposite your North Node, which is your destiny and the energy you want to move towards.
We can learn a lot from our South Node and it’s an area of our life where we tend to gain the most wisdom. By understanding why some patterns in your life tend to play out in the same ways, you can be more conscious of the choices you make in the now and let go of who and what doesn’t serve you in the process.
South Node Insights: Letting Go
The South Node is our natural gifts and talents, but also where we don’t need to focus so much of our energy on, taking us away from where we need to be developing, which is the North Node. So when you are looking to let go of something, gain a new perspective, or feel more trusting in what you are doing right now, you can examine your South Node.
We learn from our South Node by not making the same mistakes over again, letting go of what needs to be let go of, and understanding what we need in order to create space for our new beginning.
Read below for your South Node on how to let go of what no longer serves you.
Aries South Node: Letting Go of Independence for Connection
You are used to being independent and figuring things out on your own. In this lifetime, however, you are being asked to lean on others for support when you need it. You are working on letting go of the ego and focusing more on the heart. By extending your compassion for others, you discover a part of yourself that leads you toward empowerment and allows you to let go of a false sense of safety.
You are meant to experience harmonious, fortunate, and compatible love in this lifetime, and you will do so by opening your heart to others and letting go of people who don’t support you or whom you can’t count on.
Taurus South Node: Releasing Overdependence and Superficiality
With your South Node in Taurus, you are letting go of the need to acquire by focusing on the depth and intention of what you are obtaining. Your relationships tend to have a lot to do with your financial world, and these things can get twisted and distorted if you are not being careful.
In this lifetime, you are working on letting go of what doesn’t serve you by following your heart and your intuition more and focusing more on the feeling you want for yourself rather than the things themselves. You are also working on letting go of overdependence or superficiality in relationships, by connecting with the people whom you have a deep and spiritual bond with.
Gemini South Node: Finding Freedom in Authenticity
For you, letting go means following your freedom. You are meant to do things your own way in this lifetime, and the less you can focus on how you are going to be perceived, the more you can live the life of your dreams. With a South Node in Gemini, you are moving away from the commotion of life. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is traveling, getting out of your comfort zone, and being in new environments.
In past lives, you may have given too much of your focus on your social successes and business pursuits, and in this lifetime, you are meant to focus on the bigger picture. What helps you let go is understanding that once you do, better is available to you.
Cancer South Node: Trusting Yourself Beyond Emotional Impulses
With a South Node in Cancer, you are learning to trust yourself and your logic more than your emotional world in this lifetime. By letting go of feeling like you have to be the one to nurture and support everyone and allowing people to do that for you, you lead your destiny.
With your South Node in Cancer, you are letting go of emotional impulsiveness or making decisions irrationally before you have thought about them.
In past lives, you were led by your emotional world, and in this lifetime, you are meant to think more about your long-term goals and intentions. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is knowing that you are more than what you can give to others.
Leo South Node: Prioritizing Community Over Recognition
In this lifetime, you are working on letting go of the need to be seen and recognized and focus more on your need for community and soul companionship. You are moving away from the “I” and moving closer to the “We.” What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is giving your focus to humanity, the progress you want to make in this lifetime, and who you want to make it with.
You are learning how to work with others and let go of the need to figure everything out yourself. The more you connect with the people who make you want to team up and form a relationship, rather than the people who make you want to be alone, the better for you.
Virgo South Node: Embracing Compassion Over Perfection
In this lifetime, you are letting go of the need to do everything yourself and to have everything all together. You can let go of what no longer serves you by thinking more with your heart than you do with your mind and by trusting this gift of yours. By focusing more on your spirituality, emotional connections, and creativity, you let go of a timid side of you that can disrupt your relationships or the bonds you make.
In past lifetimes, you were focused on perfection. In this lifetime, you are meant to focus on compassion. By surrendering more to the flow of things, you can let go of what no longer serves you while remaining open for what does.
Libra South Node: Rediscovering Your Independence
With your South Node in Libra, you are meant to experience the gifts of independence, freedom, and inner clarity in this lifetime. In the past, you may have been more dependent on the people around you and made a lot of your focus on love. However, in this lifetime, you are being reminded to not lose your identity in others. You can let go of what no longer serves you by only moving towards the things that feel authentic to you.
You are meant to feel confident, inspired, and free in your relationships, and if you don’t feel this way, then that is a sign you are around energy that doesn’t serve you. You are meant to do things your own way in this lifetime.
Scorpio South Node: Letting Go of Struggles and Embracing Ease
With your South Node in Scorpio, you have lived many lives and have experienced a lot emotionally. In this lifetime, you are learning how to trust the process more and to understand that not everything has to be difficult or trying for you. You can experience great things with ease, and you’ll know you are in the right place when things are just falling into your lap.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is focusing more on the things and people who make you feel safe, stable, and comfortable. Instead of always seeking the rush or the thrill, bring your attention more towards the things that ground you.
Sagittarius South Node: Building Connection Through Learning
Your South Node in Sagittarius urges you towards connection with your community and your immediate environment. In this lifetime, you are letting go of the need to be everywhere at once, rather than with the people who matter most to you. You are moving away from knowing everything and into learning everything.
By looking at life as a place where you will learn, grow, and connect, you can let go of the things that stretch you too thin or don’t serve your heart.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is expressing yourself more, meeting new people, and spending time on a cause or creative project that inspires you.
Capricorn South Node: Choosing Home and Foundations Over Status
In this lifetime, you are meant to put more value and effort into your personal life, home, family, and foundations in life. In past lifetimes, a lot of your focus was on your reputation, achievements, and successes, and in this lifetime, you are meant to bring your energy more to the home base, family, and stability in life.
You will know if something is right for you if you want it because it makes you feel safe and nurtured, rather than just something that looks pleasing to the eye. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is by focusing more on your personal life rather than your public, and what you truly see for yourself here.
Aquarius South Node: Shining in Your Individuality
With an Aquarius South Node, you are meant to shine, be seen, and express yourself in this lifetime. You are letting go of the lone wolf energy you are used to, and working on taking up space. You are able to let go of what no longer serves you by being confident in yourself and the decisions you are making.
If someone doesn’t make you feel like the best thing in the entire world, then they aren’t right for you. In past lifetimes, you gave a lot of your energy to your community and the people around you, and in this lifetime, you are meant to focus on yourself and your path more. It’s all about doing what makes you feel good and trusting that you deserve to.
Pisces South Node: Honoring Logic While Embracing Intuition
Your lesson in this lifetime is that your mind is your gift. In past lives, you were very intuitive, psychic, and spiritual, and in this lifetime, you are learning to trust and honor the logical part of yourself more. You may tend to put your all into your relationships and not get the same energy back, and you are working on taking care of yourself first before you can give to another.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is trusting your body and the signals it gives you when you are around certain people or energy that doesn’t serve. Get organized, figure out your needs, boundaries, and wants, and get clear on who you are and what you want for yourself.
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Featured image by Guido Mieth/Getty Images
Although I wouldn’t say that it’s exactly planned, there is a random social experiment that I find myself conducting — shoot, at least a couple of times a week (no exaggeration). It centers around the essential oil blend that I wear, how many times I am complimented on the scent, and how folks react whenever they ask me what it consists of. After I say, “Thank you” and then respond with, “I never tell” — that’s when the experiment gets underway because, boy, it is truly wild to see just how much humanity doesn’t like being told “no” or how uncomfortable it gets whenever boundaries are placed before it.
I say this because individuals will then reply with things like, “It smells like a hint of so-and-so and such-and such. Is that right?” or “It’s not that big of a deal. What is it?” or my personal pushy favorite: “You don’t tell? What does that mean? I’m just asking what you are wearing”, as they stand and wait for me to totally change my mind about what I already told them — which I don’t. And I won’t.
I heard you. The answer is “no.” Access to my own information is a privilege not a right. On any level.
Access. Pretty much any relationship that you have — no matter how surface level or deep it goes — comes with a certain amount of access to you, your life, and what you have to offer. What access means is that you have given another person the right or permission to approach you, speak to you (including how they speak to you), interact with you, learn about you…benefit from you. And do you know what the cool thing about that is?
If you don’t give someone the approval to do so and they try and proceed anyway…what they are pretty much doing is revealing to you that they should be DENIED ACCESS because, at the least, they are disrespecting you and, at the most, they are trying to utilize force — and either way, that is confirmation that they are someone who should be granted much access to you at all.
Have mercy. Can you imagine how much more energy you would have, how much more smoothly your interactions with others would go, and how much clarity you would actually get if you made the daily decision to apply the word “access” to your life? A game-changer and stress-reliever, indeed.
Keeping this point in mind, take a moment to read seven signs that there is a really good chance that someone (or several individuals) is out here having way more access to you than they actually should. That way, you can put some necessary boundaries in place for the sake of your overall health and well-being.
7 Signs Someone Has Too Much Access To You
1. They Act Entitled to You and Whatever You Have to Offer
Something that I spent quite a bit of time discussing in my latest book is how to deal with different kinds of narcissists (check out “You Could Be Turning Into A Narcissist...And You Don't Even Know It”) — especially familial and church-going ones. And y’all, even though I know that the word “narcissist” gets tossed around like confetti these days, please believe there’s a very telling sign that you’ve got one in your midst: they tend to feel like they are entitled to whatever you have; hell, even going so far as to act like you’re the problem whenever you remind them that they aren’t.
And what are some indicators of an entitled-acting person?
- They are quite arrogant and self-absorbed
- They are selfish as all get out
- They like to make ridiculous and/or unrealistic demands
- They don’t care if what they are expecting of you is problematic or an inconvenience to your world; they want it anyway
- They move in assumptions instead of requests
- They aren’t gracious or grateful
- They believe that they should be the exception to every rule — including your boundaries
And here’s the thing about entitled people (especially when they are narcissists as well): you’ll never be able to satisfy them because they are constantly wanting more — and feeling like you should be the one (or at least one of the ones) to give it to them. What that ultimately means is giving in to them all of the time is literally like “feeding the monster.”
Not only that but they are also pretty parasitic when it comes to your life because they tend to take far more than they give (more on that later). Yeah, entitled folks really can be the worst. And yes, if you’ve got these kinds of people in your world, it’s pretty much a given that they have way too much access to you than they ever should.
2. They Bogart About Your Business
Speaking of entitled ass individuals — I’ve got some relatives who think that just because they want to know certain things about my life (or life decisions) that they are automatically owed that information. Back when I was a younger adult, frankly, I was too scared to tell them that they weren’t. Now, though? Chile, please. Not only is ANY detail of my life privileged intel, but your opinion about whatever I choose or choose not to share is just that — an opinion. I don’t care what role/position you hold, how old (or how much older than I am) you are, or if you don’t agree with what I just said. I am grown, I have been for quite some time now, and I don’t need your permission to say or do what I choose to say or do.
When you’re dealing with people who think that your business should be their own and they press, nag, or pressure you about this very fact, that is also someone who has more access to you than they should — just by them having the balls to approach you in that fashion. Always remember that information creates levels of intimacy and you have every right to determine who has the right to get close to you and…who doesn’t. (By the way, the safe people are the ones who get and totally accept this poignant truth.)
3. They Think That Their Emergency Should Be Your Own
One of my absolute favorite people in my world also reigns supreme when it comes to one of my peak pet peeves: they want you to be damn near immediately available to them whenever they reach out to you — oh, but getting them when you’re on the “need side”? It really is a literal crap shoot. It’s weird too because it’s not that this person isn’t someone who has my back. It’s just that…when I call them, there’s no telling if their ringer is on or if the phone is even in the same room that they are in and so if I happen to be in a bind, it could take them a series of minutes to find that out.
Meanwhile, if I don’t pick up when they call, they’re immediately sending texts to see why not. LOL. Know why? It’s basically because they’ve learned that I am far more accessible than they are — and it’s kind of got them feeling pretty bold about that.
Y’all, my friends know that if anyone has them in a clutch, I do. However, with folks like the friend that I’ve just mentioned, I’ve had to talk to them about the fact that just like they have a life, so do I — and what comes with that is the conclusion that just because something may be hella pressing to them, that doesn’t always and/or automatically mean that I should feel the same way.
Unfortunately, a lot of people are unnecessarily stressed out, far more than they ever should be, and it’s all because they believe that since someone else has an urgent matter they should share the load in the way that that person sees fit — and that’s simply not true.
I believe I’ve mentioned before that a lot of freedom came into my life once I learned the difference between who I am responsible for vs. who I am responsible to. That is its own article yet, for now, I’ll just say that you are responsible for yourself and, if you have children who aren’t adults, them. Everyone else, there are levels of accountability on the “to” point. Work that out for yourself and then move accordingly.
4. You Barely Have Any Boundaries Where They Are Concerned
I truly debated mentioning this one first because folks who choose not to honor your boundaries? And then you let them continue to do so? Oh, they sho ‘nuf have far too much access to you. Because I grew up with family members who moved like this, it was a long time before I realized that I don’t need to defend, explain, or justify WHY I set the limits that I do — and if I choose to expound, that is also privileged information because it’s certainly not a right for you to know why I decide for you to only have but so much space in my world.
To tell you the truth, that’s a big part of the reason why I continue to not have any social media accounts. Because I share so much of myself in my writing, I’m not interested in giving people I don’t even know the impression that they are entitled to know additional stuff about me or that they can ask certain things of me simply because they follow me on an IG page. I also have to be very careful with my clients in the sense that, although I am pretty casual in my approach, sometimes they have to be reminded that this is a work relationship, not a friendship; therefore, feeling like they should have access to me outside of our sessions isn’t accurate. Free time is for personal relationships.
Yet folks respecting boundaries goes way beyond that. When you tell people “no” or even “wait,” watch how they respond or react. If they’re irritated, or triggered or they try to get you to explain why you won’t do what they want (or why you won’t do it when they want you to), this is another example of them not respecting your boundaries. Indeed, as author Emma Gannon once said, “The only people who get upset when you start setting boundaries are the ones who benefited from you not having them.” Pass the plate. 10 times.
5. The Mere Thought of Them Drains You
Sometime last year, three different people told me the exact same thing about one person: they don’t like to answer their calls because it is mentally and emotionally draining to do so. I know this individual and so I can vouch for the fact that it’s not because they aren’t smart, funny, or engaging — it’s just that (especially when they get a couple of drinks in them) they really should get into some therapy because they are also bitter about many things, they’re emotionally stagnant about several experiences and they seem to focus on their problems far more than working to find real and lasting solutions. And people like that? BOY ARE THEY DRAINING.
We all have moments when we need someone to listen to us vent. Still, sometimes shouldn’t be all of the time and they definitely shouldn’t try to make you feel bad when you simply don’t have the ear or shoulder to give. People who do?
You already know what I’m going to say — they definitely have way too much access to you because if they think that you should be their on-call counselor? Not only are they a form of an energy vampire, but they are also kind of manipulating you. I say this because people should be grateful when others make time for their issues, problems, and concerns; they never should demand someone’s compassion, empathy, or energy. Again, only energy vampires roll that way — and those people are absolutely exhausting on every level. For your own sanity, monitor how much access they have to you.
6. They Don’t Respect Your Time
My damn twenties, boy. One day (hopefully soon), I’m going to write an article about how one of the biggest mistakes that young people make is thinking that 20-30 is when they should just jack off time and be reckless with their lives. For now, though, I’ll give an example of how I was back then — and how I was someone who didn’t respect other people’s time.
Back in the day, there was a couple in my life who also had a family, and boy, was I notorious for making plans with them…and then breaking them — without warning too. I mean that I would literally say that I am on my way for (say) dinner and then never show or call. Then when they would call me to see if I was okay and also tell me how foul I was for doing that, I would have the nerve to be irritated.
Immature. Selfish. Way too accessible to their lives. I was all of these things.
People who are constantly late. People who don’t keep appointments. People who are always making last-minute changes, who have a flippant attitude about your schedule, and/or will dismiss your need for time or space (for whatever the reason) — these are all examples of them not respecting your time which ultimately means that they don’t respect you…which also means that they have way too much access to you. Because why should someone be permitted into the time, effort, energy, and resources that you have to offer if they don’t even act as if your time and your being are valuable to them?
7. You Give More to Them than Your Damn Self
Let’s wrap this up with the fact that a healthy relationship has a healthy balance of give and take. That said, y’all, I used to be a bit of a tit-for-tat kind of person. What finally made me stop was realizing that I was acting that way because I was in a series of relationships where I was doing most of the giving. These days? My relationships are so seamless when it comes to reciprocity that, although my friends and I oftentimes give differently, we are there for each other, PERIOD.
One example of this is when my house burned down a few years back and then I lost one of my main paying gigs a month later, a friend of mine gave a generous amount towards the deposit of where I now live. It wasn’t a loan, it was a gift. Then, several months later, when they talked to me about needing to hire an assistant to do their scheduling and book some hotels while they were on the road, I volunteered to do it for free…indefinitely. If we were “measuring” things, I “paid off my debt” within the first three months of taking that on and that was years ago. Yet that isn’t the point: the point is that they came through when I needed them and I am here to do the same.
If when you think about your own relationships, there are people who you can’t feel this confident about, THEY HAVE WAY TOO MUCH ACCESS TO YOU. Even access should have some give and take to it — not just people who you grant permission to benefit from you while they refuse (because it is ALWAYS) a choice to do the same.
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A dictionary definition of access is “the ability, right, or permission to approach, enter, speak with, or use.” A part of what comes with having self-respect is realizing that you have the power to decide who gets to approach you, enter into your life, speak to you, and utilize you.
Now that you see those who need to be “reeled back” some, what are you going to do about it?
For those who need access denied, that’s not a bad thing. It is a form of self-preservation.
One that you won’t regret. I can vouch for that a billion times over.
Happily and peacefully so.
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