So, let’s not act like a lot of us don’t send our hair and scalp through it — and I mean, through it. That’s why, I had to totally agree with an article that I recently read by a Black female dermatologist who said that a part of the reason why our demographic struggles with thin or balding edges more than any other is due to a lot of our styling choices — or, more specifically, the fact that we don’t bring balance to many of them.
Between chemicals and dyes, wigs, weaves, heat, and protective styles that are tight as all get out, traction alopecia is something that somewhere around one-third of Black women experience on some level. And here’s the thing — if you’re out here believing that it’s normal for that to be the case, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Although there are some of us who genetically have edges that aren’t as thick as others, struggling edges, more times than not, can experience some level of restoration — so long as you catch it before scarring to your hair follicles occurs.
So, let’s get to it. If you’ve noticed lately that your edges are not thriving as much as you would want them to or you simply know that you aren’t being very proactive when it comes to providing your edges with the consistent TLC that they deserve, here are 10 things that will get them on track.
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1. Lighten Up on the Ponytails
Ponytails are cute. They are also super convenient. Problem is, if you’re pulling your hair too tight, your ponytail is constantly in the same position or you’re obsessing over edge control to slick your edges down, that can lead to some level of the traction alopecia that we just talked about or the ingredients in your edge control could end up drying your edges out.
That’s why it’s a wise move to not make a ponytail your automatic go-to every single day and that you also don’t make yourself feel like you need baby hairs all of the damn time (because trust me, you don’t. Your hairstyle will be cute regardless).
2. Switch Up Your Parts
This point right here is something that I am “preaching to the choir about” because if someone is down for a middle part, it’s me. Two challenges come with parting your hair the same way all of the time, though. For one thing, that section of your hair may start to break off due to constant styling, friction, and/or exposure to the weather elements. Secondly, if you’re parting your hair in order to lay your sides down, that pretty much does the same thing as the ponytails do.
Sometimes we don’t realize that it can be easier for the rest of our hair to be thick and long(er) if we’re not combing, brushing, and slicking it down so much. A sleek part is bomb, no doubt. If you want healthy edges, though, you’ve got to bring some variation into your hair looks.
3. Stop Clogging Up Your Edge’s Hair Follicles
The pore that each of your hair strands comes out of is called a hair follicle and when it gets clogged up, that can make it difficult for your hair to thrive. As far as what leads to a clogged follicle issue, everything from too much hair product, dead skin accumulation, sweat, sebum, bacteria, and dandruff flakes can all be the culprit. Not only that but since a lot of edge control products contain alcohol, sulfates, and heavy waxes, all of this is proof of why it’s so important that you do a gentle scalp scrub on your edges — at least on wash days. The clearer your edges’ follicles are, the better off your edges will ultimately be.
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4. Pay Attention to What You’re Washing (and Toning) Your Face With
Now here’s a hack that can save a lot of people on the edge haircare tip! A lot of times, when we’re washing our face (and then applying toner, because you do that, right?), the product that we use gets into our edges. Well, based on what chemicals are in the product, that can also start to dry them out as well. Bottom line here, be hypervigilant about trying to keep as much of your face wash (and toner) out of your edges — and if some does happen to get in there, thoroughly rinse your edges and then apply some leave-in conditioner. Just to be on the safe side.
5. Keep Your Edges Conditioned at All Times
On the heels of what I just said, it’s actually a really good idea to keep your edges well-conditioned at all times, period. That said, a product that you might want to try is Grow Your Edges Back’s Leave-In Conditioner. It’s a Black-owned organic company that makes products that are specifically designed to hydrate your edges with the leave-in being one of them. You can check out a testimonial from one of their customers here.
6. Make Sure Your Edge Controls Are “Hydrated”
One more thing about hydration. If, no matter what, you are going to slick your edges down, please make sure that your edge control is well-hydrated — and by that, I mean that it’s best to get the kind that has no alcohol and as much water in it as possible. If you have no clue of where to begin your search for those, there is a list of 10 alcohol-free edge controls here.
Also, YouTube is full of naturalistas who have reviewed some of their best and worst edge control product experiences. Just a few are located here, here, and here. And please, use a soft bristle brush for the smoothing process. Your edges are far more fragile than you probably think that they are, so that boar bristle? Yeah, keep that bad boy as far away from your edges as you possibly can, chile.
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7. Gently Massage Your Edges with Peppermint and Lemongrass
Massaging your scalp is what’s going to increase blood flow to your hair follicles so that they are able to receive the nutrients that they need so that your locks grow out healthy and strong. Not only that but a scalp massage can also help to reduce stress which sometimes plays a role in hair loss. Since your edges are technically a part of your scalp, make sure to massage them (again, gently) at least 2-3 times a week for 10-15 minutes at a time.
You can also pamper them by applying a mixture of grapeseed oil (it’s a light carrier oil that’s packed with antioxidants and vitamin E) and peppermint and lemongrass essential oils. Peppermint oil is good for your edges because it literally stimulates hair growth while lemongrass oil strengthens your hair follicles and cleanses your scalp too.
8. Detox from Creating Baby Hairs (All of the Time)
I believe I’ve shared before that I have a theory about so many of our people’s obsession with baby hairs. Whether some folks realize it or not, it might be their way of trying to look like they have “good hair.” Lawd (and it truly can’t be said enough) ALL HAIR IS GOOD HAIR, so no, your edges don’t need to be fried, dyed, and laid to the side (oftentimes, quite literally) in order for your hairstyles to be cute.
That’s actually the reason why I chose the feature picture that I did for this piece. She doesn’t have any baby hairs going on. Know what she does have, though? A head full of healthy edges. Now which would you prefer?
9. Ease Up on the Friction
Friction has never been nor will it ever be your edges’ friend. So, as much as it may pain some of you to consider it, you really do need to take breaks from what may be your favorite or automatic go-to hairstyles: wigs, weaves, or even protective styles like box braids and twists. Between the rubbing that the wigs and weaves may do and the tension that comes from the tightness of certain protective styles, if you’re always rocking these looks, while some parts of your hair may be “protected,” your edges certainly aren’t.
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10. CHILL. OUT.
Shout-out to YouTuber A N G I E B E E for her get-your-edges-back video series that you can check out here. Along with this article, her channel is a reminder that even if you apply all of these tips, a great set of edges still weren’t built in a day. Because hair tends to grow, at the most, an eighth of an inch every month, you’re going to need to be patient as your hair follicles and, ultimately your hair strands, get stronger. But if you are patient, you should see real results in 2-3 months and, nice edges? That is something that’s always worth the wait.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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1. Go All Out with the Christmas Décor
GiphyThere is someone I know who is so obsessed with Christmas, she’s damn near annoying-borderline-terrifying. I’m. Not. Kidding. Yet hey, if you’re going to do a holiday-themed staycation (emphasis on “holiday-themed”), that’s kind of how you’ve got to be. Some décor ideas include:
- A fresh Christmas tree (is the most ideal) that is ultimately decorated
- Wreaths on outside and inside doors
- Garland (with twinkle lights) in predictable and unpredictable places
- Poinsettias
- Mistletoes
- Snow globes
- A stocking (with some of your favorite things in it)
- Fake snow
- Stars
- Angels
- Candy canes
- A BLACK Santa (LOL)
I mean, since you are going to be spending a lot of time at home, it can feel like a mini-winter wonderland if you are intentional about doing more decorating to your living space than you ever have before!
2. Buy a Couple of Christmas-Themed PJs
GiphyWhile I was doing some research on a totally different topic, I happened upon an article that talked about the psychology behind why we should be intentional about what we wear to bed. When you stop to think about the fact that (hopefully) you are sleeping somewhere between 6-8 hours every night, it would make sense that things like the color and fabric of your sleepwear would have a real impact on you — even subconsciously.
Well, when it comes to Christmas décor, specifically, not only does it take you back to nostalgic memories, it can also boost your moods. So, aside from being on-10 with your Christmas décor, also invest in some Christmas-themed PJs. Since you’re going to be doing a lot of lounging around (RIGHT?), do it in something that makes you think about all of your favorite things about this time of year.
3. Cop Some Christmas-Scented Candles
GiphyThere really is no telling how many articles that I’ve written where I am singing the praises of scented soy candles. Candles are soothing, comforting and a very easy way to reduce stress. Also, since it gets darker quicker and for a longer period of time around this time of the year, candles provide a relaxing vibe to your home. Since it is Christmastime, go with scents that are reminiscent of the season:
- Cinnamon
- Vanilla
- Cranberry
- Apple
- Pine
- Frankincense and Myrrh
- Peppermint
- Cashmere
- Ginger(bread)
- Orange
- Sugar Cookies
- Sandalwood
- Cloves
- Cedarwood
- (Hot) Chocolate
Personally, one of my favorite candle companies is Goose Creek. Their signature collections will have your entire house smelling like a high-end bakery. No exaggeration.
4. Play Some Winter-Themed ASMR Sounds
GiphyI’m from Nebraska and my mother was a New Yorker. So, if there is one thing that I like, it’s seasons and that includes snow during wintertime. Unfortunately, Nashville is cray-cray when it comes to that. If, where you live, the weather is all over the place too (which is why I think it’s insane that some people still give pushback to global warming) and you would like for it to at least seem like you are in your own winter wonderland — invest in some fake snow to strategically place around your home.
Oh, and don’t forget to turn on some winter-themed ASMR sounds too. YouTube has videos that run for hours on end that feature blizzards and howling winds that really can make you feel like you are in the midst of an ice storm.
5. Host a Holiday Movie Marathon
GiphyOne thing to remember about a staycation is it doesn’t mean that you have to be alone or that the only people who can participate are the ones who live with you. Since a staycation is simply about staying close to home instead of traveling afar — absolutely consider having some of your favorite people over for a holiday-themed movie marathon. Shoot, Black America Web even did you a solid by publishing “25 Best Black Christmas Movies Of All Time;” plus, Tubi has a Black holiday hits section of indie films too.
Oh, and make sure to get creative with the Christmas-themed snacks. Some ideas? Some Kentucky-fried turkey tenders with cranberry hot sauce (recipe here), some Holiday Hot Spinach Dip (recipe here), some Grinch Kabobs (recipe here), some roasted pecans (recipe here) and some Pomegranate Guacamole (recipe here).
6. Spend a Night (or Two) at a Hotel or Vacation House
GiphyJust like you don’t have to be alone during a staycation, you also don’t have to be cooped up in your house the entire time. Get a change of scenery in your own city by spending the night in a hotel that you’ve always wanted to try out or renting a vacation house for you and some of your folks to hang out in during the time between Christmas and New Year’s Day. I have a “love little sister” who does this randomly when she needs a break from her work as a therapist. She says that it’s damn near like taking a trip (and she has PLENTY of passport stamps; trust me).
7. Have Brunch or Dinner at a Christmas-Themed Restaurant
GiphyIf nothing puts a bigger smile on your face than the thought of DoorDashing meals and barely even touching your stove during your staycation — hey, I am right there with you. Do consider going out to brunch or dinner during your chill time, though. It’s another way to bond with people and create some current holiday memories. And if you’ve got a bae and you opt for dinner, it can be a wonderful type of Christmas-themed date.
8. Go to a Holiday-Themed Concert
GiphyBeing that I got my start as an entertainment writer, hear me when I say that I’m not someone who just has to go to a live concert every chance that I get. Oh, but baby, when I saw that El DeBarge was doing a City Winery tour and he was going to be here right before Christmas — I booked myself a ticket quick, fast and in a super-duper hurry! Shoot, I didn’t even want to go with someone because I plan to give him and that falsetto voice of his my complete and undivided attention. LOL.
I don’t know what it is about the holiday season that makes live music that much more enjoyable — but if there is a concert that features one of your favorite artists happening right through here, consider that to be a cool way to “tour your city” while cultivating a really awesome memory at the same time.
9. Also, Go Ice Skating
GiphyOne of my fondest memories of time with my father is going ice skating. We actually would do it in the summer (because that is when I would visit him) and, every year, he would get me a new ice skating outfit. Even now, when I watch someone ice skate (even in movies; like in the classic movie Garden State), I will have warm fuzzies.
Anyway, if you’ve never been before, go. If it’s been forever since you have, also go. There is something that is very sweet and so signature Christmas about it. Plus, it’s a top-tier form of exercise.
10. Take a Christmas Lights Tour
GiphyAnother one of my favorite Christmas memories is driving through neighborhoods and looking at the Christmas lights. And just like a Christmas concert can be a form of hometown touring, so can doing this if you decide to choose a couple of areas where you’ve never really been or rarely frequent.
Now are you excited about the thought of experiencing a holiday-themed staycation?
I thought you would be. ENJOY!
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