
Ladies, You're Not Going To Survive The Rest Of 2020 Without These Group Chats

Lord, we are tired. We tired, Lord. We've made it to the fall season and we don't know if we can handle anymore, Lord.
If you haven't realized, there's only three more months remaining in this year! We've almost made it through the gauntlet—2020, you're almost gone, sis!
And for my Debbie-Downers, yes, I know that doesn't mean our problems are going to magically disappear, and yes, I know that COVID is still jigging all over the place. But sometimes a girl has got to look at the positives, m'kay?
And I don't know about you, but seriously, in addition to keeping my mind healthy, if it weren't for my variety of group chats, at this point, I would be questioning 2 + 2 (because after this year, the answer damn sure isn't 4 anymore)—which got me to thinking: in a distanced society, how can we make sure we tighten up what we allow to penetrate our minds?
The best way? Solid, focused communication; no distractions. No BS. All support.
According to GroupMe research, 43% of people feel like pop culture, and/or memes, are the only topics discussed in their group chats. Um, ew. No, ma'am. There's no better time than now to tighten up what we allow to nourish us mentally. It's becoming a twilight zone out there.
So, a list of group chats that you're gonna need to finish out this year are these:
Neighborhood
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Listen, it takes a village. And this oddly seems to be a lost art. Ladies, I know that some things may not be our business, and you're right, it's not. But bottom line, you need to know what is going on in your neighborhood. And not in a "Karen" way, but more so in a "Claire Huxtable" way, especially if you have kids. Get to know your neighbors, don't frown at an invite. You can't be everywhere, so it takes a village (there goes that saying again) to protect all of your assets. Additionally, your sense of community lies here.
If you're not interested in joining a direct conversational tool for your neighborhood, seek out Facebook groups or pages. You should not solely rely on the news, join an additional form of communication. Now, stop being anti- and go ahead and wave at Judy, sis!
Finance
Apple split its stock.
This natural resource company may be interesting to invest in.
Make sure to complete your trust.
Roth IRA vs. 401K?
I'm thinking of putting an offer in on this three-flat.
Add your child as an authorized user to your credit cards to build their credit by the time they leave the home.
Girls, we're all getting older. And the above, are the type of conversations that we need to be having sooner than not. Money is a tricky subject because so many don't understand it. And even then, to be honest, there's so much that we don't know. Link with like-minded people who understand money. And I don't mean fraud or get-rich-quick schemes, I mean those that are thoroughly discussing money. Mortgage rates, tax breaks, LLC formation, acquisitions, or optimizing investment funds and shareholders.
All the scary stuff. We need to know about it.
Good Reads
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Books will never go out of style. And learning the way of the world, won't either. Whether articles, or books, or audio, take the time to understand something. Order some books to escape reality. Or because of the stresses of society, seek books which allow you to suppress your anxiety. Whatever form you choose, do it. We can't champion this world alone. Book recommendations, or articles sent from friends are a love language. Indulge.
Cousins
As we age, what we've all mostly learned is that family is a tough code to break. Too many generations of not so progressive behaviors, generational curses, poor mental health practices, and so on and so forth (I could name like hundreds of different variables) run freely in everyone's family, but who else is responsible for keeping it together? It's us. Not to be confused with a family chat, but a cousin chat is necessary in those times when we need to organize what's to come. Where's Thanksgiving dinner this year? The family reunion? Do we have everything? Or our elders may need someone to reach out to for simply assistance on how the world works now. That obligation falls on our shoulders.
So, whether we want to or not, it is our job to keep the family in (somewhat) tact.
Everyone has had a turn to do so. It's ours now.
Prayer/Positivity
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Ladies, we need positivity. We need someone to speak life over us. We need celebration. We need a space where we can tell someone our good news. We need someone to stop us when we're gossiping. We need conversations where everyone was given the benefit of the doubt. We need prayer. We need spiritual guidance and protection...
The world is negative, society is negative. And that's only because we've allowed negative spirits and cynicism to take over. Be intentional in your thinking. Be intentional in conversation. And there's no time to just discuss it. Live it.
Active/Fitness & Health
Health is wealth, ladies. So, we have to prioritize our time to learn about ways to sustain our health. Vitamin recommendations, or weekly yoga classes. Workout classes or city fitness events. We have to find ways to stay on top of this. Or maybe you just need accountability without the nag. These type of group chats allow you to maintain activity in some form.
Plus, that blood pressure and cholesterol number is nothing to play with.
I recently joined a black bike club that rides regularly, which is all they look to do. They ask where you are if you miss a trip. They follow-up and follow-through. They challenge themselves, and they'll challenge you. A friend of mine runs a black women's hiking chapter. These are just two examples, there's a plethora of other ways to engage about fitness.
General Girlfriend Chat
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Now, you know the homies get a chat before anyone. Why? Because it's damn near necessary. We all have one, we all need one. The comfort, the comedy, the accountability. Crucial.
I cannot tell you how many times I have had bad days, or I've been enraged about something, and I ran to my friend chat to discuss. And instantly, everything had become OK. As women, we are always in our heads. Sometimes, we deserve moments where we can step outside of ourselves and hear, "Yeah, you're trippin', girl" or "Well, how did you feel about that?" Or hell, maybe you just want to tell a funny story. Whatever the case, your girlfriends' chat should always be there to catch whatever you're throwing.
And the best thing about your general girlfriend chat, is that you should easily—and fundamentally—be able to discuss all of the above too.
Join us in the xoTribe community and gain access to Mentor Mondays, bi-weekly workshops from our dating and career coaches, an archive of digital fireside chats, and virtual happy hours. Plus, connect with Necole, the xoNecole squad and a community of empowering women committed to being their best selves. Find your tribe today!
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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Check Out The 8 Summer Fruits That Are Crossover Beauty Hacks Too
Yesterday, while in a store waiting for my watch to get fixed, I ended up talking to one of the customer service people who was in there. The discussion began with light stuff like the weather, and when he said, “Isn’t this heat crazy?” I responded by saying, “I mean, is it? It is the South, and it is summertime.”
Learning how to roll with the seasons (both literally as well as metaphorically) is a life lesson that will spare you so much, trust me. Besides, it’s not like each season (again, literally as well as metaphorically) doesn’t have its perks. As far as the summer one goes, summer dresses, vacations, longer days, more ice cream than ever, and also, some pretty impressive fruit is in season during that time…some of which I’m about to tackle from a strictly beauty tips position.
Yep. Today, I’m going to share some of the beauty-related benefits that come from some of summertime’s most popular fruits, along with a couple of ways (for each) that you can incorporate them into looking your best, whether you’re going on a girls’ outing, you’ve got a hot date or you simply have some beauty goals that you want to achieve before fall rolls around.
The Beauty Benefits of Summer’s Juiciest Fruits
1. Watermelon
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Since “water” is literally in the word, I’m thinking it doesn’t surprise you very much that watermelon is made up of 92 percent agua. This means that, off top, it’s great for hydration. Aside from that, though, watermelon is a fruit that reduces inflammation in bones and joints while decreasing muscle soreness (if working out is your thing). Watermelon also contains vitamins A and C to keep your skin in good condition and, since it has a good amount of fiber in it too, watermelon can also help to detox your system.
If you’re looking for an all-natural toner, this DIY Watermelon Cucumber Face Toner recipe (here) uses the Vitamin A in watermelon to brighten your skin along with the antioxidants in cucumber to rejuvenate it. You can also try a DIY Watermelon Face Mask (here); it also contains plain yogurt that helps to deeply moisturize your skin, protect your skin from damaging skin rays and it can even reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles.
2. Mangoes
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Stringiness aside, mangoes are definitely one of my favorite fruits, so it’s a real bonus that it’s good for me (and you) on the beauty tip. The vitamin C in it will help your skin to produce collagen, so that your skin looks young and vibrant. The copper that it contains can help to slow down premature graying (check out “This Is How To Naturally Treat Premature Greying”). Its vitamin B6 improves your skin’s elasticity while its vitamin E content can increase blood circulation to your scalp, so that your hair is stronger.
Got an unexpected pimple that you want to speed up the healing process of? Try the Mango-Rose Water Cleanser recipe (here). The vitamins A (that it also has), C and E will soothe the zit while the raw milk in the recipe will deeply moisturize and the rose water will help to reduce the inflammation. On the other hand, if you want to deep condition your hair, you can do so with the Mango Butter Hair Mask recipe (here). The recipe calls for eggs that contain protein to strengthen your hair and mango butter that will soften your locks. Speaking of mango butter, if you want to experiment even more with it, check out Humble Bee and Me’s “10 Recipes to Make with Mango Butter.”
3. Strawberries
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I don’t know about y’all but, to me, few things taste better than strawberries and fresh whipped cream — and the fact that they’re another warm weather fruit that is actually good for you? Lawd. Although they technically are more of a late spring fruit as far as seasons go, you can still find them at your local grocery store and even farmers’ market. Good thing too because strawberries are made up of 91 percent water and are another good source of fiber and vitamin C. The anti-inflammatory properties in strawberries are good at fighting acne and the malic acid in them can help to prevent teeth discoloration.
As far as your oral health goes, while eating fresh strawberries is good for you, if you’ve read that brushing your teeth with a combination of strawberries and baking soda is all the rage (as far as teeth whitening is concerned) — yeah, you might want to be careful with that. Since strawberries are highly acidic and baking soda can be somewhat abrasive, the combo, long-term, can lead to thinning enamel.
Instead, use strawberries for things like making your own DIY Strawberry Smash Moisturizer (here). The cocoa butter in this moisturizer will deeply hydrate your skin as well as soften the appearance of stretch marks and minor scars while the aloe will soothe and reduce skin symptoms that are related to psoriasis and eczema. Another cool strawberry recipe? How about the Strawberry Shortcake Lip Scrub DIY one (here)? Talk about a delicious way to keep your lips super soft and smooth.
4. Apricots
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If you’ve ever wondered what the difference is between apricots and peaches, apricots are smaller and not as sweet as peaches are; in fact, they have a bit of a tart taste to them. Your skin will like them because they contain a fair amount of vitamins A, C and antioxidants to keep your skin radiant and glowing. They are made up of around 85 percent water which will help to keep your hair, skin and nails hydrated; plus, the high amount of fiber in your gut can help to keep you regular, so that your breakouts are decreased.
If you’re looking to rejuvenate your skin, try making your own Apricot Scrub (here). A recipe that contains honey will help to lighten your skin and fade acne scarring while the fresh lemon juice will help to remove acne-causing bacteria and boost collagen levels in your skin. Speaking of scrubs, the Apricot Lip Scrub (here), although it calls for apricot oil rather than the fruit itself, is another way to keep your lips super soft all summer long.
5. Cherries
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Although they seem to be costing an arm and a leg out here this summer (SMDH), hands down, another one of my favorite summer fruits are Bing cherries. Since they’re filled with fiber and they’re a pretty good source of vitamin C, copper, antioxidants and anti-inflammatory agents, I’m sure that you get that these sweet treats are great for your system overall. What they can do for you, as far as your beauty goals go, is fight any cellular damage that is in your skin, they can help to speed up the healing process of breakouts and they also contain sleep compounds, so that you’re able to get the beauty rest that you need.
Is your skin super dry? You might want to try this Nourishing Cherry & Peach Mask for Dry Skin recipe (here). I’ll explain what the peaches can do for your skin in just a moment. For now, though, another ingredient in this mask is extra virgin olive oil; that is bomb because it deeply moisturizes, helps to reduce signs of aging and it gently yet effectively removes make-up (if you’re worried about some of it clogging up your pores).
Another cherry-related beauty hack? You can get your skin ready for your swimsuit with this Cherry Vanilla Body Scrub recipe (here). The granules of the sugar will help to remove dead skin, the coconut oil will moisturize, soften and even your skin tone and the sweet almond oil will reverse sun damage and even soften the appearance of stretch marks.
6. Limes
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Maybe it’s just me, but I personally think that when it comes to cocktails and mocktails, limes make them so much better. You should consider adding them to your beauty regimen because limes are a good source of vitamin C and antioxidants which are both really good for keeping your skin youthful. Since they also help your system to absorb iron, if your goal is to grow longer locks, lime can help in that department too (since iron deficiency and hair loss are connected).
Oh, and if you’re looking to shed a few pounds this summer season, lime water can help with that too. That’s because the citric acid that’s in limes can help to increase your metabolism and prevent as much fat from storing up in your body.
Looking to clarify your hair on wash day? This Revitalizing Lime Hair Rinse recipe (here) is just what you need. The combination of the lime juice and apple cider vinegar that’s in it will remove the build-up that’s on your scalp and in your hair without over-drying it. Something else that could be fun is this Vanilla, Coconut, Cocoa and Lime Lip Balm recipe (here). All of its ingredients can help to keep your lips really smooth and very kissable from sunrise to sunset.
7. Peaches
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There is nothing like digging into a sweet and juicy peach! Fiber aside, two things that this fruit has an impressive amount of are vitamin A and potassium. Aside from the skin brightening that I mentioned earlier, some other cool things about vitamin A is it helps to prevent (or reduce) skin sagging, it’s pretty effective at treating psoriasis and it also decreases damage that UV rays tend to cause. Potassium? Potassium is cool because it helps to keep your cells well-hydrated, your bones (including your teeth) nice and strong and it also builds muscle (as you’re working out).
If you’ve got a date coming up, pamper your skin with a Peaches & Cream Facial Scrub (here). The oatmeal in the recipe is a powerful exfoliant and skin moisturizer. When it comes to your hair, apply this really simple Peach Hair Mask recipe (here). Peaches are a wonderful moisturizer overall and besides, just imagine how delicious your locks will smell after using it!
8. Melons
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Whether it’s cantaloupe (which is made up of a little over 90 percent water) or honeydew (which has the same amount of water in it as cantaloupe does), you’re in for a refreshing treat if you like either one. And the cool thing, beauty-wise, is both of these melons are full of vitamin C and antioxidants to keep your skin thriving. Something else that both cantaloupe as well as honeydew have in them are electrolytes; electrolytes are good for your skin because they both moisturize it as well as help to strengthen your skin’s barrier.
If you’ve got 4C-type hair, your strands will be all about the DIY Melon Hair Mask for 4C Hair recipe (here) where the combination of the melon puree, coconut oil and essential oils will deeply condition and strengthen your hair. Skin-wise, a Melon Lime Toning Mask (recipe is here) can tone your skin with the help of two basic ingredients: your choice of honeydew or cantaloupe and lime. As a bonus, another all-natural beauty treat is the Cucumber Melon Lotion Bar recipe that consists of cucumber melon fragrance essential oil (here).
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Excuse the pun but…pretty cool, right? If you’ve been wondering what to do with the little bit of summer fruit that you have left, now it has another purpose: bringing out the best in you, beauty-wise.
Just one more than to love about summer, right? I totally agree.
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