

THIS IS JILL.
Photo courtesy of Jill Louise Busby
Not long ago, Jill Louise Busby garnered tens of thousands of followers on Instagram as Jill Is Black - the witty social commentator. People dug her finger-pointing and finger-wagging. Her social media content was eloquent and angry, geared toward white supremacy, hierarchy, and oppression, calling out anything or anyone that didn't jive with her political and social opinions.
People loved it. The pithy way she commanded words marked her for influence and thought leadership. As a queer, Black woman, writer, filmmaker, and speaker, Busby has always been committed to fighting for her people. But she's laid down her sword and shield of rage and self-righteousness and found another approach for social justice that doesn't leave her drained and unhappy: The pursuit of honesty.
"Honesty is revolutionary."
This simple and sobering declaration sits just beneath her photo on Jill Louise Busby's website. Fitting, as submission to its pursuit has become the social justice commentator's North Star instead of anger.
JILL IS BLACK.
It all started on Instagram. Jill posted for fun. Her beautiful and artsy self-portraits and witty, thought-provoking captioning drew a nice little crowd. She mused and offered hilarious critique on a swath of topics including social justice, dating, and the hierarchies we create to feel superior to one another. People agreed with her. People followed her. Her Instagram following rose to a cool 5k without her even trying.
Then Instagram introduced its 30-second video component.
"The running joke was that I would never do videos because I am a writer."
But something happened. Jill, a queer Black woman, was hired at a nationally-recognized nonprofit to help steer diversity and inclusion. It wasn't long before she found herself frustrated with the politics and futility of the work.
Jill did the one thing she said she'd never do — she recorded and posted a video ranting about it. And then, she went to sleep.
"I woke up the next day, I had about 20,000 more followers. People were sending me this video from various [digital platforms] with a million views and I'm like, 'Holy shit.'" Busby remembers with wonder.
Jill soon found herself churning out videos - summoning a deep anger toward systems, people, and points-of-view. Anger was good. Anger signaled authority. Anger did numbers. Anger built a platform. Busby was soon being invited to speak on racism and oppression across the country.
"For me, this particular 'Jill Is Black' vehicle pulled up at my door and suddenly I had the decision to get in and ride or wait and be myself. And I got in the car for a while. A lot of people get in the car because in a society where we crave and love fame, most people are gonna say, 'Yes.' And I understand that. It would be hypocritical of me to say that I haven't enjoyed parts of social capital and popularity. But what is true is, I simply couldn't do it anymore and be a happy person," Jill says with striking clarity.
With her wellness taking a beating, she asked herself one question that made the decision to get out of that car a bit easier:
"Is this the machine you want to feed?"
Maybe she had been wrong about a lot of things and what if being wrong was ok? What if being right all of the time wasn't real or even necessary?
"I said to myself, 'Jill, I need you to stay open. I need you to talk about all the times you were wrong.' I was really guilty of not being open. Of not questioning myself, my motives, who I was to even present some of this information. I also think I did it with a smug-ass face. There is something about being 'Jill Is Black' that feels very important because I went hard in it but [I knew] this [wasn't] going to work."
Busby's realization uncovers a few compelling thoughts: We're all using the same buzzwords and vying for the ultimate forms of political rightness. What room do we make for personal error and evolution? Do we consider that the public opinion and societal norms we believe to be most 'right' and true today will quite likely become outdated and even problematic in a few years? Why do we hold so tightly to the idea of being unequivocal and indomitable authorities?
Photo courtesy of Jill Louise Busby
SEE JILL REFLECT.
How Jill Louise Busby is learning to engage with truth and honesty as daily practice is a masterclass our digitally-obsessed and self-righteous society could stand to sit in on.
"I still have a passion for fighting for us [but with] a priority for doing that honestly."
'Ego work' is what Busby calls this awakening and journey inward. It has been, is, and will always be the opposite of what's popular. But that's just the kind of internal and external battle Busby welcomes with open arms.
"I say 'ego work because I'm spending my time saying, 'Yo, where is your ego right now? What is your purpose? And if you're scared that people will find out what you actually believe then you're not living correctly. We like this feeling of being right all the time. I get that. That's an enticing thing. If the relationship you want to other people is simply to correct them and beat them into submission… What we should start looking at is what we're getting out of that," Jill explains with conviction.
Her focus is on herself and those who may be on the same path she was on. "I wanted to [start talking] about myself. I wanted to talk about the me's of the world. Little hipster Black girls who go around spouting this rhetoric that they heard in college. Some of us are doing it sincerely and some of us are doing it for capitalism. So I was going to talk about myself and that's what I did. Eventually I was talking about just me. I'm not going to fuel a rage machine for capitalism. I'm not going to do it for self-righteousness. I'm not going to do it for peer approval."
Jill admits that choosing introspection over dogma is a lifestyle change that doesn't draw coins or clout.
"I think if we were really being true to ourselves we would not have lots and lots of followers for living honestly. I'm losing them everyday so I know that," she chuckles knowingly.
"My mom once said, 'Being a prophet won't bring you much profit.' And I find that to be true. Everybody's vying for the top spot because it's lucrative. You get to tour. You get to write the book. You get to do the guest spot. And the thing is that racism will always feed itself. So you'll always be in a position to talk about it. When we look at our heroes from 40 years ago, they're still doing college tours. Race is good money; honesty isn't."
It's possible that those who found comfort in Jill Is Black's rage cannot fathom Jill Louise Busby's newfound peace. It's possible that some may view her pivot toward introspective social commentary not as pro-Black as her former dogmatic approach. But those opinions matter not. Jill Louise Busby is standing in the fullness of her story.
"I'm a better person as a full person. You don't get 'Jill Is Black' without Jill. Whoever we are online, we don't get those people without where that originated from. You can't take one without the other."
She is just as passionate as ever about fighting for Us. Less concerned with reactive rhetoric, she is interested in expression and internal work that purges the dross and excavates the gold of truthful expression, connection, and actual forward movement.
Photo courtesy of Jill Louise Busby
SEE JILL SUBMIT.
'Submit' perfectly sums up Jill's life right now.
She says, "As a recovering know-it-all there is something really beautiful about submitting to a process."
Busby has settled into the safety and awe of knowing that she doesn't know everything. The humility of remaining teachable. It's a gift she'd give anyone searching.
"The encouragement that I would [want to] give people is to try a.) reclaiming control over your life and [not being ruled by anger]. b.) I encourage you to try saying, 'I don't know. I don't fuckin' know.' Eventually you will become addicted to the feeling of saying, 'I was wrong about that shit,' and that feels great."
Currently, she's channeling her energy into her art. She is writing screenplays and working on a film. Her show 'Moms As Managers' (in its third season) which stars herself and her real-life mother is a multi-generational creation. The premise: her mother manages a fictitious character who deals with 'every demon' Busby's dealt with and together they tackle a 'menagerie of millennial anguishes' including but not limited to 'ambition, belonging, race, and identity.'
And as one of the 2019 Writers-In-Residence with the Rhode Island Writer's Colony, Jill is also working on a book. It won't be full of the obligatory dramatic short essays. She's penning something we can sink our teeth into.
While Jill Is Black has her place, Jill Louise Busby is in the driver's seat from here on out.
For more of Jill, check out her website here.
Ashley is a storybuilder and storyteller who writes and produces to inform, connect, encourage and evoke. Vibe with her on Twitter/Instagram: @ashleylatruly.
Eva Marcille On Starring In 'Jason’s Lyric Live' & Being An Audacious Black Woman
Eva Marcille has taken her talents to the stage. The model-turned-actress is starring in her first play, Jason’s Lyric Live alongside Allen Payne, K. Michelle, Treach, and others.
The play, produced by Je’Caryous Johnson, is an adaptation of the film, which starred Allen Payne as Jason and Jada Pinkett Smith as Lyric. Allen reprised his role as Jason for the play and Eva plays Lyric.
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Leon Bennett/WireImage
We don’t get to choose the order we’re born into, but it’s wild how much it can shape who we become. Though birth order may seem like an inconsequential family fun fact, it can influence how we move, love, lead, and even how we see ourselves. Whether you're the dependable oldest, the often-overlooked middle child, the free-spirited baby in the family, or the only child who grew up as their own best friend, there's a chance a few of your core personality traits are tied to the role you played growing up.
Eldest Daughter Syndrome had its viral moment online last year, and for good reason. The term gave language to the silent pressures so many eldest daughters tend to carry as a result of their birth order. Beyond that very needed conversation, birth order as a whole can offer insight into not only our traits and tendencies, but also how we show up in life, love, and even our work.
Below, we’re breaking down the traits most commonly associated with each birth order. Keep reading to learn what your birth order might say about you.
If you are the oldest...
Let's be real, being the firstborn often comes with a lot of responsibility. And it's usually not by choice. From early on, they’re the ones who set the tone, carry the weight, and take on the title of "the responsible one." Because of that, they often grow into reliable, high-achieving adults. But the pressure of being "the blueprint" and the one to "lead by example" can also be a heavy burden to bear.
Oldest child traits may look like:
- Natural leaders that take charge even when they didn’t mean to (read: she's bossy, but keeping it cute)
- High standards (for yourself and everyone else)
- Motivated, goal-oriented, and always chasing that next accomplishment
- Reliable and conscientious
- Perfectionist tendencies that can lead to burnout
- Struggles with being controlling or micromanaging
- Often cautious, craving stability over spontaneity
- Finds it hard to rest or ask for help
If you are the middle child...
In the grand scheme of the birth order lineup, the middle child can be the quiet MVPs. As the child who falls in the order "in-between," they’re used to being the one who keeps the peace while also fighting to stand out. But being the “in-between” can also mean feeling overlooked or forgotten. In some families, especially ones with toxic dynamics, the middle child may even take on the role of the "black sheep," while their siblings are seen as the golden children. Still, despite (or maybe because of) that, middle children tend to thrive socially and can read a room like the back of their hand.
Middle child traits may include:
- Top-tier peacemakers who can smooth over almost any situation
- Adaptable and easygoing (even when they’re lowkey screaming inside)
- Often feel overlooked or like they have to do the most to be seen
- People-pleasers who put everyone else first
- Social butterflies and community-minded, with strong friendships outside the family
- Can be rebellious when they feel boxed in
- Thrive when they’re allowed to define success on their own terms
- The ultimate go-between, translating vibes between generations, personalities, and moods
If you are the youngest...
The baby of the family walks through life knowing how to charm, persuade, and perform. They often grow up with more freedom and fewer expectations, which fuels their adventurous and carefree side. But that same freedom can sometimes lead to entitlement, or a tendency to seek validation by being the "fun one."
Youngest child traits might include:
- Social butterflies who light up a room and don’t mind the spotlight
- Natural charmers, funny, flirtatious, and usually down for anything
- Can be a little self-centered or attention-seeking (but you still love them for it)
- Tend to keep things uncomplicated… unless they’re not getting their way
- Known to be manipulative when trying to get what they want
- Free-spirited and bold in their choices
- Often underestimated, but capable of big things when they focus
- Thrive in spaces that let them express, explore, and be a little extra
If you are the only child...
Only children can be the ultimate "one woman show" as they are often a mix of all the birth orders rolled into one. Without siblings, they learn to entertain themselves, advocate for their needs, and navigate adult conversations early. That independence can make them magnetic, mature, and deeply introspective, but it also comes with a deep craving for validation and control.
Only child traits can include:
- Mature and wise beyond their years, often viewed as old souls
- Conscientious and responsible, usually the go-to person in their circle
- Seek approval and validation more than they let on
- Natural leaders with big ideas and even bigger plans
- Can be sensitive and deeply affected by criticism
- Prefer structure, routines, and control (sometimes to a fault)
- Like things done their way (and don’t love compromising)
- Thrive in solitude but still want to feel seen and celebrated
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by KALA STUDIO/Getty Images