In xoNecole's "How She Got Here", we uncover the journey of fearless, ambitious women at the top of their game with unconventional not-so-everyday careers. Instead of asking them about their careers, xoNecole dissects the hardships, rejections and nontraditional roads travelled by these women to create the positions they have today.
While Grace Lynne Haynes may be the 28-year-old painter behind the scenes, her artwork surely isn't. We're willing to bet that your favorite New Yorker covers starring "flat female figures in a single line," as described by Elle.com, have been curated by the Los Angeles native herself. "I find that Black women are leaning towards more diverse representations. We've all heard of the strong Black woman archetype, and I think so many of us are tired of this type of imagery," Haynes told xoNecole about the evolution of artistic portrayal of Black women, especially during the height of the Black Lives Matter movement.
"I know so many Black women who crave representation that showcases other attributes to our womanhood such as our nurturing side, the way we have kinship with one another and our vulnerability which is often left unprotected. I see more of these presentations through various art films such as television, social media and photography. Could there be a more diverse and nuanced representation? Of course, but we have come a long way."
Though there is no traditional route or rulebook to becoming an artist, Grace Lynne acknowledges her journey as one that she has learned from to become the woman in the creative spaces that she is today. "I got here simply through hard work, sacrifice, and faith in God," the Art Center College of Design graduate told xoNecole. "Stepping into my artistic identity was a spiritual decision, and when you are connected to your creative spirit, it will guide you on where to go and whom to go to."
For this installment of "How She Got Here", xoNecole spoke with Grace Lynne about the spiritual journey that led her to her artistry, getting rejected from her top choice graduate school and the lessons she's learned along the way of her journey as an artist:
AN ARTISTS’ DUTY IS TO REFLECT THE TIME
Courtesy of Grace Lynne
At the beginning of our interview, Haynes quoted singer-songwriter and activist Nina Simone to best describe who she is as an artist and why she does what she does: "An artist's duty is to reflect the time." "I firmly believe that an artist shows what society has the potential to be, or reflects the reality of society to its audience," she said as she defined her purpose.
Grace Lynne Haynes always knew that she had a keen interest in art from a young age, but stopped drawing during her teenage years because she felt "discouraged and didn't see the purpose." It wasn't until her early 20s when she began to sit with her purpose and passion for art and strategically shape her future around happiness and her pursuit of it. After exploring art through community art classes and Tumblr blogging, Haynes had a spiritual moment of realization and tapped into the new artistic waves of her brain.
"Colors were brighter, scents were stronger and it was as if my life experience overall was enhanced and much more visible. Since then, I made a commitment to dedicate my life to art making. This wasn't just a practical decision, it was spiritual. This made the journey seamless and everflowing, because I was in my purpose and I was willing to do the hard work."
When Haynes decided to take her passion and transform it into a career, she started as a commercial illustrator and designer - but admittedly had much apprehension about the flow of money. "Coming from a low-income background, I knew I wanted to pursue a creative career but was afraid of the income trajectory. I figured commercial art was a way to be creative and bring in consistent income." Throughout her undergraduate career she had various jobs throughout her career path that both generated income and drive for her passion, including painting for a denim company, freelance commissioning for theatre companies, teaching art classes, and working as a Communications Manager for a non-profit. "Transitioning into the gallery world so soon was a complete surprise. I always say the gallery world chose me, not the other way around. I always painted as a hobby, and showcased my works online. Eventually my hobby started to garner more attention than my commercial art and I was able to become a full-time artist," Haynes revealed to xoNecole.
Above all things, her confidence in her talent and artistic abilities is a key component in who Grace Lynne Haynes is today. "If I'm not confident, then my creativity lacks and I'm not motivated to be ambitious. Even at the very early stages of my career, I've always been super confident in my work," she said. "I would apply for top notch residencies, art programs and scholarships even though my work was still in the development stages. My applications and artist statements were always confident, and this led me to Kehinde Wiley's Black Rock Senegal Residency which completely changed my life and career."
THE CREATIVE PROCESS
Unfortunately, during the coronavirus, like most creatives, Haynes had to readjust and turn lemons into lemonade. "Each day looks different, especially because of COVID and I am also in graduate school," said the current Rutgers University student about her day-to-day routine as an artist. "On a typical weekday, I have class in the morning, and I head to my art studio right after. Some days instead of going to the studio I'll read a book that is related to my art thesis. The book I am currently reading is Glitch Feminism by Legacy Russell. Some days, with all of the heaviness in the world, I don't feel inspired to create so I'll do research or sketch to take the pressure off."
When it comes to the actual painting, Haynes prefers to sketch before hitting the brushes and toy around with compositions and colors. "For the pose, sometimes I'll have a friend pose for me or will do a few poses myself for visual reference. After a bit of experimentation, I begin to paint on the actual canvas itself."
"The majority of my ideas come from an accumulation of imagery and experiences I have collected within my subconscious or on my laptop. In my work, I like to use color as a verb, as a form of action. I'm very interested in the colors that we choose to wear and surround ourselves with and how that shapes our environment."
Similar to her creative process, the journey of being an artist - a Black female artist at that - is no cake walk, but Haynes has mastered the art of riding the wave and learning to go with the flow.
THE NEW YORK[ER] STATE OF MIND
When you trust the process, you'd be surprised at the outcome and where life can lead you. Who would've thought that this would have led Grace Lynne Haynes to land her acclaimed interpretation of Sojourner Truth on the cover of The New Yorker to mark the hundredth anniversary of the Nineteenth Amendment. She described the major placement as "the most thrilling experience," especially during the peak of the Black Lives Matter movement. "So many people were supporting Black artists by reposting and sharing our artworks. I received about 8,000 new followers in less than two weeks, which led to my work attracting the attention of VOGUE and eventually The New Yorker. They reached out about the opportunity to submit sketches to celebrate the '100th Anniversary of Women's Rights'. I had two days to make the painting, and stayed up all night to finish the final product. It was all worth it in the end and I'd do it all over again."
As an advocate for Black women through her work, and as she said in a CNN interview, Grace Lynne takes it upon herself to "explore what it means to be a Black woman in 2020" in her artwork.
"In my work, I strive to think about how being both a millennial and a Black woman have shaped my perspective on womanhood. I think this is an era where Black women are finally getting opportunities to pursue freedom. We are able to have flourishing careers, pursue our passion and be more selective about who we choose to partner with."
"There are so many sacred havens, especially online, of Black women coming together and giving tips on how to survive and thrive in this world with what has been given to us. I strive to showcase Black women in their own sacred spaces and interiors," she continued to tell xoNecole. "The way we choose to decorate these interiors, and the colors we choose to showcase all are representative of our individual identities. I strive to showcase this in my work. "
5 Lessons We Learned From Grace Lynne's Career Journey
Don’t Think, Just Do
"One of the major challenges is the pressure to make art strictly for capital gain. It's important that the work comes from the heart, and not to think too much about how it fits into the 'art market' or if it will sell. Thinking about this waters down my art process, and creates an anxious art process. Fortunately, I am now at a place to fully explore my creativity without any bounds. I think every artist should do check-ins with their work to make sure the market isn't swaying their decision on what to create."
Patience Is Key
"I've never had a moment where I wanted to give up or change career paths. Even through intense struggle and rejection, I knew that this is all part of the journey. I've had moments where I thought, is the hard work really worth it? But I realized sometimes it takes a few years for the world to notice the work. Paintings that I created over four years ago are finally getting recognition. Sometimes it's dependent on timing."
Learning The Difference Between Loneliness & Being Alone
"I've learned that success is great, but it doesn't mean much if you have no one to celebrate it with. I used to isolate myself when creating and building my career. When things began to pick up, I looked around and realized I wasn't too happy with my social life and relationships that I was building. My mental health was not at its best either, and it was affecting my interactions with people. I took time to slow down and focus on my personal life, and ensure that I had a stable and supportive community around me. It's so important to not neglect your mental health, because success can feel empty if you don't have a well-rounded life. Career success isn't the only type of success, and shouldn't be the only focus in your life. Balance is essential for a more well-rounded type of success."
Start From The Bottom & You’ll Get Here
"Do the work, there is no way out of it. We all have to pay our dues. In the beginning, you'll have to deal with the rejection letters, working to build others careers, and doing jobs that you aren't passionate about. This is part of the process, and it's a season we all have to cope with. Remember everyone has a different timeline, and sometimes your career might blossom at a different pace than your peers and this is OK. Also don't let your ego get in the way of great opportunities for fear of rejection. I know so many artists that don't apply for opportunities because they hate the idea of being rejected. Develop a healthy detachment from your work to be able to not take everything personally, and look at your work outside of yourself."
No Regrets, Just Lessons Learned
"I've made many mistakes in my career and will continue to do so because I am human. It is all a part of the journey, that is how you learn and grow. I've been fired from certain positions, missed deadlines and opportunities, and miscommunicated. I can't turn back or redo anything so I simply look forward knowing that I am not perfect and I am a young artist still figuring out her way."
For more information on Grace Lynne, follow her on Instagram and check out her official website.
Featured image courtesy of Nick Romanenko
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Here's Why Very Few Relationships Can Actually Be 'Platonic'
Recently, while in an interview, someone asked me if I think that men and women can be just friends. I didn’t even hesitate to answer; my response was immediate, “Absolutely.” What I followed that up with is what intrigued them — “Life has taught me that not a lot of male/female dynamics are ‘platonic’, though.” When they asked me to expound, the interview ended up taking a whole ‘nother turn.
As a writer who really pays attention to word meanings, something that can be a bit frustrating about our culture is the fact that based on whatever is popular at the time, folks will just up and change the original definitions of words to suit a particular agenda or whim — and the word “platonic” 1000 percent fits into this category. And perhaps that’s why we seem to continue to go in circles about whether or not people of the opposite sex can (and should) be friends and what that even can (and should) look like.
Let’s talk about it for a bit. Because as a word-literal type of individual, while again, I absolutely believe that men and women can be friends, at the same time, I think it’s about as rare as a red diamond to truly find yourself in a friendship that is…platonic.
It’s Time (More) Folks Knew What ‘Platonic’ LITERALLY MeansGiphy
So, let’s do first things first — let’s define what it literally means for something to be platonic. If you go to your favorite search engine and put something along the lines of “What does platonic mean?”, the first thing that you’re (probably) going to see is a ton of dictionary definitions that say something along the lines of “of, relating to, or being a relationship marked by the absence of romance or sex” (Merriam-Webster), “designating or of a relationship, or love, between a man and a woman that is purely spiritual or intellectual and without sexual activity” (Your Dictionary) and, my personal favorite, “purely spiritual; free from sensual desire, especially in a relationship between two persons of different sexes” (Dictionary). Yeah, bookmark that last one; I’ll be circling back.
Keeping this in mind (and please do), where does the word “platonic” actually come from? From what I’ve researched, the philosopher Plato once penned something entitled “Symposium.” In it, he addressed the topic of two people sharing the kind of love that is free of any type of sensual desire; one that is based on divine love alone. An author from the 1800s broke it down this way: “Platonic love meant ideal sympathy; it now means the love of a sentimental young gentleman for a woman he cannot or will not marry.” A write-up on Merriam-Webster’s site stated that, “The term platonic was initially used to mock non-sexual relationships, as it was considered ridiculous to separate love and sex, but eventually this connotation faded away leaving us with today's notion of close friendships.” Yeah, we used to live in a culture where love and sex were not separated. Hmph, that’s another article for another time, though (check out “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex'”).
Anyway, as with many things (especially in our culture), the word “platonic” is kind of used in “broad strokes” these days (bromances, female friendships, etc.). However, because there continues to be this forever discussion — and oftentimes debate — about whether or not men and women can be “just friends,” I’m going to tackle this topic strictly from that angle — from the place where platonic actually originated.
Yes, Men and Women Can Be Just Friends. But…Giphy
At this stage in my life, I’m pretty sure that I have more male friends than female ones. There are layers of reasons why, yet I think a huge one is because I like the balance that masculinity brings to my femininity (especially as I'm learning to embrace different aspects of my femininity, intentionally, even more). And while every single one of my male friends is respectful and is a super safe space in my world on every single level that I can imagine (and have been for years now), there are probably only a couple who I would say 100 percent qualify as being…trulyplatonic.
Why would I say that? Well, I’ll illustrate this point with something that one of my male friends once said to me. He’s super cute. He can sing his ass off (and definitely has one of my favorite speaking voices). People see us out together often and some have told us that they assume that we’ve had something going on at some point. Anyway, after hearing someone share their theory about us, I told it to him.
Me: “I told him, ‘He’s my brother. We would never mess around.'”
My Friend: “Correction, you are like a sister. You are not my sister, though. Under the right conditions, you could still get it.”
When I shared that exchange with another male friend of mine, he basically cosigned on the sentiment: “Shellie, I have never approached you like that because I really respect you. I want to be good for you for the rest of our lives.” (That reminds me: check out, “Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?” when you get a chance.)
Then I went to one more guy homie and ran both statements by him: “Girl, yeah. If I didn’t want to keep you in my life long-term, I would’ve tried to holla a long time ago!” And he and I have been friends for almost 20 years at this point. When did he get around to telling me this? Eh, maybe two years ago. LOL.
So, my takeaway from all of these “for real?!” exchanges is, even though men and women can be just friends, there is a certain level of intention, self-control, and ability to see into the future (on some level) that must go into account — because, just because something more-than-friends-like may not have gone down, that doesn’t mean there isn’t a “dormant seed” lying around somewhere…whether it’s one-sided or on both sides of the friendship dynamic.
As you can see, I just provided you with three instances where the male friends in my life, we’ve had nothing sexual or even physically intimate beyond a hug when we greet each other in nature — although things aren’t exactly platonic if there is some sort of attraction or sexual/romantic curiosity that simply never got explored. Because again, according to Plato, a platonic relationship is free from all of that kind of…tension — or possibilities. Zero. Nada. Zilch.
And now you probably get why I entitled this article in the way that I did…right? I mean, just think about it — out of your male friendships, where is there NO sensual desire or dormant romantic interest…on your side and/or on his? If you’re not sure about “his”…have you ever asked him? Or them? Because again, once I really let the definition of platonic sink in, I think maybe two guys in my life totally fit the bill.
This brings me to my next point.
Are You Platonic? Or Are You Friend-Zoning?Giphy
Now that you know that probably 70 percent of the people you know (both online and off) have been using the true meaning of platonic all the way wrong, let’s go about deeper: when it comes to your friendships with men, are they genuinely platonic or…is it more like you’re friend-zoning them?
A few years ago, I penned an article on the topic entitled, “Before You 'Friend Zone' Someone, Read This.” If you’re skimming this on your lunch break, I’ll summarize friend-zoning as knowing that a guy has so-much-more-than-platonic feelings for you yet because you basically want to keep the benefits of the friendship or even his emotions around, you will string him along on some level.
Personally, I can’t stand friend-zoning. I think it’s selfish, with some sprinkles of manipulation and wasting someone’s time. Don’t agree? How would you feel if a guy was friend-zoning you? (Yeah…exactly.)
This all needs to go on record because, knowing that a guy wants to “take it there” with you (whether sexually or romantically), you not full-on addressing it and/or giving him just enough hope to take you out, listen to all of your stories about other men and give you the attention that you need knowing that he doesn’t have a shot in hell — that is NOT a platonic friendship and honestly, you’re not being a good friend at all. Friends protect each other’s hearts, not abuse them.
A platonic friendship means that you both have no interest in each other and, as Plato put it, while you may have a strong and solid bond, it’s spiritual love that connects you. And what exactly does that mean? Spiritual love also deserves its own article yet the gist would be that you recognize there is a purpose in your friendship yet it’s about wanting what’s best for one another and even helping each other to get there.
For instance, a platonic friend of yours may know that you desire to be married one day, so he has no problem setting you up with a good guy in his life. And if things go well, he would have no problem standing up as your own best man (without feeling like he’s dying inside) because he never saw you beyond anything but a friend. A guy in the friend zone doesn’t move like this; he likes you too much to help you move on with someone else. See the difference?
Why Relationships Should Start Off As NON-PLATONIC FriendshipsGiphy
Before I end this with some tips on how to properly care for the few platonic friendships you may actually have, since the use of the word may require a bit of mental reprogramming, I do think we should also address that if you’ve got a good guy in your life, who right now is a friend and either you’ve never thought of him in that way or the topic has never come up — he’s someone that you may not want to brush off.
What I mean by that is, it’s one thing for there to be absolutely no interest in someone vs. never considering it before — and the reason why you might want to give it some thought is because, ask any healthy married couple who’s been together for more than five years and I’ll bet you my next rent check that they will say that the best relationships are birthed out of friendship (check out “Are You Sure You're Actually FRIENDS With Your Spouse?”).
Yeah, just because you’ve filed someone in the “I see him as a good guy” category, that doesn’t automatically mean that y’all’s friendship is platonic. For instance, I have a male friend who is fine and I adore on many levels yet the reason why it would never work on my end is because there are certain relational standards that I have that he does not meet. However, don’t get it twisted — I’ve considered him because, on so many levels, we “fit.” So, the mere fact that I ever seriously thought about him on that level means that we are “good friends” yet it’s not exactly platonic.
I’m not free of potential sensual desire…I just choose not to act on it. Yet because I get the value of having friendship as the foundation for my own future marriage (should life play out that way), I am wise enough to know that I would’ve been a fool to not at least…ponder him and the possibilities.
So yeah, if there is a male friend in your life that the thought of dating or having sex with him doesn’t make you want to throw up in your mouth, there’s a pretty good chance that it’s not a classic platonic dynamic — and you might want to consider if it could/should go to the next level — if not immediately, eventually. Because there’s a pretty good chance that if you are thinking that way, he probably is as well.
Protect Your Genuine Platonic Friendship(s) At All CostsGiphy
Let me end this with how one of my platonic friendships rolls. We both think that the other is attractive yet neither of us is attracted. We both give each other opposite-sex insights. We both have said that the mere thought of dating each other makes our noses turn up like there’s an odor in the air. And even when I try to imagine us together, my mind goes blank. I love, love, LOVE this man — oh, but it is absolutely nothing more than platonic — and he feels the same way. It’s as close to familial love without being blood relationships. It’s a rare dynamic and that is what makes it so special. There is definitely a spiritual type of love there; no more, no less.
If you’ve got someone in your life who you feel the same way about (again, it’s got to be mutual; he must feel that way too), you’ve got a gem of a situation going on because there is nothing like having the kind of friendship where you and a guy can hang out, exchange perspectives and thoroughly enjoy each other’s company, knowing that’s all it is and will ever be. Things will never get weird. No one’s feelings are gonna get hurt (from the whole friend-zoning thing). You don’t have to walk on eggshells. You can just be.
And that’s why I’m all for platonic friendships. And listen, if you’re blessed enough to have even one in your lifetime, be fiercely protective of it. Don’t take it for granted. Nurture it in a way that your male friend needs (because it probably won’t be the exact same as your female friendships). Y’all, platonic friendships are so bomb because, if it’s honored and protected correctly, it’s the one male friend that you can probably keep for life because even your romantic partner will not find it to be a (true) threat — hell, they honestly could probably end up becoming (some level of) friends with your platonic homie as well.
I hope that I broke this all down enough to where, when you decide to use a word to describe your opposite-sex friendships, perhaps you will pause and ask yourself, “Wait, is this a platonic friend or a good or close friend?” Because the clearer you are on the differences, the easier it will be to know how to maintain your friendship — and feel about your friend. Feel me? Cool.
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Featured image by Klaus Vedfelt/Getty Images