We've all heard about the benefits of manifesting your dreams by mere thought or creating vision boards to illustrate, in plain sight, what you want out of life. Many of us might even have the same cliche perception of what vision boarding actually entails--- something as simple as cutting out photos and words from magazines and pasting them on posters like an elementary school project.
I must admit, as a professional in my 20s, I'd never really believed in vision boards. I'd always been raised to believe that faith and action were enough, and I strategized my plan for success accordingly. (And I'm sure I wasn't alone. According to research, apparently "fantasizing" about an "idealized future" can actually be counter-productive and "sap energy" needed to actually achieve goals.)
By 30, I'd reached management status, had my own blogs and columns, hired teams, and led successful campaigns. I'd felt like I'd somewhat made it in my industry, quite early actually. Along with the accomplishments came the career rut and utter burnout, so I found creating a vision board to be yet another task to add more pressure and anxiety to my life. The vision board would only serve as a reminder that I hadn't become "like Oprah," made a million with a best-selling book, or landed a prime placement on somebody's news show.
There was one major key I'd been missing: While it's awesome to have goals and make them plain in writing or illustrations, one also must pair belief with strategic planning in consideration of one's true purpose and talents that aligns with the vision board. A vision board is not the end-all-be-all to mapping out success. It is simply a complementary tool part of that process. And many successful people, in this way, swear by them, including Steve Harvey, Cardi B, and Tamera Mowry.
Another such leader who has elevated the conversation around vision boarding is Mariko Bennett, founder of COCO B. Productions, and author of The Blueprint: to Manifest Your Dreams. She and her team offer leadership development workshops and strategy sessions and offer tailored solutions for government agencies, corporations, professionals, associations, nonprofits, and other organizations.
Here's more from her on elevating your approach to vision boarding and taking action on your wildest career dreams:
xoNecole: You've written a book that describes a 'blueprint' for planning career advancement and success. What should readers expect?
Mariko Bennett: The Blueprint: to Manifest Your Dreams is my purpose project. I am a master manifester and did not realize [it] until friends of mine told me. We would sit down, at that point, we'd called them 'vision boards' but now call them 'blueprinting boards' and I would manifest everything on my board. They would say 'You did that?! You did that?!' Absolutely. What I found out was that 92 percent of people never really reach to achieve their dreams and goals.
I set out, when I wrote this book, to help the 92 percent of people to become master manifesters. In the book, I talk about seven life-focus areas, I talk about SMART goal-setting, I talk about being intentional, and about understanding what the obstacles are so that you can make plans to get around those obstacles.
I talk about my 4-C's of manifesting, which is really my secret weapon as to how I've been able to be successful. I talk about the power of belief and affirming yourself. It's literally a blueprint to manifesting your dreams---personal and professional.
xoN: What would you say to someone who might be skeptical when it comes to the power of manifesting or vision boards?
MB: We approach our blueprinting boards in a different way. Why are boards important? Why is putting your vision down important? It's a strategic plan. If people don't understand vision boards, they do understand a strategic plan. That's the first thing I'd say to anyone who's hesitant. You have a vision in the words of quotes, photos, and images that remind you of what your vision is, in life form. We take it a step further. That's where the SMART goals come in.
It's important to have a vision---which is where that first C comes in, crystalize---and you've gotta go an extra step, where you customize the plan and you're doing SMART goal-setting. Then you go to the third C, which is cultivate, where you have to do the work. Manifesting doesn't work just because you look at a board. You have to cultivate it. You do the work. The fourth C is when you curate, and that's when you're measuring success and fine-tuning your approach as you are manifesting.
xoN: What does 'putting the work in' look like after creating this vision board, or 'blueprinting'?
MB: In customizing, you're looking at what you have and what you need to reach that vision. What works for your life? [For example], if you want to finish school in 4 years, how many credits do you need to take? How much will it cost you? Where do you want to live? And with cultivating, it's where a lot of people begin to fail or quit. It gets difficult. You actually have to show up at that job all the time to get that money. You actually have to save those dollars, right?
Whatever you're working on, you actually have to put the work in to get it done. And then, life can happen, which may throw people off. And so, it's important that you have your blueprint and your vision to remind you what you promised [yourself] and you've got your plan so that you can work to get back to it once life happens.
xoN: What's a recent example of how you've used this process, for yourself, in any current career transitions, for spaces you're in now?
MB: Absolutely. We did a blueprint for Coco B Productions, at the beginning of the year, and one of the goals was to get minority certifications as a firm. I customized a plan. And sometimes your plan is beyond you. I am not the person to sit there and do all the applications. That's where the accountability partners come in that are cheering you on and reminding you of what you promised yourself.
Sometimes they're helpers. They do the work for you. I hired a firm to help me get my certifications. Yes, I had to give them a lot of paperwork and I had to do the work to get us there, but they actually did the filing for me and really just helped me to get across the finish line.
For more of Mariko, follow her on Instagram @mariko_bennett1.
Featured image courtesy of Mariko Bennett
Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Franco Zulueta
Although I’m not exactly sure that writing about sex as much as I do was on my life’s work bingo card back in the day, I must admit that it has always been a topic that has fascinated me. I think it’s because, even though society likes to gaslight us by acting like the act is “no biggie,” there is way too much data out here that says otherwise. Hmph. Not like I needed the data in the first place because, in my opinion, any act that is responsible for creating life, that is something that is a pretty BIG deal.
So, today? Today, we’re going to tackle how sex impacts us when it comes to our energy fields. What (mostly) inspired this is once reading a science-based article about how it is a fact and not a myth that just like plants can absorb energy from other plants, humans can do the same thing by being in the space of other human beings. And when you stop to really think about it, doesn’t that make all of the sense in the world?
Otherwise, there wouldn’t be terms out here like “peer pressure” and big grown folks wouldn’t be out here trying to look and act just like some of their favorite celebrities or IG influencers (and yet, on that point, I digress).
So, since energy impacts us in some pretty significant ways, let’s take a few moments to see how it goes down when it comes to copulation — just so that you’re (even more) aware of what you’re getting yourself into when you “do the do,” as far as your personal energy space is concerned.
Energy. Revisited.
GiphyOkay, so before we get all up in how energy is exchanged during sexual activity, what is energy as it relates to human beings, in general? Well, in some ways, it all depends on who you ask. For instance, the famed Greek philosopher Aristotle once said that energy is about having the capacity to do something. Some medical experts say that energy is all about how something impacts you on a mental or physical level.
For instance, negative energy tends to be very heavy and draining while positive energy can increase feel-good chemicals throughout your system which makes it easier for you to do things like be creative and problem-solve. Something else that I think is important to keep in mind as far as human energy goes is it’s impacted by a myriad of things including a person’s stress levels, how healthy a person is, what their life choices are (as far as how their decisions influence them) and even what their sleep patterns are like.
And if all of this is true, then something else that Aristotle once said about energy would be beyond accurate: “The energy of the mind is the essence of life.”
Energy is life. Whew, so if this is indeed the case, does this mean that when you choose to have sex with someone, you are sharing your life force — whatever state that may be — with someone as they are doing the same to/for/with you? YES.
What Does It Mean to Exchange Sexual Energy?
GiphySince I grew up in an entertainment industry household, I think that’s probably why I’ve ended up with some close friends who are in the industry as well. That said, I will never forget when I was talking to one of them one day about a particular artist. When I expressed how much sex appeal that she had, my (male) friend simply said, “Yeah, I’ve been in her presence a few times before. She has some really dark energy. I didn’t even hug her.”
Now from a scientific standpoint, dark energy is simply what causes the universe to accelerate in growth over a certain period of time; however, when a person is described to have dark energy, that usually means that they have an evil and/or negative and/or heavy and/or draining aura about them. And y’all, here’s what’s semi-wild about what he said: did you know that science backs that hugs do indeed transfer energy?
Yep, research reveals that a hug from someone can literally alter your brain and body chemistry — so you definitely need to be discerning about who you let up into your affection space. Straight up. And so, since a hug has the capacity to do that, how much more can SEX?
To further emphasize this, let’s begin with an article that I read on Healthline’s website entitled, “Do We Really Exchange Energy During Sex?” After checking it out, one of the main things that I appreciated was when a doctor who was interviewed for the piece said:
“Every sex act is an exchange of energy [because] every sexual act raises or lowers your energy level…Therefore, a sexual relationship isn’t a purely psychological or physiological, mechanical act…Rather, it’s an energetic action. When we have an intimate relationship with someone, the two energies merge.”
Okay, so according to science, when two people have sex, energies merge. Well, according to Scripture, when two people have sex, oneness transpires (Genesis 2:24-25). Let’s keep going.
There was once a Physician-scientist by the name of Wilhelm Reich (who actually died in prison, in part, because of his radical beliefs on sex and orgasms during his time), who once said that having a healthy sex life (which, to him, including orgasms and is what he referred to as “orgastic potency”) is what played a huge role in one’s emotional health and well-being. That’s because, to him, without the release of sexual energy, neurological disorders would be come to be.
My takeaway from this is when you think about the fact that things like serotonin, dopamine, and the “the bonding chemical” oxytocin are all released during sex (and most certainly during orgasms), and also since sex (and orgasms) reduce stress — you need to tend to your sexual energy for the sake of your holistic health. Let’s continue on.
After reading an article on sexual energy on Cosmo’s website in which one of the sex therapists said that “our sexuality is our power" and then reading an article on the same topic on Well + Good’s platform where another expert stated that, “Many belief systems believe sexual energy is an expression of the soul's connection to the cosmos and the rest of the universe”, I thought about the word “power” and then “soul connection.”
At the end of the day, power isn’t just ability but the capability to influence and even take authority over something or someone. And a soul connection? Several years ago, when I penned a piece for the platform entitled, “I’ve Got Some Ways For You To Start Pampering Your Soul,” one of the things that I made sure to emphasize is your soul IS also your life. This means that soul connections are life connections.
And so, it would appear that sharing sexual energy also means that you are making a life connection with someone. And that type of connection has the power to influence you in ways that you couldn’t even begin to imagine. That is how deep exchanging sexual energy is.
What You Should Always Keep in Mind Before Sharing Sexual Energy with Someone Else
GiphyNow are there degrees to this whole sexual energy thing? Of course. The type of connection that a husband and wife of 20 years can make via sex is very different than a one-night stand. However, it would appear that science believes that it doesn’t really matter what you tell yourself about sex with someone (or even how many condoms you may use during sex) — potent energy is exchanged regardless.
That’s a huge part of the reason why I will forever roll my eyes about how ridiculous “casual sex” sounds to me, because, although I do believe that it is very possible to engage in coitus that has no real purpose (casual is purposeless, by definition), what isn’t possible is for there not to be a significant connection made from a scientific standpoint. Because again, if a mere hug can alter you (shoot, a handshake too), do you really think that allowing a man’s penis into the sacred space known as your vagina will not? After reading all of this…do you really?
When it comes to energy, author T. Harv Eker once said, “Energy is contagious: either you affect people or you infect people.” With all that was just shared about sexual energy, each and every person you choose to “engage” with, they are either going to affect you or infect you — just with their energy alone.
Knowing this, if there was ever a time to choose wisely, this would be it.
Your energy is your power. Who you exchange power with? CHOOSE WISELY.
EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON.
And because energy can shift…be cognizant of what you’re doing…EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Giphy