
“They may just not be in the room," the front desk clerk says, doing little to disguise her annoyance.
“No, he should be there. Can you try again?"
She patches me through for the second time as I begin plotting an alternative plan of action in case the phone goes unanswered. It's not the first time I've played phone tag with Terrence J because, hey, he's a busy man. But before I can decide between calling his manager or shooting a “well I tried" email, the ringing ceases and I'm greeted with a warm tone.
He's in Anguilla, he tells me. “I'm shooting for Mark Burnett. We're doing a show for FOX."
Mind you, this was two days before he was set to release his latest film The Perfect Match, where he played the role of the leading man alongside model Cassie Ventura and a cast of beautiful women—think Paula Patton, Brandy, Lauren London, and Dascha Polanco—in addition to snagging a production credit. Somewhere between doing radio and television promo and red carpet appearances, he's managed to slip back to the islands to add another hosting gig to his resumé. Less than three months prior, the former co-anchor announced his departure from E! News in order to pursue acting and producing full-time—just a few days shy of receiving a call from Lionsgate that they were interested in distributing The Perfect Match. He left a steady paycheck in pursuit of his dream, nothing less than a boss move. Risk-taking is something that Terrence J has perfected over the years.
“It was really stepping out on faith and believing myself to know that I want to leave the club before the lights turn on," he says. “I actually sat down with Will Smith, and I asked him when did he know it was time to leave The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. They offered him a million dollars an episode for 22 episodes, and he said he just felt it in his gut—he felt it in his heart—and he knew when it was time to leave. This was when he only had Six Degrees of Separation. It wasn't like he had done Bad Boys or Men in Black yet, he just stepped out on faith. And so I felt like it was just my time."
Terrence J has always had this innate ability of knowing when to trust his gut, and it's always paid off. When the Rocky Mount, NC native showed up on the campus of North Carolina A&T State University during his freshman year, he headed straight to the student radio station and offered to volunteer. Within one semester he snagged a part-time job at the city's local radio station 102 Jamz. "Closed mouths don't get fed," he says without hesitation. "I tell people that if you do something that you love, eventually it'll come full circle and it'll work for you. And you'll never feel like you're working a day in your life."
He took that same logic with him to New York in 2005 when he auditioned for BET's “New Faces" contest. Like thousands of others he didn't advance to the second round, but the person in front of him did. Instead of admitting defeat, he took it as a lesson in perseverance. “It wasn't that I didn't get the job, it was more so that I couldn't believe that somebody that close was able to advance, and I didn't feel like the person was any better than me or that person was greater, it was just that for whatever reason I wasn't on my A game that day."
He showed up to Atlanta the next day where they were holding another round of auditions. This time he was prepared, and when he stepped into the room for the second time, they didn't dare turn him away. “A lot of times in life when people tell us no we take that so personally. When someone tells us that we can't sing, then we'll never sing again. If someone tells us that you can't play basketball good, a lot of us will put the ball down and never pick it back up. And a lot of times in life people will tell you no for a lot of different reasons and those reasons having nothing to do with you. People will tell you no because of how they feel about themselves, and so you've got to understand that the only person that can't stop you from doing that is yourself."
"People will tell you no because of how they feel about themselves."
His career aspirations landed him in the Big Apple during the heart of winter with nothing more than a dollar and a dream. At one point he was homeless, sleeping in his car and on his frat brother's couch while waiting to be assigned to a show. He beat out three other finalists before he and co-host Rocsi Diaz finally graced the stage of 106 & Park six months later. "We didn't know how it was going to work out, so we had to be patient and stay hungry."
At BET he would encounter a setback that later prepared him for a comeback. Interviewing celebs with their flashy chains and expensive rides enticed Terrence into the world of overindulgence. Instead of paying off student loans, he bought a Cadillac in effort to keep up with his celebrity friends, but after nearly going bankrupt he learned a lesson on the importance of money management. (He has since built a net worth of a reported $4 million.)
After seven years of entertaining teens, his gut told him that it was time to make moves. Before getting the call from E! News, he had already started dabbling in film as a co-star in Think Like A Man and later Think Like A Man Too. Though his brand was getting bigger, that didn't mean his ego had to. “Walking into a movie theater and having people watch you on screen is a scary thing. I do work where it's based off of opinions, so any given day public opinion can shift and say we don't like you and I have to figure out something else to do. You just got to believe in yourself and stay hungry."
Never knowing when his time may be up keeps Terrence J grounded and grinding. Ask any production crew and they'll tell you that he's the first on set and the last to leave. “There are a lot of people out there who may be more talented than me, may be better looking than me, they may be stronger, taller, and faster than me, but they're not going to work harder than me. I will outwork whoever until the wheels fall off, and so I think with that it's [about] how bad you want it."
"There are a lot of people out there who may be more talented than me, may be better looking than me, they may be stronger, taller and faster than me, but they're not going to work harder than me."
In the midst of building his empire he's also attempted to have a love life with model Selita Ebanks and blogger Nicole Isaacs, but becoming a Renaissance doesn't come without sacrifice. The time and effort required to build a healthy relationship would come at the price of his career, and similar to his bestie Michael B. Jordan, he's not willing to put his aspirations on hold just yet. “The Michael Ealy character [on Think Like A Man] is a character that every guy can relate to because it's hard for you to be the person that you have the potential of being in a relationship until you're at a place in your career that you can be comfortable with," he says “ I'm very aware of where I want to be with my career, and a lot of times that takes an extreme amount of tunnel vision in order to get that."
The 33-year-old still has hope for marriage and kids—one day. “Relationships are reflections of where you are and you get what you project. You receive what you put out into the universe. I have no doubt that one day I'll be married and with kids if I'm fortunate enough, and I look forward to all of those things. But for me right now I've worked very hard for a long time and right now I'm focused."
Touché.
It's easy to understand why Terrence J goes so hard when his work is his passion. He's chosen a path where waking up is another day to live out his dream, and he's determined to add a few slashes to his Twitter bio.
"The universe will move out of your way and conspire to assist you in whatever your dream may be."
“All I want to do is what I'm doing. I love what I do so much that this is my joy. And I don't care about winning an Oscar or any type of award or recognition or even a bunch of money. None of those things are at the top of my priority list. I love waking up in the morning and doing what I'm passionate about. If you keep going after your dream, the universe will move out of your way and conspire to assist you in whatever your dream may be."
For the television host, actor, and now producer, his dream took him from his small-town home all the way to Hollywood. Terrence recently acquired a new first-look production and talent deal with MTV and VH1 proving that your dreams can be achieved!
Featured image by Daniel Zuchnik/Getty Images
This Is How To Keep 'Holiday Season Stress' From Infecting Your Relationship
Hmph. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there is something really weird happening in the fall season air (because winter doesn’t officially begin until December 21) that cuddle season is in full swing while break-up season is as well. In fact, did you know that break-ups are so popular during the holiday season that December 11 is deemed Break-Up Day?
The reasons why relationships shift around this time vary; however, I did both roll my eyes and chuckle when I read that a very popular one is because it’s an easy way to get out of getting one’s significant other a Christmas present. SMDH.
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Featured image by Shutterstock
Sergio Hudson On Designing With Intention And Who Gets Left Out Of The Industry
Sergio Hudson dreamt big as a young South Carolina boy staring out of the window of his mom’s Volvo driving down the Ridgeway, South Carolina streets. Those dreams led him to design opulent tailoring that’s been worn by Beyoncé, Queen Latifah, former Vice President Kamala Harris and Forever First Lady Michelle Obama, just to name a few.
Those dreams have come full circle in a new way as he recently collaborated with Volvo for a mini capsule collection suitable for chic and stylish moments this fall. The 40-year-old designer follows a long legacy of fashion aficionados who’ve used their innovation to push the automotive industry forward, including Virgil Abloh, Eddie Bauer, Paul Smith and Jeremy Scott.
Using the same material from the interior of the Volvo EX90, Hudson crafted a wool-blend car coat and waistbelt that combine the vehicle’s Scandinavian design with his signature tailoring and intention. The exclusive collection launched on October 20, and each piece is made-to-order by Sergio Hudson Collections.

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In October, I traveled to Charleston with a group of journalists to get a firsthand look at Hudson and Volvo’s location. During a fitting, Hudson said his goal is to make “great work that can stand the test of time.”
“People can look back on and say, ‘I remember when Sergio did that collaboration with Volvo,’” he continued. “Thinking about aligning yourself with classic brands that speak to where you want to go. And I think that's what this collaboration kind of means to me and my business.”
Hudson pinpoints his mom as the biggest influence for his designs. This collaboration was no different.
“This particular coat reminded me of the swing coats that my mom used to wear in the early 90s. You know, diva girls in the early 90s had Sandra suits,” he said, referring to Jackée Harry’s character in 227. “My mom wore those and she would have these matching swing coats to go over them. And that's where the initial idea came. This would be around the same time that we had our Volvo. So she would put on her suit, her swing coat, get in that red Volvo, and go to church.”

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With this capsule and beyond, Hudson wants to see more staples rotating in and out of closets this fall. He advises fashionistas to build her closet out with essentials to mix and match that aren’t just stylish but also sustainable.
“It's just those special pieces,” he said. “You can wear the same shirt and pants every day and nobody will notice. But if you have a special boot, a special coat, a special bill, a special bag, that kind of speaks to everything that your style stands about, that is something you should focus on.”
These are the same kind of staple pieces that return to our Pinterest boards and TikTok feeds season after season. Fast fashion has never been Hudson’s aim. “I'm trying to create a special pieces that can stand the test of time,” he said in his warm, Southern accent. “I'm only creating those kind of pieces from here on out.”

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For Hudson, this collaboration is revolutionary. It’s his first time working with a car company and experimenting outside of his wheelhouse in this way.
“This is a Scandinavian brand, and, you know, it's 70 years old. I'm an African-American boy from South Carolina that has had a brand for 10 years. So I think bridging those two worlds and seeing the similarities was the beauty of this project,” he explained.
Though Hudson and his partner and CEO of Sergio Hudson Collections Inga Beckham have made massive strides in just 10 years, Hudson said the industry is far from where he wants to see it when it comes to Black representation. He pointed to how few Black designers were at this year’s Met Gala despite the theme being Black dandyism.
“The fact that I dressed 18 people speaks to how many of us weren't there,” he said. He implored more of industries, fashion and beyond, to collaborate with Black designers often.
“Allow mentorship. Allow funding. Allow great design to shine through,” he implored. “When it comes to being a designer of African descent, when you can't get the funding that your counterparts have, you can't compete. When you get opportunities like doing a collaboration with Volvo, or you get opportunities to be at the Met Gala, that's putting us on the equal playing field, but really the funding behind it is what we need to take it to that desk level.”
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