

One of the shortest words in the English language is also one of the most difficult to say. Boston-born, Alabama-raised digital content creator Africa Miranda says mastering the art of saying "nah" ultimately helped guide her on her journey to living her absolute best life, and she recently slid through xo to teach us her ways.
Being booked and busy is all fun and games until you realize that you're overscheduled and overwhelmed. This creative understands that time is one thing you can't get back and owes her selective nature to one simple equation. She told xoNecole, "Passion plus purpose equals profit. And it's how I make decisions of what deserves my time, what deserves my energy and honestly, also what drives me as well."
According to Africa, if an upcoming project in your life doesn't meet these criteria, it's time to pump the breaks, sis. "I look at things in my life and projects that I work on and I always ask myself, am I passionate about it? If you're going to use your time on this earth, it has to be [focused on] something you have some sort of fire inside you about. If I can answer yes to that, then I say, okay, we can at least investigate further."
Once determining her level of passion, Africa says that she then has to evaluate whether her plan aligns with her purpose. There's no blueprint to success, but there is definitely a formula for growth, and to Africa, this method is the key to securing the bag. I mean you, sis. You're the bag. "If I can say yes to both of those things, then there's always a profit that comes from it; and by profit, yes. A lot of times it is monetary, which is great because we love a coin, but it also is profitable in the sense that it will help other people, or it's something that will help me, meaning that I'll learn something from it."
We sat down with Africa to learn more about how she finds balance despite constantly jetsetting and being a CEO, author, and content creator at the same damn time, here's what she had to say:
What are your mornings like?
“When I'm more centered [and] when I'm not like so harried or so running around, I like to try to start my day a little quieter with like meditation or journaling. The goal for me is to always try to spend at least 10-15 [minutes] before I jump on social media. Some days are better than others, but that's always my goal, to try to just take some time to center myself for the day before I jump right into what everybody's posting and what's happening in the world."
"Some days are better than others, but that's always my goal, to try to just take some time to center myself for the day before I jump right into what everybody's posting and what's happening in the world."
How do you wind down at night?
“I used to have trouble trying to wind down and go to sleep and now I treat myself like a little kid. I know like okay, an hour or so before it's time to go to bed, I've got to start turning lights down and maybe light a candle, doing things to kind of signal my body and my brain that it's time to wind down. I've also have started taking this magnesium supplement that is fantastic. It's called Natural Calm and it really just helps literally calm your body. It doesn't put you to sleep, but it really helps with relaxation and anxiety and it's great. And I've noticed that doing that at night also helps me get ready to rest."
What do you find to be the most hectic part of your week?
“The most hectic and stressful part is that everything is dependent on me. Because at the end of the day, yes, I have an assistant, I have an attorney, I have a team, I have people; but ultimately, so many things still rest on me and it is stressful. It's a lot physically, it's a lot mentally, it's a lot emotionally. I know everything centers around how well I'm performing or functioning from day-to-day, so I do have to really be careful about my energy and people and situations because if I'm off track, then everything's off track."
"I know everything centers around how well I'm performing or functioning from day-to-day, so I do have to really be careful about my energy and people and situations because if I'm off track, then everything's off track."
What does self-care look like for you?
“For me, it varies. Lately, it's just been saying no to things that I don't really want to do and not feeling bad about it. Understanding that sometimes I just have to be home. Let's say, for example, tomorrow, I have an audition I have to prep for and I have a project that I also need to prep for. So, if I have the choice tonight of like meeting friends for drinks or hanging out, it's like no, like self-care for me is prepping so that I'm not stressed tomorrow and I can walk into both of those rooms and perform at my optimal level. Versus like, 'oh let me have fun tonight' and then I'm stressed tomorrow. So I'm just learning that self-care for me these days may not be the spa. It may just be taking the time to do the work that I'm supposed to do so that I can not be stressed and perform well."
What advice do you have for women that may be busy like you who feel like they don't have time for self-care?
“The first thing I would challenge them to do is to throw away the definition that everybody has of what self-care is, like on the Internet and social media, whatever. Because everybody paints this picture of, if you're not like wrapped in a white robe at a spa with a candle burning, then it's not self-care. And that's not realistic for everyone. It's not realistic financially. It's just not realistic from a time perspective, everybody does not have time or the means to do that.
“But if you don't start carving out that time, then it's not going to happen. So I would just say one, adjust your definition of what self-care looks like and to be willing to sacrifice certain things to carve out the time that you need for stuff that's going to ultimately make you happier."
How do you find balance with:
Friends?
“I don't have the answer for that because it is a struggle. I do miss a lot, like I miss a lot. Thankfully, my friends understand it, but there are times where I wish I feel like, okay, I should be being a better friend or I should be more present, but it's very hard to do that. No one talks about the loss of time, the loss of connection and the loneliness that comes with [being an entrepreneur]. I don't have many friends that do exactly what I do or understand. They love me, but they don't do what I do. It can be very lonely and it's definitely a struggle. I hope that we start being more honest about that so people understand that they're not alone in that, [and so] they're also prepared for some of the sacrifices that come with a life of pushing yourself, so to speak."
"No one talks about the loss of time, the loss of connection and the loneliness that comes with [being an entrepreneur]. I don't have many friends that do exactly what I do or understand. They love me, but they don't do what I do. It can be very lonely and it's definitely a struggle."
Romance?
“That is a challenge as well because again it's not easy finding a partner that can understand, but then also if you have a partner that also has a similar lifestyle and both of you are off doing things, how do you then connect? So I think it's just about choices and finding the time where you can. But again, it's a constant struggle."
Do you cook or find yourself eating out?
"I kind of treat it the same way. I order my groceries from Instacart, that was self-care for me, realizing that my time was not best served standing up in the grocery store when I was tired. I order my groceries and so that way, I have food at home. But, if I have food here to make to cook or whatever, but I'm tired or I had meetings, I've been running around, then self-care for me also was letting myself off the hook and saying, okay then I can still order some food tonight because it's better for me to rest and have this food than to kill myself. Sometimes we punish ourselves when it's like, spending $20 on takeout is not going to kill you if you're exhausted. Like just order the food, you know what I mean? Just order the food and eat so you can go to bed. And that's how I find my balance."
Exercise/Health?
"For me, [working out] is necessary. It's necessary for what I do but it's also necessary for like my emotional health as well. Like I feel better when I do it, so it's not something in my life that's on my schedule in pencil because if it is, you're going to always find a reason to move it around or 'oh I'll do it tomorrow' or 'I'll do the next day'. And I don't work out for like three hours in the gym. You go 45 minutes, the most an hour. You get in, you get out. I'm not training for a marathon, you know what I mean? I've learned to listen to my body and if I'm tired, it's not going to help to push myself beyond that and then make myself sick or like, you know, just kill myself just to say that I worked out today."
When you're going through a bout of uncertainty or you're feeling stuck, how do you handle that?
"My reset usually comes from people that I'm close to because we can get in our own heads. I'm guilty of that, of just feeling like, oh my God, this is not going to work and the world is coming to an end and I do think it's very important to have people in your life that can help you reset because sometimes you can't do it on your own."
What does success mean to you?
"Peace, opportunity, and options. [Having] the peace of knowing that you've accomplished or are accomplishing your goals. Opportunities, because the more success you attain, the better your opportunities are and they're more in line with what you really want, and options because the more successful you are, the more options and choices you have."
What is something you think others forget when it comes to finding balance?
"Don't strive for something that's not attainable. I don't strive for balance. I just strive to have the best moments that I can because I don't think that this idea of balance is really unattainable and I think that it sets women up for failure and I'm not striving for failure. I'm just striving to have the best moments and best days that I can, and then have the next best moment and best day that I can."
"Even if you do have a moment of balance, it's not sustainable long-term. I just think for me, it's about striving to live your life as freely and fully as you can and functioning in that space."
You can keep up with all of Africa's adventures on Instagram @AfricaMiranda and shop her skincare line exclusively at BeautyByAfricaMiranda.com.
Featured image by Derrick Davis
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
On her debut album,CTRL,SZA crooned about her desire to be a “Normal Girl.” Now, nearly eight years since its release, her Not Beauty line represents her commitment to existing outside of traditional beauty norms.
The singer whose real name is Solána Imani Rowe first teased the idea of a lip gloss line during Super Bowl LIX in February, noting that the release would be happening “very shortly.” Not Beauty debuted simultaneously with the Grand National Tour, which she co-headlines with Kendrick Lamar, in Minneapolis on April 19.
Each Not Beauty pop-up would offer fans the opportunity to purchase the glosses, learn more about the brand, and have the opportunity to meet the superstar in the flesh regardless of their ticket status.
During the Los Angeles tour stop, which spanned three dates on May 21, May 23, with the finale on May 24, xoNecole had the opportunity to test out the glosses included in this soft launch, as SZA revealed in a statement that "this is just the start of other lip products, including plans to launch stains, liners, and creams all inspired by SZA's “infamous layered lip combinations.”
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So, what is included in the first Not Beauty launch?
The current Not Beauty products available are lip glosses that come in three shades: In the Flesh, Strawberry Jelly, and Quartz.
During my visit to the first LA Not Beauty pop-up activation, I not only had the chance to purchase all three glosses but also took a peek inside the blow-up log tent. Inside, fans got to experience SZA’s love for nature and her fascination with bugs, which are prominently featured in her performances for this tour. At one point, she even had human preying mantis prancing across the stage y'all.
There were blow-up photos of the beauty that is SZA for fans (myself included) to take photos, but in wooden-like tree trunks were a deeper dive into some of the ingredients featured in her products and their benefits.
For example, the glosses feature Hi-Shine Lip Jelly and Shea Butter as key ingredients and some of the listed benefits included are:
- Shea Butter - “A powerhouse ingredient, offering both functional and nourishing benefits.”
- Hi-Shine Lip Jelly (featured in the In the Flesh shade) - “Formula glides on with perfect adhesion to the lips without stickiness).
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What are in the products?
Featured in an orange package, with images of a bug and flower on the side, the back of the box reads: “It’s NOT BEAUTY, it just works. Developed by Solána “SZA” Rowe.
As someone who never leaves home without a good lip gloss, I loved how compact the wood panel packaging is. Perfect to slip into my purse, or in the case of the show at SoFi Stadium, into my pocket when I’m not carrying a bag.
Because I’m a sucker for a good black and brown lip liner and clear gloss combo, I decided to wear the Quartz flavor on night one of the Grand National Tour LA stop, and it did not disappoint. I’ll admit, it’s light weight feel made me nervous because it felt like there was nothing on my lips. However, when I checked my lips in my compact mirror several times throughout the night, I was shocked to find that my gloss was still intact. I only reapplied once out of the habit of looking cute and applying my gloss, but not necessity.
Here are some of the ingredients featured, but not limited to, in the Quartz flavor.
- Polyisoubutene
- Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea)Butter
- Ricinus Communis (Castor) Seed Oil
- Mentha Piperita (Peppermint) Oil
- Tocopherol
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Lip prep
I’m a simple girl who loves to stay true to her roots. So ahead of the show, I stopped by a local Inglewood Beauty Supply store and grabbed a Black and Brown shade lip pencil for just under $2 a piece.
Shading the outline of my lips with the black pencil first, I used the brown to lightly fill the inside of my lips before applying my Quartz Not Beauty shade gloss.
How to apply
There’s truly no right or wrong way to apply lip gloss (in my opinion), with this being a brush applicator sort of product, I simply untwisted the top and swiped the gloss around my top and bottom lip generously.
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Results
Again, my Not Beauty Quartz product stayed on my lips from the start of the show, which began with a fire DJ set from LA’s very own, Mustard, to the conclusion when Kendrick and SZA reunited on stage to send us home to their duet, “luther,” featured on the rapper's GNX album.
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It’s almost always “annoyingly fun” to have conversations with super churchy folks. Example? Recently, I had on an anklet that a particular woman took notice of. When she complimented it and asked what it was made of, I said, “Moonstone, which is one of my birthstones.” Oddly enough, she then turned up her nose and said that stones and crystals were tied to witchcraft, to which I casually replied, “Then I guess you hate Aaron’s breastplate, huh?” She paused and turned her nose up again — this time, though, because she just experienced a good old-fashioned “checkmate.”
This article is about crystals not Scripture, so when it comes to the latter, I’ll just briefly say that if you mosey on over to Exodus 28, you’ll see that a high priest breastplate is referenced; one that contains precious gems including topaz, sapphire, agate, onyx and jasper (and that’s just for starters!). Yeah, it really is important to not just throw judgments around like confetti — know of what you are actually speaking of first (because that’s what Matthew 7 is really all about).
I did think it was important to mention that for potential skeptics about why this article even exists. Because although there are Scriptural and evenscience-based individuals who roll their eyes at the power of what gemstones and crystals can (possibly) do, I’m pretty sure that some of you are not surprised that the holistic and Ayurveda worlds see it all very differently.In those realms, energy plays a big role in physical, emotional, and mental health, and crystals are believed to cultivate balance or intensify certain feelings or experiences through that said energy.
That said, when it comes to sex, specifically, there are certain stones (which are basically what crystals are;in fact, all gemstones are a type of crystal) that are believed to help make intimacy even more satisfying. If you’re curious about which ones are, I’ve got 10 for you below.
10 Crystals That May Enhance Your Intimate Life
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1. Garnet
Garnet is a rich shade of red that happens to be January’s gemstone. It’s considered to be one of the oldest gemstones around, one that Egyptians believed was a symbol of life and something that they oftentimes wore in their signet rings. As far as symbolism goes, garnet also represents love and vitality as well as energy, passion and even self-confidence — all of which are quite relevant when it comes to having an active and fulfilling sex life.
2. Amethyst
Queen Cleopatra and Leonardo da Vinci are just two powerful figures who were big fans of the purple gemstone amethyst. Interestingly enough, it is February’s birthstone — the month that Valentine’s Day falls under. Another interesting fact is many early Christians relied on this gem in order to increase their spirituality while many Greeks used to see it as a stone that provided protection. When it comes to intimacy, amethyst is also associated with love and devotion as well as feelings of calm and reduced anxiety — and since the less calm you feel, the easier it is to climax…well. #wink
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3. Orange Carnelian
Looking to experience more joy and happiness? Or maybe you want to strengthen your friendships. Or perhaps it’s time to increase your pleasure levels or to go into deeper levels of sensuality. For all of these things, orange carnelian is a top-tier pick. As I did a bit more research on this stone, it’s considered to be a royal one and something that can bring forth peace. One of my favorite things about orange carnelian is it comes in different hues of orange — the deeper the color, the more passion it exudes. Just an FYI.
4. Rose Quartz
If you want to take your romantic relationship to another level, rose quartz has a solid reputation for helping to make that happen for you. In fact, this pink crystal is oftentimes referred to as being the stone of unconditional love because it encourages the wearers of it to both give as well as put themselves in the position to receive love too. Since rose quartz is also tied to things like emotional healing, restored trust and harmony, if you’re looking to make a much deeper intimate connection with your partner, this just might be the stone for you.
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5. Rhodochrosite
Rhodochrosite is a red-rose colored stone that I personally hold dear. I say that because, as a survivor of sexual abuse, it is one that helps recovering individuals to work through sexual trauma (and trauma, in general). It is associated with love, compassion and strength as it helps you to process your emotions in a positive way, so that you are able to effectively release past pain and deal with any PTSD that you might have. You know, I know a wife who sexually struggled in her marriage for years because she had been sexually assaulted in college and never told her husband.
A stone of compassion is a precious one — including when it comes to dealing with sexual trauma and intimacy challenges and learning how to face them. Salute to this stone right here.
6. Citrine
Citrine is November’s birthstone and its rich yellow color explains why it represents things like abundance, prosperity, radiance and happiness. Aside from this, whether you’re seeking clarity, you’d like to be more creative or you’re interested in becoming more sensual, citrine encourages all of this. Sensuality is a dope word because it’s all about appealing to all five senses; especially during intimacy. To learn more about how to do that, check out “How To Incorporate All Five Senses To Have The Best Sex Ever.”
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7. Red Jasper
While doing my own research on what red jasper represents, what I liked the most is it’s something that encourages emotional stability which is always a wonderful thing to have. Although it is a fiery red color, it also contains grounding properties and it symbolizes strength, courage and, another word that can always make sex more pleasurable: stamina. Since stamina is what helps both men and women to last longer during sex, anything that is a “stamina hack” earns an automatic mention when it comes to sex-themed content — including this.
8. Clear Quartz
A fun fact about quartz is it’s one of the most common minerals on this planet. When it comes to clear quartz, specifically, I like the way that it looks because it’s either a cloudy white or something that you can see straight through. As far as its symbolism is concerned, if you want to reduce physical discomfort, remove distractions and focus more on heightened levels of yourself, this crystal represents all of that. Clear quartz also encourages healing, spiritual growth and balance. To me, it seems like if you want to cultivate a spiritual or meditative (check out “What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?”) experience with your partner, clear quartz is a stone to try.
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9. Shiva Lingam
I ain’t got no lies to tell you — when I first happened upon this particular stone, the first thing that came to my mind was an article that I penned for the site back in the day entitled, “Blow Your Man's Mind By Giving Him This Tantalizing Massage.” That’s because it explains what a lingam massage is and, as you can see, this crystal has that word all up in it. The history of lingam is a bit layered (you can read about it here); however, because it is considered by many to be a phallic symbol and that typically represents the penis — shiva lingam is a neutral-colored crystal that represents both sexuality as well as fertility. Shocking, right? #sarcasm
10. Pyrite
It doesn’t escape me that it’s kind of funny that I’m closing this out with a crystal that has the nickname “fool’s gold.” That’s due to its appearance. That said, it’s also a stone that has some interesting symbolism to it. Since it comes from a Greek word that means fire — of course, it’s a crystal of passion. Since it also taps into things like heightened energy, self-esteem, creativity, awakened senses and the removal of toxic thoughts — if any stone should be in your “let’s get it on” crystal collection, pyrite would be the one!
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Know what’s kinda wild? While I was on Etsy’s site looking for another moonstone, a sake popped up in my feed on what the merchant calls their “libido crystal set” — and six of the 10 stones that I’ve mentioned throughout this article are featured in the collection.
Yeah, I’ll take that as a confirmation that whether you purchase a piece of jewelry that has one (or more) of these stones or you buy a piece of crystal itself to place somewhere in your bedroom — just putting your own energy into wanting a better sex life is a powerful step in the right direction to achieving it.
And what science can’t refute is the benefits of positive thoughts and actions — crystals or not.
So, if precious stones are totally your thing — enjoy, sis. Enjoy!
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