Self-care Sunday is amazing, in theory. But in reality, being a professional working woman can leave hardly anytime for self-care. So many of us desperately crave a quiet night at home, a hot bath while deep conditioning our hair and have to balance that with making time for Sunday brunch with friends. By working long hours, after-hours and trying to hold on to some sliver of a social life, we put a hefty tax on the time that could be used taking care of ourselves.
Because of this, I'm always investigating new ways to up my skincare routine in any way that is low-maintenance and helps me along my journey to optimal health. I recently attended a facial cupping workshop hosted by New York-based naturopathic practitioner, acupuncturist, and herbalist, Dr. Naika Apeakorang. In the very quaint and cozy Natural Feeling Spa, we were introduced to this ancient beauty secret that improves circulation, heals and regenerates tissue, restores energy, and has been around for more than 5,000 years.
If taking a silicone suction cup to the face sounds intimidating, believe me it's not. Instead, it's an almost instant skin and natural beauty booster you didn't know you needed.
Here's are a few reasons to give it a try:
Facial cupping is a stress reliever.
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Facial cupping is like a deep tissue massage for your face. Dark circles, puffiness and wrinkles are just a few ways stress shows up on our face. The practice of facial cupping requires using suction cups directly on skin to promote circulation and relieve muscle tension. Our face is full of nerves and pleasure points and yet we spend very little time, or none at all, addressing all the stress we carry in our most outward appearance and interactions with the rest of the world. Facial cupping can decrease anxiety and be a mood enhancer. Meaning how we look has a lot to do with how we feel. Less stress and anxiety means healthy, glowing skin.
Facial cupping promotes glowing skin.
Another way that facial cupping promotes healthy, glowing skin is by increasing blood circulation, stimulating collagen and encouraging elasticity in the skin. The main function of the blood is to carry nutrients and oxygen throughout the body, which includes the face. The suction of cupping brings blood to the top of your skin, revitalizing the skin, giving the face a natural contour and enhancing your natural beauty.
"What you put in your body is just as important, if not more important, than what you put on your body," Dr. Apeakorang said. She suggests eating more fruits with antioxidants, like beets and blueberries, that have nutrients that contribute to clear and luminous skin. She also encourages dandelion and burdock root to support blood health, which in combination would further result in flawless skin.
Facial cupping helps with congestion.
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Spring season is drawing near! Facial cupping can help relieve allergy symptoms such as sinus congestion. Congestion of the face and body can be areas of thickened lymph, which blocks drainage and creates more congestion. Facial cupping improves drainage and relieves congestion by way of lymphatic liquefaction and drainage.
Facial cupping is detoxifying.
The lymphatic system plays a key role in health. Muscle movement is needed to push lymph fluid through the body. A lack of movement can result in a lazy lymphatic system and an unwanted buildup of toxins. Facial cupping stimulates the lymphatic vessels and facilitates toxin elimination.
Facial cupping deepens your skincare routine.
Facial cupping improves product absorption and nutrient delivery to the skin. The suction of the rubber cup opens up your pores and makes product seep in deeply. By increasing the depth and efficacy of skincare products, it directly helps reduce the appearance of acne scarring and blemishes.
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Originally published on April 9, 2019
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“There's so many different levels, and now, I'm in a space of just integrating all of this good stuff that I've learned just about just being human, you know?” Dreka tells us. “So it's also fun because it's like a journey of self-discovery and self-mastery. That's what I call it. So it's never-ending.”
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If you follow Dreka, then you’re familiar with her holistic lifestyle, as she’s no stranger to promoting wellness, self-care, and holistic living. She even lives part-time on a Mississippi farm, not far from her grandmother and great-grandmother’s farm, where she spent some summers as a child.
While her grandmother and great-grandmother have passed on, Dreka reflects on that time in her life and how having a farm as an adult is her getting back to her roots. “So the farm was purchased back in 2017, and it was like, ah, that'll just be a place where we go when we're not touring or whatever,” she said.
“But COVID hit, and I was there, and I was on the land, and I just started remembering back to going to my grandmother's during the summertime and freaking picking peas and going and eating mulberries off the freaking tree in the bushes.
“And she literally had cotton plants. I know some people feel weird about picking cotton and stuff. She had cotton plants and I would go and pick cotton out of her garden. And she had chickens, and I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots.”
"I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots."
You can catch glimpses of Dreka’s farm life on Instagram, which shows her picking fruit and vegetables and loving on her animals like her camel Eessa. Her passion for growing and cultivating led her to try and grow all of her ingredients for her wellness brand, Dreka Wellness. However, she quickly realized that she might be biting off more than she could chew. But that didn’t stop her from fulfilling her vision.
Watch below as Dreka talks more about her business, her wellness tips, breaking toxic cycles, becoming a doula, and more.
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Yeah, it really is interesting that, as children (and teenagers — more on that in a moment), we’re basically programmed to be as likable as possible — oftentimes at the expense of being as genuine as we should be. Hmph. That’s pretty damn unfortunate because, if someone liking you means more to you than you being your authentic self, there’s a pretty good chance that it’s going to come at the cost of not liking your own self very much; if not immediately, eventually.
Indeed, the Danish philosopher and theologian Søren Kierkegaard once put it this way: “The most common form of despair is not being who you are.” And you know what, y’all? He’s right.
And so, after listening to this message from Free, excuse the pun but let’s all get free. If you happen to be someone who struggles with wanting everyone to like you and/or you’re an individual who worries about not being everyone’s cup of tea, I wrote this with you in mind.
As someone who has had the world want me to care about likeability more than I ever really have, I’ve got some tips on what can keep you from wanting to be liked by others at the expense of truly loving (and fully knowing) yourself.
Dorothy, You Ain’t in High School Anymore
GiphyEver since I hopped off of Facebook, hell, well past 15 years ago at this point, I can’t really tell you that I have any regrets (I’m still on the fence about creating an account to promote my latest book; we’ll see). Although I don’t think that social media is the devil (exactly), I’ve gotta say that almost every time I tip-toe out onto a platform to see what’s going on, after about 30 minutes or so, I find myself saying the exact same thing: “It’s like the world is one big high school” — and no, that isn’t a compliment.
I don’t know about y’all, but back when I was in high school and even college, it seemed that being popular (which typically meant being well-liked, en masse) was about as important, if not more so, than getting good grades…and to this day, I’m not exactly sure why. I mean, think back now to the people who are in your life. How many of them stuck around from your adolescent and young adult years? Then ponder the folks who actually were “all the rage” back when you were in school. What are they actually doing now? Who really “has it going on” to the extent that you admire them for it — or hell, even really care? Lawd, and don’t even get me started on the fact that one of my favorite Message Version Scriptures in the Bible actually isn’t a fan of popularity at all:
“There’s trouble ahead when you live only for the approval of others, saying what flatters them, doing what indulges them. Popularity contests are not truth contests—look how many scoundrel preachers were approved by your ancestors! Your task is to be true, not popular.” (Luke 6:26 — Message)
I think there are three main reasons why Scripture “yawns” at popularity. From a strictly spiritual standpoint, it’s very clear that the world doesn’t like a lot of the standards that the Bible upholds (“If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you.” — John 15:18 — NKJV). Another reason is that we were each made to be individuals (“He fashions their hearts individually; He considers all their works.” — Psalm 33:15 — NKJV), and individuals, by definition, are supposed to be distinctive. What I mean by that is, if you’re out here trying to be a carbon copy of someone else, what are you doing here? Duplication contradicts individualism.
And finally, one of the main things that our culture is caught up on and caught up in is flattery, which is basically the signature language of popularity. Yeah, the Bible pretty much loathes that: “He who speaks flattery to his friends, even the eyes of his children will fail.” (Job 17:5 — NKJV) Why? Because it’s not the same thing as affirming someone. Nah, flattery tends to come with strings that are a lot like a spider web. In other words, people who flatter you tend to have an agenda or stratagem…and that ain’t good.
So, with all of this being said, one of the first things that can truly free you from caring about if everyone likes you is realizing that high school was years ago and popularity should never come at the expense of truth.
Yeah, cue Eric Benét's “True to Myself” throwback song right here while telling yourself, daily, that if you have to stop being truthful and truth-filled, just so that you can be “regarded with favor, approval, or affection by people in general” or even “adapted to the ordinary intelligence or taste” or “suited to the means of ordinary people; not expensive” (all of which are definitions of popularity), please tell me why that’s even close to being worth it…how, at the end of the day (or this life), it’s not one big colossal (self) lie.
Let’s keep building on this.
Some People Just Want You to Mesh with Their Ego
GiphyWhen it comes to people liking you, did you know that one definition of like is “to bear resemblance”? In other words, what makes a lot of folks like someone else is how much they have in common with them — how similar that person is to themselves. And while that isn’t all bad, if we’re gonna go deeper than the surface, how can some ego not be a part of that? I like you because you remind me of myself. Chile.
Yeah, when it comes to this point right here, it’s important to think about what you resemble in someone — is it good or bad? Because, as Denzel Washington was once quoted as saying, “Some people will never like you because your spirit irritates their demons.” And I’m here to tell you that this will preach a billion different sermons because it goes along very well with another favorite (unknown) quote of mine: “We are all searching for someone whose demons play well with our own.”
Y’all, we are watching, right now and in living color, what can happen to someone who is wealthy and popular whose ego isn’t in check, and who has a lot of demons. That combination? What’s good about it? If that individual had ended up genuinely liking you a lot, could that not be a potential red flag? Could it warrant asking yourself, “Why would we have anything in common enough to actually become friends?”
There are some people who initially wanted to be all “buddy buddy” with me, and then, once I displayed signs that I wasn’t going to think or act like them and/or that I couldn’t be manipulated, suddenly, “Yeah, I don’t like Shellie.” Good because who knows what you not liking me was actually sparing me from in the long run. Plus, you just said that I don’t “mirror you” — and there are certain things about some people that I would never — ever — want to.
If You’re Not a Part of Their Path, Y’all May Not “Click.” Cool.
GiphyI have never been a fan of someone who tries to be my friend. Although that might sound weird at first, just hear me out for a sec. What I mean by that is, that things that evolve naturally are always better than things that are forced. Sometimes, though, someone will cross my path and here they come with the flattery, and it already makes me uncomfortable. If you can’t let time and experience do their thing, if you’re trying to “make” something happen…what are you really up to?
Because honestly, if we are meant to be, in some significant way, the opportunity will present itself without the need for either one of us to pressure or chase the other. In other words, if you’re a part of my path, a way will be made without you having to overexert (or insert) yourself.
Hmph. This takes me back to someone who used to go above and beyond for us to be friends back in the day. Although she was very smart and witty, something about her always seemed “off.” For one thing, her ego was totally out of control. For another, she sucked at personal accountability — either you agreed with her, or you deemed yourself her enemy (whether that was the actual truth or not)…and that eventually made dealing with her pretty damn exhausting. Fast forward to now and I totally get why we weren’t meant to be true friends.
Although we’re both in the media space, our purpose, platform, and paths couldn’t be more different…and honestly, I saw signs of that back in the day when she would oppose so many of my perspectives as if everything that she said was the gospel and everything I said couldn’t be more off-base.
Y’all, you can spare yourself a lot of unnecessary drama if you accept that sometimes you don’t “gel” with people, and it’s not because anyone is right or wrong — it’s more like your paths simply don’t complement one another; there is no real purpose in you the two of you being mental or emotionally close because it won’t benefit either one of you to do so.
This doesn’t mean that you need to hate each other (or throw hate in each other’s direction). It just means that you are kind of in each other’s way of doing the work that you were, as individuals, called to do because your callings are just that different. If you get this one right here, you’ll be amazed at how little time you’ll wonder about you and certain folks. I’ll bet my next paycheck on it.
Genuine Folks Don’t Vibe with Just Any or Everybody
GiphyI’ve worked, consistently so, in some form of media for almost 25 years now, and if there’s one thing that I’ve heard about myself, pretty much the entire time, is “Shellie is the same way everywhere she goes.” In other words, I don’t switch up based on where I am or who I’m around. Earning that reputation is why I sometimes tell people that I tend to be a lot like beer because beer can be polarizing in the sense that very few people are neutral on it: either they love it or they can’t stand it.
And, as “beer,” I’m fine either way. LOL. It’s what comes with being your authentic self and not trying to do what is necessary to “fit in” with others.
Listen, ask anyone who has also been told something similar about themselves and I can almost assure you that they are an acquired taste. That’s because, when you are just…you and you don’t care about doing what tickles the fancy of others or what will earn you their applause “just because” — that “bucks the system” of our culture so much that oftentimes folks don’t know what to do about it…or you. And so, their natural inclination is to try and gaslight you into thinking that you are problematic when really…you’re just genuine — not fake, free from pretense, original. REAL.
And what are some traits of a genuine individual?
- You’re not trying to get people to like you (it’s not a life mission of yours).
- You do your own thing.
- You can take what you dish out (this reveals a lot of fake folks right here).
- You don’t say one thing and then do something else (that’s called a hypocrite).
- You don’t “switch up” based on who’s around you.
- You are very comfortable with yourself (whether others are or aren’t).
- YOU. ARE. CONSISTENT.
Now think about our society — does it encourage people to move like this or does it want everyone to care more about following the crowd and/or to do whatever it takes for the masses to find them fabulous? Yeah, on that, I’ll pass…pretty much always have. #Elmoshrug
Now to be fair, genuine folks do have to keep things in balance because it’s one thing to not care what everyone thinks (good) as opposed to what no one at all does (not so good). Yeah, even (and in some ways, especially) genuine folks need some accountability in their life so that, while doing their own thing, they aren’t being insensitive or dismissive; I’ll be the first to say that.
However, make no mistakes about it: genuine folks, don’t tend to vibe with just anyone, and they/we are more than okay with that — and for some reason, that tends to make a lot of folks…I’ll go with the word “uncomfortable.”
Let all of the genuine folks (with a good sense of self) collectively say, “Oh well.”
Care About Respect and Peace WAY MORE than Being Liked
GiphyHumans can be fickle. And honestly, if you get nothing else out of this, I hope that will be your greatest takeaway. And nothing amplifies this more in my life right now than watching my 13-year-old goddaughter try to navigate through friendships. One day, this person is her bestie. By the following week, it’s someone else who is her BFF. A part of the reason is because of what we already discussed about us wanting mirror reflections of ourselves. Another reason is that what is required to be seen as likable and popular can honestly change on a dime.
Still, another reason (and it really is its own article) is being liked, when it’s not coming from a mature place and perspective, typically doesn’t leave much room for growth and evolution.
Another definition of "like"? It’s “of the same form, appearance, kind, character, amount, etc.” and when you’re someone who, as my mother says about myself, “am violent about growth and peace,” that can cause you to change, sometimes drastically so, and a lot of people may not like that you choose to move in this fashion. It messes with their own plans for you and their life.
That’s why I am a much bigger fan of being respectedthan liked. Although a lot of folks think that respect only means being admired, respect can also simply mean that you, holistically, are valued in the sense that people will value your perspective even if they don’t agree, will value your boundaries even if they don’t understand and will value your time enough not to waste it — and no, you don’t have to be friends or even “like” each other for that to happen.
Like is personal. Respect is heeding the Golden Rule of doing unto others as you would have them do unto you — and yes, I care more about the latter than the former. And when two people can settle on mutual respect, there is also mutual peace as a direct result.
____
So yeah, is it nice to be liked? Sure. Is it necessary? Not for everyone to like you, no. Just make sure that YOU LIKE YOU, and the ones who can “like you with a purpose” will reveal themselves.
Everyone else? Let them like what and who they like. You will be just fine regardless — and then some. Promise you that.
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